| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/10/2006 4:43:10 PM | | i don't get the advise on here..how can you tell her the amount she would get from looking at guidelines? i just went to court on this awhile back and it is based on both parents income since we don't know her income you can't figure out the amount. also someone said to apply for TANF to get child support i am sorry but there are other ways to get child support without applying for welfare which she never said she needed. find a child support agency such as supportkids which is online and apply for child support, unless your future husband who he calls daddy wants to adopt him because then i would suggest having him sign over his rights so he can, but if not definately get an order and yes the can guaranshee wages from him if he is ordered to pay and don't, they can also in some states take away his driver's license, take his taxes, and other things to get him to pay. best of luck to you | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/10/2006 4:53:16 PM | They never once asked my income in my case. Of course, every case is unique and every state varies in their laws. I have armed myself with a vast knowledge of the system, and am still finding out that my interstate case is difficult, because 1 state wont put a lien, the other will, blah blah.
The other state has finally taken him to court for court enforcment, and something comes sporatically. Before court enforcement, I sought the help of Support Kids. DONT USE THEM!!!! All they are is a collection agency. They do not attempt garnishment or any judgment. All they do is call the NCP (non-custodial parent). If your case is under $5,000 there is only a limited amount they can do, if it is over $10,000 which mine is almost at, they can attempt certain things, but again, they try to "work" with the NCP, and it allows the NCP to blow smoke up their ass in a promise to pay. Kinda like one would do with creditors. Not to mention these types of agencies REQUIRE you to put a change of address on your case with Child Support Services. IF anything is collected, they take 33% of anything that comes their way.
I was with them for almost a yr. and when found out that my ex was getting ready to go for his 1st court appearance, I was told that it could hinder my case. I backed out and 'fired' Support Kids.
I do NOT recommend these sites. Stay on top of your case. Call once a wk/once a month, if you have to. Learn the laws, be relentless and never give up. Know your rights as a parent, and your childs rights. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/14/2006 3:33:48 PM | Is this jerk leaving you and your son alone? Do you want him in your son's life? I say let well enough alone. Sometimes petitioning for child support from a walk-a-way makes the guy demand visitation just to be a jerk (I'm not saying that men demanding visitation is jerky, but obviously this guy doesn't want to be a father.) You decide if you want to take that risk.
I will add, though, that in some states, if you are granted child support and he fails to pay for x consecutive months you can request termination of parental rights. You might check out your states rules on that.
Edit about child support: I believe that all the states but two use a flat rate percentage of the NCP's income to figure the child support amount. The two rouge states take the CP's income into account and lower the child support amount accordingly. If the CP does not work full time, the state figures the support *as if* he/she were working full time at a reasonable wage. Not CP friendly states, for sure. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 1:31:03 AM | | 1st: let me say that this guy is no man. 2nd: this is to any female reading this, pick your boyfriends/husbands better. i see plenty of women that are hot, and yet i know to stay away from them like superman stays away from kryptonite. 3rd: take his a** to court. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:56:39 AM | Yes take him to court!! Maintenance Enforcement call them they will get it for you, you just need his place of employment and if you have it his social insurance #
Don't let him get off at all. Speaking from experience my daughter is 15 years old, I have never received a dime. We were married and I left cause he was becoming more beligerent and lazy. I have done well, but my daughter could use that money for school, or a holiday, she will go after him now, but he is still not working living with his mom, and avoiding any government tracking (no driver's license, working for cash)
Don't dwell on him have the money put in an account for your son, or if you need it use it, your child is entitled remember that. If he doesn't want to see him let that go, it will only harm your son in the end, your have found a good man to car for you both enjoy, this is what your son will remember. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 11:00:10 AM | Whatever you decide to do, do it for your son and not you. If your son truly needs the money (even if it's just to put it in the bank for college), then by all means take his bio-jerk to court (going through your attorney general is THE best, they are BRUTAL). Just realize that IF you take him to court, he WILL get standard visitation rights to his child that he could use against you (since it sounds like he is an a$$ and would do that).
