| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 5:44:47 PM | | Well the obvious should strike us. No not divorced 4 times and 20kids....The fact that a gentleman is over 40 and never been married is not a bad thing just perhaps not in for the long term commitment category. Visa versay for a over 40 year old female and never been married. Happy hunting | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 5:56:49 PM | I am 52 and never been married.
I get all the usual predjudices.
My only answer.
I have never been divorced either.
I think that evens the playing field. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 6:13:17 PM | Okay after refreshing my memory by reading my initial post and reading through the thread I find it interesting that there would be prejudices against this. Personally I admire someone who has not caved into societal pressure that says we "have" to be married before you're thirty. Believe me in hindsight I wish I had been strong enough not to cave but what's done is done.
Personally would I date someone who is over 40 and never married? Yes, for the reason's I outlined earlier. I also know that in all likelyhood they are willing to take things slower and not rush into anything.
Just my two cents. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 6:30:10 PM | Seems to me as if you are generalizing. For instance. Finish high school at 16, college at 20, specific discipline at 23 or 24, go on for your PhD. now you're looking at maybe 30. Then you begin work towards the end you've studied. 10 years or so of finding your way around and deciding what it is that will cause you to be contented. Then you feel you're ready to share of yourself with someone.
Everyone brings vastly different levels of interest to the world. Some folks have aspirations beyond what may or may not seem average.
Or hey maybe you just drank for 20 years or so and sobered up and said:" I gots to get me a women" | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 9:46:30 PM | | I worry about a man over 40 who never maried. I think `It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all`...I think men over 40 who never married would be committment shy...Just my personal opinion!! | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/10/2005 9:55:42 PM | | each situation (person) is unique in and of itself, no? I like my lumps in sugar please.. | |
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| Never married & over 50
Posted: 12/11/2005 1:14:33 AM |
One said the ideal situation would be to have a LTR with someone who lived around the corner, so they could each have their solitude when needed. Each would have their own house rules that the other would follow when over, and they could see each other as much as they wanted, or entertain friends without having to have the LTR around. lol
I agree, just saw a movie they lived in the same apartment building on different floors!!
The idea first came to me when I visited Disney World!! Mickey Mouse lives next door to Minnie Mouse and look how long they have been together.I am sure the reason it is set
up like this is because the Disney people do not want to give children the idea that they
are "shacking up"!!! Remember Mickey and Minnie Mouse have been around since before 1950... pre "living together" days!!!
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/11/2005 1:49:43 AM | Hello cante skuya, I happen to be over 40 and never married(haven't stop looking though) could of been married 3 times before but there was always something missing called -TRUE LOVE-not the easiest thing to find just look at our divorce rate. A lot of people marry to young also and that usually ends up in disaster with their kids holding most of the pain. I am a freebird and I enjoy being single, however I believe we all need to be loved deeply by another it's our human condition.My longest relationship lasted 8 years with an older woman(lets say more than 10 yrs.older) we lived together for 5 of those years and to this day 3 years after our break-up we have remained very good friends.I have no children and plan on having one eventually. I guess you could say I have been very careful, but also unlucky at love. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/11/2005 8:07:52 AM | Talitha,
Just one question......since when does not married = never loved? I know many people who are over 40 some have married, some haven't, but all have loved. On the other end of the spectrum, I'm one of those people who did marry before their 40, but there was no love there. So IMHO, marriage doesn't always equal love. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:00:23 AM | | Okay had to post something here, 39 yearls old, in 14 days I will be 40, still single, still searching for that one, I have loved, I have had my heart broken too many times to tell, they were not meant to be, I believe there is someone out there for me, and I will continue to look. To say someone who has never married has never loved, well that is total trash! I have loved and been loved, didn't work for whatever reason. I got proposed to at 16 they guy I was dating was 25, can you imagine a 16 year old saying yes? hell no, if I met him now well we would have to see people change in that 20-40 range, I am finally comfortable with who I am. It took a long time, but this is me, like me or not, someone will like me enough. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:31:39 PM | Spoke with my brother today on this subject.... He is over 50 and never married. He said a while back he quit responding to the questions, at least with the correct answer....
Example: A co-worker said something about his wife sewing a button on for him and he responded, Oh, yeah, she can do that.
Why are people so suspect of someone who has never married to the point where it makes that person uncomfortable?
