Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > dating an overweight person?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 526
dating an overweight person?Page 22 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

Happened to me and now I resent all the attention. Down 80 lbs and I am astonished how superficial and shallow men are!


Stop with this BS. A man is NOT shallow because he isn't attracted to overweight women. I'm sure many overweight women are attracted or unattracted to certain things. There are women who aren't attracted to short men, fat men, skinny men, bald men, men with red hair, men from a certain race etc. If I met a nice woman who I'm not attracted to, then I would be friends with her. A woman doesn't need to be a beauty queen, but there should be at least some physical attraction in order for me to date her.
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 527
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:36:31 AM
Hello fireknight, I have to question one of your points and it might be just semantics but I really MUST work this out on paper/type.........

I do not know that I can agree with this or let it pass........it bears looking into.........you wrote:



[qutoe]Its easier to be rude and cruel then it is to be polite and compassionate. It's easier to go with the flow and agree then it is to stand up and say no. It's easier to look at someone else and find fault then it is to look to yourself and realize the problem is yours

Is it REALLY easier?? Or are we just so comfortable with the habit? Almost like saying to a smoker that it's easier not to smoke. To them it it easier to smoke EVEN though we all know the cost to health and wallet. We just have unhealthy habits (over eating, smoking, no exercise, hateful behavior, unforgiveness....etc) and what we are habitual about becomes a road well traveled and appears easier............But is it?

Is it EASIER.........or is it the SAME?

Could it cost the same to be kind and polite and compassionate.................as ANGER and BITTERNESS takes up so much energy. It really does seem EASIER to find the GOOD in everyone if we would only chose to look for good it's all right there...........Easier?

Maybe? Maybe it's Harder?

Maybe it takes MORE energy(I happen to think ugliness is hard work) to be nasty and hateful and live in bitterness with an attitude that everyone is out to get you, that could be exhausting and has to be hard as hell.

Do I have any scientific data...........nope, only that I know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile (Vain minds wanted to know) So I sure as hell smile a lot more.....who wants wrinkles around their mouth from being an azzhole, I'd rather have fine lines around my eyes from laughin my azz off!

So I guess when it comes down to it.........optimists and pessimists are right about the same amount of times..................it's just that the optimist has a much BETTER time.............and isn't that what we all want really?

Ultimately why are YOU here?................I would bet that if we get to the very basic need of why we are here it would be a collective......"to BE HAPPY!!!" That is the bottom line

so then let's not forget:

"Happiness truly is the journey not the goal"

While it might be easier at first to see the darker side of a situation, wouldn't it be nice to change that habit to always look on the brighter one. Take the challenge and I'll bet your time here will change as well.

I'm finished, thank you for allowing me to journal this out!
Diva
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 528
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:48:50 AM
A smoker using the "health" reason for not dating an overweight person is ludicrous. Even when non-smokers say it, except in the cases where the person has an obvious fitness/health-food-type lifestyle, I suspect it's just fear of being called shallow (or even thinking it about themselves) because they're physically not attracted to larger people.

I don't get it. We all have things with find attractive; we shouldn't be cowed into justifying them. (We also shouldn't fall into the silly trap of saying "overweight/skinny people are this or that and aren't attractive because blah, blah, blah" just because you, as individual, don't find something attractive. And in my opinion, there's never an excuse for being mean or rude. Nobody's forcing anyone to date people they don't find attractive.)

Personally, I find some overweight men attractive. And some thin/fit men. And some average. I bet that's the most common scenario for the majority of people, both women and men. We find varying shapes and sizes attractive, depending on the person.
 FireKnight
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 529
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:54:57 AM
LOL never a problem Diva..

I'm actually closer to an optimist then a pessimist when you think of it Diva.. I do believe in peoples ability to do and be the "right thing". However it is tempered with reality, it is unfortunately easier to be nasty and bitter in this world then it is to not be. Think about it, all you have to do is not do anything. Don't smile and say hello to someone can darken their day. Don't respond to someone's polite and lengthy e-mail or post and make them feel worse. Don't help the old lady across the street etc.

