| | are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married? Page 3 of 21 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21) | Just got burned by another man on here who is over 40, never been married or had kids. He asked me out, was supposed to call today, didn't, and I'll bet the excuse will be something came up. Well, I hope it came up on Mars because I'm pretty sure cell phone reception is good everywhere else. :-)
Problem seems to be man says he wants a relationship, then discovers that means more than dating and great sex, and whoops...runs for cover. I was married for 18 years, have been well-loved in my life, and enjoy loving a partner. I want that again but when the guys who want me have never been married or had kids...well, the chances are they just don't get what commitment means to me. And that's fine. I've finally learned to give up on men who are still single after age 35. If they're worth loving, they're probably not on here, they're over at their sister's place helping build a deck or something.
That said, my first husband was a bachelor at 33 with no kids and we had a long and happy marriage. He's a great dad and good friend even now at 53. We met through the personal ads in 1985. :-)
Never had a long term relationship? Then how can that man value me and see a future together? He expects it to end. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/12/2005 10:21:27 PM | I think that they are - but that the cutoff is at 40, not 30. There are alot of women who are making it into their 30s now because they wanted a career and the possibility of family got pushed out of their lives for a while.
I also agree that divorce can be an equal problem. A couple made a commitment - and somewhere along the line, one or both of them broke it. This may be a bit unfair, but when I see "Divorced", I "go the other way." I don't really care who broke the commitment: It's the mere fact that they couldn't work it out that's the issue.
I don't feel that I'm single at 40 by choice or other factors within my control - but that's my life. (Ask me privately if you want details) I've been looking ... and looking ... and looking, and every time I find someone suitable for me, I'm not suitable for them. I don't want to make this about me - but there is a question that arises in this type of situation: If (s)he hasn't settled down, what's wrong with him (her)?
I also think that computer dating (I'm going to count the earlier stuff too before it moved onto the Internet) has changed dating as a concept. One no longer has to accept the person standing in front of them asking them out - we can all now have our "designer" boyfriend/girlfriend to order. It's increased the expectation of perfection - and that in itself can be dangerous as no one may be 100% perfect. Society has changed. Ask me 10 years ago and I would have said that an Internet dating site is really a "loser list" - yet today, here I am along with everyone else, and I don't think anyone has that perception about Internet dating anymore. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:10:12 AM | I find many guys say well they were in a 5 year relationship..or a 4 year ..oh yes "a 2 year one and they were long relationships.."
They do not have a clue about what the meaning of commitment and long term actually is..I personally believe there is going to be many lonely people in this world..I don't know who guided these men as father figures ..but wow so many are messed up...... Being emotional stable to have a relationship is very important..
I'm probably going to get bashed again...lol | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:19:25 AM | | Well sweetie, I ain't exactly gonna bash ya but check this out! If I could find a woman who would want to put up with me for more than a few months or a year and vice/versa, than maybe, juuust maybe, I'd find a long term relationship. Some of us are simply fussy, need a lot of alone time, are set in our ways, are very independent and refuse to stay with someone just because we don't want to be single. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. Doesn't make us lonely either. There are plenty of people who NEED their "other half" and make fine company. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 12:11:04 PM | | yes pple like u grow old alone...nothing wrong with that but if u go to seniors homes and look at the history of some of the independents..need i say more...Anyways each to thier own does not mean us who are serious about haveing someone specail does not make us needy...nice try though and this is my last post on this topic ...ciao | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 12:18:46 PM | | I certainly hope your wrong about the growing old alone thing...im 33 never been married because i feel its something i want to do only once...i have not been lucky enough in my life to find that one...however, should i find her i would never wonder about the grass on the other side of the fence.... and for that reason and the fact that she would be the one i waited my life for i feel i would make a great husband....but only to a great wife . | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 12:40:38 PM | Ya know dude, I'd rather shake your hand than kiss the woman above you! Nice try?? Why's she so snippy?
I also plan on marrying only once. This is why I'm waiting for the woman I'm sure I want to deal with, and she is sure she wants to deal with me, for the rest of our lives. I ain't jumping off a bridge with everybody else, just because I don't want to be alone(and living)on the pavement above.
Those seniors have it made if they're single. If I were in a nursing home I'd have a whole harem of hotties. I wouldn't even have to leave the building to go on dates! | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 1:50:32 PM | [qoute]Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't really like to date guys who never been married or in a long term relationship..