In the end, you have to decide if the money is worth the heartache that it might cause your son. After all, THAT is who matters the most now. YOU no longer have a life. Your life is your son's now and THAT is all that should matter. Once you choose to have a child, your life is no longer your own.
It depends on how things are going with your boyfriend as well. If you two are looking at marriage, your son only knows him and is even calling him daddy, and you two are fine financially, then forget his bio-father!!! Bringing his bio-father into the picture will only bring extra strife into your relationship with both your boyfriend and your son in the future. After you are married, your husband can adopt your son (since the bio-father is already willing to give up his rights), and then the bio-father will have no rights whatsoever any more. You can completely write him off.
Might I ask a question? WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU LETTING YOUR SON CALL A BOYFRIEND DADDY!!!??? Seriously, what the hell do you women/men think sometimes??!! I know I'm going to get blasted for this, but f'ing wake up!!! What the hell do you think is going to happen if this guy decides down the road to leave you? Your child has become attached to this man and you are merely calling him a "boyfriend"!!!??? Yes, you might be sad if he leaves, but think what your child will go through!!! You should NEVER let a child get THAT close to a significant other UNTIL the two of you are VERY serious in a relationship (which usually means engaged)!!! And you damn sure shouldn't let them think of your significant other as a "daddy" or "mommy" until THEY ARE!!!
I seriously do NOT understand people and their children these days!!! They are NOT toys! They are NOT pawns! They are NOT tools to use against your "other"! They are human beings with feelings even MORE fragile than your own because they DON'T have the extra years you've had to develop coping skills. Children trust implicitly! They don't take things for granted! Hell, the last woman I was with has a daughter that never knew her dad (because he was a deadbeat as well), but when he killed himself, her daughter was devastated. She was 6 years old and extremely mature. She knew she hated that man for not being around. She understood the entire picture about him and yet it still hurt her to know he was dead. She feels, at the moment, that she now has no father, has never had one, and never will have one! She wanted desperately to call me dad and believe me, I would've loved to have adopted her, but her mother was smarter than that. She made sure to put a halt to anything that got too serious, just in case things didn't work out. You HAVE to protect your children peoples!!! I didn't even meet her daughter until we had dated for about 1-1/2 to 2 months!!! Nor did she meet mine till then!!! I totally respect her for that!
If you are truly serious with this "boyfriend" then maybe you should think about why you are still calling him a "boyfriend". Either way, you should NOT be letting your child grow THAT attached to another man until YOU AND HE are ready for the ultimate commitment, marriage. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:03:02 PM | I am not sure about the laws where you are from, but where I am, if you choose to take him to court, he will also have the right to ask the court for visitation and more. If you choose to take him to court and he does ask for visitation, is this going to be fine with you and the man that he now calls Daddy? I personally would not be fine with someone that was going to walk away from my child taking him/her for the weekend...unsupervised in most cases.
This is a big choice to make.
Make sure that you are making a choice by taking into account all of the actions that will and could follow.
- He could just be order by the courts to pay (and at 11.50/hr you would get less than $200.00/month) and he will leave it at just a check to be written every month.
- He could pay and demand his paternal rights (sorry to say but he still has them, even if he is a shit)
I am the first to say that a child should not go without, but if you are making it without the few bucks that he would be ordered to pay, maybe it would be best to have him give up his rights to your child legally.
Some times it is just necessary to let go.
I too am a single parent and have had to make similar decisions and understand.
All the best in your decision. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:16:24 PM | | Take him to court. He has already voluntarily abandoned his child and I doubt that he would get custody. If there's any sense of decency left in him he will at least get some visitation rights and use them. As for child support...its what he owes his child to help you raise him. I just don't understand a parent who won't take responsibility for their child. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:26:22 PM | I dont see how any father could not see his children. I faithfully see my kids 3 - 4 days out of the week. They stay with me 3 - 4 days out of the week and I provide for them to the best of my ability and then some. They know I will always be there for them.
