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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:09:09 PM | Stop wasting your time with losers.
If we have sex on the first date and I judge you harshly for it, I am an idiot and a hypocrite! Why would you care what I thought?
I've had sex on a first date and never went any further and I've had sex on a first date that turned into a loving relationship. We're all adults and sex is fun, what exactly is the problem? If you are comfortable with it, go for it! | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:18:28 PM | Another "sex on the first date" thread.
All of my long-term relationships resulted after sex on the first or second date. It's a great way to really get to know someone. Holding hands for a few months might make the couple "comfortable" with each other, but I'm looking for passion, not a sofa. I've tried the prolonged courtship, but it didn't make any ultimate difference. But if waiting works for others, more power to them. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:23:04 PM | | Doesn't it seem like some men want to have their ice cream and eat it too (LOL....just tired of cake). Really sick of the double standard. Shall we try and compare what we actually did with whom, what position, what fun little twist.....shall we weigh and measure whether the new man in our life finds that acceptable.....PLEASE!!!!!! | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:29:54 PM | Maysisfox,
It takes two for the proverbial tango, so she is entitled to dwell on stereotypes as well. Or he & she can both evaluate whether to look at it as a one nighter or the begining of something substantial. Possibility is not a slave to the clock of carnal consumation.You've recieved excellent input here. Now just remember we are more unique than we are alike. If you don't life gets boring awfully d*a*m*n fast | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:30:03 PM | essene hit the target, it's all about maturity and "preconcieved notions". However, we should not belittle the negative attitudes too much, they set a benchmark for behavior in our society.
It is the parable of the whore and the Nun, to appreciate the behavior of the Nun you must have the whore (as distinguished from a prostitute who having sex as a business) to set the other end of the spectrum. It is easier to revere the Nun if you know how the whore behaves.
Now as to your argument, WE ARE HUMAN, we have human needs and desires. Sex is not a "gift" that should be bestowed based on some ultra deserving potential partner only after a protracted period of research and investigation. Damn girl, that would assume there is a difference between men's cravings and women's cravings and a woman must frustrate herself in order to prove a man is worthy of sex. Life is too short. If you are both free and eager (some are a bit more eager that others), why not?
The older you get, the more you realize that consent for an interlude does not mean there is an open door forever. To be a bit more crass about it, it is a case of use and be used. The key is mutual consent. Maysis, if you are giving yourself as a reward for a swell evening (you commented on that in one of your posts) then, yeah, prehaps you are being a bit slutty but if the encounter is because he is a hunk and you want him right now (even if he is not Mr. Right, and just Mr. Right Friken Now) that is your decision as an independant woman with a choice.
Don't get hung up on the "act", go with the flow and do what is right for YOU.
Smooth | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:30:09 PM | | I've personally dated a few girls who we had sex on the first date, but many more who didn't. I can guarantee you this, I did NOT feel any less of them for it, and we dated right on. Mater of fact, one of the first girls I met after I moved here in 1987, I slept with on the first date. Hey, we we're necking, and things got really hot. The thing is, I called her up that evening, and we went back out that weekend. That was one girl I should have married but I was the one screwed that up, not her. Matter of fact, I still think about her all the time until this day. I still respect her very much too! | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:33:30 PM | This is such a weird thing. Don't you people ususally go out with someone already thinking you'll have sex with them. Right, they might gross you out after you get on with the date, but deep down didn't you already know they were a sex toy before you left your front door?
Humm... better get back to that slut thread where I belong... | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:37:04 PM | "the parable of the whore and the Nun"?
Well I'm no christian but what Bible have you been reading? That might be a church I'd consider going to.
And then the whore said unto the hot little nun, the most glorious way to giveth head and pleaseth thy lord is to.....
lol | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:45:18 PM | Ah, the thrill of anticipation. That first "lovers" kiss. Gazing into each others eyes after having developed some REAL intimacy. The sharing of each others hopes and dreams and ultimately the mind blowing, passionate sex that comes AFTERWARD.
There is a time and a place for sex between new lovers and in my opinion, it is NOT on the first date. I'm not saying anyone should wait for no undue cause. But why not build up a true passion for one another, see if you actually enjoy them for a longer period, THEN have great sex because you feel bonded...not attracted.
I guess if you aren't really looking for anything lasting, having sex whenever is anyone's call and their business to do. But if you are looking for a true love story, you'll wait till you can't stand it anymore...then, it's real.
That's just what I believe. I want something I can share with my grandkids...not bathroom talk with the girls. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:47:35 PM | I'm curious...were you chatting before the date for an extended period of time or anything? That may also play a part in this. If for instance you met him on a site like this and you both were chatting before you met then it already feels comfortable and relationship like. And I agree with td&h..if he judges you he did it too. That's just a big ole duh!
