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| | What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!Page 20 of 24 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24) |
Nope, not extreme paranoia... Just the facts.
Really? Show them. I need more than hearsay. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:43:21 AM | Ok... damassteel... By the by, I tried to message you to send you some links. I cannot.
I believe we are unable to post links on here... Google... aids statistic in Africa...
I hope this copy paste works...
Global HIV/AIDS estimates, end of 2008
The latest statistics of the global HIV and AIDS were published by UNAIDS in November 2009, and refer to the end of 2008.
Estimate Range
People living with HIV/AIDS in 2008 33.4 million 31.1-35.8 million
Adults living with HIV/AIDS in 2008 31.3 million 29.2-33.7 million
Women living with HIV/AIDS in 2008 15.7 million 14.2-17.2 million
Children living with HIV/AIDS in 2008 2.1 million 1.2-2.9 million
People newly infected with HIV in 2008 2.7 million 2.4-3.0 million
Children newly infected with HIV in 2008 0.43 million 0.24-0.61 million
AIDS deaths in 2008 2.0 million 1.7-2.4 million
Child AIDS deaths in 2008 0.28 million 0.15-0.41 million
More than 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981.
Africa has over 14 million AIDS orphans.
At the end of 2008, women accounted for 50% of all adults living with HIV worldwide
In developing and transitional countries, 9.5 million people are in immediate need of life-saving AIDS drugs; of these, only 4 million (42%) are receiving the drugs.
Concerning the USA
HIV statistics
At the end of 2007, the CDC estimates that there were 571,378 people living with HIV/AIDS in the 39 states and dependent areas that have a history of confidential name-based HIV reporting, based on reported diagnoses and deaths
2. However, the total number of people living in the USA with HIV/AIDS is thought to be around 1.1 million
3. The discrepancy between these figures is due to several factors including:
confidential name-based reporting of HIV diagnoses has not yet been implemented in all states
4.anonymous tests, including home tests, are excluded from case reports
one in every five people living with HIV has not even had their infection diagnosed, let alone reported... | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:13:48 AM | Seems we lost track of the orgininal point of the post.
1. men think sex is ok without a condom
2. concern that men are not as worried as women about the risk of STD
then shortly after this post the OP goes on...
3. when a man is told "sorry we can't have sex without a condom"
4. then a condom magically appears
First, you can not say all men think sex is ok without a condom. This is not true.
Second, there are women who think the same way as men and think sex is ok without protection.
Third, a responsible pair will discuss this before hitting the bedroom, and if its important to either one of them make a detour to the store before getting frisky.
The other issue is the issue of dishonesty, stating they do not have a condom because they don't want to use it, and then having one magically appear when the woman refuses sex without one. If a man would lie about something like this early in the game, it reveals a character flaw... the man would lie in order to get what he wanted, sex without a condom, and when it was apparent that there would be no sex without a condom, would "settle" for sex with a condom rather than the other possibility of no sex at all.
To me if a man would lie to get his own way (sex bareback), then he would lie to me about other kinds of things, and it would make me not trust him from the very beginning. Like the OP I would take a pass.
The bottom line to all this discussion is mitigating risk in a sexual encounter, that risk being twofold, STD and pregnancy. A woman wants to prevent both. Many women use an alternate birth control method, and the condom use is purely for disease prevention.
If you are engaging in casual sex protection is vitally important. The reality is, if you are in committed relationship of some level, ie. agreeing to monogamy, it is still a risk in light of the statistics regarding infidelity in both marriages and other forms of commited relationship. Being in a long term relationship with a partner does not eliminate risk, it merely stacks the odds in your favor.
With all that being said, even knowing the purpose of protection, disease and pregnancy prevention, when my partner and I became lovers, we did not use a condom. I admit this was not a smart move for either of us, but that is the reality of the way things went down. We had been dating for over a month and when the time was right for us to cross the line, the passion between us was the director of activity, NOT logic and reason.
He assumed my risk was low because I was a widow and had been married for 18 years. I assumed his risk was low because he rarely dated and had not been in a relationship for over a decade since his divorce. Were we smart in our assumptions? He11 no! We each took a calculated risk when we made love without protection. Even at the age of 55 I took more care about birth control than STD protection, in that I had an IUD. I find this ironic, because my risk of pregnancy at this age is a heck of a lot lower than my risk of disease. Apparently my fear of pregnancy is much higher than my fear of
disease because I had absolutely certainty that I was covered there.
