| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/21/2006 11:19:20 AM | Hi - new to the forum. Not responding per say to the last post but to the great thread going on here.
Does anyone remember the rod serling Twilight Zone story where there appears to be an operation going on, normal looking human beings are seen discussing the bla-bla-bla of how unfortunate the patient is, this is her last chance for success etc. The last scene is when they take the bandages off her face and there is this "beautiful" women with a "fine figure" and long blond hair but everyone in the room gasps. The final shot of the story shows the faces of the nurses and doctor and they all have snouts like pigs.
To me, that's what we've sorta got going on in society today. Not too many centuries ago (bt of course more than any of us can know because of our finite-ness) being today-model-thin was a sign of illness! Scaricity of food, especially for the working classes meanet you ate all that you could when you could thereby assuring that in times of scarcity one could make it through those lean times. Thus beauty and bounty became mixed in the mind and seen in the eye by "Rubinesque" or routund men AND women. And this seemed to happen in Europe as well as other continents. It's fairly recent that African American males became overly hooked on the Barbie phenomeon...
Thinking in this (twisted very mad???) way allows me to work on my pounds only because of health concerns but be very comfortable with who I am and being around people; hey I've been married twice. The pounds are not the problem.
Think I'll just quietly slink away now...  even put myself to sleep | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/21/2006 11:23:35 AM | Very true.....its all about attitude....always has been & always will be. HOw in the world can we expect someone to love us if even we dont love ourselves? When we are discontented with our own being and our self esteem is suffering we will interpret everything has negative ....and thats just ugly in itself.
You cant bank your happiness on anything or anyone....never do that....life is a moment to moment journey and way to iffy to invest your well- being on anything but your own attitude and allowing your authentic self to shine.....celebrate your good "inside stuff"
There ya go!....My two cents worth.........................................peace, luv & grooviness. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/21/2006 12:30:12 PM | I've never been a peanut. Never will be a peanut.
My ex-fiance had a problem with some weight I gained. Wouldn't set a wedding date until I lost it. I had a problem that he had a problem with it. Hence why he's my EX.
When I started dating again I went on overweight dating sites...one of the guys I got friendly with there said he wouldnt be attracted to me if I LOST weight.
I know that there's someone, somewhere out there, that will love and accept me for the goofy gal I am. And if not...as they say...better to be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong ones.
As I said in another post, we're all just one disfiguring car accident away from losing whatever looks we have...never judge a book by it's cover.
It is funny how society works though. Seems I'm too small for the chubby chasers and too chubby for the mainstream. Ah well...thank god for b.o.b.  | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/22/2006 8:59:05 AM | has anyone dated and or married someone who was very overweight, and then lost it all? Ever been snubbed my a member of the opposite sex, and then lost all your weight just to show them what they lost?
Nope I've never dated an overweight person since I'm not attracted to overweight women, regardless of how nice they may be (no offence, just personal preference) 
As for being snubbed, never did that either, but I did kill myself for a year whipping myself into shape in the hopes of winning the girl of my dreams. I used to be 25 lbs overweight when I was 18, and met a beautiful and sweet girl who I put on a pedestal and decided deserved better than a chubby guy, so I dieted and exercised like a fiend and lost the weight over a year and finally worked up the courage to ask her out... Sadly the answer was still no  , but at least I had discovered the inner resolve necessary to exercise and have never looked back since. Now I'm a die-hard fitness fanatic, and the fact that I've been to the other side of the scales and pulled myself back makes me a little judgemental of others that complain they can't accomplish their weight-loss goals... 
It's not easy but you can do it  | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/22/2006 4:31:47 PM | I never minded dating a woman who was a little overweight!
Just used a snorkel,if she sat on my face!
