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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 2:59:40 AM | | and well jazzhomie, then 90% of the population is damaged goods in some way, shape or form in your eyes... it is not true that once an addict always an addict... alot of people that have had addictions work hard to kick them and then have to work at it everyday to not go back and you not showing support of those people that have changed their lives is very narrow minded and ignorant of you. grow up. sorry that you are perfect and feel the need to put yourself up on this pedestal above the rest of us. get over yourself already. jerk. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 5:32:35 AM | Hey, can I compete in the whining olympics too? Can I...Can I? Here it goes....
Why doesn't anybody want me.... boo hoo  Nobody likes me or cares... Why am I still single...  
(The crowd roars with applause, and cheers.  ) The judges all hold up their score... 10....10....10....10...10 etc... | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 6:38:32 AM | Boo1979- once in a while it's awfully refreshing to hear a woman admit the realities of how many women are, instead of putting up the automatic defenses...
Also, I don't claim men are perfect or anything close... although what you said about women being "slightly worse" has been my experience as well. In any event, since I've already got male friends and that's all I need as far as men go, most of my commentary here is about women amd female-male dynamics/issues.
In any event, nice to see another woman who admits that women aren't always "all they're cracked up to be". | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 7:40:35 AM | I have to pipe in again. New-Beginnings I agree with you. I hope I don't sound rude when I say this but I have two points to make:
1. "Nice Guys" on this site, understnad that, as I said before, a woman has every right to pick and choose who she wants to meet - as do men. I've written many emails to ladies on this site and yes many do not respond. But that is their perogative. It doesn't mean they are impolite or rude - actually it is probobly a safety thing. There are probobly a hundred incidences on this site every day when a woman returns and email to tell someone that she is not intereseted only to get a few more messages from the same person telling her that she is not good enough, stupid, and all that generally negative stuff like that. Related, no one has to explain themselves to you and they do not have to explain their reasons for not responding: distance, nothing in common, something in your profile that she does not like - you never know. Or maybe she has just recived a few letter from people who fit the mold of what she is looking for. Related again, she just knows what she wants and will settle for nothing less than whoever she feels is the best match for her. And that is the way it should be for both men and women.
2. Just be yourself and to hell with what others think of you. As long as you are not breaking the law or hurting yourself or others and are having fun just being you, well in my book that makes you the richest person in the world!!!! | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 7:50:46 AM | one more point to make:
3. another rule of thumb i try to follow: if I do get a reply to my emails saying something like "sorry but I'm not interested" I usually send another letter just to say how much I appreciated the response and then wish them luck in thier search. Then i leave them alone.
simple, easy, and polite.
If they don't respond to my original email and simply read and delete it that's okay too. I just don't try to contact them again. (by the way, doing so is a lesson I have learned from being on this site).
Live and learn. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:33:58 AM |
not showing support of those people that have changed their lives is very narrow minded and ignorant of you.
I don't owe anyone any support, and tend to be repelled by people who constantly need it.
grow up.
People with different standards, values and ideas from yours don't necessarily need to grow up.
sorry that you are perfect and feel the need to put yourself up on this pedestal above the rest of us. get over yourself already. jerk.
Hahahaha. Sorry to have pushed your loser buttons. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 7:25:56 PM |
Sorry man, a drug problem is never "just the past". Anyone with a history of smoking, drug abuse, etc, is damaged goods as far as I'm concerned, and if I knew that information about her, it would affect my attraction toward her, and considerations of any future. Drugs cause permanent damage. There is always the risk that the person will turn to drugs in the future, too. Once an addict, always an addict. I'd be concerned about other things. Criminal convictions, gambling, psychiatric treatment, suicide attempts, excessive number of sexual partners, etc.
I just want to see if I am getting this straight... you are just ruling out the extreme cases, right? Someone who's had a spliff or two is not the problem, but someone who's had to go through detox and relapsed a few times is the type of person you are referring to?
Just curious because I think boo's reaction was based on an interpretation of you ruling out almost everybody who's not perfect, but I read it as meaning what I said above. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 1/31/2006 7:59:09 PM |
I just want to see if I am getting this straight... you are just ruling out the extreme cases, right? Someone who's had a spliff or two is not the problem, but someone who's had to go through detox and relapsed a few times is the type of person you are referring to?
Oh yeah, a spiff or two, what is that.
Just curious because I think boo's reaction was based on an interpretation of you ruling out almost everybody who's not perfect, but I read it as meaning what I said above.
