| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:34:53 PM | What Relationship Means to me I decided to write about my opinion first on paper as rough draft before I type it, on what a relationship means to me. I usually just type my thoughts on stuff on the computer. I feel like Carrie on Sex in the City, how she writes about her thoughts and opinions on relationships.
I wander what happen to relationships did it just vanished. Why do we have to believe that relationships do not work at all? We think it takes to much time and work, so we just want easy way out with no strings. I think relationships do not have been taken serious, but at the same time should not be taken too lightly. It should be a balance of both of them, and then it does not seem like so much work. The couple should work together as team, and help each other out. I know there are people who are out there they assume if there in a relationship that they do nothing to make it work. In my opinion when a person grew in a home were there parents had healthy relationships, they can have one. We learn off our parents and other, like our siblings in addition, on how we handle our relationships. Why do we think just because we get out or have had past relationships that were bad, we assume that future ones will go terrible? It like this quote “If we have one bad apple in the barrel it will spoil the rest”? Something close to it, but I think we not compare or assume all are bad. We assume if had one bad mate that all are alike the others. I think most people are common in away but we have our own trait for are personality. We can assume that everyone is the same
Are we just to busy or is it that horrible to be in a relationship that it makes it hard to be in involved. If we had learn from our past relationships on why it did not work out then we repeat again. So many of us never take the time to think “Okay” and analyzes why it ended. Instead, we tried to forget it and move on. Then we never learn how we can improve for next. “Do not settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you cannot live without” I think people tend to settle who they can live with then someone that cannot live with out. I think when people who in love with someone, we inspired to do remarkable things to move heaven and earth to be with other true mate. I think we have a true love to admire and hope to have in our own lives. If we treated our selves with more respect ands value, we can have one true love that we deserve.
My thoughts on friends and benefits is a grey area there no right or wrong answer on havening it. It is not for everyone it may work for one and may not work for others. I have mixed singles on that, part of me thinks I can have found me true love or left hanging with my heart crushed. It is not for everyone, I cannot stress that enough were it can be miss leading, mind playing, hurtful, were it can destroy a friendship. Then why are we willing to risk a friendship for pleasures were can take care of our own needs. We should not have depend on others to relieve our tension I think it is very selfish. Here is a true story where I seen it not works. I had a friend I will call her Misty, she met a male I will call him Ted, her boy toy, because she was not ready for a boyfriend like a full-blown relationship. I noticed that Misty started to like her boy toy more. Misty would tell me she is falling in love with him and was scared to get hurt. I said talk to Ted before it is too late. Misty had a talk with him about wanted to be in a relationship. Ted says no, I think we should stop doing this. Misty found out there was another female he wanted as a girlfriend, not to play with as a friend with benefit. Misty found out who the other female was and told her about Ted, and what they were doing. She was mad and tried to sabotage, so Ted will not ask the other female out. The other female who I will call her Tracy said she knew and told her that Ted is over you, he wants a real girlfriend not a toy. Misty back off and in the end both her and Ted do not talk anymore. In the way, we are fooling ourselves when we have sex with a friend. It is not the answer to a no- strings relationship problem. It can be a waste of time and stressful. If you think about sex involves feelings, unless you are cold with no heart or a robot. It is impossible to turn off feelings on and off. What I am trying to say is a friend with benefits it should be fun and going lead somewhere into a relationship, or it can be nothing but a waste of time. It is rare if that works between friends that lead into more. I think if the two friends thought through before it should happen, cause you can not control others feelings or thoughts or emotions if they want more or nothing. It takes risks and play with emotions.
I really hate this line “I am sorry I am not looking for a relationship, I just got out of one and I am looking for someone to have just fun with”. I say “OKAY” define fun cause my fun can be different then yours. I really hate it because after they used that excuse “I just got out of a relationship” line, then a couple weeks or a month later, they are dating someone. Why not be honest and blunt on what you really mean on that word fun, use what you mean that is “SEX” not fun. They got tired of hearing the word “NO”, so they fake being in a relationship because they just want sex they figure that is how they can get it and they know that’s what she wanted to hear. I think am I ever good enough for a person to be as a girlfriend that they only see me as toy to use. A true friend would value and respect then play with someone heart and mind. Be honest to your self is if you do not want your heart or mind play with then do not play with others. I believe hanging out is not dating another excuses to use someone to play with for sex. I also think it is very disrespectful to ask someone just for sex and rude to ask, when you can pleasure your self you should not depend on others to fix your needs. It is very selfish to ask others or depend on others to fix your problem on needing sex.