It's saddly that simple that level of physics that answers the question. Now on the other hand, I mostly agree that having a positive additude helps and makes things more fun even in the face of other situations. That is why black comedy has existed so long :). None the less Diva this is about the nastiness of human nature and that is most exemplified by the fact that its easier to be cruel then it is to not be.

Look at how many feel free to jump on people who are overweight "they obviously eat too much, have no self control, aren't active, etc" Because if they just echo that sentiment they are on the "popular side"
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 530
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:13:48 AM
I think we ALL agree people that we should not look at a persons color, size or finances but it happens all the time. Thread is concerning that.. would you date??? We can all go off on the rights and wrongs and personally, I'm a wonderful person so I do not really care if a man sees me or not. Took many years to build up my self esteem but once I got it.. watch out!!!

There are always going to be people who themselves have NO right to judge others, last time I went to church, I heard there is only ONE judge.. and it's not any of us. I'd date fireknight, I think you are sexy.. and honest!!! And Diva, you are right on, it's men and women who are ugly and nasty about how they treat others, but you know what... it tells us alot about THEM as a person when we hear how they treat others, it shows that none of us would really want to be involved with them.

I have told MANY people.. when I hear them call someone ugly.. or whatever...
"THAT could be YOU.. you could very easily been born THAT PERSON... you were not, and I guess you are lucky... but that is not to say that couldn't be YOU, would YOU really want people talking about YOU if you were THEM instead of YOU?" People do not appreciate what god gives them, well most don't.. I sure do...

When I was young, and would fuss about not having a toy... or better clothes and not hand me downs... or just stupid stuff.. my Daddy would say "You have two legs, 10 fingers, you can HEAR and you can SEE, therefore you do not have the right to complain" I guess I must have listened because I believe that with all my heart, I'm way too blessed in my life to complain about things many wish they could have.... too bad other daddy's were't like mine.
 shenetnative
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 531
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:29:35 AM
its not the person who has a weight problem , ITS the people who ssay they do that have a problem with their weight........juss cause you see an overweight person does that make em less of a person i dont think so......i myself am an BBW and I love who i am not who ppl say i should be ......
 dpd22
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 532
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:45:45 AM
Personally, I find some overweight men attractive. And some thin/fit men. And some average. I bet that's the most common scenario for the majority of people, both women and men. We find varying shapes and sizes attractive, depending on the person.


I agree. I would be attracted to some thin women, fit/athletic women, average women, curvy women, somewhat overweight women etc. The only women body types that I'm not attracted to are bony / aneorxic women, obese women, and women who are hard core body builders.
 butterfly8511
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 533
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:01:30 AM
I could not have said that better myself......I am new to this site as of two days ago and have been reading some of these posts. I came from a long line of cooks and good ole country cooks, so I have always been a big eater. I consider myself attractive and I dress accordingly. The only unfortunate thing about online dating, (and this is must my experience) you talk and you have alot in common and then you meet and gee, for some reason you never hear from them again, now maybe it wasnt the weight, maybe it was something else, but after quite a few dates, I tend to lean towards the weight thing, but I know one thing, when I lose this weight, which I am doing very well at, I will still be the same person inside, I just have different cover is all. So all I can say to people, dont be so quick to judge people that might be big or small or whatever, get to know that person first, ya never know, might miss out on a good thing and never know it. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.
 DebraJ11370
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 534
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:47:30 PM
Losing weight just so a member of the opposite sex will notice you is a gurantee that you are more likely to gain it back.

Me I'm losing weight because my husband was an unhealthy person. At his heaviest he reached 285 and he was only 5' 6". That was before I knew him and he'd last quite a bit before I met him but, he was still overweight. At his smallest he was wearing size 34 waist which put him around 160 I believe (which was his goal). But, he was diabetic and had heart disease and then kidney disease and he never did take care of himself properly. Wouldn't quit smoking, wouldn't lay off the sweets and wouldn't exercise so forth and so on.

So, this is the reason that I want to lose weight, not that his weight contributed so much to his problems but, as a woman I know that heart disease is the number 1 killer for women. Also, to much belly fat puts me at a higher risk for heart disease and certain cancers I believe.

