| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:36:34 PM | Yes, girls want a nice guy. The problem is (and I didnt realize this until recently) that the bad ass guys always tell us exactly what we want to hear... they are somehow blessed with the ability to charm us. Most of us girls are naive and very trustworthy... and then we dont realize it until we get our hearts broken. We think and believe that there is a "nice guy" behind the bad boy image... but when we come to our senses we realize that its just a lie. But to answer your question, Yes... girls do want a good, solid, nice and romantic guy. We want the cheezy fairytale that everyone sees in those disney movies. And we are all doomed to fall for mr wrong sooner or later. I wish you the best of luck finding miss right!
~Amy | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:37:01 PM | "Nice"... the DEFINITIVE answer
"Men and women are attracted to the opposite of what they want."
Being a guy, I'll write from the male POV... And yes, with VERY few changes, this applies equally to women. Change a few traits and pretty everthing applies to NiceGuys(tm). and NiceGals(tm)...
Plain and simple, women and men -want- a "nice guy/gal", but thousands of years of evolution have coded them to -respond- to a "strong hot guy/gal". Strong parents mean strong children mean the tribe is stronger, etc. Of course this was all coded way back when we were still living in caves, and the built in safeguards of "being eaten by dinner" weeded out the posers automatically.
OK... now just from the guy side...
Nowadays, unfortunately, typically that strength MAY be most apparent in the "bad-boys". Why? Because they are out there whooping it up, confident and macho. There is a physical attraction...and lets be honest, both men and women need physical attraction at some level, right?
Person sees, responds, ends up crying about it to the nice guy. The nice guy (friend) has the quiet strength to pick you up, help back on your feet, keep on going. Of course since he's not necessarily displaying the obvious strength or "out-there confidence", she keeps on going right past him.
Thinking back to a PoF get-together in Winnipeg... the ladies were openly declaring that they want contradictory things without realizing it. One said she wanted a "nerd with confidence". Ummm what?
All those things that make him a nerd tend to drive him into a state of low confidence, or at least not being one to be able to put on that outward display of confidence. As a single nice-guy male (and nerd) in the group... whew... did I ever bite my tongue!
Trust me I am one. I'm a nerd, I have some self-confidence.. but I'm not going to be out there and "tell you how it's gonna be".
Ladies, does this ring a bell? "I want someone nice, stable, and caring... but that guy who's wild and all-out there has it going for me... a bit of the bad-boy in him.."
What we get back to in the end, is that people aren't -looking- for something, they are just -responding- to it. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression"... but the first impression is rarely a complete story, and often a completely inaccurate story. So let me change that a little...OK, maybe they are looking, but end up responding to something quite different from what they think they were looking for...
So back to the Dilemmas and definitive answer...
The "Bad-boy/Bad-girl" dilemma...
The "nice" guy/gal thinks they have to be a type of person, or act in a manner that isnt them, to be noticed... Because they percieve (and see!) those they are attracted to reponding to the "bad-boy". It's a perception that has "some" validity...
These perceptions (rightly or wrongly) can be reinforced when a relationship ends, and the "nice" gal/guy (who offers friendship, love, stability, all the things the partner said they craved), sees the other gravitating to the "bad-girl/bad-boy", or engaging in "bad-boy/bad-girl" behaviors. The opposite to what they said they truely wanted or were looking for
The "Friends" Dilemma...
Looking for love, and finding only friends? Hey, if I had any answers here, I wouldnt be single right? And I'd richer than Dr.Phil!!!
In a friendship already? So the "nice" folks have to make a choice, either remain the friend and have all the ups and downs of being that friend, or admit they feel more, want more, require more, and won't settle for less.
Risky, eh? And if that's really what you want, maybe you just have to "go for it" even though it may be difficult and may even result in the end of a "friendship"...
There are many other Dilemmas too... I just cant type anymore...
My endurance in this d@mm chair is at an end for now... so better wrap it up here...
"Definitive" answer? HAH! No such thing...
I have no great wisdom or answers... simply a few observations..
I'm just as much in the dark as any other normal single person...LOL
I say nice guys/gals don't finish last, they just need more time to find smarter women/men who recognize a good thing when they see it.... or at least I hope it's so...
Ok.. I REALLY hope it's so... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?winston877..............
