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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:30:49 PM | | alot of guys would love to have a proper relationship with someone . but all those who prefer to just have the odd fling will one day regret it they will be left all alone with no one to love them . at least if you got a proper relationship you would be made for life . | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 11:09:20 PM | | Why not darn those women that don't pay child support and want to support their kids, Pandor? I think child support money should be equal, paid by both parties, female and male, then put into an escrow account to be used only for expenses actually for the children. Extra funds could be put towards a college fund. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 11:41:54 PM | First, most women aren't psycho or a pain in the a**. Men call women this because it's how we best describe the attached actions women take when they care for a man.
I actually miss and have learned to appreciate where women are coming from more over the past three years then I have in my entire life.
Men aren't afraid of relationships, they are afraid of being tied down in case something or someone better comes along...
On the same note, but reversed, I would like to just point out that I have been finding that all these women out there that say they don't care about looks and it matters more about personality is full of sod.
I have been keeping a small personal survey and I have found that 90% of the time that I am declined is based on my physical appearance. Yes, women who are reading right now, I know men are the same way... The problem is, we admit it and are called shallow. It's just the way it is. So, my rant isn't about women thinking I am unattractive, rather, about women being liars.
Cheers!
Chris | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 12:07:52 AM | why? its simple
because "relationships" in this country (aka marrage) do not benefit the man in any way shape or form.
in reality the only reason that a man should get married is if he plans to have children, because children need a stable family unit in order to function properly in society.
otherwise there is nothing a man gets from marrage that he cannot get from casual dating/sex.
and thats just the truth. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 12:24:13 AM | Dear god, you guys post a lot. And as I'm going to be crying from lack of sleep tommorrow, I'll make this brief.
Men not being honest with women and women not being honest with men. And everyone not being honest with themselves.
Amen.
As for the rest of it, I'm going to stubbornly cling to my ideals and desires in the face of reason, as I do not have many arguements left to make. :p I still have some romantic notions left of love, marriage and sharing your life with someone. Not to say you should be stupid about it, though.
Sleep good  | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 1:09:00 AM | | Your philosophy sure sounds good, Dale--for a man or a women, but the problem is, I believe, more women are unable to detatch themselves emotionally from men they are sexual with. I have seen so many examples of men that are able to keep all emotions out of sex but i believe it either takes a concious effort for them to do or is unconcious and therefore a defense mechanism. The line where you said , "emotional, not a chance," kind of sounds a little on the defensive side. Is it better for sex to be a completely unemotional experience? I don't think so, i think it is just "taking what we can get" because we fear the pain of being emotionally vulnerable. If you let sex and emotions mingle, you might actually be present in the moment, appreciating the actual person you are sharing the experience with and since women have hurt you, they don't deserve this luxury of being appreciated and connecting with someone, right? Men usually respond to my opinion on this with "women are not emotional about sex either" but i know I am-- and knowing that sex is just a quantity- respected-above quality situation for men, or just something they like to do for "fun" makes me feel like not sharing this part of me with them because they are incapable of appreciating it. It seems we all suffer at the hands of people reacting from previous pain they have experienced and lies they have believed.......where does it end? As Rodney King said, "cant we all just get along?" I must now go off on a little tangent, last night i met an adorable 21 year-old that didn't know who Rodney King was. Man, I feel old. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 1:19:50 AM | I think it's a case of emotional investment, i know i've been burned many times and it's hard to justify taking that risk, knowing it can happen again.
But then again, without taking that risk, how can life be enjoyed?
I used to be of the opinion it was much safer being single, but it's also not very fulfilling, so i'm out there taking those chances again. In the end i believe it will have been more than worth it.
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 1:53:46 AM | | I don't think there's any lack of men looking for serious relationships. The problem is that some women are only attracted to independent bad-boy guys. And then they act surprised that the independent bad-boy doesn't want to become dependent. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 5:41:25 AM | There is definitly a lack of good hearted men in this world. for whatever reason.
I started this dating thing just last week. The very first guy that talked to me started the conversation with "So do you have a picture or not?" WTF I understand, i would want to see a person before I went out with them for the first time as well but you dont start a conversation like that. So then I register on a similar dating website that i was referred to by a friend. I do a search for guys in my city, and the same guy was on there with a totally different profile! Now i may be naive cuz ive never been on these sites. i dont know the rules. but thats just shi**y!!! | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 5:45:07 AM | twinklee,
Great post!
See, I have been sort of lucky, in so far as that every woman I have dated over the years was really great, we had a wonderful time together, and we moved on. I never allowed them to try and control or change me, even though some tried. And yes, guys do the same thing. But we're more direct. Women are slick, let me tell you!  They are subtle. Example? My Brother was in town yesterday, and we went out for Chinese Buffet. His GF wasn't here, so he could "eat what he wanted to eat." He told me she watches what he eats like a hawk, and you could hear the resentment in his voice. I said to him, "That's why I'm single, Brother."
