| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:11:15 PM | Hi everyone (or anyone ready to critique my rant)
New to this forum thing
maybe shouldn't be posted then again may carry some weight
here goes.
RIght on!
It's always the little things that over time make one realize just how wrong this relationship is (note I didn't say person) just the relationship.
Sick of clingy/possesive women? not that i've had any, just my lucky stars i guess.
Any partner who feels smothered or handicaped must realize that it all started when that euphoric feeling of being: wanted/needed/adored swelled their heads (no pun intended).
And yes it's true when the affiliations at work or social circles start in with the 'He/she doesn't do this for you and that for you" with the ultimate lie nestled in when the co-hort says "why i'd be more than happy if you were mine"
Let's get this straight. The best relations are not compatable at all, It's the palatable ones that last longest.
Why do I say this? because any commitment to a relationship should have it's checks and balances, perhaps alittle too clinical? o.k. call them responsibilities.
Imgine that item you've always wanted and longed to experience. Whether it be its luxury or taste, it's status or security, its place or being. Now realize the dream you make up in your mind after the marketers ( i really scrutinize marketeeers), have set the bait, marketers being anyone or entity that portrays a lifestyle choice that's open to you.
Now accept the fact that some people can be steered right off and into a cliff if it was made their belief to be needed. Credit companies know this and this alone can explain record debtload (that's another story for another time kids)
back to the relations thing,
Think back to when you didn't have that want or desire for attaining that person(and all thier idiosynchroses) that fashionable jewelry(and the hefty insurance premium) that vehicle(with all its expenses). Weren't you free spirited and light in your step? sure you were, and so was the 'apple of your eye' but now after cheating, lying, deceptions all on various scales, you've got it all, or at least so one would think. Well think again.
The notions of ownership are just that, notions. It can all be taken away one way or the other and so go relations.
If there ever was a story of attainment through deception READUP ON THE "BOWERY BIRD"
Here wrap your head around this ladies and gents:
The 'compatables' seemingly start off well enough to find themselves making choices on everything from paint (the young couple in their new appartment/home) to what the other should wear (any G.A.P. or Victoria Secret blurb). All this occuring innocently enough in the way of a 6month - 1 yr 'relationship'
It's at that point where the beginings of the cracks start, call them stresses, not cracks yet but present forces that innevitably lead to small fractures.
Still with me? o.k read on
As the so called 'compatables' get on with their respective assumptions about each other (remember that 'cheeky' and 'all is good' environment) they tend to make decisions that won't or didn't even consult the partner in a meaningfull way. Because they're soooo compatible that they know what the other would accept (read IMPOSED) and I'm talking about liberties taken where they shouldn't be even pondered.
Example: The 'i'm working late and won't be home untill ??? (read gonna make time for someone else right under your nose)
this leaves the uninvolved partner with time unacounted for and emptiness
Example: listening to the 'prying talk' of friends, co-workers, chatty-patty's etc.
Any participant in the conversation has to realize that the nature of the 'he/she should be doing this and that for you' is simply undermining your relations by painting a greener side on the other side of 'your minds fence'.
Worse yet if the talk takes root in the mind of a partner then the tiles are starting to lift. The 'pry' is in.
So our now (miss)informed and not so happy partner has now a basis for wondering and pondering... free speech/thought being one thing, emotional espionage another. the question of 'what if i'd settled with so and so' or 'what if i'd only danced with him/her instead' could my situation been any different?
Probably not.
Participants in this vein usually find themselves longing for the BIGGER BETTER DEAL regardless of which item, or party they commit to.
Because they're never satisfied. GET THIS: At the most with themselves and at the least with others, but the dog and pony show that's orchestrated makes it appear as if they've been faulted.
Truth is if you can't be good to yourself first and foremost how in the hell are you supposed to be all that to someone else?
So the "compatibles" end up intruding on each other at some point and all that sugar has netted them some major decay!
The palatables on the other hand realize that the item/person they're trying to maintain comes with its bitter moments, no surprises here just alot of give and some take.
Just like any business arrangement the partnership may be at times one sided but overall cycles to the mutual benefit of those involved. It's the patience that proves this, perhaps in our modern urban cities this has been forgotten and the quick and instant gratifications have done away with timely values.
Playing house and Keeping house aren't one and the same.
