| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 4:48:48 AM | Hi Lucas' Mom;
I am sorry to hear about the ordeal you have suffered. You might be surprised to know that you can take a motion to the court, in order for the Family Responsibilty Office to become involved. My advice would be to seek legal aid for family court. The judge officiating, will be impressed with a young woman like you, "looking out" for your son's wellbeing. (that is favoured in family court)...and the fact that you are NOT doing anything...presuming this...that you are not advocating for your son's rights.
Visit your local MP's office as well, they will enlighten you to how F.R.O. works.
I fought against a dead-beat Dad, my ex husband, and won, due to pure perserverence, then went back to school to become an RN....all things are possible!
Chin UP!!!
C. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 7:55:36 PM | OKAY TO EVERY WOMAN WHO READS THIS...........I DID MAKE AN "DEADBEAT MOMS" FOURM AND I GUESS THE ADMIRE OR WHOEVER RUNS THIS SITE GOT TO MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE FOURM BECAUSE IT GOT DELETED, I MEAN THERE ARE JUST AS MANY DEADBEAT MOMS AS THERE ARE DEADBEAT DADS WHY IS IT THAT THE MAN IS "GOOD ENOUGH" FOR YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH/HAVE KIDS BY BUT ONCE THE KIDS ARE BORN HE IS CONSIDER THE "DEADBEAT DAD/FATHER"???.......THINK BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE A KID BY A MAN YOU DO NOT REALLY CARE ABOUT AND YOU KNOW YOURSELF THERE ARE SIGNS THAT A MAN GIVES OFF IS HE, IS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAD OR WILL JUST WALK OUT OF HIS KIDS/BABYS LIFE!.
AND I AM NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN DO THIS BECAUSE I FOR ONE WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO A MAN AND I KNOW ALOT OF WOMEN WHO DOES NOT DO THESE THINGS TO THE MAN OR THE FATHER OF, THEIR CHILDREN! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:24:04 PM | ^^^Holy moly B Wings, ^^^
First release the Caps button. Some of the fish will get up-set. It means you are yelling.
Read below I just copied and pasted from another Dead beat Dad thread I posted. I've done the research.. So just for you Broken Wings.......post as follows..
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Dead -Beat Dad Epidemic???? Are U shyteing me!!!!!!!!!!!.
Stats in the USA clearly show that if we are talking about not working or not paying child support then precentage wise women are the BIGGER dead-beats.
For the record I never heard of all this dead beat dad stuff until I joined POF. Seems this site is full of man hating/bashing women that have made bad decisions in their life and am looking to load the blame somewhere else..
I personally know several hundred fathers( ones with children under 21).
On my daughter's life I know personally of not one that owes child support. Of course I don't know one that does not have a job, or a car, or does drugs. I also think I can count on ONE hand that rent a house instead of buying/owning one.
This might all be sumed up with the old saying: Birds of a feather
Dig through the profiles and the postings in the forums I come to the conclusion the over whelming man/daddy bashers here are plain and simple making bad choices, having unprotected sex (or sex at all) then running to the forums to blame the man and watch a parade of other women with bad judgements bash away.
Look at all the forums where women are b!tchein about their loser/dead beat and WA-LA..........short term relationship with the guy and more times then not have a child/ren already. Stupid is as stupid does.
NOW here in the USA so many women have dumped newborn children in bathrooms, dumpsters, parks, firestations etc. that a women in the USA can go to a hospital have a baby and leave and WILL not be prosecuted.
It is statistical facts that the custody system in the USA is geared in favor of the women, but guess what.
Women are a higher precentage not paying court ordered support, or have a job for that matter.
Latest stats are from a US government in house memo of October 2002.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2002/cb02-137.html
Linked site needing adobe reader........
http://www.census.gov/prod/2002pubs/p60-217.pdf
Custodial parents/ court ordered
Mothers Receiving payments ............74.6%....................Dads 64.9%
Mothers Receiving Full Payment........45.9% ....................Dads 37.7%
Mothers Employed.....................................82%......................Dads 91.3%
Mothers full time/ year around(wrking).....49.8%....................Dads 75.4%
So tell me who's the dead beats???????????
Don't even get me started. These deadbeat moms want to be a sperm receptacle, refuse to abstain from sex, and if so choice a loser. They then refuse all birth control. Women got the pill, patch, needle, female condoms, non-intercourse sponge, etc etc etc. Then blame the men, and are NOT even wo-MAN enough to pony up the the responsibilty of a parent.
