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Posted: 12/23/2004 12:25:47 PM | NAVY4U
look, I know this probably isn't my place to say this...
but this girl, days ago, left this guy.
moved out, and went to live with her sister.
she says something I said, inspired her to do that.
something about the story I said, got her thinking.
I've watched this thread for the last few days.
waiting to see what she says next, if she does post here.
I tell you this, not cause I want to update you on what little of her life she told me about.
but cause it just bugged me to see you call this a ignorant post.
the girl was smart enough to take something, from the things we said here, and do something about it. Abuse, from the observations I made with my mom over the last 20 years... is alot more then just beating someone up all the time.
its the total break down of thier spirit, thier will, and thier self worth.
these kinda guys make them think they can't live without them.
that no one would ever love them.
that they can't do any better in the world.
it's a harsh cycle, cause the hitting, is only the most obvious part of it all.
anyways, if I stepped outta bounds, by telling here, what she told me a few days ago...
I am sorry. it just bugged me to see someone call this topic ignorant. | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 4:22:21 PM | | griffin, you did well. I commend you, and I'm glad that your story got through to her. Well done. | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 5:56:55 PM | | To those of us who HAVEN'T lived through it, it does seem ignorant. I am not saying it is, but those who have never felt trapped do not understand the feeling. | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 6:47:27 PM | | LEAVE HIM! I understand you have serious feelings for him, and maybe developed a dependence on him, but hit every now and again turn into getting hit more frequently, leads to being shoved down the stairs, use of blunt objects and so on...it will continually get worse if he does not seek treatment for his temperment. No one deserves to be abused mentally nor Physically therefore it could not be your fault! I wish you the best | |
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Posted: 12/24/2004 4:38:16 PM | | Go out for "a pack of cigarettes" one day and just don't go back... | |
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Posted: 12/24/2004 5:39:54 PM | | Just get the **** out while you still can! He must have you some brainwashed if you still believe you con love a piece of sh*t like that! | |
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Posted: 12/24/2004 11:46:16 PM | Get as far away from him as you humanly can...anybody that hits another person and says I love you...needs help....I was with a verbal abuser for 1 year, I found out he had been beating on my son (10 yrs old) while I was working at night. I told him he either packed his bags and left or talked to the police. He should not have stayed in my home when he was verbally attacking me for a year. I felt as if "this is the best I can do" guess what...I was wrong!!! I have been single for 3 years and thats okay. I know some day when I am ready, a great guy will show up in my life.
I found that there was something very wrong with me knowing that I stayed in that awful reltationship for that long and my son getting the worst end of it. I really do suggest that you leave that person....NOW!!!! | |
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Posted: 12/25/2004 1:20:39 PM | Love doesnt hurt hun, not that way!!
There isnt any excuse for hitting someone in the name of love!!
Thats just a lie and if you dont fix it soon every ounce of your self esteem will be gone.
And what will happen when he really hurts you? Is that love while your lying in a hospital bed?
Get some counseling for yourself there are plenty of places to go, just dont stay in that kind of crappy relationship!! Love leaves a mark on your heart not your body
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Posted: 12/25/2004 2:33:24 PM | | No person, animal or thing deserves abuse! The FL hot line is 1-800-500-1119 for further assistance. The abuse is usually called the honeymoon cycle...it starts with flowers or something nice ...then the tension esculates... then there is the explosion physical or emotionally. Also the cycle usually gets shorter and shorter. Most people statisticly have learned this type of behavior from their upbringing. However the cycle of abuse can be stopped one at a time. The only person that one can change is theirself. Remember you can drag a horse to water but you cant make him drink. Emotional scars one can't see on the surface, but they go really deep. There are support groups and individual counseling usually at no charge for women and children that need assistance. So they may make healthier choices in the future by recognizing red flags and realizing that control is not LOVE. Love is mutual respect and love for each other along with other things that are important to each individual. HAPPY HOLIDAYS remember you deserve better! | |