The days I dont see them I think about them and miss them like crazy. When I take them back to their moms they just cry cause they wanna stay with me... thats the hardest part of my week... but thats what the courts say has to be done.
And if anyone is wondering... no I do not pay child support | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:18:27 PM | This is a touchy subject that obviously shouldn't be taken lightly. I am on the recieving end of this kind of situation so let me give you a couple things to think about.
First off I would advise you that if the father splits then leave it at that. Trying to force a guy to pay for a child he wants nothing to do with might make sense on your part for the child's care, but it is likely to be much more trouble than it is worth. The state may garnish his wages and trash his credit, but if he doesn't want to pay he won't. This is a realistic expectation because the state takes a percentage of his gross pay, but since the only thing that is actually available is his net pay. This leaves him with only a very small percentage of his pay. For most guys in this situation that means they are expected to live on a couple hundered dollars a month. I took the high road and have paid mine but many fathers that I know skip out, take cash-only jobs and accept that their credit is now trashed. There is a good chance that this could happen in this situation. Meanwhile you could be wasting your time in court all the time trying to force him to pay instead of getting on with your life. Ultimately he could end up broke with no credit and a suspended license and you could still have nothing to show for it.
I figure if a father bails it is his loss. Just let him go because the only one who will miss out is him. Second you and your child will likely be happier if you move on with your lives instead of spending your time fighting in court.
Don't take my advise the wrong way. If after much thought you still feel it is in the best interest of the child then by all means go for it. I just wanted to bring up a couple of points that many people may not think about. Just remember that it is supposed to be the best interest for the child and not yourself. Either way good luck with whatever you decide. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:27:51 PM | This is a touchy subject that obviously shouldn't be taken lightly. I am on the recieving end of this kind of situation so let me give you a couple things to think about.
First off I would advise you that if the father splits then leave it at that. Trying to force a guy to pay for a child he wants nothing to do with might make sense on your part for the child's care, but it is likely to be much more trouble than it is worth. The state may garnish his wages and trash his credit, but if he doesn't want to pay he won't. This is a realistic expectation because the state takes a percentage of his gross pay, but since the only thing that is actually available is his net pay. This leaves him with only a very small percentage of his pay. For most guys in this situation that means they are expected to live on a couple hundered dollars a month. I took the high road and have paid mine but many fathers that I know skip out, take cash-only jobs and accept that their credit is now trashed. There is a good chance that this could happen in this situation. Meanwhile you could be wasting your time in court all the time trying to force him to pay instead of getting on with your life. Ultimately he could end up broke with no credit and a suspended license and you could still have nothing to show for it.
I figure if a father bails it is his loss. Just let him go because the only one who will miss out is him. Second you and your child will likely be happier if you move on with your lives instead of spending your time fighting in court.
Let me also address another issue. As for your boyfriend being called daddy I would advise against this. First off he is not your husband so he is not anchored to your situation any longer than he wants to be. This is very dangerous for a child because they start to assume that any man that comes into their life is daddy. Furthermore if you break up the child still feels the anxiety that their father is walking out on them all over again. I would seriously advise you to have the child refer to him by his first name. There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend stepping up and being a possitive role model in his life, but it is important not to confuse this with being daddy because even at an early age a child can understand the difference.
Don't take my advise the wrong way. If after much thought you still feel it is in the best interest of the child then by all means go for it. I just wanted to bring up a couple of points that many people may not think about. Just remember that it is supposed to be the best interest for the child and not yourself. Either way good luck with whatever you decide. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:38:56 PM | I have to disagree with you about not bothering.
You dont have to fight in court forever, you go, they say what goes and you move on with your life. If no money comes, then it doesnt come. If it does, then YAY!