Partners should have some faith in that if their better half does stray or becomes willey, it's up to them to temper the situation, not throw in the towel, proverbially pressing the reset button and hope to start onto a new game.
It's a shame but that old addage it takes a whole village to raise a child rings true, but in some cases the village is full of idiots and these children become ill prepared adults wanting adult things, things they're not at all prepared to deal with in a patient and loving manner.
It's become too common to call a lawyer, take a lover, vacation separately, toil for material things, and the children become bonus points in terms of moneys paid for 'support'
It's sad but all these had their beginings, flawed and obscured by love's wine, labelled compatabilty vintage 69.
Not to say that we're doomed but the institutions that hold onto the old values are in need of a major overhaul.
This would do away with the ugly and lopsided effects of divorce.
Furthermore, what are people thinking when they're having children "out of love" this pandemic has ruined the inner cities and is migrating north here into Canada. Kids having kids.
Gangster punks and the whole lot of it's culture.
(I'm gonna get some flack for that one for sure)
So why sould anyone want a relationship? idunno maybe because it feels right when you're doing things together and collectively, but more importantly because a good relatiionship should allow one to 'grow' into adulthood, maturing into a loved and capable of loving back individual.
Just because some one may be well educated in technical/academic discplines they've got no certificate to prove their willingness to be caring or loyal (these terms get so mixed up) to see to it that you, yes you, grow into love.
It's as if love is a brand everyone thinks they know.
I love my car, it doesn't love me back but on the other hand it doesn't talk back either!
I love my parent although he drives me nuts!
I love my friends, enough to speak my mind with them,
I loved my girlfriend enough to let her go.
So next time you lay there beside your mate, look hard at what you've got for now, and do the math, are you prepared to grow with this person, or are you just working your way to the bigger better deal? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:59:20 PM | Ok Silver, 2 problems.
1. The superman you want is wanted by many-- and he doesn't need to settle.
2. You won't settle. (generic you)
Isn't that a little unrealistic?
I mean, either let the man you want have his courtesans, or be less picky with the ones who want you bad and would worship only you.
The middle ground is *maybe* a pretty good man who might have sex with someone else once or twice in 40 years but he didn't mean it to hurt you. Just like you eating those chocolates and putting on a few pounds wasn't meant to hurt him.
Everyone has flaws. Why does the man have to accept all of yours but not the other way around? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 1:18:10 PM | Lionsmaine - I usually don't read long threads but I read yours. Wow! Good thread . . .
I get 2 things from this: 1) Marriage is really the only thing out there that, in any objective way defines a long term relationship, all others are arbitrary and 2) not only does it take a village to raise a child, but it takes a village effort to keep that child in a stable environment known as marriage.
Right now in our society, both are broken. Thus there are fewer and fewer long term relationships | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 1:28:04 PM | men are enjoying all the chocolates and we have allowed it to happen. The minority, are women who are not out there flaunting their shit on the internet pics, dancing with next to nothing on at the bars, partying it up, etc... yes WE are the minority... and that doesn't mean that we don't have it to flaunt, or enjoy a good time... we have confidence & respect ourselves and want a good man who will respect us too... and you know what??? He will come along and he will be sooo much worth the wait? I am tired of the pain of waiting for him and dealing with all the chocolate tasters... the man that reaches in there and grabs the one in the middle is the one for me! ;)
I agree with you Silver Angel. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 1:28:51 PM | | From Silver Angel ------- > men are enjoying all the chocolates and we have allowed it to happen. The minority, are women who are not out there flaunting their shit on the internet pics, dancing with next to nothing on at the bars, partying it up, etc... yes WE are the minority... and that doesn't mean that we don't have it to flaunt, or enjoy a good time... we have confidence & respect ourselves and want a good man who will respect us too... and you know what??? He will come along and he will be sooo much worth the wait? I am tired of the pain of waiting for him and dealing with all the chocolate tasters... the man that reaches in there and grabs the one in the middle is the one for me! ;) | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 1:46:22 PM | Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore?
My opinion, the world we live in is ever shifting. People are constantly on the move, much moreso than a millenia ago. Whether it's to find a better climate, better work opprotunities, or otherwise. If you look back in the history books, you'll find that unsuccessful relationships started to become a skyrocketing trend when mobilization become more common through trains, cars and airplanes. When people started to travel more frequently, some relationships become impossible to carry out unless both parties worked together to find an ultimate resolve. Thus I feel that unless both parties learn to resolve difficulties such as traveling and trying to raise a family while holding steady jobs, the family unit will become a strongpoint once again in no time at all.
