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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:36:55 AM | Blastkist, although a little sarcastic and harsh with her response, is right. The answer lies within.
Jesiebunnies is right about the general approach to woo-ing a woman. Treat a woman respectfully. Show your attraction in a way that shows your comfort level with her. Don't be all about her physically, a guy who is successful with women in general, the guys that your ladies seem to be attracted to, they do this naturally.
I don't know what to say to you bro other than women are incredibly complex and often when you ask them "What do you want?", it makes you look indecisive and therefore unattractive. Treat a lady with respect and watch for her unspoken responses, that way you can figure out what they like without verbally asking. Good luck bro. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:44:30 AM | | jesiebunnies, good stuff. You ever find, alpha, that the women you weren't interested in being anything other than friends with, want to be in relationship with you? With those women you can be comfortable with and a bit flirtatious but with the women you really like you get all uptight with? | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 10:51:52 AM | Alpha, I'm sorry...what I said was harsh and wasn't intended as a direct attack but as sarcasm that I wasn't telling you what you wanted to hear and your sarcasm directed toward me pissed me off. I shouldn't have said what I did and I apologize.
It was just wrong of me and I wanted you to know that. I don't know why you end up in the "friends bin" but I did try to help you find that answer.
Anyway, I'm done here. I'm not always known for my tact. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 11:57:41 AM | What exactly is the problem being alone or being lied too; If the problerm is being alone,suck it up butter cup, there are too many groups activities out there to not have friends, join any group or sport that is coed and guarenteed you will make all kinds of friends and just be yourself, you will soon realize that people will be asking ,where were you when you don't show up to a function.
If it is being lied too; Face the facts, people will always lie male or female, when they say; they just want to be friends,leave it at that and move on,don't wait for the phone to ring, holy crap get a grip, life is too short for that, there are soo many people out there to meet. Believe me they aren't going to feel sorry for you, and they shouldn't, it didn't work and thats their way of ending so be it. No one said life is easy,especially relationships. Sorry for the harsh words but come on don't let yourself get down over that. It sounds lkie you are a needy person and that scares women away,been there done that, good luck. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 1:15:07 PM | | WHY NOT...come on thats what start on to be a good thing maybe there looking to see who you are inside out you should no haven a gf/bf don't mean sex its has a lot to do with being there friend what if they want to see if your the friend who can take it.....hey its better to have a friend then no friend at all..try it next time she says i want to just be friends say to her i couldn't ask for a better friend..this way you both get to know more about eachouther and learn more you never no what that friendship can bring you a lot of us have jumpped into a heart and got tossed like crap Why cause she wasn't the right friend or you weren't the right friend....we need to listen to what are hearts say not what we think they say...friends is a start try it and the more you talk and go out then in time y'll no what you both want...try it. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 2:03:02 PM | To Blastkist
Hey, no prob, I respect your unedited honesty, really. I'm the one who should be sorry, I interpreted your discussion as taunting, I do stuff like that when I'm mad. Fortunately for me, I'm not that fat, and my dick is fine :) Please do continue, I'm interested as to where you're going with this. I came here for input, this is good. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 4:41:29 PM | | Butter cup?! You know, I've been called a lot of things in my life, but not butter cup.....makes me feel all fuzzy inside....ewwwwww! No really, I read you bro. I meant that it sucks being "single" I don't have a problem with solitude, in fact, I'm quite comfortable moving about alone, I don't need a crowd to hide in, I'm an alpha. It's not like I'm antisocial or anything, a little strange, unpredictable maybe, but certainly not antisocial. And, as a student, I often find myself surrounded by intelligent, interesting women. Unfortunately, I am a little reserved when it comes to meeting people, I don't open up so easily. And yes, I do assume that I have no chance with the majority of them, I'm not stupid. As far as lies go, I'm used to it. Believe me, when I get put in the friend box, I'm already in the process of killing any feelings that I though I had. I hate being under someone else's influence when I know that I'm hopeless. I am not, and have never been "needy" in any sense of the word. If I'm not "boyfriend" material, that's fine. However, it would be nice if I could find someone who isn't going to pat me on the back for trying, and then slap me in face with false sympathy (like I've never been rejected or anything) I hear you though, I do need to get out more...hmmm...snowboarding season is upon us...a sign maybe? | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 5:29:39 PM | To alphaguy:
Change your handle, an alphaguy wouldn't end up in a LJBF scenario ;-)
It depends what you want from dating..... This was advice sent to me a while ago...
