| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:07:21 AM | back on topic:
Why do people not see it is about balance? It is the ones who see children as always first who will post on threads asking why no one will date them.
Why would anyone get into a relationship where they are not an equal part? | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:12:44 AM | John: I think when MOST people say "my children come first" they mean, "don't expect me to forget I have kids just because you're in my life". I know a lot of people who've had this issue. They meet someone new, all of a sudden, the kids get forgotten because the new love considers them "in the way".
That being said, I don't think a parent should make their children the sole focus of their life at the expense of other relationships, as I don't think that shows great role modelling. The child may grow up wondering why they're still not the center of the universe. It may be a huge shock for them to find out that they're just like everyone else. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:12:47 AM | | I completely agree. Alot of cute guys message me an they tell me how they are really spontanious an that is such a great thing, and that I am somehow wrong for thinking of my child first. Well, it's not that I don't want to be spontanious, but I consider my child in everything I do. An that is a good thing. With a child I can't just go at any time anywhere. Kids come first, and if they can't agree with that than they aren't right for me. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:28:18 AM | My ex wife brought over a dozen guys to the house within 6 months of us seperating. my daughter was exposed to alcohol. guys. cigaretts. and a party lifestyle. She contacted herpes, lots of tatoos, and my daughter was held back in Kindergarden. I tried to proove it all in court but she dresses up nice, works at walmart corporate and looks all professional, and the judge saw me as just another whining dad..
Wemon are not always right. she always says that our daughter comes first but where is this placement really at? She had found the easy life and that is why I am so shaky on this subject. She gets a steady child support from the first dad, from me, from the boyfriends, and her job. My child bounces from school to daycare, to home, supper, and then bed. My ex sees it all as income and tells everyone the same line which the girls I meet tell me....which is that their kids come first. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:48:06 AM | Okay, just because your ex is a poor example of a parent does NOT mean she represents all mothers.
I'm the first to agree that men get screwed when it comes to custody and child support, but your ex is a pretty extreme case.
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:02:08 AM | | Also, it might surprise all the wemen which have placed judgements on me within this thread already that my ex never worked. When we were married I pulled in about a grand a week, was home every night and in too many ways kissed her but because I loved her. Yes. the Asss has the ability to show love.. She had all the free time in the world. stayed home with kids, had outings with her girl friends. and even had time to bring guys to the house when I was at work.. My counselor said it was caused from me giving her too much, being too kind, and her falling out of attraction with me due to this,, the bad boy on the sidelines became more attractive... so I have heard all the negative replies from wemen in this thread, now you all know why I am not giving that nice side of myself out... | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:07:56 AM | Man, this is an old thread, but anyway.....
A man and a woman and child(ren) are a unit. I agree with the posts on page three that there is no pecking order crap, in my world at least.
It's about one's station in life and how that relates to anothers. Single Dad's & Mom's are on the same wavelength and know it's a non-issue if something comes up and plans have to change.
I have yet to find a woman without children that truly understands what all is involved when they're part of your life. I'm not saying they don't exist, I just have yet to meet one. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:24:01 AM | | Lukas I actually dated someone who said the very same thing after his ex cheated on him, stole his shit, broke up with him on X-mas, and never spoke to him again. Now I had to deal with him pushing me away at times, being reclusive, not trusting, and having outburts of anger. An I was a great gf. I cooked, cleaned, wanted to have his children. Put up with the neglect, and I put up with the emotional distance. An it wasn't until after 8 months of trying to being a 50's wife did I leave. So my suggestion is that when that girl does come along don't treat her like shit an don't let her go. | |
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| children come first always
Posted: 12/15/2007 1:14:52 PM | | Of course you do not choose the new bf/gf over your children you just know how to balance things out. Yes children are important but so is he significant other. When one of the child or so becomes second class in the family unit there is a problem and why things need to be balanced. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/15/2007 5:53:46 PM | Lukas:
Your ex is a wack-job....stay close and available to your daughter...mark my words, some day she's gonna turn her back on her mother and come to you, be ready and available for her. Then you will triumph... | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 12/18/2007 7:38:43 PM | So if children always come first why would anyone want to date a single parent? It would seem like not much of a relationship as it would be giving to single parent and child and getting nothing or little in return...now if you can balance things and say my spouse is important and we make decisions together and you treat your spouse great and you know when to put your child first and when to put you and your spouse first then it can work.
