| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:15:09 AM |
Is it because you dont want to feel like you have a ball and chain on stuck to your leg???
Ding ding! "What do we have for her Johnny? A two slice toaster!"
I am not going to date for a very, very long time. I like my freedom, and I love not having to justify my actions to someone who thinks they own my free time. If I want to just go hang with friends or play guitar on a Saturday night, I can, and I don't have anyone trying to pull a guilt trip on me. I am sick of all the lonely, bored and needy women that *think* they need a man to make them happy. And they NEVER are happy, because happiness comes from within, not without.
Freedom. That's what it's all about for me. And this cool banana! 
Dale | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:09:57 AM | Why dose'nt anyone want a relationship anymore? I do believe men like woman want one. As this is a built in NEED in both sexes. If we can be honest with ourselves we would admit this is a healthy and good thing to desire. Yes we can feel like we have it all (whatever that is) with carreers (until were too old) social life, and participating in sports (until were to old).
However at the end of the day and when were all alone I do believe we all would like to have one person by our sides.
I feel because of our past hurts from divorce etc, we feel we cannot trust, commit, open up. In reading profiles we all say we have have these skill and can live up to them. If we could I feel we would not have a need to advertise these skills.
If woman feel all men want is a sex buddy then I would say to you "Stop being one".
Since looking for and being in a "Relationship" does not seem to be reachable maybe we should stop looking for one! and focus on developing a "Friendship" with the other sex. Stop being focused on my needs mentality and focus on how we can develope a healthy, trusting friendship with the other sex as neither of us are leaving the planet anytime soon.
This is just my thoughts. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:17:11 AM | Ding ding! "What do we have for her Johnny? A two slice toaster!" I am not going to date for a very, very long time. I like my freedom, and I love not having to justify my actions to someone who thinks they own my free time. If I want to just go hang with friends or play guitar on a Saturday night, I can, and I don't have anyone trying to pull a guilt trip on me. I am sick of all the lonely, bored and needy women that *think* they need a man to make them happy. And they NEVER are happy, because happiness comes from within, not without. Freedom. That's what it's all about for me. And this cool banana!
there are some of us out there that are not in it to "own your free time" or to be needy and bored. there are some of us who dont want to be a pain in the ass, but just to have someone to share life with. there are some of us are not interested in making someone feel guilty about having thier own life.
and I for one, do not think I need a man to make me happy. I am already happy and I just think having someone special in my life to share it with would be a bonus.
it has nothing to do (for me anyway) with controlling a man, or being the boss, or owning his time.
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:44:11 AM | I think a great deal of the problem is honesty.
Men not being honest with women and women not being honest with men. And everyone not being honest with themselves.
If a man is looking for a bed buddy, then say you're looking for a bed buddy. Don't hide under the guise of "dating" or "long term relationship" but you're actually looking for nothing more than a roll in the hay. I certainly don't sleep with everyone I go out on a date with! But I'm not in this with the immediate goal being a long term relationship. I think that's why it's called dating. If it becomes something more, then great, if not, I've met some nice people. But women have a tendency not to be honest with themselves and others that they're looking for an actual long term relationship - and I'll agree, there are some really clingy women out there, as there are some really clingy men (as I've encountered).
Let's call it what it really is and maybe all of us will be happier with the outcome? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:00:09 AM | To answer your question , yes it happens both ways , for me srewed over big time ...... i was sue for child supprt and ailmony payments.... so , they u got it from a woman point of veiw.....
But don't give up he's out there , just like for me , i think i have found him ... | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:21:13 AM |
there are some of us out there that are not in it to "own your free time" or to be needy and bored. there are some of us who dont want to be a pain in the ass, but just to have someone to share life with. there are some of us are not interested in making someone feel guilty about having thier own life.
and I for one, do not think I need a man to make me happy. I am already happy and I just think having someone special in my life to share it with would be a bonus.
it has nothing to do (for me anyway) with controlling a man, or being the boss, or owning his time.