There are other theories that are also heavily supported, one such theory is that the human race is at it's pinnicle of evolution, when theres no way of going up anymore, the ony way to go is down. Thus our relationships are becoming scarce much like many animals, meet, breed, leave, in that trend.
I hope my theories aren't so far out that it becomes overly confusing, ifso I send my sincerest apologies to those who cannot understand my logic on the topic.
-Venomous | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:39:01 PM |
There are other theories that are also heavily supported, one such theory is that the human race is at it's pinnicle of evolution, when theres no way of going up anymore, the ony way to go is down. Thus our relationships are becoming scarce much like many animals, meet, breed, leave, in that trend.
Haha gotta love that theory..
Just hope it isn't true. Cause if this is the best of the best... | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:05:20 PM | | WOW great threads people! I think that theory could be true~I dont think it's the fact that no one wants a relationship anymore, now days people r aware what's out there and r becoming more caustious when it comes to having a relationship again. I think what u give in a realtionship is what u get back! | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:35:20 PM | i never said anything about wanting a superman... and no one should have to settle.
in letting a man have his courtesans, he may as well not be in a relationship... what's he getting out of it... a mother? and i don't want to be 'worshipped' i want to be 'respected' there is a world of difference...
a woman gaining weight after 40 years from eating chocolate or having babies, has absolutely no comparison to a man cheating on someone but not meaning to hurt them... well, if a *pretty good man* spends 40 years with someone and has to ruin that over 1-2x of thinking with something other than his head, he obviously isn't a pretty good man... yeah, everyone makes mistakes... but not 2-3x.... 1x maybe... and with the strength of a solid relationship it can be forgiven.
your statement " Everyone has flaws. Why does the man have to accept all of yours but not the other way around? " - you do NOT know me to even make that comment because if you did you would know I am my worst critic and I know my flaws, I see them more than other people... so in my opinion, someone has to accept me for my flaws, yes as I will do the same...
this forum wasn't about bashing me or men or anything like that for that matter... it was simply 'why doesn't anybody want a relationship' and you have attacked me? why? I do not think i am perfect, far from it... all I was saying is that it is difficult to expect respect if there are so many out there doing things not to earn it... I do accept flaws. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:41:29 PM | i disagree with the implication that people do not want an actual relationship.
the dating industry is a multi-billion one because people are searching for their dream partner but cannot find that special soul mate. if any person on this website, or any website for that matter, met their dream partner then naturally he or she would not think twice about having an actual relationship with the other whom they perceive to be their missing half.
the real problem is that people cannot find their dream partner and therefore we either choose to wait for our ideal partner or we compromise by knowingly accepting a partner not matching our ideals because we can wait no longer
i want a relationship but am not prepared to accept any woman if she lacks the qualities i deem to be essential. physical beauty is not enough; a woman must also possess sweet inner qualities. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 7:34:27 PM | Silver:
2. You won't settle. (generic you)
Do you know what the word "generic" means? I specifically included that word so you would know I was not addressing you personally.
I assume you misread, and accept your apologies.
Anyway-- How can a woman expect respect if she's carrying weight she wants to lose and can't do it? It's a flaw definitely on par with cheating. It's the same issues involved-- Moral courage, self-respect, and respect for your partner.
Set a goal, accomplish it = get respect.
Make a promise, keep it = get respect.
Set a goal, don't accomplish it, complain a lot = no respect.
Make a promise, don't keep it = no respect.
But this statement clearly is the winner?
in letting a man have his courtesans, he may as well not be in a relationship...
Isn't independence great? We can have our courtesans, and no one has to "let us." | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 8:30:13 PM | Yup Seattle, and money. Money for diets, diet food, gym membership, exercise equipment, bigger clothes, smaller clothes, etc., etc.
Plus the ever constant emotional drain of needing reassurance and validation.
Then there's the sneaking out to the drive-thru. If THAT isn't betrayal. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 8:58:58 PM | Cheating affects other's emotions. Being fat really only affects the person who is fat - if you let it affect you, then you are being ridiculous. Being fat is that person's problem, not YOURS. Cheating, however, directly affects both of you, especially if it is not revealed and STDs can be transmitted.