Direct all hate mail to my email as not to look foolish in the forums.
A Single Full custody (non-payment receiving), hard working, home owning, drug free DAD, looking for non-man bashing woman with sound mind and good judgement.
BDJ | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:30:45 PM | treemanbdj.....
didnt man for it to sound like i was yelling i just had my caps on for other things besides posting and if i gave out the wrong impression to you/some others on the fourm im sorry and by the way your post looks, it looks like their are more dads who do things for their children now days than SOME moms.........NOTICE ----------> "Mothers Employed.....................................82%......................Dads 91.3%
Mothers full time/ year around(wrking).....49.8%....................Dads 75.4% "
and i am NOT saying anything towards the moms on the site/fourms. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:43:02 PM | "OKAY TO EVERY WOMAN WHO READS THIS...........I DID MAKE AN
"DEADBEAT MOMS" FOURM AND I GUESS THE ADMIRE OR WHOEVER RUNS
THIS SITE GOT TO MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE FOURM BECAUSE IT
GOT DELETED"
thank goodness for the delete. I don't think it has anything to do with
the subject at all but the mere fact that sometimes it's not what you say
but how you say it...ie CAPS ...inarticulate...hmmmm....some common
sense from outside your shoe box would be nice.
" I MEAN THERE ARE JUST AS MANY DEADBEAT MOMS AS THERE ARE
DEADBEAT DADS"
I don't think anyone has actually posted in disagreement to that actual
statement but you keep repeating yourself dwelling on something that
for goodness sakes everyones aware their are "deadbeat mothers".
"I MEAN THERE ARE JUST AS MANY DEADBEAT MOMS AS THERE ARE
DEADBEAT DADS WHY IS IT THAT THE MAN IS "GOOD ENOUGH" FOR
YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH/HAVE KIDS BY BUT ONCE THE KIDS ARE BORN
HE IS CONSIDER THE "DEADBEAT DAD/FATHER"???.......THINK BEFORE
YOU DECIDE TO HAVE A KID BY A MAN YOU DO NOT REALLY CARE ABOUT
AND YOU KNOW YOURSELF THERE ARE SIGNS THAT A MAN GIVES OFF IS
HE, IS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAD OR WILL JUST WALK OUT OF HIS
KIDS/BABYS LIFE!."
WTF....?
I guess someone forgot to hand me the "how to control your husband
handbook" damn.....
"a man you really don't care about" Are you crazy....? seriously....
Yeah I got married and had two children with a man I didn't care about.
Better yet, I knew he would turn out to be a deatbeat father from all
the "signs" that a man gives off but I had children anyways.
"AND I AM NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN DO THIS BECAUSE I FOR ONE
WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO A MAN"
get off you high horse.....we all do what we gotta do!
GPH | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:51:16 PM | B wings and Purple butterfly,
Can we all just fly around in a big happy forum hug!!
BDJ
I have the worlds biggest DEAD- Beat mom....Know what that means?????
Gonna watch what hole I put my pole....LMAO
No you dirty fish......LMAO Again
Gonna watch what fishing hole, I drop my fishing pole in.....
Just TOO damn rich.... Gonna start charging for WOWbyBDJ...lol | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:53:57 PM | | Broken Wing,s can you try to stay on topic, just once? For me? please? I can pay. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:02:56 PM | | Sure Ginger.....i will stay on topic im sorry to u and treemanbdj GL TO THE OP! | |
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*KD*
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 85 | |
| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:27:37 PM | Selfish deadbeat father's, I could go on and on about stories. Starting with my own father.
Deadbeat mother's, same story, starting with my kids mom. Abrogate the arrears, that was my favorite because she had a hefty bill that she owed me and the kids but with one swoop, she doesnt owe a damn thing. I went to FMEP from the beginning( that's family maintenance enforcement). They exercised the court ordered payments and went after her. She was the master of the system and knew how to squirm out of having to pay, and she did.
I did recieve some monies but that took years and she nickled and dimed it back out of me. I remember when she got her inheritance and the kids went out to her place on Christmas day to watch her BF get a new playstation and a car. They got some stuff in a basket from the goodwill. Oh yeah, they had to keep that stuff at her place for when the kids seen her once every 4 monthes.
The people that are deadbeats do it as a form of control and out of bitterness and guilt. They want you to fail and beg them for help.