The reality is, when you make a choice to engage in sex with someone, even someone that you know well, it comes with risk. Rates of infidelity are high, even amoung committed couples. Just look at the statistics on who has ever cheated on a partner.
Somewhere between 1 in 3 and 1 and 2 people have cheated on a partner at least once in a lifetime. All it takes is ONCE for a disease to be contracted.
This comes down to us as adults knowing what we should do and actually doing it. I am a "do as I say and not as I do" person. I admit to the hypocrisy. I did not make the right choice when I let passion rule my head. Did I get away with it? Yes, I did. Am I continuing to engage in risk. Yes I am. When my man and I first engaged in intercourse we did not use protection. After the fact we talked about the choice that we made, and did not modify our behavior. We have never used protection. The last time I was tested for STDs was back in the early 1980s before I was married. I don't think my boyfriend has been tested for STDs since he was in the marines. We surely are not the poster children for safe sex in the year 2010.
For whatever reason I decided that he was low risk, and he decided I was low risk. We both assumed the contacts we have had since our days of married life didn't change that. Either one of us could have been wrong. It has now been over a year since we crossed the line and became lovers. We have never used a condom and each time we are together we are relying on trust that our risk exposure has not changed.
When anyone makes a choice to have sex with someone even in a long term relationship there is risk. Honesty and trust are key. First encounters with someone you have recently gotten to know are fraught with risk. It is smart to use condoms religiously and be tested as a couple, and continue to use condoms until test results prove you are both clean. Then only stop IF your level of trust is such that you feel your partner will NEVER stray, and then you are safe only HALF the time. This is being a realistic.
Since I am the romantic, I will continue to throw caution to the wind, and have faith in my partner not to stray. I hope it never comes back to bite me in the A$$. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:36:15 AM | ^^^^ widowinloveagain
I applaud you for your eloquent post and for being candid.
Since I am the romantic, I will continue to throw caution to the wind, and have faith in my partner not to stray. I hope it never comes back to bite me in the A$$.
Alas, I am in the same boat!
I hate having that knawing thought at the back of my mind too. I realize at some point, one must just accept the reality of the relashionship you are in and live with clear coloured glasses. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:27:00 PM | Thank you annasthasia.
As adults we all wear blinders. Women expect men to wear condoms so they are protected from disease, yet how many of us don't think twice about oral sex.
We want our guy to eat pu$$y, and he wants us to give him head AND swallow.
Are we so delusional to think that risk exposure applies only to intercourse. If you really want to be technical, if we are french kissing a man who eats pu$$y,
we have an element of risk from that behavior too.
I want to know if women who ALWAYS want a man to wear a condom are also ALWAYS using a dental dam , and if they are buying flavored condoms for the man to wear when they give a blow job. If they are not, they are fooling themselves into thinking they are safe. Sex is risky business. While we are at it, test results are only accurate the day the test was taken. Are you 100% certain that your partner to be has not had exposures since those tests were drawn?
I advocate honesty between men and women. If one partner feels strongly about condom use, then by all means, give in to their wishes. Do NOT play games and tell a lady you don't have a condom and then when refused sex, suddenly have one appear.
We ladies are not stupid. That just tells us you are willing to lie to get your own way, and are manipulative, not at all good qualities to find in a potential lover. If you and both can not agree on how to handle the risk of sex, then perhaps its better you part company before getting horizontal. Find a better match.
To those of us chosing to not "cover up" at least admit that risk is a two way street and pray that you are treating your mate with such love and kindness they will be in the 50% that will never stray. You are betting your life on it.
All our choices are about minimizing risk exposure. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:05:43 PM | | When I was out with a girl I always carried a condom with me it was the thing to do back then better than an unwanted pregancy. look at the country of Hatti kids all over the place over populated 80 % have hiv or aids we dont need that in this country so you guys out there your woman needs to say no glove no love. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:19:18 PM |
You misintrepreted the whole point I was making. Please re-read my post.
It is not WHEN you are donating blood that you are at risk. It is what you do in your private life before donating your blood and lying on the questionnaire that you are putting everyone at risk with actually donating the highlikely hood the deadly gift of contaminated blood.