I have been married before so i feel I know what a relationship entails....the hard work commitments etc...I feel guys who are in 30's and have never settled down are players.. and not worth my time....I have yet to be proven wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats like saying that you're not gay because you haven't met the right man or woman.... | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/14/2005 2:14:12 PM | | The way I see it men and women over 30 who haven't been married and don't have kids are STUBBORN...but in a good way. I want what I want and am not interested in settling for less. In my opinion...most people settle. They'd rather be miserable with Mr/Miss Wrong then be alone. On the otherhand if you're waiting for some millionaire with movie star good looks to come and take you away....well it's good you're aren't spreading your seed. Damn you Kevin Federline!!! | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/15/2005 12:20:41 AM | | As someone said, the age to be wary of is over 40, not over 30. And for me, its not so much the married/unmarried bit, as to whether they have been in a live in relationship at all. I have never had a good experience of anyone over 40 who has never committed to a long term live in relationship. The last one was not a player - but he was positively disfunctional! Never again. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/15/2005 6:12:21 AM | I'll be 37 soon and am divorced and a guy in there 30's never married no children don't phase me a bit...I just figure they were busy with there career, didn't want the distraction or didn't have the time and is now ready to settle down.
Personally I think they were smarter than I was...
Someone mentioned they would pass someone over because they were divorced and didn't work it out...well if my ex husband wanted to be with more than one women then HE should of never got married but I don't think I should just except that if that's not what I wanted and I feel if someone is going to penalize me for letting him be happy and divorcing his butt so he can be free to enjoy how many ever he wanted then so be it that is not someone I would want to be with anyways, too judgemental without getting the facts.
Gizz | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/15/2005 10:50:04 AM | Sorry but I think it is a bit shallow to dismiss someone because they haven't been married or had children.
I was in a six year relationship....I know one person who posted considers that nothing but it is better to had been in a relationship than not to have been in one.
I have dated women with children and got along fine...but how do some of you feel when you meet someone and when they find out you have children they disappear...using a term..I really don't care for"baggage"..don't you think they are being judgemental also..with out getting to know you?
I being in a relationship and then finding myself here at a dating site...I would in no way limit my choice for friendship because of someone being or lack of being in a relationship..remember friends first...if you expect to date someone and assume they are the one...because of a first date...could be expecting too much.
No one is the same...which makes us the wonderful creatures we are..
George Clooney was married for only four years and it ended in 1993 and he has no children....now how many women would shoo him away because he is over 30 and no kids... | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/17/2005 11:41:54 AM |
I find many guys say well they were in a 5 year relationship...
They do not have a clue about what the meaning of commitment and long term actually is....
You want commitment? I've heard of a great state-operated hospital .... 
Sometimes, I feel that's the type of commitment that some need - over the relationship type.
A few other threads here and this one make me wonder: Is society as a whole on the verge of collapse? Alot of things have been going wrong lately, including the breakup of the family unit all too easily. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/17/2005 12:28:04 PM | | Personally i have never been married and i am 39.What would scare me if i see a woman that goese from relationship to relationship.Or marriage to marriage....Got 5 kids by 3 men...That scares me to death....Going from relationsip to relationship tell s me alot....What a waste of time....It tells me they do not know what they want,Or they like Mr.Jerk!..As far as the man point of view about it..Who is ahead in life..(A man that has been married got 3 kids.Gets a divorce,Lost house,50% income in child support)(Or a man in his 30s,Got a his act together,No kids,never married)...Personally i rather date a women that has never been married..And if she has 3 kids well that is a turn off...But of course each his own... | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/17/2005 12:56:43 PM | | Also to the poster that came up with the logic you would not hire nobody for employment because they did not have experience..You know who you are...That can easily can go both ways.....I would much rather hire somebody that have no experience than to call up somebody elses references to find out they could not pass a drug test,Not reliable,lazy,Has been through 10 jobs over 7 years...Because he got fired...Until the one that has no experience gives me the benifit of the doubt,Then i would much rather have him or her...So the gate can swing both ways..You have your opinion and i have mine...Sorry been there done that!!!!!!!The logic of the poster was relationship to a guy that has never been married or no experience.... | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/18/2005 9:04:25 AM | Most definitely! In my experience, most of the guys I have met who are over 30 and never married have something seriously wrong with them - fear of commitment, fear of women in general, low self-esteem (that drives me crazy!), or sometimes, they are just plain off their rocker! I'm not saying this is true of EVERY never-married man over 30. I supposed there are some who just haven't met the right woman. I have heard some people mention men who have been in the military and haven't been able to date much.
