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 big_small_world
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 101
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' TheoryPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
As a "nice guy" one thing that I've noticed is that age plays a role, at least for me. I find that women in my age range tend to go for the a holes. I have had quite a bit of success with older women, though. I think the older ladies are over all of the bs the jerks put them through. I tested this theory by dating a young lady and treating her like crap. I'd ignore her and avoid contact for days at a time. It seemed to me that the worse I treated her the more she chased me.****move, I know, but when I finally started to show attention and treat her how I was raised to treat women she lost interest.
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 102
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:05:16 PM
I'll admit to agreeing with this, BUT...where most men seem to make their primary mistake, is in determining what an "alpha male" actually is. In the forums, seems most of the men who aren't having any luck with the ladies, they seem to equate an alpha male with being a "bad boy" or an azzhole. Perhaps to explain their lack of success, I guess?

But it's not really so, at least not in my eyes, or in most of my female friends' eyes, for what we've always been seeking.

A man CAN be a nice guy, and still be an alpha. Perhaps it's because my friends and I are older, but if I had to sum it up in my views at least, what we view an alpha man to be is simply a CAPABLE man. Capable, confident, and yet still nice. No azzholes, no "bad boys"...just capable men. THAT is a true "alpha man" to me, at least.

I'm guessing only the women posters will get what I mean by capable, but, there it is. Has nothing to do with chest-puffing, machismo, neanderthal traits. Simply confident, capable, perhaps unassuming, and still...a good guy. JMO

Very awesome post.
Nice guys and bad boys alike should be taking notes from this post.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 103
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:20:41 PM
In the forums, seems most of the men who aren't having any luck with the ladies, they seem to equate an alpha male with being a "bad boy" or an azzhole.

True... they want to put things as Mr Nice Guy vs Complete Jerk.... if gals don't want them, they think they have to start being the biggest A-hole in the bar (no, he is not the only one who gets girls; and don't assume guys who do are a-holes to them).

A man CAN be a nice guy, and still be an alpha.

Yes, he can be a nice guy, but not a Nice Guy, if you catch my drift. ;)

what we view an alpha man to be is simply a CAPABLE man.

Well, I wouldn't say that so much. Yes, confident, very true. And depends on what you mean by Capable. Capable of providing I would see more the lines of Beta male, and what Beta male rides on to get a girl... but an Alpha male would obviously be better with that too.

I think it comes down to attitude, presence, and persona that a guy projects out. Not merely lacking in lack of confidence, but seen and felt as a guy with confidence, leadership, and solid decision making skills. It's a projection & impression they get from him.... it's also one's style & swagger that aids in it, not just choice of words & body language (which is a big thing). It's an overall impression. A guy who doesn't need the girl -- the guy who may very well be interested -- but you have to garner his interest, too. That kinda guy -- a guy who comes off as a Great Catch. I think Mr Nice Guy is the guy who ends up being the fish that jumps in the boat by himself and says "Please, take me home, and throw me on your grill!"

And yes, I agree -- it's not necessarily the Bad Boy. He has alpha qualities, but he's also just a jerk on top of it. Projecting A-holeness does bring forth alpha qualities, and that's just a guy with issues whose quickest route to alpha-type is that.
 miami_man81
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 104
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:59:58 PM
holy grail? man are girls that special, guys have to use newsletters and techniques to get a girl or girls? Screw that, the way I go about it is just be myself and my personlity and if they arent intersted, oh well their loss and if they do, then thats good for them...
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 105
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 9:07:16 AM
Just because I don't buy into it and doing what I do has worked, doesn't mean I'm wrong. This isn't politics where if you disagree, you're automatically wrong. Sorry that I don't have to use played out tactics to meet women and spend thousands for something that the opposite sex has picked up on.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 106
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 9:31:29 AM
I'm guessing only the women posters will get what I mean by capable, but, there it is. Has nothing to do with chest-puffing, machismo, neanderthal traits. Simply confident, capable, perhaps unassuming, and still...a good guy. JMO.

