| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/13/2005 9:34:21 AM | @denver 30
GREAT analogy! :
I used to think of life like a fairytail!! But then I turned thirty and realized it was more like a puzzle, even though the piece looks like it should fit no matter how hard I push it, it just wont fit. So until you truly find the right piece try it out, just dont push it too hard.
How many times have we all felt both ends of that dilema? Its not always as clear as round peg and square hole. The person seems to be the right fit at a glance but practical application somehow doesnt work...all those crazy intangibles and miniscule details!!! | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/13/2005 10:29:02 AM | Most of the time it is just easier because I can tell I am being sized up to a previous relationship and encounter and it is not going to do any good to tell her, "sorry I am not interested." Also, there are times when I have mistakenly initiated the contact and found her not to be anything as she has described herself to be and rather than give her a piece of my mind I just walk away. Nothing is to be gained. The first thing we all ned to do is look at something reflective in our home and determine what kind of a person may be attracted to us and only begin correspondence with them. If we get a nibble from someone a little out of our reach, the just thank your guardian angel and go for it.
I think women are just as bad as we are or worse. If you are going to be on a site like this, you should at least be polite. This is about two people not just ourselves.... | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/13/2005 11:19:47 AM | Ive always been a firm believer in the tell it like it is regardless
I wish more guys were like that. I can't take it anymore with guys making you think they are interested in seeing you again and then slowly stop talking to you until they're gone completely and the closure thing is something that I think is important. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/13/2005 10:27:49 PM | Guy's are not really programmed that way. We are taught to pursue. There are a lot of women that don't have a problem rejecting guys that don't exactly fit there criteria. I think a lot of women look at these sights as the build-the-perfect-man shop. Myself, I've given up on finding a date on here and I refuse to put my face on the net. I'm a pretty nice person and that's all anyone should care about. I'm fairly attractive, but everyone assumes that you're hideous if you don't post a pic. Believe me, I have good reason to keep a low profile.
My x actually has gotten on the phone chat line that I use and harassed people. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/14/2005 7:53:28 AM | Terminally........Im almost there with you except on 1 count. How hard is it to send an e-mail (and this is with someone you have already met - not just chatted with) saying "your a nice gal/guy and I am glad we met, but its just not working for me......best of luck to ya". You would think that beats having to make the dreaded phone call or doing it face to face?, right.
I think in regards to having some closure (which i think is what we all crave).....All the posts here that said they had "great dates" or "great chemistry" only to have him dissappear would luv to get a closure e-mail like the one above. Would certainly save me on my therapy bills (LOL) - just kidding...really!
So, all you guys who plan on disappearing.....feel free to copy and paste my sentence in the above first paragraph (no copywrite needed...lol). It will ease many a minds....lol.
Thanks to all the posters for the nice words of encouragement...it does help. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:04:46 AM | Maybe it would be easier to be upfront with an intimidating woman. Speaking for myself, I sometimes discontinue a communication thread without saying I'm not interested. I do it because I don't like hurting people or saying anything mean. I know that honesty and openness are best, but I do unto others as I would have them do unto me - if the shoe is on the other foot (and it has been), I prefer not to hear that they're not interested in me.
Countless times, I have had guys who just appear to fall off the face of the earth, leaving me wondering what the heck went wrong. I think that's much more hurtful than having someone tell me that they just aren't interested.
Sherri | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:33:11 AM | Yup. What she said.
You can phrase it as "I'm going to be too busy to get together." or "Sorry, this just isn't working out." or even "No, thanks. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny." The one thing I really HATE is being in limbo! | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:44:03 AM | some guy are just sensitive souls and don't want to hurt your feelings! and other are just totally insensitve self centred wasters that aren't worth the time of day but hey is that not what 's called life ! and so ends the lesson for today | |
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Jan762
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Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 88 | |
| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:49:27 PM | Oh those types! Ah easy! Gutless, but then again at least they don't lack in diplomacy even if it is a little limp. I never say I'm not interested, I tell them what I think. That I was glad to have met them, because almost every person I met was a 'nice' person. Then I assume that if I'm not interested in them that they aren't interested in me either.
I say it was great meeting them, but that I think we can both agree that we don't have much in common but that it was nice meeting another really nice human being.
The odd time I've wished I could be snotty and give them heck for using out dated photos (from many years past), lying about their interests, age, fake interest in long term etc... but what would be the point? | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/8/2006 6:17:21 AM | | You know what works? Accepting that people do that. Yeah it sucks, but it's not going to change. Some people will write back and tell you, some won't. Maybe some people take the "relationship" they have with the other person too seriously and then you start the other debate... "he just wants to be friends". Well what if his idea was that you were friends the whole time and that he wasn't planning on taking it any further? There are all sorts of scenarios, and I think people just need to stop letting it get them down. There are a lot worse things that can happen in life than someone just stopping talking to you. I, for one, am quite happy that I have never suffered third degree burns to 80% of my body after being trapped in a burning building. I'm sure there are many others in this world who wish the worst thing they had to face in their lives today was being abandoned by an internet chatting buddy. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/8/2006 6:36:56 AM | well either he not intrested and I think we all said it here or just he met some one else and since you both dont have a realationship going maybe he dosent feel obligated to say anything to you and move on or he is dead who knows, another thing is when some one is being to clingy lot of people run, not saying you are but there is other fishes like shark and herring in the sea go fish. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/8/2006 4:09:38 PM | leafgirl
on the internet...theres way to much of the competation goin on...to many to choose from...cant decide on one...lol...like we became a number to them ...well i wont be part of this vicious circle...besides i am afraid of heights so rollercoaster not good for me..hehehe.
but your not alone..i have meet guys...an never seen them again..i have talked to many an never hear from them again...so i kinda backed up from gettin personal with anyone now...no disappointments this way for me. all say the samething..i am not like the other guys..lmao..later to find out...yup they are just like the rest.
i am content with my life...if a guy comes along bonus...then he will make an effort right to gettin to know me...even better shows hes interested in me an not the whole date site..lol.
