| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:05:58 AM | it goes deeper than the issues brought up here so far. It is all based on a survey per the OP. Surveys are useless. According to surveys americans hate negative/attack ads and dont pay attention to them. Yet every political campaign knows negative/attack ads move the vote. After the 9/11 attacks and the overthrow of the Taliban in Afghanistan, CNN ran a poll asking people to go online and vote as to where Bin Laden was. WTF do milions upon millions of American know nothing civilians have ANY business offering an opinion in a survey where Bin Laden was hiding? But does knowing NOTHING about a subject prevent people from offering their opinion? hell NO.
A survey said? BAH!!! | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:16:05 AM | | I don’t think I would go as far as to say surveys are useless. But if they are not conducted correctly they can be fraught with error. For the most part, a survey performed via the correct methodology offers important insight into many aspects of life and behavior. The problem lies with the system by which the surveys are conducted. Unless it comes from a reputable source, I would have to agree with Inkwell (amazing, huh?) | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:21:51 AM |
What I wrote was a diatribe? It was simply a response to your statement, which implied that men believe they are always free to do as they wish regardless of how they treat their SO. If you noticed, I did mention I don't think this is a gender issue at all. Being possessive isn't unique to one gender.
Never a once did I say you wrote a diatribe.
Just thought I'd clear that up. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 12:07:45 PM | then they'll get you to try to grind up against other men on the dance floor....
I have a question. I've never had a girlfriend 'try to get me to grind up against anything' and certainly not against a man. Not a single girlfriend ever came up and said, "You really need to go out there and grind up against that man on the dance floor."
Curious - has anyone else?
If anything girlfriends really never cared what I was doing as long as I left whomever they were 'grinding up against' alone.
Just wondering.
Sorry, one other thought. She's doing girl's night out EVERY weekend? Her guy isn't coming up with something intriguing enough to entice her away from such degenerate behavior and he's 'letting' her go and she's actually preferring to hang out with single girlfriends EVERY weekend? Perhaps he's trying to set her up so he can go, "AH HA!" Any way you cut it I think the relationship is down the tubes.
Again, just a thought. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 12:17:29 PM | Interesting....
I just started seeing someone...and when I told him I was going to a nightclub tomorrow night with friends he somehow managed to wrangle an invitation too...Not that I mind at all...afterall, I do hope to end the evening with him!! (Last dance of course...get your mind outta the gutter!!)
Linda  | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 12:40:20 PM | personally...i dont see a woman as a piece of property. its her decision to go out or not...if i wanted a piece of property to control id buy a blow up doll.
if i want to go out i will...if im in a relationship sometimes you go out together...sometimes apart to do your own thing....but i am never jealous or feel i need to emotionally or otherwise dominate a partner....i trust and have faith in her and hope she would have a good time.
now if she told me she was grinding in a club and accidentally got pregnant...then maybe it would be time to move on. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:23:57 PM | ^5 inkwell.
What people say they {have done, do, will do}, and what they actually do, are two very different things. More than that, I know that many people really truly BELIEVE the things they say, which is especially frustrating. How can they be so wrong about themselves? | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:45:20 PM | I love all those posts about how you shouldn't be in a relationship if you don't have total and pure trust. Am I the only one in here who reads these threads? Surely I can't be the only one who has been cheated on? "Total and pure trust" = stupidity.
Sorry if that seems harsh and I am the first to admit that I am working through trust issues but every person who winds up in bed with their partner's friends, every person who goes drinking with a "friend" and winds up having sex, every harmless pal who takes up more and more of your lover's time until s/he winds up with them and every married person making posts in here about how their marriage isn't satisfying them anymore....only makes it harder and harder to trust others.
People can be petty, bitter and jealous and take pleasure in hammering wedges into other people's relationships....they aren't even doing it for themselves, sometimes it's just to see everyone else around them feeling just as miserable as they do.
Trust is something that is earned. It grows over time and it will never get a chance to grow if you keep testing it before it has a chance to develop. IMO behaving in a manner that doesn't call trust into question is very important, especially early in a relationship. Of course people have to have the right to make their own decisions and choices but if your choices include going out drinking and crashing overnight at your ex's apartment....don't expect me to stick around. People who make choices like that don't understand what trust is and they don't understand it because they are untrustworthy.
I had a crappy roomate once who was leaving without paying the rent or any of his bills. He was packing up his things and I asked him to leave his mountain bike behind as a show of good faith that he would come back to pay me the money he owed me. This guy looked me dead in the eyes and asked me to trust him....like a fool, I did. Obviously, I never saw him again - in fact, mutual friends met up with him months later and he was bragging about how he ripped me off and tricked me that day. I learned a valuable life lesson from that and for it, I am in his debt....
Someone worthy of your trust will NEVER ask you to give it to them. Trustworthy people know that trust must be earned and can never be given away. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:57:54 PM | It's not about LETTING your girl go out to a club ....it's about why would she want to go out to a club??????
When she's got you at home???????
All naked and ready for ....a beer.....no just kidding.......I'm too old to want to go out clubbing unless it's for a stagette or something!
I would rather go to a local pub and shoot some stick or just stay at home and work on my relationship!!!!!!!
Cause we all know that relationships aren't easy and clubbing at my age is just juvenile!!!
