| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/17/2006 6:49:31 AM | Well friends with benifiets are great depending on the situation. Emotionally and environmentaly.
I had one back in college and it ended bad only because I wanted to ask her a question one day before we started (all I wanted to know was if shewas getting feelings for me and if so I wanted to find a way to uncomplicate it) She didn't even want to hear the question and we never really talk after that. She started telling everybody that I was in love with her and I was being childish. but she did that with a friends of mine and told him everything she told me. When I repeated everything to him that she said to me before he got too far in his braging, he looked a little sad. :P (Of course he got dumped because he said he loved her)
Anyways. Being married, I am not in an environment condusive to have a friend like that. Also Emotionally I don't need one so 2 strikes against me for having a Friends with benifits.
If one of those is open then I think it is open to consideration. But your choices have to be good ones. You need to be emotionaly sound and understanding of the situation, and you have to be in an environment that is condusive to that where it can actually happen. I think the emotional part is the hardest to over come, as most people are taught from a young age that you do that sort of thing with people you love and only one person. Even subconciously people can have problems with it and it screws up thier lives. Environmentaly you need to be on your own or be with a person that is on thier own. Makes it all easier. Also not be part of a group of people that find that sort of thing to be a taboo, like a church group or something.
Umm, those are my thoughts on it. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:34:09 AM | Been there, done that, can't do it again.
I thought that I could do it without getting emotionally attached but I was wrong. I didn't want to see or admit it when I was in the thick of things...lol! But once I was out of the situation, it was pretty clear to me that those types of situations are not right for me.
To each their own though, that's just me. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/17/2006 12:22:49 PM | Is it one of the goals of Friends with Benefits that we remain unattached? I am emotionally attached to all my friends, and would be even more so if we shared sex, I'm sure.
Or is it the case, as I suspect, that we each have our own meanings for these terms, that we envision things differently when we speak of FWB, emotional attachment and so on…
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/17/2006 3:12:32 PM | | mmmm... someone is bound to get the emotional issue in the way and feeling more than he/she should. Got burnt a couple of times, don't know about this one | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 5:03:59 PM | I think FWB is acceptable, but it's not for everyone. I mean, first-off, it has to be between two people who are actually *friends*, and find eachother sexually attractive, but know that it would *never* develop into anything more. Usually the best FWB is an amicable ex, who already knows that a relationship with you won't work out, and you both enjoy sleeping with eachother. (It's usually good to have a fairly long seperation before this though, else your emotions will get pretty screwed up).
As for the whole concept "it discourages you from finding a real relationship"; if it truly does, you're not in a position to go seeking a real relationship anyway. If sex and companionship is all you're looking for out of a real relationship, save people some emotional hardship and just stick with FWB. When you want more, FWB won't be sufficient, so it shouldn't discourage you at all. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:22:34 PM | | I am definitely not a friends with benefits kind of girl. All of my friends are important to me, and I couldn't just have sex with one "just because". Just doesn't fit with my personality. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:11:10 PM | | The problem is the "friends" part is hard to find and generally people say FWB when they are really talking about a booty call. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:19:15 PM | I am so confused
I thought friends with benifits meant they had beer and a place to crash... whats with the sexual compatability??? | |
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*Rock*
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 109 | |
| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:30:03 PM | ^^^^^^^^^i think thats how alot of them become friends with benefits,they had had too many beers and needed a place to crash at...   | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:40:49 PM | I am soooooo confused!
FWB? ..........
FB?..............
Heard several versions of the FWB thing, pros and cons...........
interesting thread as the topic has come up in conversations......
Still confused.......
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:52:29 PM | fox:
people say FWB when they are really talking about a booty call.
Yes, I agree. FWB can be a euphemism for a more casual sexual arrangement
I think of FWB as a friendship-based relationship that includes sex
A Fcuk-buddy - a sex-based relationship that may include friendship
A bootie call - a sex-on-short-notice agreement that can also expire on short notice
A one-nighter - an impromptu sexual encounter that might not ever lead to anything more
And if you’re single and don’t like any of the above, there’s celibacy.
and if you think FWB can lead to heart-ache, try a "fully committed" relationship!