Ideally, you should never get to a point where a girl is forced to "LJBF" you - that is when she doesn't want you but you don't seem to be able to take a hint. First of all, you should be able to make most any girl want you anyway, and secondly, should she really be disinterested, you should have moved on long before she has a chance to "LJBF" you. If however you still happen to wind up in a mess like that, this is what Don Diebel suggests (he should know, he is the "dating guy":).
Don Diebel: "If a girl ever blocks advancing the relationship by saying, "No, let's just be friends," say, "No, I have lots of friends. See you later." By continuing this type of relationship, you portray yourself as someone who has nothing better to do than hang around with a girl who is not that interested in you. The relationship will never get to where you want to go - to bed for some romance, passion, and sex. And even if by some miracle the relationship did advance to the bedroom, she would be doling out sex - dictating the where, when and how much. If she wants to cut you off at any time, she can and you have to accept it because that is the implied agreement from the start. She is in complete control, hence, she will never be satisfied with you.
If, on the other hand, you walk away from this relationship, you have established that you are the type used to leading a relationship, you have plenty of other girls willing to take you on your terms, and she is losing out. We have seen cases where a man will completely turn around the relationship as soon as a girl sees that he is willing to "walk" rather than accept something that is not on his terms.
When do you give up on a girl? When do you decide that a relationship is not advancing? When you are the only one making an effort to keep it advancing. If she is not putting energy in to you, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. Don't stay where you're not appreciated. If this situation does occur, try to figure out why. How did she perceive you? What turned her off? Learn from your mistakes."
What to do, if you can see that you're approaching LJBF-land with a girl. Glenn Durden, ASF: "Completely and totally cut off all contact with her for a few months. When you come back, you can almost start from scratch. More of a stranger, less of a "close friend"."
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 5:35:21 PM | The most honest answer to your question, and please dont take this personally from me, is that in some way during the time you met and kissed or fooled around you did not meet up to her standards. She may have been attracted at first, but maybe you couldnt kiss, or you just didnt get her estrogen flowing fast enough. But she isnt writing you totally off cuz she always could use a side thing if something better doesnt come along.
Hate to say this, but women are shallow and low, and can use and abuse with the best of men!! Supply and demand my friend, supply and demand. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 6:14:14 PM | To Jesiebunnies
"alphaguy: Look I think unnamedsource explained it to you pretty well what is going on"
So I've read. Unfortunately it's just not that simple. I'm not what you would call a touchy, feely sort of person, it's hard for me. Don't know why, it just is. And it's not like I can just come out and say: "Hey, I'd like to touch you, but..." Ya, that would work out real well, I'm sure. I dunno, I'm working on it, it's hard.
"Don't friggin talk about other guys with them, football, beer, pizza, your guy hang out nights, other chicks, the x-box"
Give me some credit, I'm an idiot sometimes, but I'm not braindead.
"I don't think these women are lying to you at all. Like I said in my earlier post they are telling you what kind of relationship this is going to be. You are just calling them liers because they are not telling you what you want to hear. It's you that refuses to accept the way it is!"
Have I not said before that I would be more than happy to be friends? I meant it! I have made some really good friends out of situations like these, great friends really. What I'm trying to say is that: if you want to be my friend, then be my friend. Don't say you want to be friends and then treat me like an ***hole when I do extend my hand. Don't get me wrong, it takes a while for me to adjust sometimes, but I do come around. My point is that I really do try to be a friend, but most of the time it seems that I'm not even wanted that much. I don't think that this constitutes denial on my part. Furthermore, I doubt that you get shut down so often, you're a girl, and attractive. I'm sure that a lot of guys would want to be your "friend", nomatter how you treated them. I know it sounds cynical, but it's true. Again, it's not so simple for me, I'm a little more disposable, I think.