By no means are all fathers who arent there 100% of the time deadbeats, there is some awesome dads who might only see their kids maybe 20% of the time. They faithfully see there kids when there supposed to and get actively involved in their lives. I've also seen some crackpot single moms who do nothing but degrade the guy and then you meet him and see he loves his kids and she's just bitter and resentful. I guess it takes all kinds. Same of course for some crackpot single father's.
What amazes me is the deadbeats that are currently married. The moms who do everything and the guys who just breathe and figure their paying the bills and that makes them a good man and father because they havent left. Same goes for some mother's that are in the marriage and do very little for their kids.
I think there's deadbeats in all cases and the title is perfect in that they have one thing in common, they are selfish. One of the posts mentioned something about not knowing this person was like that before they had kids with them. same as me, the behaviour was never really apparent back when we met. It sure is now, LOL.
A little off topic but, I think this whole dating thing would be easier if you could somehow see a selfish person before you went out with them. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:07:31 PM | Nah, let him go.
In fact, last night a guy was beating the crap out of my 93 yr old next door neighbor, but alas! before I could get on the internet to ask a bunch of strangers what I thought I should do ( even though the answer is obvious to you ) they left...
Seriously, what will the ramifications be should anything get to court. I will ask the question that ANY great lawyer will/ should ask you. " What am I going to hear about you?"
I ask this because picking a fight w/ someones back is all fine and good , but sometimes they turn around and throttle you. Be careful. I dont know your boyfriend situation but alot of Courts ( AKA Judges ) HATE when parents shack up, and play house. I am NOT insinuating anything, honest, just trying to shed some light on another possible facet to this.
I am a single father but my experiance w/ this goes back to my goddaughter six years ago. My friend was left, almost EXACTLY like you. She was able, barely, to get on w/ her life, got everything straightened out, boyfriend, house, job, etc ,etc, and decided to after him.
Well he got his ( MY GODDAUGHTER) every second weekend, because he figured if he was going to pay, EVERYONE was, totally true. It took , I think 5-6 months, social services, police, and many dollars to get back to full custody w/ supervised visits.
Long stupid story short, if you are happy where you are, have the rare luxury of making ends meet financially then....it might not be worth the sh*t.
Personally, I like a good knock-down drag em out brawl, I WOULD go for it. For others, they don't have the " stomach"
If you need money then yes
If you dont NEED ( I mean we all could USE more ) then, sadly it is his horrible mistake that will haunt him later in life. I believe it truely does come back to haunt those who " move on " I see it in my 50 year old financially stable, ( rich in some cases ) who have families again. All would give it up to do it over properly.
DOING THE RIGHT THING DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN FORCING OTHERS TO DO IT AS WELL.
Go get em.
Good luck. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/27/2006 12:59:21 AM | I'm NOT one for keeping a father out of a child/babys life but if you are so UNHAPPY with your child/ren father and he NEVER or does NOT come around at all not even to say hey/check up on his child than, do as what you feel is need to be done and get it over with and quit dragging the child/ren through all this hurt/heartache!
(If he is a good father and loves/cares about his child/ren and WANTs to be in his/her life and loves him/her than why should you try, keep him away from his child/ren i mean everyone knows that we ALL do things differently and NOT everybodys story is the same!) | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/27/2006 4:01:36 PM | hi all
i am a newbie to this site. and what an inspiration it is. for a long time i have probley classed myself as a dead beat mom i believed i failed my kids. as time goes on i question it.
my husband the father of my children has been inconsistant throughout thier short life. they are now 15 yrs twins. what ever the problem his answer is to leave the home. dismiss all responsibility for every thing. bills, children, the lot. but i thought he was a good guy and i deserved this as he constantly told me it was all my fault.
so i obeyed the conditions he made to the point of exhaustion.
he was violent . deprived us of finances. support. the lot. but i still loved him as he said sorry and i thought he was the best. i believed him and thought out of the childrens interest he loved them and they needed thier dad.
he almost killed me the last time and the police involved again.
he ended up with my mother having an affair (bizzare) sick.
he tells every one he loves his kids but doesnt even send them a birthday card. blamed me. he sent baby toys for the christmas. so sad he refused to take my one daughter to the hospital , he pays zilch.
