| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 11/28/2005 2:35:26 PM | samhonolulu ,
thank you for apologizing i appreciate that...... just please think b4 u type that you!!!
sweetmom | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 11/28/2005 2:54:57 PM | | stick to your grounds !!!!! your son is not going to control you then stick to it .....you are happy ....maybe not right away but in time your son will except him .......ask your man to do things with him like go to movie or play games together ( board or video) .....when your son feels comfortable around him then he will except him ...another thing could be who your son's is hanging out with as friends they could be a bad influeince on him as well causing your son to have this attitude towards your new man | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 12/2/2005 5:58:04 PM | wildgirl
thank u for the back up and just all knows its a slow process but it seems to be getting better, i think the more he comes to visit the more he will get use to him, they do play their game boys together infact, he bought him a video game that he realy wanted and my son was happy w/it it was kinda an early xmas gift and a thank u gift for being accepting | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 12/3/2005 6:11:54 AM | | Possibly your son has a lot of resentment and resentment is a killer. He loves his dad and misses him and probably can't understand why he's not home with you. As he matures he'll get over it as he too will learn the complexity of relationships but at this stage gifts from the b/f (peace treaty bribe) is a worthy attempt to be friends. It's still not enough though. 12 is a brutal age to go thru this. Have a heart-to-heart with him is all I can suggest. It didn't help me much............but that was years ago. I may be the way I am because of this very issue. | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 12/4/2005 2:53:13 PM | | My daughter was 10 when my ex and I split up. He left me for another woman who he immedicately moved in with. The relationship between my daughter and his gf started out ok but eventually took a turn for the worse. She wants nothing to do with his gf/now wife, but she would like to spend some one on one time with her dad. He refuses to do that, now he doesn't even call her. They have talked to one another maybe 3 times in the past year. She suffers from bad dreams every night that her dad dies and she is upset about it. Or she dreams that she dies and he doesn't care. I believe it is wrong to reject a child or force a bf or gf on them. Children must come first. I do think that maybe younger children are more accepting...but it is very hard on teens. I already see the affect the problem with her dad has had on her ability to form relationships with men (she is now 16). Go slowly and get family counseling if you need it. | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 12/7/2005 6:23:13 PM | | thank u for that feed back, i have been going slow as slow as i can go, i always think of my kids first, this may sound selfish but i also deserve to be happy my b/f treats me good and hes not a drinker drug user and not a liar i want and deserve to be happy, im sick of being stuck in a rut i want to move on with my life and further it, i cant do that if i let my kids rule my life, i do respect them and their options i honestly do but i havent been this happy in a long long time | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:34:00 PM | | I have three sons. Oldest 21, 16, 14. I can tell you it has been almost 2 years since i have separated with my husband . I wouldn't matter if it was 2 months or two years her son will react this way. My sons have become very protective of me.They seem to think because Dad isnt around they must protect me. This means dating also. Their dad has moved on and is with a new lady. they have never met her. I have asked them if they would react the same with Dad. Their reply " no ". Boys are closer to moms. I have three boys and am blessed they all adore me and respect me. BUT... if was to date at this time of my life i know it would create a riff in our relationships. So i have CHOSEN to put dating etc off till my youngest is a bit older. Our family went through quite a change with the divorce and we are still healing from it. So to bring a man into my home at this time... OMG... they would tear him to shreds. This doesnt mean they rule my life. This means I am willing to wait until I feel they are accepting enough or to busy in their own lives to pay attention to what I am doing with mine. I also think this little boy might be feeling like he lost some of his dad and doesnt want to lose any of his Mom. Reassurance is must. I wish you luck .... I would love to know how this all turns out. | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:41:55 AM | How would you like the Dad bringing a young sweet honey and doing it in 'your' house? Been their with my daughters tramp for a mother. Sorry about the 'angry' tone, but when you look at things from different perspectives (especially from the child's) There's ALWAYS a reason for their responses
-------------------------------------------------
dude that doesnt sound like the childs opinion . sounds more like a childish exxes opinion, or at least some bitter possessive persons idea of an opinion.id say " move on its over"
ive dated single mothers with several kids in the past, the best way i think is to introduce em right off the start or at least one week into it
introduce them while u and the guy are still friends and growing into the relationship, not 3 months after ya have been together
introducing a friend who might turn into a boyfiend is alot less intrusive on the kid than introducing some guy youve been dating for 3 months and now all of a sudden you are tossing a stranger into the mix that the kids now have to accept
----------------------
This means I am willing to wait until I feel they are accepting enough or to busy in their own lives to pay attention to what I am doing with mine
-----------------------
well i hope u wake up before your 80 lol
seems a double standard for him to be able to move on with his life and leave u carrying the baggage of the last relationship
such a good little martyr u are lol
after 2 yrs dont ya think the divorce would be final? (it says separated not divorced on your profile )especially since he is already with other women? | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:20:43 AM | psychologists and other professionals have stated that when you have children involved with adult situations such as divorce, there should be an adjusted timeline of at least a year before even TALKING about dating with your child/ren. yes, talking WITH your child/ren.
talking, as in, discuss with your children the things that will happen now that you and your SO are not together anymore. doesn't matter what age your child/ren are, you have to prepare them.
in MY personal opinion, i agree with this, and i also think that any parent, post-divorce, should be spending time with the child/ren and bonding as a single parent.
if, some time after the "talk", you happen to meet someone, then i think it should be brought up that you have in fact met someone. the term "dating", i think should be put off at first. introduce the person as a friend. let your child/ren get to know the person. if there is tension, or your child/ren is having trouble coping with it, then as a parent, you should back off a little.
having a family pulled apart is obviously hard for any child, but watching their parents get close to someone else is even harder. remember that its not just you that is being affected. | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:05:29 AM |
he tells me doesnt want him here when hes home..
This statement alone is a red flag in itself...sounds like your son is the one trying to be the boss and lay down the rules. I know this situation cant be easy for your son but you really need to set some bounderies in place.. Hes still the child, and needs to learn what his role is as a child and what your role and relationship is suppose to be as his parent. Give him all the love and understanding he needs but also keep him in his place. I suspect the bounderies have become a little blurred since you became a single parent (as this is very common among some single parents) we tend to treat our children a bit like a spouse for awhile, which in turn everything goes str8 to hell when a real potential spouse enters the picture. Children start to feel threatened like their space is being invaded because single parents have let the line be crossed too many times in the past. | |
|
| my son and my new b/f
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:34:42 PM | You cannot expect your kids to fall in love with the same person that you do. Just because you were ready to move on does not mean your children are.
I'd keep the BF away from the kids and let them get used to the idea of you being single. | |
|
Home
login 
