| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 6:34:23 PM | how long is a long relationship? How long is a total time to love someone to satiisfy anothers outlook on what they conceive as long term? As far as committment then thats another street to travel down. If a person wants to locate and find what and whom they think is the one for them and choose not to marry until that time then why are others so quick to judge them for not making a quick mistake to have to face down the road. If someone takes and spends thier life helping a loved one that had ailments or approaching death and choose not to wed or search due to that time then why are they judged? as another poster stated why can't they just be given a chance? Not all are players or nut cases that choose not to marry or have kids. hell some people are very picky as to whom they jump into bed with. Thats not only women for that matter. we could hash this and still be down the middle on it and it all comes back to one thing and thats the person and how they look at a person and the way they lived thier lives. Why be a judge to how a person lived their life? We were not there and we did not know each and everything that the person had to go thru to arrive to this point in time. be real people take the time to really get to know a person. There is always something in the past that has to be a part of the conditions that they faced be it small or large but it is a part of them.
Moundpuppy | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/19/2005 11:53:34 PM | Hi! I'm 43 and never have been married and I don't have any kids. Yes, I have been involved in relationships before but they didn't work out. The last woman I was with had two kids and she and her ex owed over 90 thousand dollars and she didn't want any more kids. Another woman I was with was the total opposite of me she was negative and I'm a very positive person. I have a great career and a nice home, but I just haven't been able to meet the right woman. Yes, I might be rare that I'm never married and want to get married and have kids. My problem though is the women I meet aren't interested in having any more kids and don't seem to care after they hear how old I am even though I look 10 years younger. Yes, I have tried meeting women through going out, dating sites (E harmony, etc) church, etc. but I just haven't had any luck. My mom keeps saying she wants grand children but I keep telling her I have to meet the right woman! Any advice would be appreciated!!  | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:19:26 AM | Well the original question asked if you would be LEERY of someone over 30 and never married, not about dismissing them out of hand. I agreed with what LiveWire and Georgie said, that if someone was, say, 40-45, who was never married and has no kids and doesn't want kids...I'd have some doubts about his maturity. Once you've had to put a child's needs before your own, it changes you. Evolves you.
That is NOT to say I would pass them over automatically. I would make a point to talk about it because it could mean there's a very great difference in philosophy to us both, and hence, a potential lack of compatibility.
Not GOOD or BAD, just DIFFERENT!  | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:44:19 AM | i am the person who originally started this thread.we need to realize that when we pass judgement on others instead of treating each individual that we meet in our lifetime as an individual with unique circumstances that may have brought them to the point they are at in their life is just wrong and those that judge others need to read the good book and it tells you that is wrong.the people who judge others for what they are instead of who they are.well your the ones who are missing out on potential good friends and possible great lovers.
you just never know !! | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:38:30 AM | | HI. I'm currently dating a 37 year old man, never married, no children. (there is a pic in my profile of us together) I'd have to say the question of WHY he was single never even crossed my mind. The only thing I could think was thank god this guy is single! I have never dated a more honest, mature and sweet guy. He knows what he wants in life and doesnt bother with mind games. I have recently got to know his family very well and they all say that he was just waiting for the right girl. It's almost better that he didnt waste his time getting married at 24 to some girl that wasn't right for him. For all you girls that do pause to wonder...don't. You could miss out on the best thing that ever happened to you. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/22/2005 2:56:14 AM | I think the older you get the more set in your ways you are. I am not leery I will be 30 next year and I have never been married. I do however have a child. I just refuse to settle for someone just so I won't be alone or I can say that I am married or in a long term relationship.
There is all kinds that make the world go around. I would rather wait and it be the right one then have already been married to the wrong one and divorced. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/22/2005 7:00:24 AM | my bf counts his live-in's as if they were marriages. I concur. When you live with someone, it is almost the same as sharing everything, finances and children. The only thing missing is the certificate you have to pay to get out of.
my bf is 45 and never been married.
If I knew way back when, what I know today, I would have only been married once, to the late husband.
Some people are more fortunate to have avoided the misery.
I advised my son to play the field until 30, not to settle down until he had a carreer and was "settled". This once, He didn't listen to me. And now I have a beautiful grand daughter and he is doing quite well for himself. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 11/22/2005 2:23:35 PM | hey blonde we do but you ladies aren't suppose to know that. thats like we give off a bad sign saying hey I'm a nut but thats ok my mind was left in the bathroom on the shelf. Or possibly just never had one to place there while we showered and took it out to play with it while trying to clean it up some. either way we have never been known to know what we want or how to handle it when we do. So then we wonder why women have a feeling of being leery of us because we have never married or wanted to have kids before we found the one we wanted to share our lack of knowledge with. Maybe should have said placed the brain in a place and forgot to put it back and flushed it with out thinking.