Too vague. Alpha males: 1. Don't appear to really care what other people think; they usually make their own decisions, and when they use other's input, they often don't credit that person because the original idea, they feel, was their own. Bad boys don't care either, and NEVER give other's the credit they deserve even if it wasn't originally their own idea at all. It looks the same. 2. Alphas are usually charismatic, and display leadership behavior; other people are drawn to them. Bad boys are loud and domineering, and have their fellow bad boys as followers; it looks similar, even if it's not.
3. Alphas 'lead'; others follow because they know the alpha has been successful in the past. They tell others what to do because they often have the authority to do so. Bad boys tell others what to do, and employ physical/mental pressure for them to do what they want, even though they usually do not have any authority over them. But it looks the same. 4. Alpha males break rules when they feel that the rule is wrong, or shouldn't apply. Bad boys break the rules simply because they like to show they can. But it looks the same. 5. Alpha males 'push the envelope' of lots of things they do, taking calculated risks and know the odds of success or failure. Bad boys go beyond the norm too, but do so because they want to shoe that the rules don't apply to them. Looks the same. Get it? Alpha males are quite 'capable'. Bad boys only appear to be. But the illusion is all it takes. And the vast majority of women get taken in by it every time. How many times do you hear women being attracted to somebody that's bad for her? Yet, she 'can't control herself'. She's 'in love'. Maybe this will help those poor souls to identify each type, and distinguish the difference. Not that I'm an alpha; but I'm not a bad boy, either. I'm not great, but I'm 'good'.
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 107
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Posted: 10/26/2011 11:49:58 AM
Just because I don't buy into it and doing what I do has worked, doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Nah, trust me. You're wrong. Do some research and then come back and talk. Like I said before, if you think PUAs are all about spouting lines and guys spending butt loads of cash, then you obviously don't know what you're talking about. And you, sir, make it clear that you don't.
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 108
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:00:34 PM
I think it all boils down to the "law of attraction".If your a hot looking guy,it doeosn't matter if your a "nice guy type" or a total ass,you'll get the hot chicks no matter what.Or for that matter you can get any woman you want thats available.Same goes for women.If your a hot chick you can get any guy you want,be it an ass,or a nice guy type."Nice guys finish last" only applies when your less than average looking,overweight,not working etc.Those type of guys probably won't have success with the hot chicks but might have to settle for a similar looking and in the same situation type woman.A less than average looking woman who again is over wieght,untidy,in a less than average social situation won't get the hot looking well to do guy,because he won't be interested in her cause he can do better.So my theory is that theres no such thing as a "Nice guys finish last"syndrome or even a "Nice girls finish last" syndrome.It all depends on who you are,what you look like,who you can attract.If your hot,you'llget what you wan't.If your not your opportunities will be limited.It only stands to reason.The Law of Attraction.
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 109
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:00:55 PM
I think it all boils down to the "law of attraction".If your a hot looking guy,it doeosn't matter if your a "nice guy type" or a total ass,you'll get the hot chicks no matter what.Or for that matter you can get any woman you want thats available.Same goes for women.If your a hot chick you can get any guy you want,be it an ass,or a nice guy type."Nice guys finish last" only applies when your less than average looking,overweight,not working etc.Those type of guys probably won't have success with the hot chicks but might have to settle for a similar looking and in the same situation type woman.A less than average looking woman who again is over wieght,untidy,in a less than average social situation won't get the hot looking well to do guy,because he won't be interested in her cause he can do better.So my theory is that theres no such thing as a "Nice guys finish last"syndrome or even a "Nice girls finish last" syndrome.It all depends on who you are,what you look like,who you can attract.If your hot,you'llget what you wan't.If your not your opportunities will be limited.It only stands to reason.The Law of Attraction.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 110
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:10:13 PM
I still have no clue what a "nice" guy is. In these articles, they throw "nice" around like a stunt man in a Jackie Chan movie. Seriously, they mention "nice" like four times and never explain what they heck that means. Anyone else notice it?

 ozziefuzzie
Joined: 9/30/2011
Msg: 111
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:19:45 PM
I want a good guy. I always find the bad ones.
someone who is real and who wants a relantionship and not relationshins.
I'm tired of the doormats.
 bodypro88
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 112
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:27:23 PM
I don't read those articles. I see a lot of definitions on pof threads about nice guys, bad boys, good guys, guys that are somewhere in between, real guys, alpha males, guys that are doing just fine thank you, guys that won't stop being nice guys and don't come back to me biatch when your hot bad boy slaps you around and kicks you to the curb. Guys that got women all figured out for all the good it does them.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 113
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:21:54 PM
Simon, I think 'nice guy' and 'good guy' are about as open to individual interpretation as are 'true love' and 'Mr./Ms. Right'.

Personally, I think the terms 'nice guy' and 'good guy' are not necessarily interchangeable. A nice guy may be someone who behaves well towards others (plays well in the sandbox, so to speak). That doesn't necessarily mean he won't cheat on his gf or spouse, or keep money from a wallet he finds, etc. A good guy might or might not have as much social skills as a nice guy has, but he has high morals and ethics and lives by them.