To Tony London: Kiss my ass, cool guy. I am the alpha, and if you don't think so then that's just too damn bad. I didn't say that I was perfect, and yes, things don't always work out for me. What are you, a freakin underwear model? You always get the girl? Spare me! I don't have to do everything right to be a leader, things are a little more complex here than they are in the animal kingdom, my friend. Just because I don't get to fuck every girl that I was ever interested in, it doesn't change my nature, and it definately doesn't make me any less worthy. I know who I am, I know what I'm good for, and I certainly don't need your approval. NEXT! | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 6:39:24 PM |
To Tony London: Kiss my ass, cool guy. I am the alpha, and if you don't think so then that's just too damn bad. I didn't say that I was perfect, and yes, things don't always work out for me. What are you, a freakin underwear model? You always get the girl? Spare me! I don't have to do everything right to be a leader, things are a little more complex here than they are in the animal kingdom, my friend. Just because I don't get to **** every girl that I was ever interested in, it doesn't change my nature, and it definately doesn't make me any less worthy. I know who I am, I know what I'm good for, and I certainly don't need your approval. NEXT!
hahaha!
I wasn't implying that I was the uber-alphaguy dude.
Live up to your handle. I do.
I come from London and my name is Tony.
Tony ;-) | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 6:55:57 PM | You know, that's the best advice I've gotten all damn week? Shit, I've been here for way too long, I'm going out. Thanks for the wake up Tony, you're cool, really...and I don't want you to kiss my ass...sorry about that, it's the alpha part...Take care.  | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 7:04:16 PM | As for the I just want to be friends, I agree and disagree. We don't all lie. If I don't want to see a guy again I tell him and if I say I just want to be friends I really do want to be friends. I'll call him again and then I am the one who gets brushed off and told that he's got enough friends. Basically if I wanted to be his girlfriend I would have been allowed in his life but not good enough to be just friends - what the hell is up with that. My last man told me that he thought we should be just friends - in this situation I say screw you go to hell - you don't say that after you have been in a serious relationship - only if you have just recently met each other.
Thank you to 'and nothing else matters' for sticking up for us women...we are not all baby machines...if you only knew what we have to endure to have that baby for you. My body will never be the same...I lost my boobs, well the skin is still there but my kid sucked all the filling out while feeding her so know if I ever want to look like I have a woman's chest and not a man's I have to have a boob job to replace the filling. I work out 5-7days a week in the gym, only gained 25lbs while pregnant, my ass will never be rock solid again, sure it is very nice but not the way I want it to be all because he talked me into having a baby...and where is he now, with some 23 yr old tight ass big boobed mama having his cake and eating it too. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 7:11:50 PM | (np alpha - I have something that might be of interest you.... msg me with an email addy)
My advice:-
If you are trying to date someone, whatever you do... stay away from the LJBF scenario. It means that she doesn't see you as dating material.
If you are not sure how, learn to flirt confidently. Learn how to move from just talking to touching - this is initially the hardest but is the most essential thing to do. You move from being a friend to possibly something more.
Tony
part-time underwear model :-) | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 7:15:00 PM | I have read quite a bit of your remarks alpha, you sound very angry. Maybe this comes out in your personality when you are on these dates. Women are very intuitive and will be able to see through you and see your hostility towards the whole dating thing. You need to chill and start sending out good vibes.