What makes a bad relationship? Well, I think we find a wrong person, or we rush into a relationship after getting out of one. We need to learn from the past ones before we can move into a new one. Why I say that, so we can learn from our mistakes that is made in it and why the relationship ended. We tend to keep making the same mistakes repeatedly so we get the impression that all relationships are bad. To be able to move on to a healthy relationship is to learn from the past and to put a closer on it. Then after you get out of bad one is not to get into another one, I suggest is to take a break and put closer and then get to know yourself. There are many ways to put a closer on past relationships, one write about it, two is to talk about to someone or professional, three is your choice on how you really handle it, just as long it was handle and in propertied way. It is important to put a closer on it, in order to move on, give it time enjoy your self, hang out with friends and find a hobby. It is also important that you love your self it will be hard to love others, if you do not. To have healthy relationship is to have good communications, trust, honest, support, more of the basic needs before you can have the wants like sex that most men want in a relationship. Without the needs met, it will lack in the wants. The communication is important and the ability to listen is very good to have, if we lack in this we will lack in others stuff that needed in it. We are not haunted or cursed in havening a nasty relationships just caused we had some. We just need to work on communication and needs so it can work. When a couple get together, they should not assume what the other person wants or needs, and it not hard work to make relationship to work. It takes time, patients, can be very fun, and very rewarding in the end.
My summary is I do not be “kind of” or “sort of” dating because there no such thing as either, you are or not. Please do not say I am only looking for fun, if you value my friendship you would not ask me for sex. When I mean hang out just means friends and nothing more. I do not want spend my time, feelings, and energy on someone where not going anywhere. I want to be in a healthy relationship, where I can see again, to cuddle, to laugh, and to enjoy life like what it meant to be. I do not want to be stress over a male that just wants me for only sex. I want to be pure and clean from aids or STDs for a stable boyfriend. I want to show my true feelings, and demonstrate that I am trust worthy, loveable and can communicate. I will leave you with my motto and a quote. “If you do not want done to you, then do not do it to others”. “Do not settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you cannot live without”. In the end we are worthy and deserving a healthy happy relationship because there not all bad.
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:35:41 PM | i wouldnt go there
I AM A FEMALE AND I PLAY THOSE SORTS OF GAMES
MAYBE JUST NOT ASKING THE RIGHT ONES
anyhow of course guys be more fun
yes it can happen where opposites can be friends it just depends on who can do that some people cant be friends with the opposite sex its really up to you and choices you make
if you value a friend then dont ask for sex its wrong
respect a friend and do not ask
this only my opinion
i know i could not sleep with friend so much things can go bad and in the end you can lose a friend
so best stay friends and value there other quality 
i also would not trust a person if they only have 1 kind sex friend for example females who only have males as friends and no female friends kinda fishy same as male only have females as friends and no males makes me wander there should be a balance | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:35:46 PM | i wouldnt go there
I AM A FEMALE AND I PLAY THOSE SORTS OF GAMES
MAYBE JUST NOT ASKING THE RIGHT ONES
anyhow of course guys be more fun
yes it can happen where opposites can be friends it just depends on who can do that some people cant be friends with the opposite sex its really up to you and choices you make
if you value a friend then dont ask for sex its wrong
respect a friend and do not ask
this only my opinion
i know i could not sleep with friend so much things can go bad and in the end you can lose a friend
so best stay friends and value there other quality
i also would not trust a person if they only have 1 kind sex friend for example females who only have males as friends and no female friends kinda fishy same as male only have females as friends and no males makes me wander there should be a balance in friends of | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:35:53 PM | i wouldnt go there
I AM A FEMALE AND I PLAY THOSE SORTS OF GAMES