When taken out of context, like many POFers are want to do a lot of time, it is easy to make the leap that you are insinuating that donating blood is a risk. Yes... apparently I am guilty of doing it this time myself.
When you post only HALF a conversation, you can't expect us all to know what you are talking about in the WHOLE conversation. It's best to be explicitly clear what you mean. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:22:53 PM | | I will say this though if you having casual sex then wearing a condom is perfectly fine but to wear a condom in or while forming a relationship smacks of trust issues. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 11:08:33 AM | so u think if u dnt trust someone after 3 dates youv got trust issues ?? someone could of had sex with one person and have a sti they dnt know about
your an idiot if you sleep with any women that will sleep with u without a condom | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:06:26 PM | the fact that the majority of men do not wish to wear condoms shows me their real interest in sex.
Most are only interested in getting off, if they were truly interested in sex they'd be doing research and learning more about sex and THEN they would get it. The getting offers often think a yeast infection means that the woman is unclean - that's just an example, but that's the gist I'm getting at.
There are a few men on here who do get it. They advocate testing and safer sex and their posts clearly indicate a knowledge about sex when it comes to women.
More and more women are wanting men like the above. What's gonna happen is that the men who do not meet those standards will be dropped. More and more women are becoming more open and educated about sex. Men need to up their game a little bit.
Always keep in mind though, that even practicing safer sex is a risk. It is up to each individual to assess their risk and up to the other person to be honest.
I've said this a million times, if someone can't talk about testing, their sexual practices and any risky behaviour they may have engaged in in the past, they shouldn't even be having sex because if you can't handle talking about those heavy issues, how are you ever going to handle the issue of improving your sex life if it occurs? It will be the death of your relationship. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 1:21:19 PM | Since I am the romantic, I will continue to throw caution to the wind, and have faith in my partner not to stray. I hope it never comes back to bite me in the A$$.
This is very well put and while some may argue with it, I tend to romantically agree. I would rather die a romantic than live a long life in over protective fear. There is a balance.
And this also applies.
Always keep in mind though, that even practicing safer sex is a risk. It is up to each individual to assess their risk and up to the other person to be honest.
Life is a risky business and no matter how hard we try, it can still get you, but I refuse to live my life in a bubble and that includes sex. I have never been promiscuous and the partners I have had in my life you could count on both hands and still have fingers left over. I have used condoms and I hate them, I hate them so much that if I were in a LTR and it were my only option, I wouldn’t have sex! When my ex had her tubes tied, we had to use them for a while, we gave up after the third time and said, screw it, we’ll wait.
To me, sex is an everything affair, not just cover and insert with a few grunts. I like spontaneity and lack of worry so I choose who I’ve been with carefully, yet, I also know that there are no guarantees. I’m not into casual sex and never have been, it’s a big decision for me but I see how for many, it’s a lifestyle and for them, yes I guess you need to be more cautious, but then again, it only takes once and the one area that is covered isn’t the only area where diseases are transmitted so there is just as much blind sighted misinformation out there for those who do think that it’s safe just because they did cover up. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 1:36:30 PM |
will say this though if you having casual sex then wearing a condom is perfectly fine but to wear a condom in or while forming a relationship smacks of trust issues.
Why does it?
What if the person you're with had sex with another person a few weeks ago... they may not know they have an STD or not... and it's too soon since then to be reliably tested...
A friend of mine made the mistake of having sex with a guy she met on POF and had been talkng to for a while... The next day she found out he was with a prostitute the day before he did her.... only a fool trusts another fool.... | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 2:12:49 PM | ^^^thanks mchurch. In the past, I have used protection while awaiting test results. The men who were patient and easy going about it were often the best lovers. The ones who didn't get it? Weren't really all that attentive. Just an observation.....
I like spontaneity and lack of worry so I choose who I’ve been with carefully, yet, I also know that there are no guarantees. I’m not into casual sex and never have been, it’s a big decision for me but I see how for many, it’s a lifestyle and for them, yes I guess you need to be more cautious, but then again, it only takes once and the one area that is covered isn’t the only area where diseases are transmitted so there is just as much blind sighted misinformation out there for those who do think that it’s safe just because they did cover up.
I'm not sure if you are responding to my post, but I think you missed my point.
Lack of worry goes away once testing and a serious discussion is had. After that, enjoy! If one is unable to have that initial discussion, I seriously wonder whether the person thinks they are living in TV land.