Boo looks like a piece of work. 26 going on 41. :) | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 4:23:45 AM |
and well jazzhomie, then 90% of the population is damaged goods in some way
Even if it is 75% or even 50%, that is SAD. People need to stop being dumbasses. I've never smoked anything, never done any drugs, and never even drank anything alcoholic, and I am getting along fine. I don't see why people need those things to live. Oh... because they don't. I wouldn't even CONSIDER going out with a girl that has done any of that (except MAYBE drink). If someone has to do any of those things to be "cool" with their friends, they aren't cool, and neither are their "friends".
Conclusion: People acutally do have control over their actions, and if they choose to do something stupid (like drugs), then they are at least not going out with this guy. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:42:41 AM |
Even if it is 75% or even 50%, that is SAD. People need to stop being dumbasses. I've never smoked anything, never done any drugs, and never even drank anything alcoholic, and I am getting along fine. I don't see why people need those things to live. Oh... because they don't. I wouldn't even CONSIDER going out with a girl that has done any of that (except MAYBE drink). If someone has to do any of those things to be "cool" with their friends, they aren't cool, and neither are their "friends". - mystriousnetrix
It may be sad, but it's the human condition. I agree, it would be awfully nice if people would stop being dumbasses, but then again, I know plenty of good, solid folks who drink regularly and smoke the occasional doobie after work. I also know plenty of teetotalers who are complete ***holes, and who would probably be better human beings if they tossed back a beer now and then.
It's what you do that makes you a good human being, not what you do NOT do. Please note, I'm not saying anything about you, personally. I don't know you. But neither am I particularly impressed by someone whose only claim to morality is abstaining from activities which are, in and of themselves, neither good nor bad.
If you choose not to date a girl who has smoked, or done drugs, that's fine. That's your prerogative. I've dated girls with checkered pasts, and will continue to do so because I prefer someone who lives boldly, and maybe even made some mistakes. I find such women to be stronger, wiser and better equipped to handle life.
In my opinion, anyway. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 3:15:36 PM |
It's what you do that makes you a good human being, not what you do NOT do.
Yes, but at the same time, it shows that that person is stable and has control over their actions and is a leader instead of a follower, which I think you would agree are good attributes.
Please note, I'm not saying anything about you, personally. I don't know you.
Believe me, I thank you for that.
But neither am I particularly impressed by someone whose only claim to morality is abstaining from activities which are, in and of themselves, neither good nor bad.
You lost me a little here...
I wasn't trying to impress anyone, and that is not my only claim to morality. There are many other things about me that I consider to be great assets. I also have many flaws, maybe as many or even more than good things about me, but one thing that I definitely don't do is do something to try to act "cool" or impress anyone, i.e. Do drugs, smoke, drink, etc. I am who I am and if someone doesn't that then it is too bad for them. I like people who are just themselves and are content with being just that.
Somehow I fail to see how doing drugs and heavy drinking and smoking is neither good nor bad. Personally, I think that destroying your brain is a pretty bad thing to do. Not only that, but if you are going out with someone who does drugs and they get caught with it in your car or house or something, you could go to jail too. Heavy usage of smoking or drinking is also very dangerous. Smoking can cause cancer, and if someone gets drunk often, they run the risk of a car accident or being abusive (mainly guys).
I agree that a little use of drugs isn't as bad or harmful, but that is how someone gets addicted. Smoking only a cigarette or two a day isn't bad, but I have yet to find someone who doesn't smoke a pack or two a day. If someone just drinks occasionally, then that is fine also.
I think it would be much more safe and beneficial to just not do any of those things in the first place. I would not call someone who does get mixed up in these things to be wise. That is why I will not go out with any female that does them. It is a big indicator that she cares about herself and the people that would be around her.
Go ahead and bash what I said if you want, but it is only my opinion.  | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 4:30:20 PM |
Yes, but at the same time, it shows that that person is stable and has control over their actions and is a leader instead of a follower, which I think you would agree are good attributes. - mystriousnetrix
I agree that they are good attributes.
I simply disagree that drinking, smoking or even doing pot (for example) mean that a person is not stable, nor has control over their actions, nor is a leader. I do all three, yet I am stable, I have control over my actions, and I am a leader. I know plenty of people of whom I would say the same thing. Conversely, having grown up Southern Baptist, I know many people who do none of these things who yet possess none of the virtues you describe, or in trifling amounts.
I wasn't trying to impress anyone, and that is not my only claim to morality. There are many other things about me that I consider to be great assets. I also have many flaws, maybe as many or even more than good things about me, but one thing that I definitely don't do is do something to try to act "cool" or impress anyone, i.e. Do drugs, smoke, drink, etc. I am who I am and if someone doesn't that then it is too bad for them. I like people who are just themselves and are content with being just that. - mystriousnetrix
Of course you were. You've touted those things about yourself in several posts that I've read. It's a recurring theme. There's nothing wrong with tooting your own horn. I do it all the time. But yes, that is what you are doing. You keep identifying certain characteristics - stability, self-control, leadership, being yourself - as mutually exclusive with drinking, or smoking, or doing any sort of drugs.