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Posted: 12/25/2004 7:03:50 PM | | I can't tell you the number of women I have seen come throught the emergency room, from exactly what you are telling us. It never gets better, every trip it esculates to more intense abuse. Of course you deserve it, not! No one, male or female, child or adult deserves abuse! You say that you love this man, I hope you don't intend to have children with him, if you do then chances are they would be his next victim, usually the abuse is worse against the child. Your chances of survival of any period of years is slim to none. The other problem is that if you are ever put in a position that you have to defend yourself for your very life and you have not done anything to make this public record then it could be you that ends up in jail. Simply defending yourself can put you in a jail cell right next to his. As a matter of fact I can tell you that men like this do not change without extensive therapy and even then it is a very small fraction. You have no future with him, only an end to your future, either through death or misery. You also expose everyone you love to the posibility of becoming victimized. Your parents, your friends, your co workers. You have to recognize that you are placing these people in danger as well. Nothing you do justifies a man hitting you, even cheating is not justification, he is a coward, chances are he would not behave this way toward a male equal. Only someone he feels he can intimidate and control. If you don't leave, you will die, if not physically at least emotionally. GET OUT! IF YOU NEED A WAY CONTACT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF'S OFFICE. DO IT NOW! START YOUR NEW YEAR OUT RIGHT! TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN DESTINY AND REGAIN YOUR LIFE! | |
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Posted: 12/26/2004 8:59:29 AM | I don't like to be the one admitting this, but growing up in an abusive family faded onto me for a while. I used to be very abusive, and hitting back was the only way I knew how to control my feelings when stress was too much. Yes, it is wrong. Very wrong. If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he won't mind doing what I had to do. Anger-management classes. It works if you put your mind to it. If he refuses to admit he has an anger problem, then it's time to pack up and leave. Anger management is a benefit for both of you. He will learn how to direct his anger in other ways then fighting, and you will feel the REAL love you are supposed to feel for an individual.. not the love that comes with being scared to sh*t if you are going to wake up the next morning.
Be strong and be firm.. He agrees to it and sticks to it, he truely loves you... if he doesn't, that's your answer and you need to leave.
Sometimes a person results to anger as a plea for help. I know it was my plea.
Hope this helps, and hope I don't get sh*tty emails for admitting this to you.
Good luck hun. | |
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Posted: 12/28/2004 8:24:19 PM | Griffin...you did a fine job in sharing that part of yourself. I do understand abuse more than I care to remember, but remembering is what we have to do so it doesn't happen especially to anyone that asks for help. You are a top notch guy in my book and I respect what you did in sharing a few of your stories.
Roxanne came asking for help and be littling. If she wanted that she could have gone to him and he would have done the job.
Roxanne heed Griffins experience in life what he shared with you. You are a smart woman and know what you have to do...love or no love. Love isn't the answer to all things or perception of love...believe me I lived like that for too many years. I had a different form of abuse....mental and controlling. My experience is if you live in a plastic bubble the bubble will eventually pop leaving you exposed to everything seeing what you've missed out on. You are young and have a life of love to share with someone...someone who is worthy. A man who abuses you to make his self confidence boost is a man who has a lot of problems emotionally. All things said please for your own future leave. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2005 6:02:03 PM | sweetie, if he really loved u he wouldn't be hitting on you. he will keep doing it, it will never stop,he knows he has power over you. one of these days he might start hitting you and not stop then what. don't u ever watch these movies about women being abused and what ends up happing to them? a few ?? for you. 1) does he verbally abuse you? 2)does he say i'm sorry i wont ever hit u again?but does? 3) do u feel like you cant find someone else? or does he tell you that you will never find someone that will treat you as good as he does? 4) do u feel he hits you because its your fault because of something u might have done or said? sweetie think about yourself and your family. think what if.........think what if he hurts me really bad one day,,,then what... its time to get the heck out of there and stand your grounds......dont let him do this to you. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2005 6:33:06 PM | | roxanne all I can say is GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP! now before he ends up putting you in the hosptial or even worse dead. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2005 9:31:55 PM | Wow.. I am normally very sarcastic when I respond to these sorts of things.. and again I will be.. you remind me of myself when I was young.. and stupid..
17 years ago.. seems like a long time doesn;t it.. well I was 20 then.. and totally in love.. witht he hottest thing since sliced bread.. my first too .. to make it worse..