I really haven't been burned or really even hurt that much in past relationships. Like I said, when I saw the warning signs of control and subtle trying to change me into what they wanted, we parted ways.
My last GF said it best:
"Sex is sex and love is love." And that really sums it all up for me. When I was in my late teens and early 20's, I couldn't get a date to save my darn life. Now? It's quite a different story, and I must say it's very enjoyable. 
The two things a woman can give me - sex and conversation - are far outweighed by all the other complicated and negative stuff that comes with a serious relationship. The loss of freedom to do what I want isn't ok with me. I am 32, and I do not need someone telling me how I *should* live my life. I just want to be me, and that's all anyone should ask for, right?
Dale  | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 5:53:39 AM | some of you guys who responded to this are going to die very LONELY deaths with that attitude........when your 60 you'll change your mind! i've seen it happen time and time again.....
when your lying in your hospital bed at 80, you'll think to yourself, "god damn it, why didnt i meet the love of my life, at least i wouldnt be lying here dying alone".....
its true, i see it happen on a daily basis, i work in the medical field......very sad
so with that, i wish all you people with the bad attitude about life and relationships luck in the future. everyone is entitled to an opinion, and with that being said, i have realized by all your posts that i am probably SOL.........kinda thought so, thanks for confirming it..... | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:18:17 AM |
all you people with the bad attitude about life and relationships
But see, that's only your opinion. Bad attitude? Not really. More like honest with myself instead. You think dying without a wife is "dying alone?" And that is somehow the ultimate punishment in life? I would rather die with family and friends. I will never be alone because of those amazing people.
Honestly, all my married and 'in a serious relationship' guy friends feel they need someone to make them happy and complete. But all they do is complain, lol. I always say, "And that's why I'm single."
Dale | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:38:37 AM | Oh, and one last thing...
I find it ironic, and scratch my head that when women are single by choice, usually for a great career and maybe even rasing a child or two, they are called "Independent Women" or "Women of the new Generation" or "Happy With Themselves", etc, etc. When a guy is the same way, he's called "A Player", "Selfish", Unable to Commit", "Afraid to Open Up", etc.
Ironic, huh? One rule for one gender, another for the other. Equality? I am all for it, but it's not just a word, let's put it into action, baby! 
Dale | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 7:00:17 AM | Men want the same thing they have always wanted: to have sex without paying. Sort of like milking the cow but not paying for the upkeep.
They are also afraid to have feelings. They want to use women like objects. Sort of like a plastic blow-up doll. Women are finally wising up.
Redhaired lady | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 7:01:15 AM | I have ask that same quetion andI am very happy with who I am end enjoy not having someone I need to comprimise for /with but Iwould like to wake up next to someone and have someone I care about so much that I really look forward to seeing all day. men I think don't care so much about those things and since woman are so freely giving out why would they take time to get into a relationship. I find it sad that most men on here say the blah,blah blah, but what they say is not actually what they want when you talk to them.  | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 8:42:46 AM | | That's a seriously unfair generalization, RedHaired Lady. Sound like you're guilty of exactly what I mentioned above. You spent your whole life chasing after independent bad-boys, and passing over the nice guys who are willing to commit. And then you blame men as a whole for your own lousy taste. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/18/2005 9:30:07 AM | | Simply put its all about maturity and the crap our consumerist society fills our minds with. Everyday, men and women are bombarded by the media with messages that caters to our most basic instincts. Ever see a beer commercial where the guys are settled into a happy long term relationship? No, its all about having fun and being irresponsible. Men by instinct are non-monogamous. Women by instinct tend to be nurturers looking for relationships. The problem is that when young adult males are bombarded by film, TV, magazines and commercials that convey that men should live the playboy lifestyle like Hugh Hefner. The message is "why make a commitment when easy sex is available". And both men and women have bought into that philosophy. The only thing that eventually solves this problem is maturity. Eventually, boys grow into men. And that's when they genuinely want to get into a long term relationship. Others, will play the field as long as there are plenty of options out there for him. So there are a number of solutions. Date older men or mature minded men. (Personally, I'm all for that one.) Be resigned that Boys don't turn into men until their thirties. Look for substance not style. By that I mean if you go after the really attractive ones (males) expect them to have a wandering eye. Unfortunately that's reality. Unless you are really lucky and find the one in a million guy who is both attractive and loyal to one woman. I feel for you, but remember, you girls also have incredible power. In my experience it is the woman who ultimately makes the decision of whether to accept a male attention. As you can see by looking throughout these forums men too have enormous problems finding women who are attracted to them. | |
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