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 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 176
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' TheoryPage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
^^^ Therein lies a major stumbling-block..!!
~Getting to know a guy.....~ generally involves _Responding to his initial message_..!!
You can't catch what you don't ~at least~ give a chance to..!!
If you're looking for a decent guy....Give a decent guy A Chance...!!
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 177
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/19/2011 6:27:53 PM
Funny how Gut-level attraction means they have to be over 6 feet tall, even though you can't judge height in a photograph very well. Interesting how higher-income jobs make guys look more handsome, too. Don't kid yourself that you would get to know the guy if you didn't have SOME attraction to begin with.

I know that guys can become more or less attractive by what they say or do in an interaction, but the first gut-level impression - at least online - has NOTHING to do with 'getting to know' them. That's step TWO, and judging by the huge number of guys begging people to evaluate their profiles in that thread, it's one of the most difficult steps to cross over.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 178
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/19/2011 7:21:14 PM
white rabbit. I agree, I think that the more detailed these profiles get, the worse it is for people. There is something to be said for the old twenty word classified personals that connected you to a phone number right away.
 TimmyBoy2009
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 179
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/20/2011 4:15:15 AM
I don't believe nice guys finish last because I'm a nice guy, I pull from time to time, and many of my nice guy mates have good relationships going on.

I think the perception that nice guys finish last comes from the fact that most of us have had at least one female friend who seems to insist on going out with guys who make her unhappy and won't go for you no matter how much she sings your praises.

The thing is, going out with people who make you unhappy might seem irrational, but I think it can be explained through life experience. If you experience the same problems again and again in relationships then you can start to wonder if that's just how it is and it's something you'll have to just accept if you don't want to be single forever. For example, one girlfriend I had was very flaky, and while that sort of behaviour usually winds me up no end, she was very good looking and I didn't have the confidence to call BS in the way that I usually would. I thought maybe I was just being too stubborn and it was just an aspect of relationships that I would have to come to terms with if I didn't want to be alone forever and/or keep having the same argument. We all occasionally lower our standards because we feel it's the only way to get ahead in an imperfect world.
 -metal4life-
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 180
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/20/2011 1:00:59 PM
In 27 years of trying to change my "nice guy" attitude(thanks mom n dad), I've noticed that it's really very consistent. I'll give y'all a rundown how it started ladies.

A kid is born, and grows up in a loving, caring, and BORING family. His bible thumper parents teach him that if he does everything right, he'll never fail and make everybody happy and approving, and they expect it of him. So throughout middle school he learns how to be a people pleaser and get good grades and always do the right thing much to the detriment of his social life or what passes for such.

Soon he hits teenage years and begins to question everything thus far, he realizes he now has no real understanding of dating or how to go about it because it was hammered into his head from kindergarden that sex was bad, and a "sin", and that he should.....get this......"cover his ears and eyes" when R scenes come up in a movie mom n dad are watching, which dad quickly skips so his precious child would never have to see what really goes on in life. Which itself is possible because good 'ol mom n pop took him out of public school and started homeschooling at 11 so he wouldn't "get into the drugs and lifestyle" that his two older sisters took FULL advantage of at school.

Now a lot of kids might, at this point, rebel and get into drugs or sex or drinking or what have you, but....this kid, who loves his parents and, like your typical church kid, buys into their nice religious boring life, doesn't want to disappoint them so he learns the curse of perfectionism. He's LITERALLY trained from the cradle to BE a doormat. It's not his choice, he doesn't know any better, and when he DOES learn better, by now it's a habit.

Sure, he moves out and gets a job and finds a 16 year old gf at 21 and finally loses his virginity at 22, later, when that ends, he joins the military and manages to leave many of his ridiculous inhibitions behind, he doesn't look around when a curse word slips, he doesn't care. But even now, after 10 years of growing up, he still hasn't mastered social skills because he never had the base to start from in high school and never learned how to interact with others successfully so he'll quite possibly live his life being "that weird, awkward guy", that "creeper" bouncing from one doomed relationship to the next looking for a way out...looking to be normal.

You might call him a "nice guy", might crucify him for not "growing a pair", and to a degree, maybe he deserves it, but what do you do when you don't know better until it's too late? Can you change who you are?
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 181
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/20/2011 6:05:57 PM
^^^^^ Metal4life, a lot of people (me, for instance) were 'late bloomers' when it comes to social interaction. At 41 I started dating for the first time. He was a wonderful man with whom I had 17 years of true love before he passed away.

But here's the thing: He had been in a horrible marriage in which even his kids told me he had been treated like a slave and that she had been a cruel master. He stayed because of the kids. By the time he and I got together, he had no self-confidence and would have done absolutely anything to make me happy -- basically, enslave himself to me. So I did the only thing that I could to help him get back his self-confidence and self-esteem -- I deliberately took a back seat, so he was able to take the helm. I'm a strong person, but he needed his chance to learn he, too, could be strong.