Unfortuantely.. he took, what I perceived as love at the time and stretched it to every limit you could possibly imagine.. i have been run over with the car.. yep right over my leg.. it was an accident though.. it was my fauilt because i was trying to get out while he was punching me.. lol... beat in a public park while my daughter played on the swings.. i was 8 months pregnant with ur son.. still stayed
here I am now.. and my son has decided it was ok to punch mommy in the face.. lol.. surporse for him.. mommy has grown up since then .. i love him.. but i learned long ago that love doesn't show inthe amount of bruises you got or blood you shed..
the point is .. you continue to convinve yourself that you love this person, meanwhile.. he is showing you every end of the spectrum that is oposite to love.. and if you stay eventually you may very well have children.. who deserve better... children learn what they live.. and every part of this is true.. i do not know you .. but it seems to me that it is your feelign of self worth that is lacking here.. for what ever reason you have convinved yourself that you deserve this.. no one.. not even a cheating spouse deserves this treatment..
as human beings we all are born with the right to be respected, honored and loved. Surely there is one person in your life that you know truly loves you and respects you.. go to them.. callt he nation hotline for domestic violence as well.. there is this huge world out there waiting for you and all the beauty that you possess inside yourself.. that you have not yet discovered but will over the years.. but only if you give yourself the chance to..
like is a buffet.. if you taste something and don't like it.. you normally don't go back for more.. | |
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Posted: 1/13/2005 8:03:06 PM | Roxanne,
Listen to lostin2004, she is the wise one.
Lostin2004 have one on me!  | |
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Posted: 1/14/2005 2:28:22 PM | I have inside on this one roxanne
What these guys are telling you is true ,you need to get out now,becuase it only gets worse with time, I wish someone would have warned me back then ,I guess my friends tried to but I was in a deep denial anyways here's my story and I hope you see the light after reading it
When I was 15 I met this wonderful guy his name was jordan he was , sweet, romantic and very trustworthy.We instantly hit it off ,He was my dream come true. My parents knew that it was all to good to be true from the very beginning ,and so did jordan. My parents tried to warn me that they did not trust them and I would get angry and take there warnings as personal attacks on me.
After about six months I told my dad that I was movng in with jordan and his father and that there was nothing he or anyone else could do to change my mind ,this of course was jordans idea. So my dad allowed me to go which today he still blames himself for all that was to happen.
Everything was fine in the beginning till one day and I remember it very well ,he had asked me to make him and his father supper sorry demanded me to do it , I laughed at hima nd told him taht he has two feet and a heartbeat and he can do it himself ,It happened so fats his hand across my face,that was the beginning of the end ,
He cried I forgave and it just kept happening he controlled my every move from what I wore to who I talked to, all the way to how long my phone calls to my parents would be, 5 months into me living with him I realized I was pregnate about 3 months along I told him , and he instantly changed he was nice again taking care of me and being romantic.
I figured a child changed his ways , then I was 7 months pregnate ,he and his father came home and I hadn't cleaned becuase my back was sore his father said I should be punished (His father was the main cause for his behavior )
Without even thinking twice he pushed me down the stairs leading to the front door he then walked down and threw me down the second flight of stairs leading to the basement by then I was not conscious at this point ,I woke up six hours later on the basement floor lieing in my own blood,
This is a hard part for me to talk about but I lost my baby that night and nearly my life...
Jordan is serving 25 years in prison for the death of my baby and the near death of me , Get out now befor you get this far ,they don't change and no matter what you do ,for your family's sake and yours leave now take my story to heart
brittxoxo | |
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Posted: 1/14/2005 7:23:38 PM | | good job griffin | |
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Posted: 1/16/2005 11:34:35 AM | Well, I hate to say it, but I agree with Navy4U. What I don't understand is why would you come to this forum, and ask for help, but say "But I love him"? If you love him, and you don't want to leave him then next time he hits you call the police. Have him charged with domestic violence. He'll spend a little time in jail to think about it, then in most states it is manditory that you take domestic violence classes with a group psycotherapist for 36 weeks. One of 2 things will happen. 1.) He will beat the sh*t out of you for calling the police( that's if he is the type to violate a temporary restraining order) on him 2.) He will finally learn the cause of his problem that is the root of his anger( wich is not really you ).
PLEASE READ!!! The reason why spouses result to violence:
The reason most spouses result to violence is simply put, fear. Most of you wont believe this, but it is true. Fear comes in many different forms. Fear of loosing something/someone, Fear of not getting what one wants, and Fear of getting something that one does not want. Many people do not have enough self control to overcome this basic emotion, and rationalize thier feelings. So instead of stepping back, analyzing the situation, and finding the best solution, they do what they believe "takes care of problems".
Trust me, this problem will NOT go away with time! It is a problem that needs correcty through a psycotherapist. Also, it WILL get worse with time. One who on a regular basis shows that he/she loves you, but occasionally feels comfortable striking you DOES HAVE THE ABILITY TO KILL YOU! This person could for the most part be the nicest man/woman on the earth, but when it comes right down to reacting to fear, they can become homicidal.