MAYBE JUST NOT ASKING THE RIGHT ONES
anyhow of course guys be more fun
yes it can happen where opposites can be friends it just depends on who can do that some people cant be friends with the opposite sex its really up to you and choices you make
if you value a friend then dont ask for sex its wrong
respect a friend and do not ask
this only my opinion
i know i could not sleep with friend so much things can go bad and in the end you can lose a friend
so best stay friends and value there other quality
i also would not trust a person if they only have 1 kind sex friend for example females who only have males as friends and no female friends kinda fishy same as male only have females as friends and no males makes me wander there should be a balance in friends of male and | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:36:01 PM | i wouldnt go there
I AM A FEMALE AND I PLAY THOSE SORTS OF GAMES
MAYBE JUST NOT ASKING THE RIGHT ONES
anyhow of course guys be more fun
yes it can happen where opposites can be friends it just depends on who can do that some people cant be friends with the opposite sex its really up to you and choices you make
if you value a friend then dont ask for sex its wrong
respect a friend and do not ask
this only my opinion
i know i could not sleep with friend so much things can go bad and in the end you can lose a friend
so best stay friends and value there other quality
i also would not trust a person if they only have 1 kind sex friend for example females who only have males as friends and no female friends kinda fishy same as male only have females as friends and no males makes me wander there should be a balance in friends of male and female mixture | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/20/2005 9:36:51 PM | i wouldnt go there
I AM A FEMALE AND I PLAY THOSE SORTS OF GAMES
MAYBE JUST NOT ASKING THE RIGHT ONES
anyhow of course guys be more fun
yes it can happen where opposites can be friends it just depends on who can do that some people cant be friends with the opposite sex its really up to you and choices you make
if you value a friend then dont ask for sex its wrong
respect a friend and do not ask
this only my opinion
i know i could not sleep with friend so much things can go bad and in the end you can lose a friend
so best stay friends and value there other quality
i also would not trust a person if they only have 1 kind sex friend for example females who only have males as friends and no female friends kinda fishy same as male only have females as friends and no males makes me wander there should be a balance in friends of male and female mixture  | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 12:05:59 AM | I have given this a lot of thought and yes, men and women can be pals and buddies and just pure friends. The best friends are ones who can relate beyond a sexual arena, They can cause you to reflect and think and ponder aspects of life not meant to go anywhere except pure friendship. They can laugh and joke and tease the same as anyone else and just be fun to be around. I have a lot of male and female friends for purely friendship. We all hang out together for friendship..... | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 12:41:32 AM | said so long he's gone but he'll be back again yet it still feels like i lost a friend,
did you ever hear the saying bros befor ho's when we was together this was how it goes though just best of friends we tied all are ends the journys on pause how long that depends
think of the good times we had in the past god dam G we had a blast down at the club or at some shity pub we always had fun cause we always showed love 2 oneanother and all the ****es thanks for the help when we ran into lifes glitches
this life is like a journey that were all among its like that song that aint yet been sung this is for children and daddys with guns this is for kids with poor welfare mum's time loseses its edge but it will not stop me cause i am a trooper sent to do this shit properly
so pass down the fame an fortune cause its only something your going to be scorchin look at all the ppl with less than you these the ****in ppl that invest in you and only a true trooper can pass the test and invest his best to the rest with less
are these ppl my friends are they even my bro's stuck all alone on my way to reload while i reup my friends play the duct short on cash but i'm the only one stuck i'll always help a friend in need then they assume i'm the hand that feeds
an I'm out thanks | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 12:55:53 AM | Yes, it is possible. When I lived in Marquette, Michigan, I had several male friends of all ages. We talked about everything under the sun, and there was no sexual attraction. If there was, I never noticed.
