| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 8:52:53 PM | You picked him - live with the consequences. It may be the man's legal responsibility to pay for his offspring, but it is unrealistic to think some guy is going to pay for a kid he never sees.
WOW!!! you are sure the ignoramus that I despise!!! Let me tell you how this "kid he never sees" scenerio actually evolves and plays out in real life (and I am speaking from experience, sadly...).
Totally erratic/narcassistic/drug addled father may or may not pay in the beginning. when the relationship between bio-mom and bio-dad "ends" (commonly due to physical/verbal abuse issues...let's face it, girls...we all pretty much procreated with the same deadbeat dad because these are usually the only "types" who lack conscious enough to not pay a dime) bio-dad usually pays while he is still mourning bio-mom, and perhaps hoping for reconciliation, and MOST certainly trying to stave off any REAL legal action. during this time, bio-dad works through the child, in some form or another, to get to bio-mom (even if it is the famous custody blackmail that usually arises only when child support comes up). Once bio-dad is "over" bio-mom, he simply stops paying because, quite frankly, he has no interest in the child...a variation on this theme is that, when bio-mom fails to be "wooed" by bio-dad's measly $50 dollar a month child support payment, he stops it all together, just to spite her...
meanwhile, bio-dad hooks up with a woman with children, gets somewhat "attached" to this whole family gig(or simply just "whipped" beyond belief and feingning interest...), and starts ploying and plotting to find ways to justify his sudden lack of interest (especailly financial, as he cannot afford to pay his "fiancee's jaguar payment AND his monthly child support obligation) to family/friends . He will try to "bait" bio-mom via e-mail, voicemail message, etc...and then relay the info to family and friends and say, "see? she's psycho...she's keeping me from seeing my child". If the apple didn't fall far from the tree, as it tends not to, family/friends fall for the whole creepy scheme hook, line, and sinker. if the child is young, and bio-dad lives out of state, he will go so long between visits...because he can't afford it, of course... that supervision is constantly necessary (and he will blame bio-mom for this hurdle, rather than thinking, "hm...perhaps I shouldn't have taken that engagement trip to Paris...imagine all the trips to see my child that I could have taken"). Meanwhile, bio-mom will work tenaciously at navigating the child support "system", expending energy, taking time off work to appear in court, and becoming more stressed and financially strapped by the moment, only to realize that the efforts rarely pay off...the woman who actually lands her ex in jail for felony non-support is definitely the exception to the rule (and even then...guess what??? the arrearages accrue even further while bio-dad sits behind bars, plotting his next evasion technique).
last time I checked, it takes two to tango. fathers who DON'T want children should do the world a favor and just obstain..there's just no other foolproof way.
BTW...did you know that your tax dollars are going towards assisting women who are the victims of deadbeats??? I am assuming that if your ignorance touches all areas of your life, someone needs to make you privy to.this enlightening information..and it just might make you whistle a slightly different tune.
PS...about us loving, wonderful mothers "choosing" deadbeats..this is something we never quite forgive ourselves for. picking a lousy partner is one thing (and, quite often, even lousy ex partners turn out to be decent and nurturing fathers), but "choosing" a lousy/absent FATHER is the most horrific realization that I, personally, have ever made. thanks for rubbing it in. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 8:59:26 PM | OK, i couldn't handle the long read of the last post, it is my holidays atm, i shouldn't be reading so much!! Anyways, i did manage to get the first part down and you may find it interesting to know australia is looking to pass new child support laws that will incorporate...
the more the non custodial parent see's the child/ren the less he/she pays in maintenance, i know it kind of exists now, but they are going to emphasize it..
personally, i don't like the idea so much, sure the kid see's the deadbeat parent but the deadbeat parent is only doing it to save some money and hence probably only feeding the child lies about his/her mother/father. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:02:57 PM | lurvaboy
I agree with you lol i read bits N peices of it and your correct on what you stated " i don't like the idea so much, sure the kid see's the deadbeat parent but the deadbeat parent is only doing it to save some money and hence probably only feeding the child lies about his/her mother/father. " | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:08:30 PM | That's why I will never date dead-beat single dad who spread their seeds around and have no responsibility for their own families. Those single dads who have never been married are so lucky to have both worlds.... being a never-married single man so that they can date other women to spread more seeds around and get his so-called women to have his children so they can take care of his children while he runs around spreading his seeds. I am not talking about single dads who are widowers.....they have no choice when GOD takes their wives away from them.