Anyway, too many woman, and men live thier lives being abused by the one they love, and will never open thier eyes to make a change. So I'm gonna cut it short, and let you figure the rest out. | |
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Posted: 1/16/2005 2:52:04 PM | I always thought I had it bad growing up, but based on what i've read from a variety of posts here, things were mostly peachy in my household. What a scary world we live in.
And what's scarier? That young ladies will simply tolerate this nonsense out of fear. That being said, I totally understand the lack of action, as fear is an overriding emotion, and gets confused with love as much as it does hate.
All I can suggest is that nobody tolerate actions of this sort. I'll do my part in my neck of the woods, as I hope I always have been... I expect that everyone else here will do their part as well. | |
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Posted: 1/29/2006 6:37:13 AM | | this concerns not the thred but I was intrigued by your intelect tho a griffin I assumed you were leo like me but neverless you seem verry kool I coulddent reply to your profile ofcourse because I am a guy my profile needs major work & well im not a fag I was in awe of what you wrote here cuz I just went thru a relation that was well ...a reverse abuse woman on man I too ran out of patience & snapped once & once to save her ass from going back to prison she was starting a fight @ a local bar & being on parole I gave her a freindly slap thats a oxymoron but it was a reality check & many ppl witnessed it & ppl I talked to had no objections she was blitzed & has mood disorders yea dont we all but really I beleive the proper cliche is never hit a LADY well she wasent bein a lady & risking both our safty with her yenta mouth anyways ppl shoulddent treat ppl like this period & neverless when I said time to go NOW we left & I got a good punch outside from her & then more while I was trying to drive sheish well I had to get that out now the 11 mo relation dissolved right before the holidays I was jumped by ppl from the bar she works at & had a man at my house with a gun later I find out he's a coward that had his mother put him up for adoption & so he has issues & goes around shooting defenceless animals out the window of his truck driving just to leav'em die then a week later she has his engagement ring on she herself was in prison for bashing a mans head in with a ball bat & robbed him I took her in & got used & lied to played basically so enough of my rantings I just wanted to say I am a photographer aswell 1982 konica ft-1 35mm semi auto I have a gift I beleive tho I'm a lil more on the dark side or gothic so to speak I have some iriquois heritige I am basically a verry earthly person tree hugging dirt worshiper I am curious about alaska I am a small engine mechanic I was wondering if there is any snowmobile shops that need help I would someday luv to just pack uP & dissapear from here & go there I am a hard worker perhaps we may keep in contact im playfulleo@yahoo.com or demonpanthera also on I.M I have a indian friend also here damn I have it in my blood & I would love to do some activism also for the enviroment is there green peace up there ? hey man keep up the faith in your search for a real woman I think I found one on here thats how I got directed to this thred totally understood your sarcasm its ****in razor well g2g Viddywell .........oh I have some of my photography on in my yahoo photos in my profile or goto demonpanthera on myspace | |
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Posted: 1/29/2006 6:48:10 AM | | Hit him back. Preferably with a baseball bat. How can you love somebody who treats you so poorly? Seek therapy. | |
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TMP
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Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 48 | |
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Posted: 1/29/2006 6:58:45 AM | Call the cops, Im surprised Plenty Of Fish has'nt done that to help you, take care of yourself loose him. | |
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Posted: 2/21/2006 6:19:26 PM | i know how you feel i was with my ex boyfriend for 5yrs before i realized if i didn't leave him he was gonna kill me. i met him when i was 15. by the time i was 18 he had hospitalized me 26 times. i cant have children due to the damage he done. we just separated 8 months ago. and 2 days before x-mas he killed his new girlfriend over a turkey. the only thing i can tell you is your life is more important than so called love. please take my advice and leave him. | |
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Posted: 2/21/2006 6:57:05 PM | I was in an abusive marriage/relationship for almost 5 years.
The first time it happend i was told i was loved and it wouldn't happen again. The second time it happened, i was told i was loved and it wouldn't happen again, the third, fourth, fifth.....it goes on.
Don't think this only happens to women.
I have been in a couple of situations that have resulted in violence, i don't remember hitting any of the guys i was fighting and thinking, wow i love him.
As hard as it may be, get out. I had to do it and then face her repeatedly in divorce/custody battle that lasted 3 1/2 years, and then finally explain to my family and friends what was happening. As hard as it is, you have to do it. Do it for yourself, because you deserve better. | |
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