It's not my thing...never have been able to do it..but I wouldn't judge anyone for doing it...and I'm not dead yet so I can never say I wouldn't do it. Good luck to you...but if he is judging you..dump him...you are far to pretty to be worrying about some schmuck!  | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:48:10 PM | There is NOTHING WRONG with two adults consenting to sex. If the chemistry is right, and both people want to have sex together, and do it SAFELY, I don't see anything wrong. I don't believe in "seuxual morality" (ie, the more people you sleep with or if you have casual sex at all, the less moral, or "sluttier" you are). That is just plain stupid. Besides, men aren't expected as much to refrain from having casual sex. I mean, people see it as more "natural" for a man to want to have sex, and it is up to the girl to say no, and if she says yes, and they end up having sex, SHE's the slut. Again, that is stupid, and non-logical.
And just because you do it with one person, doesn't mean you do it with everybody. I've had casual sex, but at the same time, I've also been in long-term (1 year +) monogamous relationships
So if the mood is right, then, have fun, be safe | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:54:23 PM | | blast, having sex on the first date is often lambasted because of its supposed "indiscriminate" outlook.. I can only speak for myself, but that doesn't hold. I've refused many first-meet or first-date sexual liasons because I had no real connection with the woman in question. Did I have a soul-searching connection with them? No to that either. But I trust my instincts, and in many cases they've been right. I've made mistakes as has everybody, but the problems in my past relationships didn't surface until well down the line, and any prolonged sexless courtship would not have detected them. It's only when the pressure's on, when we're actually in the relationship and have accountability that the challenges and problems surface. Everyone puts up their best front, and -- dare I say it-- often a false one, until exclusivity is agreed on. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:54:40 PM | And I agree with "smile with your eyes": if the guy is judging you, he's not worth it. Dump the loser. Everybody needs to be with somebody who respects them... if I find a guy doesn't respect me, or starts taking me for granted, it's either a warning or a swift boot out the door.
love yourself, respect yourself and others, and damn, everybody would be a little happier like these guy:  | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:07:04 PM | indie_groove,
I agree with you 100% on this. If a man tries to judge you because of this, boot his ass to the curb as 9 times out of ten he'll be an ***hole of some sort. You'll end up with an arrogant pr#ck you don't want, and have to figure out how to get out of the situtaion, without him making you look bad over what he's done. I have never judged someone on the first date, and that don't make one lick of sense to do so. | |
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riffy
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Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:18:50 PM |
So don't lump everyone in the same bucket and sling stereotypes or unfounded and incorrect prejudices around...you're assuming and you're very wrong about what you're assuming. It doesn't say much good about your being an open-minded, nonjudgmental person.
LOL. I will sling whatever I like thank you very much.
Say you don't agree, I respect that, but telling someone that they are wrong is a bit of a harsh way to get them to open up to your opinion. The moment you tell someone that they are wrong, you back them into a corner and make it difficult for them to accept your thoughts and ideas and combine them with their own.
Anyway, she asked a question and I offered up a thought on what someone might be thinking in that situation. I appreciate others' thoughts on this as well. The point of a discussion is to offer your thoughts and listen to others' thoughts and consider what they are saying. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:23:00 PM | woah.. obviously I am out of touch.. cause I can't imagine bumping nasties with some guy I had one date with these days.
Not with HIV, Hep a,b,c and ???, and STD's out there.. I have three kids, condoms only protect so much and my life is on the line. I would need to know that the guy was a decent upstanding guy who understood my need to protect myself thus protecting my kids.
Plus now that i am older, I am not sure I would be comfortable getting naked with a guy I hardly know. I'm pretty self conscious about the ravages of time and babies on me and I think I would need to know a guy liked me for more than my body before i slept with him.
I know this sounds prudish and old fashioned these days. but hey, we can be honest on here right? | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:27:38 PM | Ok, here is the thing that I forgot to add to my prior post about sex on the first date.
I look at it not from the perspective of the ol' double standard and such. I mean surely we are adults and able to decide if we do or don't want to become sexual with someone immediately. Some have weak sexual constitutions, and some have just not had it in so long they'd really rather not practice any kind of self-restraint when they really don't know where it's going anyway.
However, scientifically (bet you were expecting that one huh?) let's look at the evidence that says there is more happening in that "sex" than what meets the eye. It isn't just about gratification. For one thing, instinctively, the female will immediately begin to feel a need to "pair bond" with him. But ok, let's say we have a woman who is able to think past her instinctual drives, but that drive WILL be there. It's just how women are made, it insures she has a fertile mate.
Add to this an interesting mixture of hormones that the couple actually creates during their little lovemaking trist and that begins to confuse any clear signals we might be getting from the other party. This hormonal****ail has a powerful effect on them even if they have serious commitment issues. They will find themselves being drawn to each other...often suspecting they just plain "like each other" but not necessarily. They have not necessarily established compatibility over a period of time. In other words, this is not an evolved form of relationship between a man and a woman. It works, sure and some have great tenacity in sticking something out even when it won't be good for them.
Yes, unless you are a coldhearted person who is numb to it all, you will be emotionally affected by that sex act...how you deal with it is up to you.
Personally I'd rather play it on the safe side and make sure we have more substance than just sex. The closer I can get to a man emotionally without the use of sex indicates the proportion to which our sex will soar. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:29:59 PM | If she sleeps with me on the first date not a bit of a problem.