TO ALL WOMEN, PLEASE SMARTEN UP !!! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:15:45 PM | I know where you are coming from. I also have a children and right now I am battling it out in court with my 6 yrs old father. We actually have been divorced for 4 yrs and like you I have taken him back twice in the last 4 yrs becuase I wanted her to have her father around. I know what it is like to have a child that has a absent father. I also have a 15 yr old son that did not have any relationship with his bio dad. And to this day my son blames me for it because he can't blame someone he doesn't know right? Any way his dad is dead now so he will never know him now. ANyway back to your issue. My Ex paid his child support and had his vistation with his daughter. But when we got back together this last time then the child support order/vistation agreement was voided. So when he left this last time in May then he just refused to pay me any money becuase he knew I was trying to cheat him out of his money. I am like this is your daughter that you claim to love with all your heart but yet you don't want to help support her. So I am taking him back to court for the support and reluctantly the vistation also. Only becuase she wants to see her daddy right now. I believe when she gets older that may change when she figures out how he really is. But for now I have to think about her. I don't want her to travel down the same path as my son and hate me for her father being gone. Kids know that at the end of the day the present parent will always love them so therefore they take everything out on the ones that are there for them and will love them unconditionally.
Even if your childs father does not want to see him. YES take him to court for that support. Child support and vistation is two separate issues and one has nothing to do with the other. I have been told that a judge will not let a parent sign away his rights without a good cause. So yes, take his money and help raise your child. And don't feel guilty one minute about it either. Your child deserves that much from him. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:18:23 PM | Charlie
I consider myself a single dad, which means i have custody and hence probably in the same boat as you. I call those fathers, weekend dads. And i consider myself lucky in a way, sure i lost everything i had to become the custodial parent, but i gained my kids and lost the b|tch, which is what i wanted for years before we had even broken up. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:24:18 PM | lurvaboy!!!!!!!!!
I agree with your post and you are a very SMART man and i can tell you care alot about your kids and its NOT because of your post's hun!
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:28:37 PM | | Well, we're not discussing a deadbeat mom, are we? Start another thread if you want though. :D | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:36:44 PM | | Thanks BW. Muchly appreciated. I gotta go pick up the kids and give them to the ****, this new thing they have in australia, non custodial parents, not only get every second weekend and half of all holidays but also 1 dinner per week with the kids. I think thats going a bit overboard. I reckon the kids would be much better off with one day and night per weekend plus the holiday thing. Maybe a new thread should be started on that :-) | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:39:11 PM | lurvaboy
its a shame you dont live closer lmao...you are real sweet guy (from what i know) and dont worry NOT all of us will down you for calling "her" the ****.....but ONLY thing that counts is how happy you and your kids, are maybe there is a REAL WOMAN out there for you who will love you and your kids for who yall are! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:29:30 PM | hawaiihill
who that post towards...lol...if it was for "that MAN" then yes he is a M.A.N.
people need to LIGHTEN UP enjoy LIFE while it last's. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:30:47 PM | the person who said live with the consequences, you chose him. has to be a man.
deadbeat dads,.
i would of never of thought my ex would of done the things he has done. why should my child have to suffer because of his selfishness. mine makes 1000 a wk and has new boats and waverunners, motorcycles. one day its gonna kill his drunk A**. which drinking is just a sign of a weak person. and not taking responsibility, is just cowardly. anyone who defends such behavior, must be acting like a fool themselves. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:35:36 PM | | BW, thats not really my problem, i'm just to picky. spose i want it all or nothing kinda thing, if i'm not 100% happy with a gal there is no way i'm bring my kids into anything we have going. nope, i'd rather be alone or dating than with someone i'm not stoked every morning to wake up next to. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:38:45 PM | lurvaboy
I understand that lol...whoever people do get with they have to be HAPPY with the person and with THEMSELVES before anyone else could ever MAKE them happy i KNOW i'm happy with my sons dad and we been through BS but, we made it through all of it and still going strong and if people cant understand that then NOBODYs asking them to speak on the situration. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 1:19:59 AM | HOW COME ITS ALRIGHT TO HAVE A "selfish deadbeat fathers!!!" THREAD BUT IF THERE IS A "selfish deabeat mothers" THREAD THAT ONE GETS DELETED AND THIS ONE STAYS UP?......KNOWING THAT SOME MOTHER ARE DEADBEATS JUST LIKE SOME DADS ARE DEADBEATS BUT NOT ALL OF US ARE LIKE THOSE PEOPLE!!!!! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 1:22:09 AM | | LOL, i didn't relise that it dissappeared. Well that makes sense, everything else about parenting is sexist, why not this forum :-) | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 1:24:16 AM | ME EITHER LOL SORRY FOR CAPS until this guy asked me did i notice they deleted his thread... hmmmm
and how in the hell can parenting be "sexist" what is wrong with people these days  | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 4:40:42 AM | " I call those fathers, weekend dads."