the juge said no contact . i am so sorry for him . i wanted to fix it all. i wanted him to care but ,,,,
now i wouldnt ask him for nothing. i can hold my head high, after a lot of councelling i realise i cant be responsibile for his actions. and he would love me to beg and plead with him .
i say to anyone the father should support the children but if it is at the cost of your sanity let him go. dont bother. i have a great deal of respect for my children and they me.
i think and believe that we should be responsibile for our own actions some day i hope thier conscience catches up. i know mine would. i am a mom for life and not as and when i feel like it i am in it for the good and bad.
court is stressful and thier should be help and support to help you. and the juge should make it easy like attachment of earnings straight away save keep going back.
i cant be doing with all that.
wish you all the best of luck | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:19:44 PM | And then there is the deadbeat who rubs it in your face that while you are struggling to support your son-because he doesn't want to pay the lousy $200 out of the $2000/month he makes(and only $250 goes to his living arrangements)-he has just bought a massive entertainment system-big screen tv-loads and loads of pricey computer equipment. So you ask him-to get his son a computer-so he can do his school reports-nope!
I have complete respect for the people out there that do pay support-and find myself disliking immensely the ones who find ways to avoid paying it-and even more so-avoid having contact with their own kids-even if the mother/father was psycho-surely supervised visits can be made accommodating. A few men I have met(and no,not dated) have walked away from the child the moment it is not"convenient" to see them. | |
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TXJEN
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 91 | |
| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 11/12/2006 5:04:03 PM | | Who are we all kidding???? I stopped counting at 50,000 that was owed ( deadbeat never paid). Took him to court. Did all the legal bull and still nothing. Some ( Not all) have a way of just slipping through the cracks. I raised 3 by myself, no family so no help. Take him to court but, don't ever count on anyone but, you. Try your best but, always remember! They have you and no matter how tough it gets. You'll be alright. Just remember one thing. When they become legal age then he will pop up and say hey! I'm your DAD! Wanting all the respect and glory for his "donation" . They will faulter for a bit ( they wanna be loved by him as well) and you have to let them make thier own choices. Just be there to catch them when he lets them down again. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:19:16 PM | Take that Selfish dirtbag to court!!!!
I've been pay support for my 13 yr ol since he was 3. when I made $12/hr, I was supposed to pay approx. $240.00 I made the choice to pay $300. when i lost my job, and worked for $8-$10/hr, I still paid $300.00 because he is my boy.!!!
I live 1 1/2 hrs away from my son, and make it there every other weekend to pick him up.
In the summer, (3 yrs in a row) he played soccer, his brother played soccer. Every Tuesday and Thursday I drove up to Newmarket to take him to Soccer practices and games, and then pick him up for my weekends on friday.
I'm lucky I have a good raport with my Ex and her husband, My son's Brother and Sister.
Take him to court, they will deduct from his pay-cheq, and tax returns, the longer he waits, the more difficult it will be for him to catch up.
I'm lucky on the second thing, my support agreement is voluntary. 2 years ago I fell behind, because I was attending school to go get a better job, and I worked P/T for $8/hr.
When it was looking that I was putting myself into a bad position, and the only way out of it was to withdraw from FRO, I refused and wanted to stay in there. Why? because I didn't trust myself to get screwed even more.
nuff said! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:29:05 PM | I am dealing with this myself. I don't understand how a man can make a child and then just walk away like it's not his responsiblity. The courts aren't much help either. The last time we went to court after he had not paid for over 5 months, they told him to pay me $200 and so he did and now has not paid again since January. When we were walking through the parking lot he taunted me by saying "wahhh you didn't get your way did you"? Some men just know how to work the system and it's sickening to me that although the mother is suffering, the child is suffering the most.
Btw, I don't believe in keeping a child from their father. As much as I hate him, my son still thinks he's king of the world. I believe one day he'll grow up and realize the sacrefices I've made and remember how many times his dad stood him up. At that time he can choose if he wants to terminate that relationship. Now as soon as I feel like it's unsafe for them to be together, that is a whole different story.
On a sidenote, I'm thankful to have met some really good dads on this website. I love hearing about them spending quality time with their children. It shows me that there are some truly good men out there. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:47:48 PM | you need to open a case with the state department of revenue for child support. they will take care of all proceedings and legallities afterwards. this will take about 2 years to complete until you see any money.
another way that you can do it, it go to the cler of court and file for a child support case. in my state it costs $300.00. what this will do is get the police action on him and throw him in jail and start some payment to you more quickly. BUT IT WILL COST YOU $300.00 that you probally don't have.
my ex isn't paying.
he didn't pay for a year. now he paid. ~he wants citizenship in another country so he paid some child support here.
again he hasn't paid in 4 months~my dept of revenue will open the case for me in court to arrest him (if that is canada's policy) since he had been a deadbeat from the beginning and is living in a different country and we will see what deadbeat does.