How do you choose carefully? Do you discuss sex and STD's beforehand? If not and unless you are dating someone who believed in abstinence, you are using almost every guy's method of "carefully" = she doesn't come across as a slut. I've heard that so many times  Choosing carefully to me is knowing what their sexual history is - that doesn't mean numbers either, that means listening to them talk about STD's and that sexual practices in general. It's pretty easy to scope out someone who doesn't know squat about this stuff.
Yes, the areas that are not covered are also transmissible. Did you see how I wrote "safer sex"? There is no safe sex. It's all risk and trust, so approaching it with as much info as makes you comfy should put one at ease. And people can be misled even with having the answers to their questions. People lie.
You don't need to not be into casual sex to catch something. Some "careful" people have STD's that they don't even know about.
I encourage some people to talk to sex therapists about how to communicate about sex. Most will outright tell you that if you can't communicate outside the bedroom in a serious discussion, your intimate playful discussions could be much more difficult.
The more you talk about something, the easier it becomes. Most folks are embarassed to talk about sex in a one on one situation. They don't want to look like they don't know something. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 2:34:24 PM | [quote}Why does it?
This is why:
You should be able to stand fully naked emotionally and physically in complete trust of the person you are with, if you can't then you should dump him her and let him/her find someone that will. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 3:14:58 PM |
You should be able to stand fully naked emotionally and physically in complete trust of the person you are with, if you can't then you should dump him her and let him/her find someone that will
That contradicts the eariler statement you made...
I will say this though if you having casual sex then wearing a condom is perfectly fine but to wear a condom in or while forming a relationship smacks of trust issues.
In a relationship perhaps, but you did say "forming a relationship"...
If a woman was to let herself be totally open emotionally and physically to me in the beginning of a relationship, I'd dump her for either being too desperate, too clingy, too stupid for words or all three....
I prefer a woman with a few brains... and the sense to realise that not everyone is as they portray themselves....
I've seen the results of being too trusting... and it's not pretty.... | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 3:37:32 PM |
You should be able to stand fully naked emotionally and physically in complete trust of the person you are with, if you can't then you should dump him her and let him/her find someone that will
That contradicts the eariler statement you made...
Not at all
In a relationship perhaps, but you did say "forming a relationship"...
yes I mean both. if you can't trust and be completely open the person you are with completely you should not be with that person and you can't form a relationship if you are not completely open with each other.
The condom not being worn is a true test of trust in my opinion | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 4:59:13 PM |
If a woman was to let herself be totally open emotionally and physically to me in the beginning of a relationship, I'd dump her for either being too desperate, too clingy, too stupid for words or all three....
I agree completely with M on this one and we all know how rare it is for the two of us to see eye to eye on anything. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:01:56 PM |
yes I mean both. if you can't trust and be completely open the person you are with completely you should not be with that person and you can't form a relationship if you are not completely open with each other.
The condom not being worn is a true test of trust in my opinion
Test of stupidity if you ask me.
Thank you for eliminating yourself from the realm of my possibilities. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:21:27 PM | If a woman was to let herself be totally open emotionally and physically to me in the beginning of a relationship, I'd dump her for either being too desperate, too clingy, too stupid for words or all three....
Which is why I'm as popular, and as successful dating women, as I am.
Genius...
I prefer a woman with a few brains...
You're probably overlooking most of them, that I would not. As much as I enjoy extremely intelligent women, I've had great relationships with ones who were of very average intelligence.
Intelligence is no guarantee that you'll have a great time together.
I've seen the results of being too trusting... and it's not pretty....
That's your problem.
One can live their lives in fear, if they choose.
I don't know what satisfaction or false sense of security people get from projecting their fears onto others. I really don't.
I've been to over two dozen funerals, of friends who got killed riding motorcycles, since I was a kid.
I've had half a dozen serious spills in my life, and been hospitalized in nearly every single one.
I still ride, every chance I get.
I'll take my chances, and live my life to the fullest.
That's NO correlation to my intelligence, intellectually, or emotionally. Anyone who would attempt to claim I was desperate, clingy or stupid, because I'm not fearful of taking risks in relationships, is someone I would classify as complete intellectual and emotional ameobe.
Not everyone lives in fear.
No one should.