Now, I am not saying all women are like that. I must make that point very clear. And neither will I defend us men, because we're nothing better ourselves. But all one can really talk about is from thier own experiences, what they see around them, and what friends tell them in conversations.
Personally, I have zero interest in having someone to share my life with. And to the poster that said deep down we all want somebody, I couldn't disagree more. Life is so much less stressful and a heck of alot less dramatic and complicated when one is single. I've been single for a year and a half now - by choice - and it's been an amazing time. Going deep within myself, and tasting the pleasures of the flesh without those awful rules that tell me I have to be monogamous, in a world that preaches sex is the be all end all.
I am upfront with anyone I talk to about what I want and don't want. And what I don't want is simple, really: No romantic relationships. Physical? Sure. Mental? Sounds good. Emotional? Not a chance. Too much BS and lies. Life is hard enough without adding on top of that the garbage one has to sift through to *try* and please someone. But therein lies the issue: happiness is within, not without.
Dale | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:04:31 AM | I've met a lot of compatible women, and I was VERY picky. The problem was choosing just one!
It took plenty of time and thought to do the screening - emails, IMs, etc., before meeting. It paid off, though, as about half of those I met were viable candidates for long term. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:09:01 AM | Hi cariss. I am a soon to be 30 yr old male. I will say this about most men...and it takes one word...immature. There are plenty of men such as myself who is willing to settle down and find that right and special woman. Im still looking for her myself. But most men nowadays see that it is okay to treat women with such disrespect its not funny. But its not okay---Men need to learn to respect women---as I do. Well if u have any questions ask me. I am at warren_heist@yahoo.com---messenger for yahoo is warren_heist. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 3:49:09 PM |
Independance has nothing to do with sharing your life with someone. There isn't a lot of pressure out there to be a single mom, is there?
I think there is. There is incredible pressure on women. "You're missing something" is screamed from the TV, magazines, etc. and directed at married women. There's 400,000 romance books, all about the exciting 6 weeks involved in "getting" a man rather than the 40 years of keeping him. All the cleaning products work magically! No more kitchen drudgery (drudgery is a catchword for "married")
Point is, the woman loses very little in divorce, and has little incentive to stay married compared to the man. This changes some if the woman is the major breadwinner, but not a lot.
Also, my comments about neediness are not gender specific-- the neediest among us seem to be the most relationship prone. Most of my friends fall into relationships when they're broke. When they have the freedoms money provides, they are a lot more selective about who they are with. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 4:06:03 PM |
Maybe, just maybe, you've dated the wrong girls.
Pandora, you're funny. 
You're talking to people on this site who've been dating twice as long as you've been alive. Some people here have dated hundreds of different kinds of people, and been through several marriages themselves, and helped their friends and family with dozens more. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 4:45:14 PM | | Is there really an answer here??? The truth is we are all scared of one thing or another when it comes to relationships. We all carry our past experiences in one way or another into our new relationships. No one wants another failed relationship. So perhaps it is easier to keep options open?? Maybe we are waiting for that THUNDERBOLT that takes our breath away when we see someone??? I just dont know for sure. But I do believe, as many of you have said, that we make our own decisions on whether we choose to be simply bed buddies or not. Granted, if the man or woman is being deceptive, it may take a little bit of time to figure it out. I have been victim of this myself. Perhaps we all have been at one point or another. Without a crystal ball there is no way of knowing for sure when we first start up with someone. But once you find out.....and if its not what you want...then run. Why b*tch about it? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:40:09 PM | Painful - WHY are you on this DATING site again since you're so happy being alone?
Oh, for the company on the forums that keep you less lonely at night?
And WhatDoYouThink - you can date your whole life and still not be choosing the right women. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:42:02 PM | Hmm. I wish I believed each person makes their own decisions without social pressure or interference.
The point, I think, is that after reality sets in, and life gets a little routine-- and you've had a few fights-- resentment starts to build up. Little things get said over a period of 4,5,6,7 years that can't be taken back.
Sometimes things change when you're working 100 hours a week to start up your business-- or the market crashes and you kiss off 50 or 100 grand. Or the corporate wheel slowly starts to crush your will to live.