Personally, I am wary, but I would also take into consideration whether the man has had any serious relationships that jsut never got as far as marriage.
Sherri | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:41:26 PM |
Personally, I am wary, but I would also take into consideration whether the man has had any serious relationships that jsut never got as far as marriage.
Exactly. My ex and I were together for more than a decade. The topic of marriage came up more than once, bit neither of us persued it. We never really thought of it being that important. As it turns out it was probably for the best. No courts or lawyers to get involved when we split. Amicably I might add.
My point is that just because I've never been married and am in my 30s doesn't mean I am afraid of commitment. Quite the opposite. To me commitment to a healthy relationship is much more important that a piece of paper and a couple of rings. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:49:28 PM | | And that is my point too!!Just because a person been married means nothing to me other than they had apiece of paper...I mean lets just face the facts..Marriage is nothing like it was a 100 years ago...If you think that is your opinion...I am simply going by the divorce rate..It is very staggering...It is 72% in Florida.. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/18/2005 9:21:59 PM | for once I am in total agreement with tarheelman. I have never been married and i am 54. I have been close but backed off for one reason or another. I will say i am not a confirmed bachalor and I will marry if and when I find the correct person. As far as committment well lets say age and children does not mean a person can not be committed to something. That can be looked at in the same manner if thinking about it. If a person waits to marry or to have children or none at all does it not show that they can just as well be committed to waiting for what they truely want. I personally know exactly what I want in life and if i never find it then I just don't but i am not giving up just because a woman has never been married or had any children. No matter how a person looks at it every relationship should start with communication between the two and grow from there. As far as a person being a player because they have remained single and no kids what the hell is this? A person doesn't have to be a player just because they haven't found the one they want to share each and everything they are or will have or ect with. I am a flirt by nature but being so does not mean that I would jump in the sack with every woman I flirt with. I am very picky as to the woman I do have that kind of relationship with. I know I sound like I am stupid or something because of this but when I feel it then they feel it as well. even tho I have never been married or have childred I can say I am still friends with almost every woman I have ever went with. Unfortunately some I have seen taken from this plane and placed where we all will go one day. Personally I think it better to get to know the person then make a judement call on them for then and only then can you be sure of what you are seeing, and possibly knowing. good luck to you all on your search.
Moundpuppy | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 8:34:12 AM | | Hi, I am, and I know others who are too. The reason is that the norm is that men are afraid of commitment, family responsibilities, etc., so a man who has never even experienced those things is likely to never want them or react badly when the relationship/marriage has problems. Because no relationship/marriage/anything is perfect and problem-free. Men who have been through divorces or long-term live-ins have at least experienced those things. I don't exclude someone who has never been that, but I definitely look for indications that he has been single because he is a "confirmed bachelor". I don't assume that he has a personality defect because he has never been married, but I am extremely wary of him not wanting to ever commit. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 10:31:35 AM | | Obvously that is your opinion...But of course if that was a fact then why is the divorce rate is even higher on the second marriage...Which it is bad enough on the first time around...So i guess it is up to each ones opion on that one...It must be,Because if you look at all the post it is pretty much down the middle on subject...To each his or her own..... | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 3:09:04 PM | The one thing I find kind of funny and ironic is that those of us who are SMART enough NOT to have made a mistake...have got to have something wrong with us according to common consensus, which if you think about it, is really reverse logic...
I also found it ironic in the double meaning in the phrase that sweetiie uses. (I'm not picking on you just pointing out the irony, Sweetiie). The phrase is "never settled" which is stated here in the sense of "never settled DOWN" but the other meaning would be "never settled for less than what they were looking for"...or at least reasonably close to it.
Just pointing that out...
Dave | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 3:22:56 PM | | So what you are saying Sweetiie, is that you are judging people in their 30's without reason. I find that rather unfair How can we be in a long relationship if people like you think like that? How can we have a long relationship with someone if we don't get a chance in the first place? | |
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