It's a waste of a life... | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 6:40:07 PM | Verytone I have a question...
Just how do you evaluate risk then?
I too come from a family of men who love to ride anything that goes fast. Some are into car racing... etc... Name it they go fast in it.
All of them and I mean all of them evaluate the risk involved and also as they accumulate experience they also know how to take the wind and the "mood" of the road of that day, into consideration. (Hot day, cold day affects the traction of the tires.) I'm always in the pit... Anyway...
I would think that in the process of chosing a mate, you would also take into the "risk" factor into consideration.
What I have heard the mothers of my cousins say so often to them... "You die I will kill you!"... Yea, like that makes sense... but I tell them... "Watch out... You only die once."
I too buried my best friend from a motorcycle accident and really, if only he would have used common sense, he would be here today. There is risk taking and there is the "death wish"...
It is so simple to take as much precaution as one can when it comes to the possibility of exchanging body fluids... It only takes one time to get infected and die a slow painful death.
Just sayin...  | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 6:51:08 PM |
I'm not sure if you are responding to my post, but I think you missed my point.
No, I wasn't responding to you and I do indeed see your point, I just don’t agree with it all. I agreed with your one line so I quoted it. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 9:13:52 PM | It's part anatomy and risk related and I think many men are aware of this and consider the risk low for them,
When a guy has sex your body fluids are on the outside of which he can quickly wash off - if there are no open cuts or sores - then all bets are off. Anything else he can catch he can catch in his mouth - so no protection there.
The most dangerous germs are the ones that get into the bloodstream. The rest you can get orally ANYWAY or you take a does of antibiotics and it's over.. The exception is the scary one - AIDS - it's very hard for a guy with no lesions on his penis to get aids even if you are infected. Most guys get it ANALLY. They are bisexual - you just don't know it.
Straight sex for a guy with a woman is low risk for AIDS. His skin protects him - it's a barrier that needs a lesion to enter the body.
For a woman it's totally reversed. His body fluids are INSIDE you on porous membranes that easily pass AIDS through. You are at HIGH RISK. Very high if you have anal sex as tears occur easily inside your delicate anal membrane canal and then his sperm goes straight into your blood stream.
That's why it's in the woman's best interest to wear a condom because the risk is many times higher for you.
Just carry you own and insist upon them. You can mention it in a jokey way to see how he feels about them and gauge if you are going to get into an argument AFTER you are naked and horny and a bit liquored up - not advisable as one can have a bit devil may care attitude in those circumstances.
Hope this helps. | |
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| What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 10:08:19 PM |
The most dangerous germs are the ones that get into the bloodstream. The rest you can get orally ANYWAY or you take a does of antibiotics and it's over.. The exception is the scary one - AIDS - it's very hard for a guy with no lesions on his penis to get aids even if you are infected. Most guys get it ANALLY. They are bisexual - you just don't know it.
Straight sex for a guy with a woman is low risk for AIDS. His skin protects him - it's a barrier that needs a lesion to enter the body.
For a woman it's totally reversed. His body fluids are INSIDE you on porous membranes that easily pass AIDS through. You are at HIGH RISK. Very high if you have anal sex as tears occur easily inside your delicate anal membrane canal and then his sperm goes straight into your blood stream.
That's why it's in the woman's best interest to wear a condom because the risk is many times higher for you.
A very good explanation of why condoms are important.
gauge if you are going to get into an argument AFTER you are naked and horny and a bit liquored up - not advisable as one can have a bit devil may care attitude in those circumstances.
The last time I had an issue with this was with a guy who was fully aware of my insistence on condoms well before we attempted to become intimate. Everything was as it should be with impressive hardness and enthusiasm. The minute that condom went on, it all went south. He then told me it had always been an issue for him--I think he said it was like "wearing an oven mitt" . He said he had very little sensation when wearing a condom. I felt bad for him, but not as bad as I did for myself...lol . He should have mentioned it before. Anyway, whatever sympathy I had for his "condition" evaporated as he tried to convince me (and physically maneuver me) into doing it bareback. Fortunately, he responded to my rather harsh words, and later apologized for trying to coerce me.
I could see a guy forcing the issue if he was very aroused, and felt like he had been teased if it was not mentioned before the clothes come off. Then again, I can see some women just throwing caution to the wind when in the heat of the moment. Not a good conversation to leave to the last minute. | |
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