Moundpuppy | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/19/2006 8:03:29 PM | | The honest truth Yes. I wonder if they are looking for miss perfect or have some other issues like gay or bisexual but I still give the benefit of the doubt. I am only being honest about my opinion because you asked for it. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/19/2006 8:29:32 PM | Man, women tend to think too much about this stuff. A guy that's never been married...like moi...is so for various reasons. But how would you know what those reasons are without asking or giving him a chance. Hm? I've never married because...well...nobody has ever asked me. Heh! As far as why I still am single...well...I'm not sure of that either. I guess I'm not much of a catch to some women...I've tried to strike up some convos and dates and still nothing. Course we all have our hang ups, certian types and personalities we tend to go for. But it's just finding the right person is the hard part...you just don't look at a crowd and point "That one" as your one and only.
Who knows why some guys aren't married...or women for that matter. We all have our stories...it's just finding the one person that's willing to listen without being judgemental. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/19/2006 11:03:29 PM | | Well if the women out there don't want to know guys in their 30's and 40's because they've never married / had kids / been in a long term relationship or been in ANY relationship at all then its just as well I'm not bothered about trying to find someone - basically I fit into all of the above categories so I'd be totally stuffed! | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/20/2006 12:06:43 AM | I don't feel leery at all & maybe even a bit more comfortable
knowing you have been enjoying your life,experiencing the
things you desire,ambitious enough to have pursued a career,
have stability in your life,& now ready to consider that long term relationship.
I would advise anyone to wait til at least 30 to consider marriage.
Although we all know when the "love bug" hits,we're done! lol | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/20/2006 2:20:19 AM | There certainly have been some excellent thoughts on here! As for myself, I am one of those guys who has sacrificed the marriage and family life for career. I have had a common law relationship with a woman I loved ( and still do ) very deeply. Both of us are chasing the same career dream, and ironically, it is what eventually split us up!
I can totally understand the motivation for both men and women to get set up in life before having the family life. But unfortunately for some of us, time sails by way too quickly and next thing we know is we are looking at 40 and still single! And believe me, it isn`t because we are weird, creepy people who live in our parents basement. Sometimes working hard at a career and moving around a lot can cause time to slip away while you are building and moving forward in your business.
Some career choices can certainly make it difficult to find the right person. You have to find that right combination of trust ( 1st and foremost ), tolerance and loyalty. Without those, you could easily find yourself just another divorce statistic. Like I said in another thread, I am content with waiting patiently for the right lady. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/20/2006 12:37:29 PM | SO the question is really should guys over 30 who have not been married bother to have relationships with those women who have been married???? Aren't they just broken and want to be players....
to quote Sweetiie:
I have been married before so i feel I know what a relationship entails....the hard work commitments etc
What commitment you are divorced!!!!
OK i am kidding for the most part, being a prick for a small part (probably cause a couple of x-married women where the ones who did not commit and did cheat...oh well not going to label everyone the same though :)
Seriously we go through life in a different way, I am thankful that I did not get married in my 20's or have kids then...I was not ready. I am now and understand a great deal about commitment. That being said relationships have to have 2 people working at them... not one working for the 2...
So women are you leary or are we just players   | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/20/2006 12:58:37 PM | I totally agree CD I have never thought of time in the matter of marriage. I have not wanted children persay but I have never not disconcerned the tought of being a father either. I like kids and always have. there is nothing better than to have a small child follow you around and want to help you no matter what you are doing. To have them look up to you with the innocent eyes and knowledge that only a child can have. To be able to teach them things and know that that little knowledge is going to help them somewhere down the path they may take.
We take and set things up in our life that may take and make things happen that makes the time pass before we realize what has happened. we may make choices that we know would not be good on a relationship and for that reason we back away from entering into one at that time and the time slips by. We don't feel that it would be fair to another that we would want to devote our time, our love and our being to. So we just don't seek out the one that would be the possible one for us at that time.
Then we ask ourselves "Were we right in doing the choices we made? Was I a fool to have put off what I should have sought out? Am I going to be looked at as a "strange" or "gay or bisexual" just for my choices to not to want to involve another in what may be something that would destroy the relationship later on in life. AM I or have I made the right choices?" I can't say what anyother may say. I do know I have faced these choices a few times and I have found that I made the right choices each time I have done so. For the ones that I thought were or would have been the one to stand with me wound up in a relationship and almost all have left thier relationships for far less than what had happened in the reason I backed off from the relationship. I just think that if we were to look at each person and get to know them and understand what makes them tick then there would be far less problems around. Know what we are and what we want in both life and a relationship. Take the time to talk and be as honest as one can be, be as open as one can be, and as you mentioned loyality with the tolerance play the most bennifical part in it all.