That's pushing it a little far. I thought you were talking about deadbeats
and I'm sorry but the two are different. What is your definition of a deadbeat
parent? In situations (court battles) the courts are left with the right to
decide and that where it lies. I've met many wonderful "weekend dads" who love
their child(ren) to death and if they were given more visitation rights would
gobble them up, heck. Are you saying fathers/mothers who see their child(ren)
on weekends, pay child support and get them on holidays etc etc are deadbeat?
omg, I hope not.........
Luvaboy and broken wings....this is a thread go IM eachother.
GPH | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 6:04:36 AM | great purple hairstreak
your comments make you seem like you are looking for a fight. no that is not what i said or anywhere close, i was trying to make the specific difference between the two possible types of "single dads", no discredit to fathers who only have weekend access.
but if you want to fight me over something, here is some bait.
any mother who has only weekend access rights given to her by a court is definately a deadbeat!!!!! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 7:50:51 AM | "any mother who has only weekend access rights given to her by a court
is definately a deadbeat!!!!!"
Before I answer this I will go and research it *wink*
and then I'll be back.......
I only repeated what you stated "weekend dads" and I was wondering
exactly what you meant since the thread is selfish deadbeat fathers
that's all. But clearly you misunderstood but I'm always game for a
good debate.
GPH | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:02:25 AM | phew, i was hoping you'd get back to me soon, its 1am here and i need to crash now. i will be with bubs 2moro, then i'll be spending the weekend away, back on monday or tuesday, as the b|tich has the kids.
oh.. and don't bring in mothers unable to substain the level of care the father can due to financial or physical capabilities.
if you don't believe courts are motherly biased, you really have no idea, why do you think most guys don't bother putting up a fight for the kids, because unless there is abuse it is very rare for a man to ever get more than shared custody which is only now just starting to happen. that is of course if he is interested in having custody.
if you want my personal beliefs on it, i believe mothers can parent much better than fathers, however these days seems alot of mothers aren't really interested in it anymore.
anyways, good luck with ur rebuttle, u'll know when i'm back :-) | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:15:06 AM | If you need the money take him to court. Even if he terminates his parental rights that does not mean he doesn't have to pay child support, it only means he has no say but he still has to pay!
Personally I don't bother with my sons sperm donor - I left him and glad I did. He was never much of a father so...
I can handle things on my own.
I prefer no ties with him at all so that means no court. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 9:13:51 PM | "lurvaboy"
I tottaly AGREE with you about...
"great purple hairstreak
your comments make you seem like you are looking for a fight. no that is not what i said or anywhere close, i was trying to make the specific difference between the two possible types of "single dads", no discredit to fathers who only have weekend access.
but if you want to fight me over something, here is some bait.
any mother who has only weekend access rights given to her by a court is definately a deadbeat!!!!!"
And their must be a REASON (bad one) that a MOTHER ONLY.. has weekend access rights to their child and in first place if they was NOT a bad mother than why do they ONLY have weekend access and maybe the father is ALOT better, parent to the baby/kid than the mother is! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/29/2006 9:52:27 PM | Let's make one thing perfectly clear here, folks.
Among non-custodial parents, a higher percentage of WOMEN are "deadbeats" than what men are.
This deadbeat dad crap annoys the HELL out of me.
For every deadbeat dad, you have thousdands of dads who spend their time with their kids, give everything that is required of them financially, and are still willing to kick in for the little extras that make life so much better for the kids, and quite often with little or no notice.
I am a single, custodial father. I'm not going to get into what mommy does, or does not contribute. My daughter is now 16, and I've been raising her by myself since she was 6 months old. She's smart, funny, well-adjusted, and an absolute joy to be around.
My income when I first had here went from around $85,000 to about $15,000, because it is MY responsibility to raise her, not some nanny, or daycare - so I quite my job and started working for myself, at home, at night, so daddy would always be there.
When she goes to school in the morning, I give her her lunch. When she comes home, I'm here to listen to the days events.
And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.
Should I take him to court???
Of course you should - and I'm amazed that you have to come on-line to ask that question, because I'm pretty sure the 3,000 other people you asked have all told you the same thing.
But just remember, duckie - the problem is that your child's father is a child himself, and whether or not he has a c..k is immaterial. Next time, try sleeping with a man, and stop blaming men for your poor choice in partners. | |
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