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:38:31 PM | | Yes I would like a nice guy. The prob is you talk for awhile on here and on the phone, then meet in person. When ever I have met someone for coffee I am on time pay for my own and you know what they still never call again. I hear they want love and not a show peice on thier arm. Well I say BS. I stood by my husband for 3 and half months in a comma while he died so he would not be alone. I put my kids, life and job on hold. If men were really looking for true love then looks would not matter a whole hell of a lot. I want a nice guy. I want to love and be loved back and that is it. But there donesnt seem to be anything like that around anymore. If you ever do find one hold on tight. They are few and far between. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 7:28:23 PM | k, i'm in the same boat as you winston877......
why dont men want nice girls??? they always go for the ****y nasty ones so.......it works both ways.
as for me, I WOULD LOVE A NICE GUY! i did the ***hole thing for a while and it was fun, but i'm tired of that and tired of being treated badly, so for a while now i've been looking for a NICE guy.....just seems there are none left where i live.... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:45:49 PM | | i actually have to agree with you there Tony. i have had that happen to me. i used to be a jerk that wore his sexuality on his sleve, and it got me more places than i really wanted to go. but hiding that sexuality has made more women scared of me than i have ever seen. it's rediculous! i have to find the middle ground, but it's hard because even in the past 5 years attitudes towards sex and sexuality have changed so much that it's difficult to approach an attractivew girl and wonder if she's gonna scream harrassment on me for coming on too strong even though i'm jsut trying to be friendly. it's a difficult workd out there Tony, and i really don't know what to think anymore. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/21/2005 12:18:55 AM | | alot of people in this soiciety loves to fuk other ppl it's just how it goes ..... some people even think it's kool to play a game personally i don't get it.... yes there are some girls in this world left that wants a good guy but it's hard to when there are so many guys that make the good ones look bad.... it's just the way it is | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/21/2005 10:41:38 AM | Hey, Tony,
Man, you got that right! Openness and honesty seem to scare the crap out of younger women. I guess they are just so used to being constantly lied to by guys who are only after sex, an honest man, with feelings, and not afraid to express them, just freaks them out. Honesty and sincerety are concepts they just cannot handle.
Not all, mind you, but most. For the 4 or 5 young women I have real close friendships with, there are 50 who I would have liked to, but who seem wary. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 2:53:45 PM | ...and I have "played" it both ways to see what happens!.
The problem is that when you are open and honest they think that you are playing them and that you are really a wolf in sheeps clothing!.
Shancy - I bet the guy that didn't call you often had you thinking about him more.
Unfortunately there is a 'blip' in human nature that makes you want the things that are not readily available. It works wonders sometimes to not answer the phone when you are usually answering on first ring!.
Tony | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 2:59:37 PM | | i eahr ya there woman........ it's like i go out and it's like i have to have my blouse buttoned up just to get some kind of attention ..even though i wouldn't lower myself to do it but still it's like u have to be showin some kindd of body part for a good man bad man what ever the case is.......cause after all men are men | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 37 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 3:19:02 PM | most woman say one thing and do another , the ones whao actually want a good guy are the ones who were beaten up by a bad boy , are usually older like intier late 30's or early forties , younger guys are screwed ...
I have been playing with the darkside , it actually works but I can keep the bad boy going just so much then they seem e as I am then become a very good freind with a shoulder to cry on .
Womena say they want a bad boy with a good boy inside are mostly full of it been there done that . Even real nice girls want a bad boy and place a nice guy in the friend box .
POF never got me anywhere in a year .
First impressions are lasting to them , one wrong move as a nice guy your are screwed , that is why I have bought books and tried courses even classes on dating women . mostly point on being a bad boy for the most part and it works , still going to the darkside , badboy will take over and become me , then I will be happier with an actual and real dating life .
Guys just kill the nice guy have the badboy take over , that is what they want really on the inside , not a guy who will be there and a shoulder to cry on , one who will fix their booboo's , the darkside is beckoning , much of your dreams will come true when you get there , feel the darkside pulling ? | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 4:41:34 PM | | I personally want a good man. One that is trustworthy. Out of that trust comes everything else....even love. Unfortunately, people just don't know how to be trustworthy. They skew their answers to make themselves appear to be something they are not. They work so hard at being something they aren't that they forget who they are. Someone in a previous thread mentioned being yourself. Of course, when you are yourself that opens you up for a world of hurt. My advice is to be who you are, warts and all. If someone is to know you and love you then they have to know the real you. If you are real, then the good guy/ nice guy question will be answered. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 4:57:02 PM | | I hear you.Most woman do want anice guy BUT they want the challenge of taming the bad boy.Your anice guy as you know is the kiss of death in the dating world...want more? ask me... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/22/2005 5:22:42 PM | | Sure girls want the nice guy. But they also crave the bad boy. Try being the guy that looks bad boy, But is a total nice guy. I get like no responses in my mailbox. wonder sometimes what i'm doing wrong... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 2:16:25 AM | | i have to really disagree with that ..cause i don't waqnt no bad bo to hit me cause u know what i flukin hit back twice as hard... and if a man even thought about bein a bad boy and not a human being then i say fluk him....... i want a good boy i want someone to stay outta trouble..that doesn't have problems like that.....i just wanna happy go lucky not all woman think like the way ur thinkin | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 6:35:34 AM | the bad boy demeanor that women seem to go for is so fake it's ****in unbelievable. these bad boy types are losers. they can't actually do anyhing they just know how to be surly aholes. they play women.