I like yourself have never been married, to my knowledge have no children. I am by far a long ways from being gay or bisexual. I have enjoyed ladies from a wide range of ages. I don't mind being single and the freedom it hands me. I also am not opposed to the thought of finding the right woman and if things work out asking her to marry me or even live together. I am by far not close minded to any of these things. just because a person is past 30 and has never been married should not be a part of the equation as to how the person is in real life. They may just be so busy in thier lives that they have not had the chance to find the one they seek. As age progresses we do tend to become set in our ways on what we like to do. But if the person takes and notices this happening they can change it. This is not only men but women. My mother was one that was set in her ways as she grew older. From seeing this I learned not to allow myself to become that way. I like to come in and sit and watch a movie from time to time but not to the point it is a have to do thing. I am just as happy going out as long as it is not with a large crowd. Never have liked that even as a kid. Don't mind dancing where crowds are as long as it is not for to long. just personal preference to myself is all.
So all in all we just have to take and look at what and how a person lives and how they are to really base a true knowledge on who they are. For you may miss out of someone that may rock your boat and be the one person that makes your stars sparkle in the middle of the day.
Moundpuppy | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:14:13 PM | I always look at my friends or family members that are a little older or a little younger and the marry, divorce, have children, and it never seemed like somthing I wanted to do. And till this day I don't understand what is the hurry.
I guess after 30 some people see that as fear of commitment or "damaged goods". | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 94 | |
| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/26/2006 9:15:25 PM | NO I don't worry if he hasn't been married at 30 years of age. However, I am very concerned if he has not had some serious, long term relationships at that age. No...I really don't give a rat's hiney about his "past" and all his drama and baggage. Puh-leeze. Frankly that crap bores me.
But....I have run across some guys in mid 30s who's LONGEST realationship was a few months. To me...that is just plain weird. I don't feel comfortable with that at all, and really don't want to stick around to find out what the problem is. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 5:27:17 AM | But daisie the past is what makes the person who and what they are. As far as a relationship of a long duration that could be because of a lot of different issues. For one example they could be extremely shy. being that way could cause them to shun away from most anyone. Not only the opposite gender but the same gender as well. This I know for a fact. Been there and done it. Took years for me to overcome it but it also took a woman to bring me out of it. Now I know that a kid of the twenties could not have done this. Heck most are into party and have fun. Note I did say most. Even when I was in that age range it was the same and it is still the same now days. Heck I was in my 30s when I finally overcame this problem but the shyness still slips in every once in a while to this day. I guess what I am saying is. you have to look and ask about the past. find out why for that is the only way to understand how come. you say it is weird but what makes weird. a person is committed to one thing and loves it. a person longs for another and knows they can't have them. a person has a desire to seek out the unknown and nothing stops them. Like myself i have a desire to do two things in this life and I stive to make it happen. Like a person loving to fly and nothing else matters in life. I can go on and on but to me it is not weird it is something they like and love or want. just because thier desires are different than mine what makes it weird. to me it is just a different goal they have in life. a different want of what they like and enjoy. I like to work with wood, design my own creations. I saw your profile and you like the ocean. My brother loves to work with cars. My sister likes dealing with antiques. we are all different in what we like and enjoy. this does not make us weird but it is our past that has made us like we are, and what has happened in that past is a major issue in that upward trend to our growth. A persons past may be boring to another but it does give insightinto what and how the person acts and reacts to certain things. as I said it makes them who and what they are. Sorry if I seemed to single out on you was not meant to be that way I just thought that I might reply to that one issue since it does relate to how and what a person may be like.
Moundpuppy | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 96 | |
| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 6:21:42 AM | It seems to me that your main/only point is that people can be shy and like different things. I agree completely with you on that.
I don't like to get involved with an adult who is so shy he has not experienced basic things in life. I don't hate him! I'm not going to talk bad and be mean to him, but I don't want to get too friendly with all that. Some of these guys who've never had a long term relationship are so confused that they misinterpret friendship or a casual relationship and they think it all means more than it does mean. They don't know how to interact...that's a HUGE part of their extreme shyness. It opens a big can of worms and causes problems. Basic problems with communication and understanding. I don't like that. I think it's weird, odd, abnormal. I don't have hard feelings toward him, but I'm not getting involved with someone who doesn't have basic things like this all figured out before he's 30 years old.