I respectfully disagree.
Somehow I fail to see how doing drugs and heavy drinking and smoking is neither good nor bad. Personally, I think that destroying your brain is a pretty bad thing to do. Not only that, but if you are going out with someone who does drugs and they get caught with it in your car or house or something, you could go to jail too. Heavy usage of smoking or drinking is also very dangerous. Smoking can cause cancer, and if someone gets drunk often, they run the risk of a car accident or being abusive (mainly guys). - mystriousnetrix
Eating can cause cancer, if you eat the wrong foods containing carcinogens often enough, or a high enough fat content. Yet, you will rarely see fast food next to cigarettes in discussions like this, despite the fact that they probably have very much the same effect on your health. Obesity is edging out smoking as the #1 killer of Americans:
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/features/jan-june04/obesity3_3-15.pdf
Yet I notice that, somehow, overeating never comes up in these discussions, even though it is the one killer on the list that is available to anyone of any age, including children.
Moderate pot use has a neglible effect on health. Drinking a glass or two of red wine daily is good for the heart. Smoking is arguable, but the point is, even if you smoke, that doesn't prevent you from being responsible, or an overall good person. It is a minor vice at most, and judging someone's entire character on that facet alone, in my opinion, is silly. More people cheat on their taxes every year than smoke pot, but you will never hear of a crusade for honest tax reporting.
I agree that a little use of drugs isn't as bad or harmful, but that is how someone gets addicted. Smoking only a cigarette or two a day isn't bad, but I have yet to find someone who doesn't smoke a pack or two a day. If someone just drinks occasionally, then that is fine also. - mystriousnetrix
Ah, the "gateway drug" argument. I feel like I'm back in the 80s. Just say no.
But other than that, we appear to agree that moderate and responsible drinking, drug use and smoking are quite possible, and people who do so can - and often are - good people.
I think it would be much more safe and beneficial to just not do any of those things in the first place. I would not call someone who does get mixed up in these things to be wise. That is why I will not go out with any female that does them. It is a big indicator that she cares about herself and the people that would be around her. - mystriousnetrix
As I've stated before, who you date is entirely your affair. I'm not telling you to date people whose qualities you don't appreciate. I'm simply arguing that your statements are largely untrue. And they are.
Go ahead and bash what I said if you want, but it is only my opinion. - mystriousnetrix
I would deeply appreciate it if you would stop making it sound like I am somehow persecuting you by disagreeing with you. Read the last sentence of my last post. I've gone out of my way to be respectful of your POV, and state that I am not judging you because I don't know you. You'll notice, I only step in and disagree when you ascribe qualities to a group of people that includes me. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 5:00:01 PM | | What I was mainly refering to is overusage of drugs, smoking, and drinking. Like I said, ocassional/moderate use isn't that bad. If someone abuses those things, it definitely shows lack of self-control. Of course there are always exceptions to what seems to be the case, but when I say something, it is what I believe is true. What I might think is stable and under control might not be the same as what you might think they are. You are free to disagree with me... You have different experiences and meet different people than I do, so understandably, your perception will be different from mine. That is not a bad thing. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 7:54:55 PM |
I'm a prude,never smoked pot,never been loaded,don't have casual sex.Oh well.Maybe i need to start a why don't guys want nice girls thread.
Hey, I want nice girls. If I wasn't dating right now, and 14 years older, I'd ask you for your number.
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RRouge
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Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 1195 | |
| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/1/2006 9:19:48 PM | More then a few pages back and many times over you can not stero type.
I have met many people and loads of them have surprised me with their actions in many situations. To be cynical is to call it quits for thinking like that will only keep you alone. For you will take that feeling to every person you meet.
Life is too short to worry about meeting someone once and them never talking to you again.
Somewhere out there is someone who values what you do. You just need to relax and one day they will walk right into your path. For those of us who do not want to be 80 and dating..lol..We are on sites such as this giving the situation more chances to happen.
Happy hunting everyone. Never Give up!