when a women wakes up at 40 and realizes no one wants her fat ass is when they think about all the nice guys they pissed on. its really stupid. most guys want a real women to take care of and be taken care by. we're just not on the same page.
i aint even trying to understand it. i just know when i treat women shitty i get laid. when i treat em nice i get played. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 6:38:11 AM | | never1 i totally disagree with the back half your statement. they usually don't get the one with the most to offer. they usually get thebest game player. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 6:59:35 AM | well i cant speak for most women , but yes some do really want nice guys , nice in a way that, they are gentlemen ....i think anyhow
men , what do men want , i'm finding out nice girls arent what they want , and nice doesnt really cut it for a women you have to be sexy , good looking smart and all that , ...
hmmmm | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 7:05:19 AM | Very well thought out and written, Dougmedic! Life is indeed a series of contradictions in my opinion. In terms of nice vs not nice...for me it really comes down to what are my values, and my motives in any given situation? Are my motives pure? Am I thinking unselfishly, with an honest and open-minded perspective? If so, that drives my behavior which is the bottom line. I can call myself a "nice" guy but what am I DOING? I still am a rebel without a cause and tend to break rules just because I'm told I can't do something. Bad? I have no idea. Do some women want nice guys? Absolutely. But some do and some don't I guess. Like attracts like. But none wants a guys who is totally selfish, nasty, violent, etc. If I do the next right thing and check my motives and all is good. Have a grateful day all and Happy Thanksgiving from South Florida. Ben.  | |
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pd54
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Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 5:30:42 PM | | I definately want a nice guy.I am tired of being treated like crap.I was in two bad relationships and it is very straining.IAnytime you want to talk send me a message. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 6:31:04 PM |
i've been on the dating scene for a while now off and on and i've never met a girl that's wanted a nice guy that's ever actually REALLY wanted a nice guy. is that just something that girls say to look good, or is it just a natural human impulse that they want a nice guy and go for the bad assed guys? i don't get it!
This is remarkably easy to answer.
Some women want a "bad ass". Most women want relationship with nice guys.
The thing that is perplexing to the "nice guy" is that men and women define "nice guy" differently.
For a woman, a "nice guy" behaves in a manner that is acceptable and pleasing but sometimes unpredictably.
Acceptable and pleasing is different. Guys who give a woman constant attention, compliments, gifts, etc. are not necessarily doing themselves a favor. It's not necessarily what a woman wants ALL THE TIME.
I'm not suggesting that "nice guys" start acting like "bad asses". Rather just understand that a woman is not necessarily attracted to their personality type. Spice things up by behaving a bit more unpredictable. A single woman probably doesn't want to think that she's got her man wrapped around her pinky finger.
So when a woman says they are attracted to "nice guys", they don't really mean what men think they are saying. That is where the whole misunderstanding exists. | |
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Tinkle
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Joined: 11/2/2005
Msg: 49 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/24/2005 7:20:28 PM | K, only read 3 nice guy threads today I think. It's better than usual.
Nice guy means, a man who won't hit them in the face with their fists. Not nessecarily Mr. Rogers, k?
Don't ask me why I am single...., eh em. Now, women really are attracted to, humor, intellujince, certain physical features that vary from girl to girl, confidence but not arrogance etc. If you are nice/laid back and respectful, and you have the above qualities, you have the potiential to have a lot of relationships. If you don't it just may be there isn't any single women around ya. Hopefully that's why I'm single and wouldn't be if I actual met someone single in my area that didn't look like she is from the planet Beefjerky after an asteroid collision. Oh, that's right, I'm a nice guy. Looks don't matter!! Cool, my nose is easier to pick now that it's bigger. | |
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