As for digging into a guy's past, and finding it boring all I meant is that I am NOT curious about all the dirt and details of who did what to who and blah blah blah. When I do ask a guy about his past it's not for the gossip factor. It is to learn some crucial things and if I learned he's 30 and only had some relationships of a few months long.....that's ALL I NEED TO KNOW. Sure, there could be a 1,000 reasons. But I'm not getting involved with it. He could have been in prison, in a coma, or deathly shy and afraid to talk to people. I have no interest in being the person to help him get back into society. Ex-cons have group homes who help, ex-comas have rehab centers, and terrified shy guys can find a woman who wants to "FIX" a man to make him suit her. That's not me!!
I DON'T try to fix guys...I look at what they are and who they have chosen to become in life when they arrive in a conversation with me...if we click,then great. If we don't click then adios! No hard feelings...just goodbye.
I understand and respect that people like different things. And this brings me to my next point moundpuppy.....you and I have talked...AGES and AGES ago. It was on a thread asking if women liked shaved heads. Most people wrote in how much they loved those shaved heads and why. I wrote in that I can't stand a shaved head...and why I don't like it. You know what....YOU wrote some really hateful, mean, negative things to me about that. Basically YOU RIPPED ME A NEW ONE.
Now, that was on a thread that ASKED for my opinion. I gave it, and I was not rude or mean. I simply stated my preference and why I feel that way. AS you siad above...WE ALL LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS. I happen to like HAIR.
You seemed to love reading all the posts from women who like shaved heads...but when you found one person (me) who did not think it was attractive and certainly not sexy at all, you flipped out. I thought it was very weird, odd, abnormal for you to have this aggressive hostile reaction to that. And...THAT kinda of goes along with my main point here....abnormal interaction skills and that I'm NOT interested in helping some guy change and correct his mistakes. He has to do that on his own. Relationships are hard enough, I surely don't want to START one with a guy who's a little bit screwy. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:23:47 AM | daisie,
I went back and reread the post that you referred to. I want to add something here if I may. I understand why you would think I blasted you and for that I am sorry. That was not my intention in any way. and again I appologize to you here and now. I try never to offend anyone with my replies and if I do it is not meant to be. I will say that I did not flip out as you think I had. If you thought I was hostile again I appologize to you for it. The thread you referred to was a thread I had started. I didn't come to the forums to offend a soul. Each is entitled to their opinion as am I. If I say something that does offend anyone I just ask that they let me know and I will appologize to them for it.
Now on topic from your post above see I was shy and extremely so. I was for a lot of years. A lady I knew knew this and she worked with me and I really never knew it until I thought it over afterwards and i also had other things working for me at the same time. I worked in the public and I still do. not to mention other factors that have happened along the way.
My point was not that someone should take and try to help someone that is shy only that there could be reasons beyond thier control. hell even I back off from a lady that has deep issues. I will try to lend a helping hand to anyone at anytime. thats the one weakness I have and I am by no means ashamed of it. I just know when it is time to back off and go my way is all. Oh while it is on my mind and nothing meant to you or anyone ok. I just happen to read those threads because i don't prefer to go to threads talking about sex all the time. I just tend to shun away from them is all. well I have said enough and again I appologize to you daisie and I truely mean it ok.
Moundpuppy -- Tony | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:34:22 AM | | I know what you all mean..It goes the same as with a woman..I am very scared of a woman that has 20 relationships with men by the time they are 30....It shows they are afraid of commentment....I go out to eat alot on the weekends and i know this waitress that has 5 kids and been married 3 times at tha age of 29....Now that is what i call a basket case...She ask me out.NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THANKS!!!!If another guy is into that then go for it(To each his own)....Personally i could careless for a woman like that...Give me a single no kid type of woman anyday...Then again i do not like drama.........I Worked hard all my life to have nice things....I be damm if i give that up to someone that likes to play hop-scotch!!!!! | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 99 | |
| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:09:32 AM | | afraid of committment? how about being picky???.........i've talked to people who stay in long terms........out of habit.Is that better? Some people want comittment..........just picky about who they want that with. | |
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| are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:10:48 AM | | It all dpends on what you call long term..My opinion 3 marriages and 5 kids in 10 years is not long term...That is 1 marriage a little over 3 years...That is sad...And obvously do not know in the hell what they want...I do not call going from 1 abusive realionship to the next is good..I think a person like that is better single...Then i hear people gating married 6 times...Obvously these people do not work hard or have nice things!!! | |
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