How come everyone's pics are showing up beside their posting but mine isn't? | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:25:49 PM | Oh.....nooooooo Blastkist......Thats exactly the practice I am after
Ah but, I am a guy and most of us WILL just say that. Nevertheless, I have been out with a few girls over the past six months....Havent established anything I consider to be more than a friendship yet. Still working on that but it has to come from someone I already have the friendship with. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 9:22:24 PM | I know that you are smart person and I am not trying to insult you by saying the things you have said but rather give you some insight into a women perspective of things she wants. You would be very surprised how many men talk about their video games, beer, pizza and blah blah blah. Don't let her talk about her "guy" problems either. You become a friend when you do that right away. Let her talk to her girlfriends about that kinda stuff. It's not that these men are dumb it's just that they need to learn how to romance a women. WOmen and men are completely different and rarely think along the same wave lengths. Those who can sum what figure out how women think and go with it are the ones that are successful with women. You have to study your opponent in order to figure out how to get beneath their skin and women are no different. Women want confidence, strength, the take charge attitude. Basically most of us are trying to say that you should act with those very same things in order to stop being such a friend.THose things I talked about are not like hi I want to touch you but it's something you do naturally. It's an image a way of acting. If your so embarrased to flirt and touch then ask if you can kiss her, hold her hand or whatever she will let you know.
Though I do thank you for the compliments regarding my gender and my attractiveness. I do have to tell you that I am no stranger to hurts, rejections, and all the rest of the wonderful garbage floating around. I get "shut down" just like anyone else. I have been left for 40 year old women, 16 year old girls, mothers, fish, ex's and once even a man. I have been told I was way to good of a friend and that they didn't want to ruin our friendship. Well hell I could go on and on but Why? THe point is if you don't like what is happening in your life then change it!
Londontony-male underwear models. Now that's what I am talking about! THe world can never have enough of those. Keep up the good work in the whitey tightys. I like it! | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 9:45:26 PM | | I think you have a defeatist attitude meaning you meet a woman with the attitude that it isnt going to workout...i can see you are definately lacking confidence and women can sense that... a lack of confidence is a big turnoff for women. Next time you go on a date just be yourself and let things flow where they may you might be surprise how far a little bit of confidence will get you | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:25:31 PM | | Yes, but what if you really would like a relationship to grow out of a frienship?? It makes no sense not to give that method, if you want to call it that, a try. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/16/2005 8:38:00 PM | Yes, but what if you really would like a relationship to grow out of a frienship?? It makes no sense not to give that method, if you want to call it that, a try.
See there lies the problem, Guys cant be friends with a woman without having a sexual attraction to her!! They always want more, and if they say they dont they are usually lying, Usually they can only be your friend and a true friend if they have already slept with you!!! And you are thinking well my best friend BOB and I have never slept together and we are just the best of friends and have been for 10 years, I want you to turn to BOB and ask him if he would ever Fu** you?, if he says no he is gay!!! | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/16/2005 9:01:52 PM | See there lies the problem, Guys cant be friends with a woman without having a sexual attraction to her!! They always want more, and if they say they dont they are usually lying, Usually they can only be your friend and a true friend if they have already slept with you!!! And you are thinking well my best friend BOB and I have never slept together and we are just the best of friends and have been for 10 years, I want you to turn to BOB and ask him if he would ever Fu** you?, if he says no he is gay!!! That is not the truth...i been friends with the sweet old lady across the street for years and the thought never crossed my mind...so there that proves men are not that shallow | |
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| Wonders never cease
Posted: 11/16/2005 9:25:59 PM | You guys aren't going to believe this, but I'll tell you anyway
After I made my last post, I left the house to go do...well...no plan really... I just went out. Anyway, not 20 minutes after I got outside, I ran into the girl that I mentioned in an earlier thread (whom I thought that I blew it with) Anyway, we talked for a bit...and I'm pleased to say that I'm out of the "friend box" Back in business baby! YEAH! Things are going to be different this time. But, if it still doesn't work out, I think that I'll be ok. Anyway, thank you all for your input, I do appreciate it, even though I sometimes have a funny way of showing it. It has been painful, but informative and ultimately benificial. Before you all, I stand influenced. With luck, my next thread will be of a more positive nature. But until then, have fun and keep on sharing. Peace. | |
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