Are you telling me you have friends that would live a shitty life, just to avoid paying for their OWN responsibilities? Do they plan on never having careers or taking responsibility for their actions? They kind of seem like low lives. You dont have to associate with your exs to get money from them. There are many programs that will be a third party for you. In Canada we have a child support system that looks at how much both parents make vs how often the children see their parents. If the situation was reversed, I would have no problems paying support for my child to have an equal life between households.
I do, however, agree about the allowing the child to call the new bf Daddy. I really dont think thats a good idea. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:51:34 PM |
Are you telling me you have friends that would live a shitty life, just to avoid paying for their OWN responsibilities?
I can tell you first-hand that, yes, men will do this.
A friend of mine has two children, from two different women, and he moved to Wales, UK to get out of paying for either of them. The courts had to order a DNA test on his second child because he refused to accept that the child was his.
And, no, I wouldn't normally be-friend someone like this. We were friends long before this all happened and I was hoping by staying in his life, I might rub off a little and he would step-up to his responsibilities, but he didn't. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:53:26 PM |
And, no, I wouldn't normally be-friend someone like this.
Its like you read my mind. I was going to question you about that. lol | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:39:47 PM | Let me ask you this...Do you really want him around..If you do then yes.
I am a single father of 6. I would prefer my ex not be around, so I ask nothing even though she has a very good job. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/15/2006 11:48:26 PM | Child support is for the child. Get the courts/govt. to hound the dog until he pays for his pups. You gave it up too cheap. Hookers are smarter than you. Can't figure out all these single moms making babies with bums and then hollering 'FOUL!!'
Sadest part is the kids pay for our bad choices. Get an order requiring him to pay for his kid. What's the question? Should i make someone responsible accountable. He is responsible for his child. Let the courts make him accountable.
You wouldn't be responsible if you don't get the order.
My daughters mom is ordered to pay $50 US a month and has paid zero.
If they pay or not isn't in our control. Do what you can.
Read 'raestlins' long post...
Aloha
ps, buy a vibrator and stop making more babies.
This one deserves more of your time. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 1/16/2006 1:45:38 AM | Child support is different in every state. In some like Missouri the support given is a set amount based on what each parent makes AND THEN cross referenced by what the custodial parent CLAIMS to spend on the child every month. This is the standard of living (or lying clause as some call it). So like in my case where my son's mother claimed 350 bucks a month day care and never once sent him to a day care no one seems to care to make the custodial parent account for any of that money, nor do they enforce the other agreements on the divorce document like visitation, contact about school functions, etc.
If your already allowing your son to call another man "Daddy" than I personally don't think you should hit the man up for child support. The government has determined it is your right to do so anyway so my views aren;t going to make a difference to you. Yes this guy is an ass if he could pay support and hasn't but if the support is figured the way it is here and then taken without any accountability and then locked into a three year time with no hope of adjustments I cannot blame anyone for hiding from that. Jesus how many people truely know their jobs are safe the next day?
I would give my son the shirt off my back, but depending on the circumstances and my own feeling of job security it would scare the piss outta me to lock myself into a huge child support payment then lose my job and then be convicted of a felony because I couldn't pay such a huge sum as I worked a shit job. At six hundred and fifty bucks a month support it wouldn't take very long to hit the felony amount of 4K either if you got hurt or lost your job.
Yes support should be paid but depending on location there needs to be a hell of a lot more flexibility and accountability with that support money.
Sorry a touchy subject for me as my ex wife allows my son to be brow beat and flat out threatened by her drunk husband and there is nothing I can do except go buy him clothes and new shoes and call social services (who do nothing) as she spends the child support she gets on alcohol and her 2 new cars and her 3 DUI convicted husbands Insurance payments. The police don't even enforce my visitation and if I try and keep him because he is scared to go home they will take him from me and give him to her. If I call social services and complain she slaps an exparte against me the next day, then doesn't even show for the court date while the female judge still tells me to stay away from her, whch is against the legal document they are so quick to hold me too.