I was trained for many years that just because someone gets in bed with you it dosnt mean any sex will be involved.............. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:06:24 PM | I woudn't think different of a girl whether or not we do it on the first date. The only think I hate is girls that are not honest and play games. Like saying to you: "I am not looking for anyone to be intimate with" just to find out she has made out with two guys that same week. That's what drives me crazy. The other thing that drives me crazy is girls that are all self-centered. It's all about them and what the guy wants is totally irrelevant.
Sex is way overrated, if two people like each other, let them do it on the first date, it is not the end of the world. Of course, this will be just sex and not love, but there is nothing that precludes making love to the same person once you get to know them better. Sex is a natural activity. Every adult who says they don't want it/need it is a liar. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:17:49 PM | | The only problem with sleeping with someone on the first date is that it creates a trust issue. I mean, if it is that easy to do, then maybe some other guy she just met would interest her just as much. Its the same with guys too. If he is that concerned about sex, what do you think he thinks about around other girls?? The point is, its kind of hard to believe you are the only one, isnt it?? | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:22:08 PM | And to improve on my point ....
I'm with blastkiss and sexy-guy on this one too. My initial thought was to relase you from the imposed inhibition against having sex on the first date, and help you realize that it is your choice. But girl if this is a regular occurance, you need to recalibrate your sex meter. You are approach the red zone (Danger Will Robinson ... danger .... danger).
and by the way ... the Whore Nun thing is from the "Church of the Future". I am an ordained minister, and you can be too. Just mail in your $25.00 and believe whatever you want!
S. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:30:31 PM | Crunchberries, you completely lost me with your post. How does the guy being "concerned about sex" equate to him thinking of other women? It's the old stereotypical put-down that if a guy or gal desires to fukk their current first date, then they must be, by that fact, out of control deceptive players who jump from bed to bed like Tarzan through the jungle. It's not a "concern with sex" (what a quaint way of phrasing it), but a specific and personal desire to fukk this one particular other here and now, with no thoughts of another to interfere.
Players exist, but they're rife whether operating on sex on the first, second, or fourteenth date premise. | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/11/2005 6:04:07 PM | I must not have adequately explained what I am talking about. If a girl meets me at a bar and I go home with her and have sex, it is quite likely it is not her first time doing that. And it is also likely not going to be her last. Therefore, I cannot see being in a relationship with her because, if it was that easy for ME to walk out of the bar after just meeting her, there is a fairly good chance some other guy will find it easy to walk out of that bar with her later on.
Again, its an issue of trust and whether the person exhibits a pattern of behavior which seems trustworthy in a logical sense. To my way of thinking, this seems a very logical conclusion to reach......provided there is no other evidence to the contrary.
Also, dude, every girl I have slept with that quickly......became QUICKLY interested in someone else when they were done with me......could have been three months later.....could have been a year, but I was not the king of the jungle if you know what I mean. She didnt just lose herself to me and not other people. Its just foolish, or incredibly egotistical to believe that some guys actually have it like that. It simply isnt true. If a girl is going to sleep with someone on the first date, she is going to. Thats it. Its not that one particular guy was sexier (though, it may help). The truth is some girls will, some wont. I would sleep with someone on the first date, IF that was all I was looking for. But if I am serious, whats the big deal with waiting?? | |
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| And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 11/11/2005 7:12:56 PM | Well I sit on the fence on this issue...but I do lean more on the side of " If it feels good..go with it".
I once held out for quite some time...with this guy I really liked. I had had a crush on him for years...so let me tell you, holding out was noooo easy task!!! So the moment finallllly comes....we're necking and things are hot and heavy...thennn DISASTER struck...I saw what he was planning on putting in me...and had to strain to see it...it was ummm....rather short and not very wide..in fact - prepuberty size would be my best way to politely describe it!!!
Moral of that story..if you're not going to sleep together right away...at least get a good grope in!!!!!
Then there was this other time I held out...and man oh man did we have some chemistry with the minds and the kissing...thennnn DISASTER struck...he was a DUD in bed....well hell not just him...heck a few others too have been that way! Nothing more frustrating then realllly digging someone, only to have that aspect just be a disappointment! Sure that can be worked on...you can help someone become better in bed etc...but that sure as heck doesnt help you get thru that moment..especially if you have been holding out for quite some time...anticipating this hot steamy love scene...only to end up scratching your head saying "That's it?"....lol!!
Moral of that story...if you're not going to sleep together right away...be prepared for the possibility of living an eternal sexually repressed life or that you're going to have to start ALLLLLL over again!!!
Hehe...just had to throw those in!!....but seriously people we are all adults here like so many have pointed out...if you personally dont like to sleep with someone right off the bat...DONT....but do not judge someone if they want to sleep with you right away. You have no real idea where they are coming from in their past and what has led them to that moment with you.
I personally just go with the flow...sometimes I jump in right away ...sometimes I hold out. No matter what though, I just put in my head that whatever shall be shall be...if it all works out....GREAT.....if it doesnt...ah well.....NEXT!!!!
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