Meanwhile, she's at work with some hunky guy who says to her "What? He doesn't send you flowers at least once a week/month/day." Or conversely, you've got a flirty coworker prying at your wife's weaknesses like this "OMG she wears granny panties?"
Then it changes. The LAW changes it. Men have more incentive to stay married than women do since the courts still favor women as a holdover from more paternal times, meanwhile changing times have reduced traditional disincentives for women to be divorced.
In 98% of the cases the man will not be granted full custody of the kids. He'll likely have visitation only. Likely, the house will be sold, or she will get it. Child support will be 20%-40% of each of their gross income, split by % of earnings. If they both made 50k then he'll pay her 800-1600 per month depending on the number of children. If she made 100k and he made 50k, then he'll still pay her 800-1600. If there's joint custody, then she'll pay him zero in the first case, and 400-800 in the second case.
The only time she would pay him 1600 per month is if he were awarded full custody and she made 50k and he never worked. Even then, a judge could base his contribution on "earnings capability," and if he went to college that will be 40k or so even if he never worked--reducing her payment to him to 200 per month. Plus, for him to get full custody, she would not likely be in a state of being where she would likely earn 50k.
So, do the math and factor in tax liabilities if you both earned 50k and had 2 kids:
You'll take home $204.00 per week.
She'll take home $1203.00 per week.
Now do the math for the guy earning 500,000 per year. (yes, he'd pay her 8,000-16,000 per month)
Now, should this successful single businessman date a woman who's even CAPABLE of getting pregnant? Knowing all she has to do is get bored and "no-fault" divorce him?
You ladies want to know where the sane successful men are?
They're working. And if they get single they won't remarry inside the USA. The law is a big disincentive to marriage for anyone who's not "needy."
To be fair, a lot of women are experiencing this problem in reverse if they marry men with considerably less income than themselves-- so the imbalance can work both ways-- but it is still worse for men right now because joint custody is not the rule, and men are not being awarded full custody in an equal proportion.
So, it's a pretty fair generalization to say, many women can afford to divorce simply out of boredom and most men cannot. So it isn't "both" people who don't want the relationship anymore-- women are begging for relationships. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:49:52 PM | Hahaha, thank you.. still not hot enough to easily get a relationship though
Darn those men and their non-neediness! And that single-track mind that makes them think that they shouldn't support their kids so they gripe about child support.. sheesh. That is NOT a valid complaint.
(But thank goodness for men with compliments.. hehe. Cheers!) | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:51:43 PM |
CARISS: So all you men out there.......please.......enlighten me!
Why is it that everyone nowadays just wants a fu*k buddy or someone casual???? Is it because you dont want to feel like you have a ball and chain on stuck to your leg???
Your profile mentions that many of your friends have gotten married recently, leaving you alone in the single's scene. The fact that your friends are getting married shows that many men want a serious relationship. That indicates that your selection of men is the problem. You are choosing men who do not want a long term relationship. The advice: Don't select men on looks, money, etc; choose men who want a relationship and you will be in a relationship.
Best wishes,
Puppy Love | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:13:39 PM | | Here's what i have to say. I want to be in a relationship. My problem is that all the good ones are gone and the others just want me to spend all my money on them. I have been through living hell in a lot of relatinships. I try to hold them together but they usually leave either whe i run out of money or They cheat or my favorite one so far She told me that she didn't think she would have time for us. That was a good one but i'm on here to try this thing out and find the right one.... | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:17:22 PM | puppy love:
must be where i live then, because there are very few men in my area that do want a relationship........
and all these friends that have gotten married recently married people they have been with since high school..
in this city, if you dont marry your high school sweetheart, your SOL
and just so you know, i do not choose men on the basis of looks or money, i dont believe that is what relationships should be about. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:11:19 PM | Sure I'd support my kids.
Let's get married, and if you leave cause you're bored, then I get full custody.
Make it stick legally, and there'd be a WHOLE new selection of men to choose from.
Right? We want marriage to last, and we want the single people to be less bitter.
Change the LAW!!! | |
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