But the statement my child always comes first will scsre aaway a lot of people who would rather date a single person without children as it would be less drama. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:58:40 PM | i clearly state in my profile that i do not want to date anyone with children.
it amazes me how many guys write me who have kids and state in their profile that their CHILDREN COME FIRST.
then they get all bent when i say i'd rather not date someone w/kids- esp. ones who make that statement. (and they write me FIRST)
it should be a given- i understand when push comes to shove kids will win out. But pointing it out just makes it seem extreme. I dont want to always come in second, sorry, and thats why i choose to date others like me, single w/no kids.
just venting.
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| children come first always
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:02:57 PM | | my princess is and always will be my number 1, life keeps on changing and people come and go, but your child is you piece of the world. i have not been on any actual dates or anything yet, i have only be seperated for 6 months, but i want the people i meet to know i have a child, even from the first time i meet them. my daughter is a huge part of who i am. and for someone to say its me or your kids.....hrmmm. | |
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| children come first always
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:13:39 PM | just reading a few more posts.
the love for your children and the love for another is 2 different types of love. why wouldn't you want to date a single parent....i wouldn't be looking for a mother to my child, she has got a damn good one. if i started to date someone, i can say they wouldn't even meet my daughter until i knew the time was right.
you never know where that person you feel you can spend the rest you life with will come from. why limit it to someone that doesn't have a child. i will always protect my child. but if i meet someone i eventually fall in love with, they will feel like number 1. but if that person said its me or her, i would say my child, the person i brought into this world, the piece of me.
single dad venting, sorry | |
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| children come first always
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:22:33 PM | I have been having trouble finding someone, for the fact that the people that I have met wants me to put them first. My daughter is my life, she is the only one that comes first.
Or the people that I do meet have a problem with the fact that I have a child. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:32:26 AM | | i was messages buy a simelar person great profile and pics but shame you have kids .. well im sorry people like that arnt worth reply too you'll find most of the people that come on this site are single parrents including us dads .. yes theres plenty of us dads that do care about are children dispite wot most women say about us blokes | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:11:04 AM | Stating “My children come first” or “My children are my life” can and does appear as negatives to most readers.
First off, when it comes to caring for children, challenges or the little things in life come up daily and can interrupt a social life when we least expect it. But, taking 30 seconds to make a timely and appropriate phone call to a significant other is not too much for someone to EXPECT.
Nothing and no one should be FIRST; rather a mature person should balance family, work, and social events while applying good communications skills. If you cannot balance these events and effectively inform and manage the expectations of ALL parties – then I would submit that dating or the hope of a long term relationship will NOT become a reality in your life. You get what you give in most cases in life. No one said it was going to be easy.
Setting priorities and balancing all aspects of life without ANNOUNCING “who’s first” will yield a better outcome. As an adult, and a father, I understand the ties and responsibilities between a biological parent and child – it’s a given and does not need to be written.
As other posters have written, the statement could mean “I am a loving parent”. I do not assume any underlying meaning, my take on it is as it is written – the new partner will always be SECOND.
I stay clear of profiles that include “children come first”. To me it means that they are not capable of managing the challenges of a single parent that wants to develop a long term relationship. After all, their past experience(s) drives them to write the statement in the first place, supporting the thought that they are not capable of balancing life in the best way possible for all parties involved – including them.
No one wants to be SECOND. Everyone adult understands the reasonable needs and responsibilities’ of caring for children. Announcing the order of who is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd will likely produce an undesired effect. Writing the statement validates to all that your past attempts to balance LIFE have failed. Break the cycle, understand that writing “children come first” is a symptom and reaction to past relationships that have failed.
Simply stating that you are a “loving parent” will send a clear message to the reader without a negative thought. Balance and communications (both written and verbal) is the key to success. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:49:48 PM | | WRONG...................... correction, your kids are your kids for the rest of your life, your partners are the ones likely to come and go. I really cant believe u just wrote that! | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:55:59 PM | | my daughter meens the world to me she puts a smile on my face when i am down in my eyes any one who gave me that altermatum aint worth breathing the same air as me | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:02:59 PM | | i only see my daughter at weekends or when my x allows but if i got a new partner she would have to know my daughters helth hapiness comes first no mater what i will drop everything for my child even if i had plans | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:42:00 PM | I'm a single mom of 3. If I was to get remarried, my kids would not come first. My husband and I would be the ones making the decisions, and the kids would be able to give their OPINIONS.
I think when parents put their kids first, it can cause a sense of entitlement in the kids. | |
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| children come first allways
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:50:16 PM | | Pip, "kids come first" doesn't mean "kids get whatever whimsy they happen to ask for." It means "the well-being and health of the kids, considering the totality of the circumstances, comes first." Don't let yourself get drawn down that path, mmmkay? | |
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