Seems alot of people are content with just sittin behind their monitors talkin to a few people at a time now days...rather then goin out an meetin others an enjoyin life..sad huh but yet so true...is this any of you? if i am interested in you..it is only you i persue..i give you 100% of my time..to see if we are compatible as mates for i am lookin for life time partner..i am sure alot of us are right?...isnt that what we are suppose to do? | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/8/2006 8:05:43 PM | | This whole process is really awkward with online dating sites, and just saying you aren't interested doesn't always work because you may be interested, but just not in what the other person is looking for. When you are singling out someone to talk to, it's not always easy to get things started. I remember back in the days when I used to use IRC all the time... something like that would be much easier. You can talk to someone, or you can simply observe them. Creating a profile only says who you think you are. The forums only show your views on certain topics. Hanging out and talking to people in a chat room is more apt to bring out who you really are and what you're like to be around. While it's still easy to hide a few of your traits, a lot of your mannerisms will come out. It's a lot less personal thus making it easier to slowly get to know someone instead of being put on the spot and having a few moments to decide whether or not you want to reply to the e-mail in front of you. No method of dating is ever going to be perfect, it's just a matter of which imperfect method you find easier to deal with. I, for one, find it impossible to talk to people face-to-face when I know nothing about them. Therefore the "non-responses" I get here are much easier to deal with than the awkwardness I face fumbling my way through a conversation in person without knowing a thing about the person I am talking to. It's one of those "pick your poison" kinda things. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:51:22 PM |
IT HURTS A WOMAN'S FEELINGS A HELL OF A LOT MORE TO BE TOSSED LIKE YESTERDAY'S NEWS AND IGNORED WITHOUT A WORD THAN IT DOES TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY, "i'M SORRY THIS JUST WON'T WORK."
The old, "I don't want to hurt her" thing, if you gentlemen would be truly honest, translates to I don't want to have to go through an uncomfortable situation.
This post is right on the money. People who refuse to see this simple truth and act accordingly are far more concerned about their own feelings than those of the person they claim to be so reluctant to hurt. Show some COURAGE, people! Here's a quick definition of that rare and wonderful quality: courage is not the absence of fear, it's doing what you believe is right even though you are afraid. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:00:33 PM | | Well...it all depends what you have said and done on the dates....lol...if it has just been friendly..then u can say...i really like you as a person and hope we can stay friends......if u have gone further....and been affectionate ( for want of a better word).....then u should tell her still...and take the flack like a man | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:06:09 PM | If people were honest to say they are not interested it would be great!
Then you would no longer have to put your hopes in one person but can continue searching. i wish more of the guys I met from here were just honest from the start. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:21:40 PM | What's even worse, is when they don't have the guts, but keep doing things they know will annoy you in hopes that you will do the breaking off. That's the biggest coward of all.
How much less hurtful it would be if they just said in the nicest way possible. "I think you're a wonderful person, I just don't see a future with you". And wouldn't it be nice if the other party were able to simply say, "thank you for letting me know, I think you're a nice person too, and I wish you all the very best" I think they call that a civilized world. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:36:35 PM | Most of the guys who have contacted me and seemed so interested in getting to know me, will just disappear a few days after we exchange e-mails. Like figments of my imagination!
I've had about 3 or 4 men actually e-mail me and say things like "I've met someone", "Too great a distance", "We just don't seem compatible". I even had one guy tell me to my face that "You're not what I expected" to which I answered, "Neither are you".
It's much better for me to receive a response telling me "good-bye", but if a man wants to disappear, then, I say "Good Riddance"! Who needs him, anyway?
Try not to take disappearing guys personally. They weren't good enough for you in the first place.
God Bless.  | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:48:17 PM | Many of u are mistaking men & women that choose to not be honest & open, with people that care about anyone else but themselves. This may sound like a bitter, close-minded statement, but the wortld is filled with 'takers', who only act with self-serving motives. Not all are, but many possess that mindset. I still pursue the dream of a giver sharing their life with another giver. I am still not convinced that it is possible.....yet I continue to dream. Not a lot of experience in the dating scene, so it seems I will have my share of such things that many of u speak of....perhaps it is best to simply consider myself at peace, by being a master of reaching the nearest dollar to the actual retail price of a 2007 Pontiac Vibe & settling for Bob Barker being my soulmate. I still have yet to figure out tho, how to safely get my widescreen TV into my bed at night.
I've been disillusioned thru divorce & the ending of a relationship, but I still believe in Romance & Love. Perhaps it is only found while looking for that perfect red onion in the produce dept, the search for Miss Right far from my mind....& when she appears, the sun shines brighter than ever before. The icon of Love for me, keeps me going. Unrealistic perhaps, to some....quite attainable to me. Like many other journeys in this life, it requires foraging thru many forests & climbing many castle walls.
Sorting thru the millions, to find....one.
So, it is only the moments when I sign onto the dating site, that I put myself into a position where I should not be....make sense? I think many of us know, when we begin communicating with another, sometimes it seems like all is not what we wish it be. So we hope that they may magically transform into our dream person....the dream clouding up the clear vision of reality. It's easy to bash the other side, whether male or female....but perhaps it is helpful to look to ourselves & place a bit of blame there, as well.
For some reason, right now, I feel a great need to drive to the store & check out the onions. | |
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