(and no, I'm not that cynical. I'm just sayin'…) | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:03:48 PM | well.... been there done that... FWB... isn't where its at... sure the sex is good...cause you figure you're gettin it regularily or at least more then you would if you weren't FWB... but... haven't met many people of either sex...that have ever truly found that it works...and no one gets hurt, mislead or whatever... If they dont' want to be in a committed relationship.....and fluck their freinds but date other people...they likely never will committ to you....
my 2 cents...converted to american...is nada!! lol | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:35:19 PM | but andie…
haven't met many … [where] no one gets hurt, mislead or whatever.
…that could describe some marriages as well. Being mislead destroys any kind of relationship, not just FWB.
If they dont' want to be in a committed relationship.....and fluck their friends but date other people...they likely never will commit to you....
But if they each agree it's OK to keep looking for someone they can fully commit to, this is not a failure of the FWB-type relationship either, is it? It's functioning just as they agreed.
I’m not advocating for FWB – just saying we should judge it on its merits. If people aren’t truthful or honorable in their FWB agreements, they wouldn't succeed in their committed relationships and marriages either, would they? Surely we wouldn’t discard marriage because we know some people who get divorced? | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:44:20 PM |
sure the sex is good...cause you figure you're gettin it regularily or at least more then you would if you weren't FWB... but... haven't met many people of either sex...that have ever truly found that it works...and no one gets hurt, mislead or whatever... If they dont' want to be in a committed relationship.....and fluck their freinds but date other people...they likely never will committ to you....
I think the thing to remember is that there is NO chance that FWB will ever be a "committed relationship". It is for people who don't want to commit for some reason or where the "friend" has some fatal flaw rendering them unsuitable as a "real" partner ( ie newly seperated). I don't see anything wrong with it, if both people understand what the program is from Day One | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:44:54 PM | Your right ohdriver...however... agreements...even with FWB can be broken and often are because there isn't a true sincere committment where each person truly cares for that person... they usually are there for selfish reasons...both friends...
Most people that are in marriages take their vows and committments much more seriously then someone that is single and is a FWB | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:49:52 PM |
Your right ohdriver...however... agreements...even with FWB can be broken and often are because there isn't a true sincere committment where each person truly cares for that person... they usually are there for selfish reasons...both friends...
Most people that are in marriages take their vows and committments much more seriously then someone that is single and is a FWB
Obviously, you never met my husbands. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 6/18/2006 10:04:57 PM | Perhaps I’m being overly literal here, but in the interest of precision…
if the people are there for “selfish” reasons and don’t truly care about each other, I probably wouldn’t think of them as friends, or their relationship as a FWB.
Fcuk-buddies, maybe?
od | |
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Adria3
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Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 4/10/2007 2:42:04 PM | | I've only experienced one FWB in my life, that was just a really nice experience. We both respected each other, enjoyed each others company, but both knew we were not into a relationship with each other.. I sometimes miss him in fact, but as soon as I was interested in another, it stopped dead in it's tracks.. I can see how if one person has feelings more then just friends, that is where the problems start. It can be done though if both people are honest, and know where the other stands.. | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 4/10/2007 3:12:14 PM | Friends with benefits...do they have dental, vision care and drug plans???
This is such a touchy subject (ok pun slightly intended ). It is really difficult to want to breach the cushion of friendship by adding a sexual dynamic to it. There is so much more to lose than there is to gain. Sexual gratification is one thing, but to lose a confidant I think would be more traumatic.
While it is not something I would entirely dismiss, it is something that would take a great deal of consideration and thought process before proceeding.
You never want to hurt anyone or yourself for that matter. Once you cross that bridge of sexual contact there is never going back to the way it was prior. Some questions are worth answering before you strip down and do the horizontal mambo with your best pal.
On the flip side, getting into a sexual relationship with a friend first may be the way to develop a long standing relationship that is on a deeper level. You already trust that person, and who knows love could develop out of it.
Just my humble opinion as always.
Sher | |
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Mo-Mo
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Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 121 | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 4/10/2007 5:15:48 PM | | friends with benefits can be good when you're sick of rejection and being patient. but then it hurts when they (FWB) find someone that they want to make it work with, and you're left wondering - why not me? | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 4/10/2007 5:19:19 PM | If you are at a point in life, or mabe a crossroads of sorts, of course it can work, just keep emotions out of it, enjoy the company of a great friend, don't have to be alone all the time, and the familiarity is nice..
Sure life happens, but enjoy it for the moment, and make sure you're in the right frame of mind for it... | |
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| Friends with Benefits..good or bad
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:41:12 PM | | bring it on! nothing wrong with using men once in awhile for one of the few things they are good at(well some, not all) | |
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