I sure miss those guys! | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 1:07:14 AM | | I totally believe opposite sexes can be friends. with or without sexual experiences. I know most of my friends are guyz and most of my few girl friends have lotsa friends who are guyz i think its awesome to be friends with guyz :) | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 1:14:37 AM | i have heard many time from many women that they have male friends.... and only friends..... at the end of the day these women slept with these men.... i have saw myself that when women say they want male friends.. it mean they want some spare men so if they relationship they r in gets screwed up they have other men to un to...... can the Opposite sex really be friends.... sure... but chances are they are screwing eachother | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2005 1:17:28 AM | if i told you a secret would you keep it or would you lend it to as i desend to find truce in unpaid dues keep a tight grip dont let it get loose back to the home land back to my roots ,
till the day i awakw realize its not fake look at my life an see whats at stake
its just me being me this guy that u see only time will tell what the future will be you think you hate it but you love this stuff look in the mirror your not so tough so step ahead use your mind cause later in life there is no rewind | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/22/2006 3:38:12 PM | | Absolutely. I have many male friends and good ones at that (don't have sex with them or run to them as a substitute in a break-up). It IS possible. | |
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SBS13
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Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 89 | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/22/2006 5:42:11 PM | | Yes, most of my friends are male and i share a house with one since about 4 years ago. (own rooms) and we live our own lives his like a big brother to me. theres no romance with my friends we dont see each other in that light, yes some i be come friends with from the internet or we found each other again on the net and we were friends at school etc | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/22/2006 6:11:21 PM | | Damn right you can be friends with the opposite sex!! Do you think your girls are gonna tell you the truth when you ask if your ass looks good in these jeans? A guy friend will definately tell you the truth. | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:18:51 AM | | Sure, some can't. I was reading over some of the responses and I think it comes down to this. If either the man or the woman wants more than a friendship, there now exists an ulterior motive for hanging out with the person. It isn't the selfless, unconditional love/acceptance, encouraging relationship of a true friend. With that motive hanging over the relationship, the friendship cannot exist and will ultimately fail. The person who desires more will ultimately be unfulfilled and unhappy, leading to issues and the end of the relationship. | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/23/2006 6:17:05 AM | | I definitley agree that you can be friends. I have a male friend that I talk with alot, about everything. We both know that it is strictly plutonic, and never will be anything but. It's just nice to know that they are there for you, and you for them, in good times and in bad! I think it's great! | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/25/2006 5:50:50 AM | Its refreshing to see that not all people think u have to be sleeping with someone to be a friend of the opposite sex!!
Im sure life DONT revolve around sex for everyone!!: | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/25/2006 12:42:23 PM | One of my bestfriends is a girl..........
god
how i love her so much..........
how many people think this is odd..........
she dates this one guy...........we go out for drink............... she puts me in the front seat and makes him sit in the back?
Or she is dating someone and lets me sleep in her bed with her.......................
She lets me touch her in ways that only a bf should be touching a female........
then she got married last year, her husband died..the first thing she wanted me to do was sleep with her in her bed.................. right after her husband died...............
hold her all night..
i just don't get our relationship.........
at times I just want to say.................. screw you............
yet
I can't help be sucked in.............
she
has this way about her.
yet we will never date...............
the friendship is too strong for that.............
oh how i love her though.......... | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/25/2006 2:43:53 PM | I think there is a point in which, once a man and a woman meet, the possibility for a romantic encounter goes away, and they are only friends. Not to say that things may not change between them in the future, but it is rather unusual.
What I do know, and seeing at least three or four couples who have very steady and long-term marriages, is that they were best friends for a long time before they began to see the real great people they were, and that they were meant to be for each other. My brother and his wife were never initially attracted to each other as man/woman. However, with time, she noticed that he was popular, had a tremendous sense of humor, was not drooling all over her when he saw her, and slowly but surely she began to take all this in. I think there is a point in which, even though a particular woman may not like a guy romantically who happens to be her friend, she will see things in him, and compare them with other guys that she has dated or is dating.
At the right minute, and after much experience with good-looking fake guys and players (believe me, they get all the women but rarely ever get into long-term relationships) that woman will see qualities in that friend that will make her realize this is a guy that will be loyal to her, supporting of her, that will accept her for what she is, and that he will give her long-term protection and love. It takes a lot of experience for women to get to this level, as they are usually attracted by looks and talk and height, but it does happen. My brother has an extremely tight marriage, and they are so happy. This after being friends with his now wife for about ten years! IMAGINE!. They were finally able to see in each other their happiness, steadiness, love, respect and long-term possibility as a couple. Of course, they would not be as close as they are if it was not for the strong foundation that they built their marriage on: A long-time honest, kind and beautiful open friendship.
JS | |
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| Can the Opposite sex really be friends?
Posted: 2/25/2006 2:51:04 PM | Yep 4sure! sometimes best friends end up together years down the line,
but then its a case of the love was always really there, u have to live ya life and get it out ur system, the learning process etc, b4 u actually settle for real, but only then, has it made it all worthwhile and the wait worth it...uve known each other thru every aspect of life, no secrets, just knowing the real person inside... that makes it special to..
but if it dont happen, it was never meant to and ur always have a great friend thru the rest of ur life, who dont judge u in any way, they have stayed in ur life for one reason..and thats cos they like the person u r and vice versa...Now that!!! is a true friend.... | |
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