Why do people suspect a person of being gay if they have not married? | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:49:46 PM | | I wish I knew the answers to those questions. Personally I see it more as a positive than an negative, I also don't make assumptions about a person's sexuality based on whether or not they have married. As I said before I wish I had been strong enough not to cave into societal pressure to be married by the time I was 30, if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have been divorced by now because I did marry for all the wrong reasons. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 6:04:46 PM | I have met up with a few over 40's and never been married. Some feel they are destined to be bachelors and like it that way..the word BACHELOR is held up like a trophy..like it's something to be proud of..no woman can break this stallion!..uh huh..
The ones I know are frugal even though they hold good jobs. That is another thread I suppose. Past relationships are basically victimizations on their part..cheating gf's.. after three or four years and no sign of commitment...gf gets antsy because he will not treat her as a gf but as a buddy..and they end up bailing..
I don't see them as losers but they like to get into relaxed relationships ..no pressures of rings, marriage or cohabitating with the opposite sex..because they like to hold that precious title as BACHELOR.. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:07:49 PM | Hrm.. i'll give ya my own personal perspective. I dont' intend to get married, or even attain titles in whatever future relationship(s) I get into because i've unfortunately been in the 'jaded by ex gf's' category. I've come to decide that titles and stated commitments tend to invoke a sense of power over one or the other and things get nuts. I'm perfectly ok with just a mutual casual relationship. It's more the companionship that I seek. I do however default to being faithful despite there being no stated commitments to one another, but underlying the mutualness and casualness we're committed. We don't refer to one another as bf/gf, fiance, husband/wife.. just partners, lovers, man/lady. Perhaps someone will come along later on in which i'm confident enough in our communications and resolutions and compromises that i'll say "Ok this is the woman i'm gonna be with, and give ALL of me to." I've only had one serious long term relationship (which was only 3 pittly years to some), and based on the results of that, plus past experiences with girlfriends i've pretty much had a bad taste left in my mouth. I look at it in the sense that if there is no bf/gf type 'contract' then it makes it easier to dismiss the partner who's cheated and such, and easier to just go your own ways when both decide things just aren't working out.
I definately don't think one over 40 who's never been married is going to automatically be a loser. Mabey they just aren't commitment oriented, or havent found the one for them, and a whole load of other reasons. It all depends on what their lifestyle is really, not to mention your own perspective of that. Myself, i'm nearing 30 and never been married, simply because I just have not found the one that's right for me and I right for her.
SL | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:09:58 PM | I guess I figure that by the time we reach a certain age, we're all somewhat set in our ways, whether we've been married before, lived with someone in a long-term relationship, or have pretty much gone the whole road on our own.
The trick is finding the person whose quirks and "ways" mesh well with your own, even if they aren't quite the same. We're all weird and difficult to live with in some ways, and the best possible person to have around in others. Easier said than done, for sure, but for me whether or not someone had been married before certainly wouldn't be one of my litmus tests. | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 10:10:26 PM | Regardless of the age and whether or not a lady (it would be a man if I were not) has been married or not, Part of getting to know her is getting to know how she arrived were she is. That does not mean she is good, bad, or indifferent just because of an arbitrary value.
And... a little diddy...
I have an uncle... who is about 15? years older than me... All the time I was growing up, I never saw him with so much as a girl friend. I expected he would just grow old alone, something I realized that I would never want.
Then in his early 40's, he started a new job. I do not know all the details, but I do know he married a lady who was also in her 40's and never married. For all appearances it is a wonderful relationship... and they are still married 10 + years later.
Just goes to show you, you can never tell.
I am happy for him though... and it also means there is still hope for the rest of us slightly more mature folks... male and female.
T_M | |
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 10:23:25 PM | I for one would be thrilled to meet a guy over 40 who was never married, as I am 39 and never married. It would be preferable to a guy who's been divorced a couple of times and has kids. With a divorced a couple of times guy, I would be wondering if he really would be good relationship/marriage material.
A guy who's widowed, with or without kids would be fine too. To me, a widower would more likely have had a stable marriage. This would be considered in his favor.
If a guy has been divorced once and has no children, I would take a closer look. If there's no contact with the ex wife, and he has recovered from the divorce situation, I would be fine with that.
So, guys who haven't married yet, don't despair. You are not alone, and many women would be glad to have you.
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| Never married & over 40
Posted: 4/3/2006 10:29:14 PM | | I have people in my life that whenever i mention i've met someone, they ask me, "has the guy ever been married, kids?" sometimes there has been, sometimes not. if a guy is over 40, and is a bachelor, he could have been working on his career or hasn't wanted to commit? i wonder as i age, if i'm getting set in my ways, maybe they are? men's clocks don't tick like women's though, maybe that's why we look for older? my 2 cents...you can't stereotype! | |
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