As for being snubbed by a member of the opposite sex, all the time, and yes, I believe some of it is the weight but, not all of it. I can come across as a very abrasive person because I am a bit shy with men (still) and I have a hard time talking to them. As for dating an overweight guy........since my ex-hubby (he was #1) I've dated only overweigth guys. I've found them to be attractive, funny and sure of themselves.
 nogo3
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 535
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 5:09:21 AM
I myself don't get involved with fat women, if i'm going to have a woman around all of the time, i have to have someone that i like to look at cause she looks good.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 536
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:16:47 AM
People gain and lose weight... for some of these people to say they dont date overweight people.... is stupid, sure they may be thing when you meet them, but after a few children, hormone changes or medical issues... they may find themselves overweight or their partner.... are they going to dump them or be dumped for weight?

It would be like people starting a post saying "I wouldnt date a man with a small pen*s, I think it is disgusting, pathetic, unattractive and repulsive... or..

I dont date people that make less that 250K a year... they may be making it when you meet them... but it could change... things change and the people that have the weight on... can and often do take it off,

We all have heard that stress causes a person's body to retain or store fat, medications and injuries cause weight gain... but... to totally disregard a person based on weight is pathetic... None of us are going to be "hot" for the rest of our lives and we better find something a bit deeper than weight to base a relationship on.
 Man.of.Adventure
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 537
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:42:55 AM
When I was in high school my girlfriend's mother died. My girlfriend had always been "average" weight, maybe slightly higher, but after her mom's death she really put on the pounds. The extra weight was never a problem for me, she was still very active, and I never once found her unattractive. I'm happy it happened because I feel the experience has helped make me less superficial about such matters than many.

We ended up breaking up, as high school sweethearts tend to do, but it was not because of her weight. In fact we stil stay in touch poratically. She continued to gain weight and at her heaviest she was probably 300 lbs or more.

When she approached 30 she decided that if she did not do something about it she was setting herself up for an early death (she smokes too). So she started exercising more and eating less. No atkins, no accupuncture, no vitamin injections, just a health lifestyle. She ended up loosing over 15o lbs (ie: OVER HALF what she weighed). She still has to work hard at keeping it off.

She was always a looker, and as she dropped the weight people around her who had never taken notice before started asking her out, etc. It bothered her because in her words "Where the heck were they when I was heavy?". They all of course get snubbed.

So good for her for loosing the weight, for getting some validation, and maybe a bit of revenge on the shallow people who had no interest in her before.

Chris
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 538
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:44:56 AM
People gain and lose weight... for some of these people to say they dont date overweight people.... is stupid, sure they may be thing when you meet them, but after a few children, hormone changes or medical issues... they may find themselves overweight or their partner.... are they going to dump them or be dumped for weight?


Why it is stupid for someone to say that they wouldn't date fat people? Maybe he or she simply isn't attracted to fat people? Would you date someone that you aren't attracted to? I don't think many people would complain if their spouse gained 20-25 lbs because age or having children. I think many people would object to a spouse who let him/herself go after marriage and gained 50-100 lbs due to a poor diet or lack of exercise. Your comparisons to penis size and money don't make any sense. Dating a person ONLY because of money is shallow. Not dating a fat person because of lack of attraction is NOT shallow. Penis size is never controllable. Weight is controllable in most cases.


She was always a looker, and as she dropped the weight people around her who had never taken notice before started asking her out, etc. It bothered her because in her words "Where the heck were they when I was heavy?". They all of course get snubbed.

So good for her for loosing the weight, for getting some validation, and maybe a bit of revenge on the shallow people who had no interest in her before.


Once again, a man is NOT necessary shallow because he isn't attracted to fat women. Sometimes a woman can change her appearance and become more attractive whether it's by losing weight, changing her hairstyle or wardrobe among other things. Sometimes she just simply wasn't his physical type before, but now she is his physical type. Nothing wrong with that IMO.


 Life Is Best When Shared
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 539
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 8:33:57 AM
Hi Everyone,

Sure looking good is great but in friendship dating the bottom line for me... Is someone active and in shape enough to do outgoing things without risk to their life and limb. If you are overweight then you are likely going to have trouble with any outgoing activity that requires some cardio.