At least, that's how I perceive those expressions.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 114
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:34:45 PM
Think what you want about me. I know what works for me, and that kinda thing isn't for me. I'm confident enough in myself to not have to use it.
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 115
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Posted: 10/26/2011 2:38:59 PM

I think it all boils down to the "law of attraction".If your a hot looking guy,it doeosn't matter if your a "nice guy type" or a total ass,you'll get the hot chicks no matter what.Or for that matter you can get any woman you want thats available.Same goes for women.If your a hot chick you can get any guy you want,be it an ass,or a nice guy type."Nice guys finish last" only applies when your less than average looking,overweight,not working etc.Those type of guys probably won't have success with the hot chicks but might have to settle for a similar looking and in the same situation type woman.A less than average looking woman who again is over wieght,untidy,in a less than average social situation won't get the hot looking well to do guy,because he won't be interested in her cause he can do better.So my theory is that theres no such thing as a "Nice guys finish last"syndrome or even a "Nice girls finish last" syndrome.It all depends on who you are,what you look like,who you can attract.If your hot,you'llget what you wan't.If your not your opportunities will be limited.It only stands to reason.The Law of Attraction.

The only "law to Attraction" is that it makes no logical sense.
Good looking guys don't always have it so easy with women, because good looknig guys can be "nice guys" as well. Looks only matter up to a certain point. I've seen very average looking guys dating women that reach the 10 scale. It's not so much the looks that matter. It's how a guy carries himself, his confidence, and his general persona.
To say that all you have to be is good looking to get a woman is just silly. Same goes for a woman. A woman can be drop dead gorgeous, and when you talk to her, SURPRISE! She has about as much personality as a brick. Yeah, you might want to bone her, but as far as a relationship goes? There are other girls out there that you can bone AND have a long term relationship with.

And when people are referring to "nice guys," they're talking about the guys who use Niceness to try and get the girl. In other words, they walk on egg shells tot ry not to offend her, try to impress her by taking her out to expensive dinners, and will drop any plans he may have at the drop of a hat to go out with this girl. Desperate, needy, clingy, approval seeking guys are typically referred to as "nice guys."
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 116
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Posted: 10/26/2011 2:40:09 PM

Think what you want about me. I know what works for me, and that kinda thing isn't for me. I'm confident enough in myself to not have to use it.
I don't think anything about you. But I know that you don't know what you're talking about. I am just correcting you.

You're welcome.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 117
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:14:01 PM
You can't correct me if I'm not wrong. Clearly you care enough to keep having to tell me I'm "wrong".
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 118
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Posted: 10/26/2011 4:48:26 PM

You can't correct me if I'm not wrong

I just did.
Now you're just mad.
Get back on topic and stop derailing the thread.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 119
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:24:26 AM
Funny. You blast me for it, but the other guy disagrees to and is ignored.

Back on topic: Here's a question, common courtesy has gone out the window. Since we are talking about extremes here about the nice guy and the ***hole...is common courtesy a good thing or is it something that does nothing for you, ladies?
 badboyeddie
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 120
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:30:25 PM
just let them all be stupid.
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 121
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Posted: 10/27/2011 2:27:08 PM
What your talking about is called "chivalry".A decent woman still likes a guy to open car doors,buy her flowers,please her in all respects.If a guy treats a woman shitty and just uses her for his own purpose,then she has no self respect for herself. If she keeps going back for more.A "nice guy"type can be an ***hole if the situation calls for it.Every action causes a reaction.If he needs to be strong,assertive,take control,be a leader,he can be if the situation calls for it.Some guys like to be a **** and let the woman be in control.Some woman like to be in control.Chivalry is not dead and some woman still expect and appreciate it.It doesn't mean your boring,a door mat or a mommas boy.Its called being a gentleman.
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 122
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Posted: 10/27/2011 5:02:54 PM

Funny. You blast me for it, but the other guy disagrees to and is ignored.
Nah, I just corrected you and you didn't like it.


Back on topic:
I love being the alpha male.

As for common courtesy, I've heard of women actually getting mad that guys open doors for them. The whole 'equality' thing, I suppose.

Being chivalrice isn't going to ruin your chances of getting the girl. There's a difference between being chivalrice and approval seeking.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 123
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Posted: 10/27/2011 5:13:46 PM

Back on topic: Here's a question, common courtesy has gone out the window. Since we are talking about extremes here about the nice guy and the ***hole...is common courtesy a good thing or is it something that does nothing for you, ladies?


Why do you have the impression that common courtesy has gone out the window? I find that odd indeed, since most people I know, both male and female, still adhere to the basic tenets of said concept.

I certainly wouldn't let the door of a store slam behind me in an elderly lady's face rather than stopping to hold it open for her, (or anyone's, for that matter) so why would I treat a date or a partner any different? (Just using that as one example).

Yes, IMO, common courtesy will always be a good thing.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 124
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:13:57 PM
RockyDakota, a man who treats me with common courtesy, and also does so with the server if we are ordering a coffee, has made a very good first impression (everything else being reasonable). I would hope my response is the norm. It's hard to imagine a woman not viewing such behaviour in a positive light.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 125
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 10/27/2011 6:11:33 PM

I love being the alpha male.

Whoever said you were is lying to you. Because you can't seem to let someone have an opinion, there for you are nothing close to an alpha male.
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