Joe | |
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Knuts
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Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 160 | |
| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/22/2006 6:52:22 PM | | I get tired of someone judging me by my looks, i understand looks are important but its not the whole package and people should take a chance to get to know someone. I think it is really a society problem focused on looks and not the whole package. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/22/2006 7:06:19 PM | | no matter what you look like...just being accepted for who you are both inside and out is important :) | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/22/2006 9:50:44 PM | well I'm a little heavy and i know its halted advances Ive made to women that are not..but as far as dating a overweight person its way more than looks 4 me i am not a shallow hall....
so i guess the answer is no it doesn't matter... beauty is more than skin deep. people can change there appearances drastically hair, eye color, skin tone "tanning" tattoos , piercings, the way they dress. ect ,ect........ | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 12:03:05 AM | | Once again... I'm overweight, but I really do like myself and it shows. I'm pretty confident in myself and I think that comes off in how i act around people. I'm a fun loving person and just enjoy having a good time. I have never had a probem getting dates or boyfriends. I personally do not like skinny men, I prefer some meat on their bones. The "beautiful" people do not realize that yes a car accident could make them unappealing to other people.. or some other health factor could come into play and leave them... less eye catching... and how would they feel then? | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 12:45:38 AM | | Since true beauty radiates outward from inside a person, weight is no factor when picking a person to date...The overweight person might have a heart of gold and be good catch.. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 1:35:52 AM | | I've just decided.. in the future.. I'm ONLY DATING big guys!!! So, any of you huskey men folk want to go out??? All I require is a good attitude.. NO grumps!! | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:03:37 AM | Wow... I remember that twilight zone.. whew.. do I feel old all of a sudden or what..!
Growing up I was always the tallest ..... which for some years made me feel like a freak... then about sophmore year in HS i stopped growing.. but developed rather.. rapidly and .. I looked alot older than I was... I suppose at the time I thought that was ok.. got married young.. had a 10 pound kid.. gained alot of weight... lost 100 and here I am... Ive dated some very handsome men.. some large some average.. but I seriously do believe its all in how you view YOURSELF not how others see you....One night I was out with the gentleman I was seeing at the time... dressed up ... we went to a charity function... now he was one of those men who would just make you drool...and standing at the bar this little stick of a girl kept hitting on him... even slid herself between us ...back to me.. as if somehow I was invisible... finally he politely said.. Ma'am... if you'd excuse me.. Id like to speak to my girlfriend without trying to see over you to do it.. she turned and looked me up and down.. and said.. why would you be with THAT.. when you could have THIS..and pointed to herself.. he laughed.. and said.. because THAT.. has class...and by those very words... you.. do not. He took my hand and we walked away .. leaving her standing there with her mouth hanging open... From that day on I never looked at myself as less than beautiful and classy...I may not be everyones cup of tea.. and Im good with that... but I will always treat myself with respect..and love me for who and what I am... | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:36:46 AM | | ^^^ now THAT is a real man!!! kudos for that date night... why are some people so shallow??? that is just too funny to me, she got put in her place by your man and that shows he knows what's right, wrong and good. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 7:26:06 AM | No need that I name names, but I've got to know a certain man a little here on POF and each time I read his profile, he constantly changes how much weight he's lost to such an obvious point, he's cleary fabricating and insists that 60 pounds overweight is 'average'
The following is not in anyway knocking this man, simply I'm asking for a few opinions. I also genuinely cared for his well being. This is not a man whom I would date - simply a friend.
I have tried to assist this man with advice: his profile, self esteem issues, healthy eating, etc., but each time he requests assistance and I give it, he's acusatory and comes back with personal, angry attacks so, I've resorted to simply blocking him for good.
I personally have no issues with any man being overweight. What makes me run for the hills though; a man who's angry at the world, constant arguing with someone who gives sound advice and he won't fix what he refuses to acknowledge. This 'chat' has been going on since well before Christmas 2005. Simply; I'm fed up with it.
Personally, anyone such as this is what I refer to as an, emotional vampire.
So, what would you do regarding my post at hand? Would you keep assisting someone regarding his weight. self esteem, his profile when it comes to attracting women, who's always upset when he asks for advice and then end up being personally attacked via POF mail...or??