Perhaps the woman for you is a lady who is not only truly loving but also empathic. Even at your young age, there should be some. That would make a huge difference for the better in you developing social skills and confidence in a healthy relationship.
 rockhounds
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 182
'Good Guys Finish Last'
Posted: 3/11/2012 1:19:47 AM
Your analysis is spot on. If you treat them like ... "I'll gve you a call" and then don't for a week - works. Be non commental, mysterious, and vague ...WORKS. Don't be a nice guy!
 Beautiful_drmr
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 183
'Good Guys Finish Last'
Posted: 3/16/2012 8:03:13 AM
My ex is a nice guy. I fell in love with him. But he didn't fall in love with me. You don't have to be a jerk to get a beautiful woman. I'm also smart, funny, and sweet. I hate childish games. Be a man not a little boy. I get frustrated because you have to put on a damn act with a man and act like you don't like him or want him. That's just not something I'm good at. I'm pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm not good at hiding my feelings for a man. It shows on my face. Every time I saw my ex or talked to him I lit up. Part of me still loves him. I'm trying to move on because he and I will never be. I just can't seem to find anyone yet that makes me feel the way he did. My point is all women are different and all men are different. Just be genuine and treat her with respect. If she doesn't respond then she's not the one for you anyway. Same applies for women when it comes to men.
 bronzcoco
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 184
'Good Guys Finish Last'
Posted: 3/16/2012 9:25:30 AM
Most of the guys I meet are emotionally immature. I would be so grateful to meet a good guy who is emotionally stable. There is nothing wrong with being good/nice. I've been told that I am too nice, but that is how I am and I am not going to change (although I do have boundaries and I do take them seriously). A nice guy just has to find the right woman who will appreciate his niceness. And, I am right here!!
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/16/2012 10:43:00 AM
If "nice" is used as a ploy (as in a pickup line) then I guess you only get what you pay for.
On the other hand, if it represents a value system, a set of core beliefs, rules that you live by, the courage to follow whatever convictions you independently choose - that's a different story.

I can be as rebellious a bad boy as I choose to be, while keeping the perspective that there are always consequences. Battles of will are always part of life. But the wisdom to know when to negotiate and compromise are part of the learning curve.

Whatever you wear upon your sleeve like an announcement banner - comes across like those annoying commercials we try to avoid. When it's inherent by nature, then it is applied naturally. The suit fits. It requires no iron in the soul, or wrestles with mortality, or struggles with moral accountability. It's as easy as the most honest reponses we ever have.

We all start out trained and conditioned to respond to certain signals. As time goes by, we learn that those signals have mixed messages, and the information they imply aren't always what they appear to be.

If you grow in life to be the person you want to be, inside and out - and feel your life a success as a result of that - yet bomb romantically over and over again - would you change stripes just to achieve that end? Then what would romantic success have to offer? It could offer the world - but there'd be no-one home to receive it.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 186
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/16/2012 12:26:00 PM
This thread is the very embodiment of why i am never chasing after a date again. If it happens it happens. There is no consensus on what nice actually means.

You want a bad boy? then then you get a bad relationship. You pick a boring guy? then you are in for boredom. You receive exactly that which you ask for. It is of course worth noting that the boring ones could be lacking inspiration. So ladies how does being uninspiring feel?

Whatever happened to loyalty and trust? far more important trying to hang a label on what nice actually means.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 187
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/16/2012 12:45:00 PM
Ditto that, UK~~
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 188
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:22:23 PM
I've never dated a nice guy because I've never met one.
 ITWYLD
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 189
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/17/2012 12:28:37 AM

Your analysis is spot on. If you treat them like ... "I'll gve you a call" and then don't for a week - works. Be non commental, mysterious, and vague ...WORKS.


If you wait a week before calling me, I'm LONG gone, and already moved onto the next man who is sniffing around.

Seriously guys.....throw those old and antiquated rules in the trash bin. No woman who has options will wait around for you to get your head out of your as*.

If you are interested, do what it takes to keep the girl!!

 JoshuaDallas
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 190
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:47:50 PM
Ive asked myself this same question time and time again, the only thing I could come up with is primal selection. I think it comes to basics a strong reliable male will get a females attention before the quite unsure male anyday ive been down that road many times and I think primal selection is to blame for that one.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 191
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:10:54 PM
and like many pickup artists/dating coaches, he gets it wrong. Many tend to focus on the type of girl they want, rather than women in general.

We all spend our spare time with people who make us feel good about our beliefs, not bad about them. That means, if we have a bad habit, we tend to date someone with that habit, as well. We don't see it as a red flag, because then we'd have to admit we're flying it, too. In short, when you see a hottie with a jerk, go talk to the people who know her...and you'll hear about behavior you wouldn't put with if it came from someone who wasn't pleasant-looking to you.

Some good looking women have grown up having things handed to them, so yes, they tend to use people and not realize they've met a guy doing the same. But others are insecure, and aren't looking for a relationship, but a conquest, or a roof over their head, or just to not be alone. by asking for so little in a relationship..they end up getting all of it.

a lot of women look for good men...called, husbands. they tend to be off our radar screen as a result. but science noticed it, that the good guy does end last--as the one helping with the procreation, after the woman has sowed her wild seeds.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 192
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 3/21/2012 3:14:51 PM
I don't get why we separate ourselves from every other animal so much.... You know why the nice guy doesn't get the girl so much? Because most of the time, the nice guy isn't the guy that the girl wants to get in bed with just by looking at him. It's the same reason that you didn't give tons of nice girls the chance because they weighed too much.

The nice guy eventually does get the girl, when it's time to raise her family... but until then, the girl is either sexually attracted to you or she isn't, she doesn't care how nice or mean you are, she cares how good you are in bed, and how fast she wants to get you naked.

These are the things that drive us to the other person, no matter how much people here will try to deny it. There's a reason that every girl that's considered "sexy" has an amazing body, and why the guys always have the 6 pack, and that natural model look. The point to all of this is procreation, that's why we do it.

Humans, like literally every other mammal that's ever existed, is driven to the opposite gender by sex.
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