FYI~Believe it or not his wife told him to consider my daughter "DEAD" And he does. Nice. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:33:31 PM | | Get yourself a lawyer and take him to court as quick as you can. Simply giving up parental rights does not mean he does not have a son. He should be made to accept and live up to his responsibilities. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:42:24 PM | It is a very enlightening experience when you come to accept " it is what it is".
He doesn't share your mind set., period. that in no way should or has to affect how you raise your son. It really causes you more set backs and emotional road blocks to deny your own reality. No ones confirmation to your complaints here will change the outcome.
I a m not trying to be mean..I too have had to learn this lesson. Trust me you'll feel free when you let go of the anger and resentment. It only ties
YOU down.
Good luck! | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 9:15:28 PM | As I read these posts...I am embarrassed...both for men who don't contribute and for women that think that they are absent responsibility.
I do WELL...was married for 6 years and have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter. My youngest was born with stage 1 neuroblastoma (cancer), which was resected surgically when she was 5 days old. She has been clean since then, but that doesn't remove the related stress, which I believe contributed heavily to my impending divorce.
My oldest has a severe hearing loss in her right ear. My soon-to-be-ex decided she didn't want to work 3 years ago after being a teacher from the time we were married. Because I make good money and my wife decided to stop working such a long time ago, and has since decided she doesnt want to work on our marriage...I get to pay her $2800/month. $1800 of child support (I voluntarily increased it to $1900, because I didnt want that to be base don her employment or marital status)...
All of that said, what makes up a deadbeat mom? One that refuses to get a job and whine about the situation they put themselves into by deciding not to work through problems? No...I never cheated...neither did she as far as I can tell...but I guess the point it...
WOMEN ARE NOT clean of responsibility...and DIRTBAG men are not the standard for the rest of us... | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:32:45 PM | I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Unfortunately I know this scenario all to well with my 5 children to my ex husband. It's hard, but just know that you cannot make him want to be a father and in that case, your son is better off not knowing the jerk. If I was you, I would take him to court and establish a child support order that the state withdrawals the predetermined amount from his paychecks and sends them to you. Then you don't have to feel like a debt collector for diapers for the son you both chose to have together. Don't bear it on your own! The state is more than willing to help you and you deserve the help where its available!!!
Take care and good luck with whatever you decide!
Helen | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:58:35 AM | | You know its amazing of all these so called deadbeat father stories. The problem today is women not taking responsibility for their part in the whole situation. I know alot of good men that are getting railroaded through the system because of a women's greed. Let's face it child support doesn't go after true dead beat dads because there is nothing to get from them anyway so they are never effected by it . Its the hard working fathers out there who are trying to do the right thing that always gets the short end of the stick. women are using childsupport as payday's, think about it. its income they never have to report and they can still claim their child for a tax credit whereas men still have to claim the money they pay out on their taxes as income and we don't have the luxury of claiming our child for a tax credit therefore we have to pay even more in taxes because the govt thinks we have no dependents. I raised my little girl by myself for a year and didn't ask her mom for anything and it didn't cost me 300 so lets be real about that. To all the guys out there who work hard and make good money, you're a target! a women can have a baby whenever they choose to trap you and women are smarter then what you guys might think. my advice is to get a vicectomy and store your sperm put the decision back in your hands or get a reversal when YOU are ready to have a child. I have 2 kids that I truly love and neither one were planned (atleast not by me) and I'm paying monster child support for both and their mother's still call me a dead beat dad. I'm not a women hater or anything like that but lets look at the situation for what it truly is. | |
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| Selfish deadbeat fathers!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 10:54:37 AM | First of all hun i'm really sorry to hear that and I know how hard it must be trying to do it all on your own. I mean from the sound of things you did your very best to make sure you baby has all he needs. Defo try and get him to pay maintenance at least I mean he is obligated to do so.
My father wasn't around when I was young and to be honest i'm glad he wasn't I mean who wants a father around who's gonna be useless when you have an amazing mum! I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you in the long run. | |
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