I don't think weight can trasmit disease, but correct me if I'm wrong  | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:20:39 PM | Nope you're not wrong Pan, about the STD. But insofar as the VALUES of respect and moral courage, there is definitely a parallel.
Now, I was only referring to someone who is overweight and >>>doesn't want to be. Someone who is completely happy with their weight won't be as disruptive to the relationship.
But people who aren't? It must be like living hell to be with one. I have seen people go through the drive thru and sit in their car and chow 4-5 big macs then toss out the evidence. Imagine them going home and complaining they try everything but just can't lose weight.
Cheating sexually might not be the worst thing a person could do.
And relationships seem to always take a lot of work-----for the "other" person. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:38:35 PM | | I think the key word in your statement is men. You said all you men out there. You should have said all your boy's out there would have answered your question at the same time you wrote it. Boys are not muture, men are. Dave | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:41:11 PM | Women are venomous about two things: Their weight, and Your cheating. Starving children don't even get them worked up a little bit by comparison.
The insecurities are so deep. So deep brother.
Eating and cheating are both vices. Both involve a lack of self control. Both are disrespectful to the partner, both create lots of issues. Doesn't matter what gender.
But notice how protective women are of their each other and their own vices? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:20:19 PM | I think a lot of people want a long term relationships though some guys are too sex obsessed to maintain one. The problem is that as people get older they either have been burned and have baggage so they're wary, they don't want to get married, etc.
I think part of the problem is that people are too romantic. They want to be "spontaneous" as if this were some kind of nobel trait. They enjoy doing things without thinking them thorugh, and then they're surprised when they're confronted with unanticipated problems. The people who make long term relationships work are generally not that spontaneous or impulsive. They know what their values and standards are. They look for someone not just with common interests but common values. Or else they find this by accident, or one partner submits to the other.
Here's my question for the ladies; what type of guy are you looking for and how do you try to meet him? Perhaps that would shed some light on why you meet the type of guys that you do. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:34:02 PM |
There are other theories that are also heavily supported, one such theory is that the human race is at it's pinnicle of evolution, when theres no way of going up anymore, the ony way to go is down.
I don't know that there's really such a thing as a 'pinnacle' of evolution. Evolution is not so much about creatures getting better and better, but rather about adapting to their environment. From an evolutionary standpoint, people aren't "better" than alge, they're just adapted to surviving in different environments. (Of course, I value people more than algae, but that's not spiritual rather than scientific statement)
From an evolutionary standpoint, if a woman needs a man for cooperation, protection, etc. it makes sense to find one. If she isn't needy and can have kids with a man and raise them herself, then she can have kids with a man who is in better shape than the one who she could get a committment from. If there are a lot of women doing this (or if our culture and lifestyle makes us feel like a lot of women are doing this), men will have less desire to commit. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:48:30 PM |
Women are venomous about two things: Their weight, and Your cheating. Starving children don't even get them worked up a little bit by comparison.
What if a guy let his weight go up? Would his wife be justified cheating on him then?
As was mentioned earlier, cheating can get a partner sick for life, involuntarily. That's a hell of a lot worse than someone gaining weight. Binge eating is a problem, sure. But personally I could eat all day and still be lean and mean. My body just won't allow it. (I'll get other problems, but my weight won't change.)
Because of this, I'm a bit more sympathetic of others gaining weight. If I can't gain it, maybe some have a terrible time losing it. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/21/2005 10:39:39 AM | WDYT wrote --- >Women are venomous about two things: Their weight, and Your cheating. Starving children don't even get them worked up a little bit by comparison.
Children's sickness / Dr. visits are on this same par. I am driving 35 miles one way today to take my daughter to the docter. The costodial parent, although giving me permission to do this, will not do it herself. Even though her daughter cannot walk right now due to tendonitus. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/21/2005 11:28:39 AM | | why would a man that has been focked over by one girl or another who is in his prime owns his own house/condo has a great job walks his dog for fresh air wanna be tied down by one girl he's already been jaded ....why would someone be wanting different especially in this day and age of cyber love he could have a different girl every week the thing is its those corporate barbi beeatches that wrecked it for all us nice girls so now these guys are just looking for casual... | |
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