I really empathize with overweight people but I can honestly tell all of them that I'm getting far more out of life by being active and in better shape than I was when I was far more overweight and complacent about things. It's really an honest truth. And for the record, I'm far from getting the most out of myself yet and I don't ever want to stop!! :)

You date what you want out of life. You date the lifestyle you live. It's as simple as that.

Marco
 bosoxx
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 540
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 2:33:22 PM
I think some of this really depends on clarification.Is this a woman I just met? someone i've loved for some yrs...That's a big difference! Just meeting for the first time to find a possible connection?No I don't like to date overweight people.No disrespect meant,just my likes.I wouldn't be entirely thrilled if my g/f-wife had let herself get overweight either but it doesn't mean I wouldn't love her.It's all about what everybody likes,personal preferences.....That's why we live in a place like America!
 honeybee_luv
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 541
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:31:16 PM
I totally agree with you. I have been the skinny girl to the huge girl.(women).
 honeybee_luv
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 542
view profile
History
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:38:45 PM
Look at because she looks good?....Beauty come from the inside. I did not look at your profile...my guess is you are very young...."EGO"....what do you want in life beside the trophy girl?
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 543
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:17:52 PM

Beauty come from the inside. I did not look at your profile...my guess is you are very young...."EGO"....what do you want in life beside the trophy girl?


I mentioned the statement below on another thread and it also applies here.


I don't care how 'beautiful' a woman is on the inside, if there isn't at least some physical attraction then I would only be friends with her, not date her.
 nogo3
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 544
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:07:19 AM
Why do most of the fat broads use that worn out phrase " you have to see the inside beauty."

how long could you look into a pool of vomit to look at a pretty shiney diamond in the middle of it, I bet not very long without getting kinda sick.

fat is ugly, who wants to see it day after day when they can choose something that looks nice.
 jessica4u
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 545
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:23:23 AM
nogo3 the only vomit I cant stand is your nasty attitude. grow up.
 trishfungirl
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 546
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:09:02 AM
I guess you mean obese by "very overweight". I once dated a guy who had lost over 125lbst the year before I met him. When we first met he wore suits that covered the weight well. He told me at the time that he could do whatever he put his mind to, so he hired a personal trainer and exercised regularly ( but no official diets). Well he soon plateau-ed and was stuck with a body that had a double D chest (breasts) and a spare tire that hung over everything. I mean everything. The worse part was that no one was allowed to talk about this with him.... I mean the next serious step in weight loss was a taboo subject. Someone once said he would always have this overweight-body image problem. For him it certainly seemed a life-long issue.
 nogo3
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 547
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:00:46 AM
LMAO, you must be a fat chic, and ur funny
 searchinglove
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 548
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:03:03 AM
in the words of my best friend.." i'm really a size 8 i'm just retaining a lot of water this month"
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 549
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:06:42 PM
I can't believe I am commenting on this subject, yet again. However, there are so many valid comments from everyone. As stated before, I am very overweight. Spent most of my life this way and once lost considerable weight after some surgery.
The difference in my weight made NO difference in my life. I've always had adequate attention from guys. I've been married. I've dated awesome men and am quite happy as we speak. In reading here, I think the key is still the attitude of the individual (the overweight one). If that person is confident and vibrant and interesting......the weight is not the first
thing you see. If that person lacks confidence and hides in their problem...it is evident to
others. Any guys that don't do FAT.....so be it. I don't do JERKS, LOSERS, SMOKERS, DEADBEATS and a number of other issues that have come up in my many years.
We are all different. Celebrate our difference but be TOLERANT. Regardless of whatever...I try to never be rude and uncaring. I've never told anyone they were ugly.
Any woman that would do that is just too into themselves. Who would want to date
that person anyway?
I say if you lack confidence.....do whatever it takes to gain it.....and if loosing weight is
the only way....then get busy.
Becca
 tsweetp
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 550
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:29:57 AM
Amen Becca! I couldn't have said it better myself. You gotta be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

If a guy isn't attracted to me because I'm fat, then so be it. There are plenty others who are.

And the folks who resort to name calling, etc they aren't worth your time either.

Just try to be happy.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > dating an overweight person?