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/2/2006 12:24:15 AM | | Redviking....I love you....but in a "I respect what said 'cause it holds so much truth" kinda way. We men have to impress women, women have the easy task of deciding wether or not to be impressed. And yes us nice guys will keep on ****ing about girls ignoring us and going for guys who treat them like crap because frankly we put a lot of effort and determination (not to mention mustering up the guts, for us shy guys out there) to approach you and make some sort of good impression so that you don't just look at us as if we just farted (you know the look I'm talking about) and just look the other way....well I've ranted on long enough....and for the last time.....sutble hints don't work...OBVIOUS hints don't work....just tell us what you want already. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:44:36 AM | ghebert- thanks for clarifying the way in which you "love me"- you had me a little uncomfortabel there at first!
I guess the best overall summary of my position on this is, it's easy for women to bash men for complaining about the situation because a.) they like the position THEY're in, b.) it's threatneing to them to hear men try to change the system because it would require more effort and risk from women and give them less control, and c.) let's face it, a lot of women will use any opportunity to give their ego a little boost by tearing men down or placing the onus squarely on men's shoulders.
Just because we're all "animals" doesn't mean we're like peacocks! We're actually pretty highly evolved... while some basic laws of nature still apply, we're not chained tightly by every rule that applies to birds and squirrels! And I will never say that women shouldn't be engineers and doctors and constructions workers (provided of course the individuals are in fact qualified for the job), or that women are incapable of checking their own oil or should be required to do all the housework and child-rearing... but I also don't think men should have to work their tails off to please and win the favor of women as the women sit by and do the picking from the selection of "performers". Likewise I think women have pigeonholed men into a position where men must accept women however they are and give constant support (both emotional and "practical") to women- but as soon as a man shows a need for similar support (especially emotional support) from women he is labelled as "insecure", "weak", "unmanly", etc. Frankly I don't see how a healthy relationship can be built between a man and woman if these one-sided conditions are used as requirements for the establishment and continuation of a relationship.
Or to sum it up, until women have had to walk a mile in men's shoes they have no basis for berating men who don't like the status quo. (most of us) Men have supported women's increased freedoms and advancements and the elimination of all that was unfair to women... it's time for women to recognize however that they are not the only ones for whom life was unfair, and that men do have some legitimate gripes which must be addressed if men and women are to truly be "equal" in society. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/2/2006 3:10:49 PM | [nothing works when it is 50/50 should always give 100%. you are correct women don't have to do to much on these sites being on the other end you get more emails than you can reply too unfortunely it is the nice ones the get the no reply..]
If you put on a push up bra and show the whole world your tits of course you get the billions of swinging**** you have to wade through to find the "Good Guy" or "Mr. Right" because you just put all the idiots who just want a nut and are going to try to talk you and buy you out of your precious "panties" and play with "the girls", right up in the friggin way. And who wants to wade through all that crap? I know I'm not going to. No matter what your philosophy is on, "If you wanted it it's worth working for" crap is about. Nothing is glorified these days more than a pair of silicone bags coverd over by human flesh worn by women, natural or not. It's a lure to those kind of fish. Don't know about you but I walk upright. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 2/2/2006 3:48:23 PM | | why dont you stop being so manipulative and caniving,I have met many women who profess what you do only to come back take what i have given throw it in my face treat me like crap and then with out one single thought take me for a huge ride.The last one cost me my truck and almost my apartment and created huge problems with my kids and the list goes on.It is women like you who expect us to come forward when they totally forget that this is not the dark ages and you are capablr of saying things also but you hide behind the perception that it is the MANS job to be the initiator of all things.get in that time travel machine and get into this century.It is so typical of women who do this game of oh we want equality and then when it comes time for that to happen and they hide behind that old oh I m a woman so this does not apply,what crap.I am myself shy around women because I am waiting to get ripped off and used and you sound just like that.If I am attracted to a woman and i have proffessed that it has never failed to be a signal for the woman in question to use me for some twisted game.I was really interested in this woman from work and I finnally got the nerve.The place i work at is very political and has a rumour mill that rivals young and the restless,so I was cautious,not shy.So I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee and she accepted.Actually this happened with two seperate women at work.The one that I am talking about accepted coffee invitations and supper invitations and accepted me phoning her and then when I did she hung up on me and finally I asked her what was up and she told me she was actually seeing someone.This whole thing started with who will accept a woman with three kids,so as you see you are criticizing men when you forget to look at your own behaviour and realise that this is a two way street.so next time you need to think of the games you have been playing and consider growing up and realizing that you too have power enough to proffess to a person that you are interested in and you can also open a dialogue with this person and ask them why they are being shy and then consider the fact that trust and honesty are BIG things for men and we have the right to be shy as it is a human trait so if you want to try an experiment try and see how shy YOU are and try asking a man to supper and see how hard it really is it is not as easy as it seems especially when all you know is you will get hurt.so dont criticise somebody until you have walked in the shoes of those you criticise. | |
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