You really have to wonder about your girl if she wants to go out clubbing all the time??????? | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:30:43 PM | | Well, I personally do not have the kind of time to both have a bunch of "guys nights out" and maintain a healthy relationship. The point is you automatically threaten the health of your relationship by spending too much time apart. It doesnt matter about friends or what they say. What matters is how much time do you spend together?? How much do you spend apart?? If its even close to 50-50, there is a problem. And I would defy anyone to tell me there is not. I have never seen it be any other way. So, I agree with what you said, though for different reasons. It isnt the friends, not the ones of the same sex anyway. Its the time spent apart and the "friends" that pop up, of the opposite sex. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:01:22 AM | ^^....t,d
there is a lot of truth and wisdom to what you said, trust does have to be earned, as does respect, intimacy and a whole lot of other factors that make a relationship good. to give them blindly is just stupidity....
if all those things are in a relationship then the question of either party "letting" their partner do or not do something should never arise. ...you should already know each others boundries, lines in the sand and dealbreakers. you should already know and be comfortable with what each is bringing to and putting into the relationship, and you should have a handle on why they may react or behave in a certain way...be it something as simple as a night out with friends or major issues.
a healthy relationship is built on the needs and wants of 2 people, not one.....and both have to have the freedom to choose to be together and times, or to be apart at times, to explore their potential, and to live their lives, to go out with their friends, or stay at home....it should be about finding the balance that you both want....not about ownership or control...
as my very wise grandfather once sai..."he who walks alone walks faster, he who walks with someone goes further" | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 4:10:05 AM | now throw them in a room full of '
-'hungry nice smelling greasy Gebrones'.....
-boompa boompa music.......
Where is this bar? What is boompa boompa?? LMAO!!
Seriously though, I am practically the only single woman in my group of friends. None of them ever grind on anyone when we go out. Course we usually go to restaurants..getting kinda old for the club scene. But the few times we have NONE have ever even shown interest in another man there unless they are trying to lure him over for my benefit...gotta love your friends! I think couples in a relationship, married or otherwise, need separate nights, weekends, vacations...etc away from their spouse. It's all about trust. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 4:27:14 AM | "LET" your girlfriend?
#1, nobody "lets" or "forbids" me. I have a very nice brain and I know how to use it.
I have been out many, many times with my unattached friends without acting the fool. I think that was a goofball thing for that guy to have said. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 1:16:34 PM | Lion:
I don't make out with guys at the bar when I'm single and drunk... I'm not gonna do it when I'm involved and drunk.
Dave: you rock a lot. :)
if people can't trust their significant others, they shouldn't be with them.. in my opinion. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 1:27:49 PM | Actually quite the opposite ... you should let her go out with her single friends and the sooner you do the better. If she still comes back to you then she's a keeper if not then your troubles are over for you have dumped the rotten good onto the next guys lap. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 1:42:00 PM | Trust issue is a two way street. Don't drive down it if you can't handle the traffic. If I said I were going out dancing ( 'cuz that is what I like to do and he doesn't ) then he KNOWS, yes I will be dancing with other men. Not too interested in doing the tango with a woman. That doesn't mean that I am doing the horizontal mambo with them.
If he says he's going out for a beer and to watch hockey with the guys,... then I believe that is what he's doing. If he plays a game of pool with a gal who has a low cut shirt? so what? If the beer happens to be in a peeler bar?.....well look at the menu all you want Baby,. just remember no sampling and you dine at home! Now if I found out HE was doing the dancing then I'd know something was up. lol
Here's a thought if you don't have trust,... go and check and see or save yourself the time and just end the relationship. What ever happened to innocent until PROVEN guilty??? We all have different tastes so why have to give them up because one partner isn't into it, not like you don't know that going in?? | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:36:33 PM | T-R-U-S-T either you have it or you don't. There is no half way. When I am in a committed relationship and I want to go out and do something-anything-with my friends, I do not expect it to be a problem, nor would it bother me if my partner chose to do the same. Of course, if my friends were that insecure that they would sabotage my relationship, I don't suspect I'd be out with them in the first place. If you have the honesty in the relationship then your SO knows where you are going, who you will be with and roughly how long you will be there, and should be secure in the knowledge that you will be returning home to them afterwards.
This was an ongoing issue with my EX. Despite me telling him when, who, where, what and for how long, AND having a cell phone with me and turned on at all times, he was hell bent that I was anywhere else with anyone else doing anything else. Note I said EX.
Even in a relationship the two parties need their own time with their friends. If I was given an ultimatum of my friends or a man, there would be no question because my friends have always and will always be there for me without a shadow of a doubt. | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:50:29 PM | ^^^^^^
I disagree with you. You dont either have trust or you dont. You must earn it, over time, in any environment. Would you expect your employer to trust you right away with the most important or dangerous elements of your job?? For me, that means dealing with big cats, and it just doesnt work like that. The longer you are together and prove yourselves trustworthy, the more trust there will be. Its like that no matter what. There is no getting around it | |
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| Never let your girlfriend/wife go out with her unattached friends
Posted: 11/11/2005 9:18:51 AM | | t d & h makes a great point as always. If you're involved with someone, why would you "act" single? It's fairly simple, even though I may not be "with" my man, as in him not being there, I do the same things I would do if he WERE there. If you're tempted to or DO things when you're not with your partner that you wouldn't do if they were there, it's time to think about how much you're valuing your relationship. | |
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