My only option spend even more money for a lawyer and take years in court which she then can blow off again... Ya thats justice. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:35:35 AM | heres something EVERY mother needs to REALIZE.............
(I DO REALIZE IT BTW, BEFORE U BASH)
"What About Deadbeat Mothers... There is Such a Thing..." | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 3:39:35 AM | | Broken Wings has a point. Perhaps the thread should be renamed "selfish deadbeat non custodial parents" ..heh | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:30:31 AM | That sounds similar to my situation. I don't know what my lil guy's father tells his family. But I know they hate me and wouldn't even help me to know where he was so I could serve him court papers. They know that my lil guy is their grandson but are no better than my son's father. They don't call and want to see him or inquire as to how he's doing. Maybe if they don't call that's a good thing? It might mean they trust my parenting enough to know that my child is provided for and taken care of? My lil guy also asks for my boyfriend more often than he asks for daddy because my boyfriend is a constant (happy to say that marriage bells have been discussed and I'm waiting for a very pretty christmas present!). My big man and my lil man love eachother very much which is a good thing since daddy isn't around all the time. Things always work themselves out in the long run....don't worry...even if daddy dearest doesn't come around, you will find someone who will love and appreciate your daughter more than he ever could.
Take Care,
Ethan's Mummy | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:08:22 PM | A few things: 1) You are talking about, probably, trying to get blood from a turnip, 2) If you sue him for child support, you open a whole can of worms that may disrupt your life, well, for the rest of your life, as he can take you to court then for visitation (of a child who he has expressed no interest in seeing/supporting---then *you* get to be in the awful position of wondering who's actually watching your son when your ex-man goes out on a drunk with his friends), 3) Do you want to spend valuable time that you could spend on your child chasing his sorry tail for the money that he won't willingly send? 4) Do you really want this man's influence on your child, even though he's your son's father? Sounds like you have a better replacement.
I know it's his child too but, some people simply can't do it, even with good intentions (which doesn't seem to be the case here). He's an immature child himself who doesn't understand the consequences of his actions. He is probably years away from understanding the impact of the decisions he is making right now. He will hurt though, at some point. Can't deny the fact that he's doing the wrong thing and, some day, he will have to face himself. Your interest, however, is your child and, you can't tell me that the $$$ is the issue. I know it is entirely infuriating and unfair (momentarily, he *will* get his, you'll see) but, you can figure the support issue out---without the headache of this loser. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:51:24 PM | lurvaboy
Thanks for seeing it in a NON judgemental way because what people do not realize its not just the dads who bail out on their kids the moms do it aswell and i think ANY chid is lucky that their dad/mom DOES want to be, apart of their lives because now days kids heads are so screwed up because of how their lifestyle is and NO im not trashing anyone....(lurvaboy...im glad were friends...) | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 8:50:36 PM | I just wish my ex-husband would be involved in "our" sixteen year old's son's life and "our" daughter's life (she is nineteen now).
All the money in the world won't make up for the "hurt" they have experienced.
Kids are not responsible for what happened between their parents.
He left when they were two ds and four dd.
Our son hasn't seen his dad in over a year.
Neither one of them got a birthday card a christmas card or even a present.
For some reason I always believed the best would come to fruition in their dad.
I can and I have taken care of our kids, but it kills me to know he could have exercised his rights but didn't when so many parents would love that opportunity.
Paying support has nothing to do with seeing your kids.
If I could have my wish for "our" kids is that HE will realize how very "special" they are.
Someday I hope his heart will be touched because they both love him.
And miss him.
If this sounds like YOU be there for the kids.
Bottom line they matter.
Just hang in there everyone doing it Alone.
I always felt bad but our kids said "Mom we had you".
Guess that's what they need most of all.
Love, hopefully from both.
Adults who accept the responsibility on all levels, would be a bonus.
The kids in the end Win.
Big Time. | |
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