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 7:41:54 AM | | A lesson I have learned the hard way in my life time is that you can only help those who want help! Playing rescue ranger only leads to frustration and disappointment. We all want to reach out and be helpful, but if the hand is not accepted with a willingness to learn, then there is little point in continuing. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 7:47:32 AM | | I have a question on weight classification... I don't consider myself bbw because you have to be tall and beautiful to qualify for that..at 223 pounds and 5' 3 and half". what catagory would I fall in? I would date any weight catagory. I find the people on here a great group of people. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 9:06:58 AM | Belfast.... I think being kind can only go so far and then you have to know when to say "when". I can totally understand where you are with this only Im dealing with it from a female friend in real life... she constantly asks me for advice...but doesnt like the advice given.. she recently had a tummy tuck and her vanity has reach points that I dont even know her. Ive finally had to just say .. I wont hang out with her any more.... it hurts but its necessary or I will end up saying something mean and thats not me...
If youve done the best you know how and you know that everything youve done has been met with arguing and dissention.. time to say ... thats it.. and move on... its not your fault.. its not that you didnt try.. its that he didnt want to be helped... no matter what he SAYS...
just know you were as good a friend as you could be... | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 1:34:04 PM | Personally Belfast... after reading many of your posts... If you are so fed up with this person then by all means... get off the thread!!! If you feel you have been sucked for pity or help from this person them hey... do not do it any longer!! You do not seem too "sympathetic" about peoples feelings you just say what you feel. True you are honest and that is good to a point but sometimes, I'm sorry but some people need some encouragement and some pats on the back. WE ALL DO!!! If you feel you have went above and beyond then by all means.... drop off the thread.. nobody is twisting your arm to stay here. You do not look like you have to worry about your weight or probably many other problems so you might not understand when people need some help and reassuring from others. And yes sometimes it becomes an ego thing for some and they can't help it this is the only place they can get that kind of attention. It is not your job to make people feel good about themselves and some people will milk others for what they can. All I can say is if you are fed up with it then just stop doing it.
I too am not trying to be ugly.. but when a thread or person is to a point they are making up upset or unhappy for whatever reason.. they you need to cut the ties... we're all here to have fun and help out. you've dont as much as you can and are willing to do so it's time you went on and left this person to deal with their own problems. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:19:25 PM | mesnafugal:
I appreciate the response - thanks.
You're not aware of the entire situation regarding my post. If you had read my post thoroughly and not hand out a knee-jerk retort, you would take meaning.
Nonetheless I am indeed a sympathic person, however, I do realize when I no longer need offer a 'hand' to someone as the results are quite negative. I know I cannot assist someone who clearly doesn't want it, thus my response earlier and why I blocked him. Also why I wanted some people's opinions.
Thing is, I know by reading posts that you, too, have been 'sucked for pity', as you aptly state, by the very same person. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:25:20 AM | | Ok so you a saying... he is just sucking all us softies for attention???? Yes I get in trouble with friends all the time for trying to "help" everyone and everything.. but it's just me I reckon. | |
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| dating an overweight person?
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:54:22 AM | I would date someone who cares about keeping healthy. Someone who makes an effort to exercise, and who tries to eat good foods. Nothing ridiculous or fanatical. If that means that they could lose a few pounds, then so be it. I need to be with someone who tries to be the best they can be. That's what I am trying to do for myself, and I wouldn't want less.
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People have different perceptions of weight. I recently received this email.
The guy wrote: "Cup half full? No, just bigger than it needs to be."
Wow! I couldn't believe that after reading my entire rambling profile, all he could think about was how I looked. And then, he went out of his way to tell me he thought I was "too big". I consider myself to be pretty average. I was strictly honest in saying I could lose a "few pounds", but just that... A FEW. Nothing that would call anyone's attention. And certainly nothing unhealthy. If a guy like that (average, and not particularly attractive) can send unfriendly and unsolicited emails like that... I can only imagine what nasty mail is going around. | |
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