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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 1:32:24 PM | I personally don't like "nice guys"...I've found they usually just try too damn hard to please! It makes me uncomfortable, and it also makes me think that they must really be insecure or desperate to try so hard. Can't really say that I like "bad boys" either. I like a guy who is just "himself" with no excuses or apologies.
Maybe you're right, but I know personally, women who don't like men who are 'themselves.' They are often labeled as selfish.
Let me put it this way. I think many men would have little problem with women who please them in various capacities. Why is it that women expect men to do the same, yet make it such a battle? Part of it is the drama of it all. Men can't bow down too easily---it's not 'fun' that way. But if you're domineering even in a subtle and emotional sense in the long term, women eventually get tired of beating their heads against a brick wall. He's seen as too stubborn. To prideful. Won't change. Women are often looking for a man who can take a certain amount of emotional abuse, yet are still useful to them on the homefront, gain approval of their social peers and family, and still fit in with their concept of what the definite as a 'real man,' whether it benefits that particular man or not.
And 'strong' man--according to these type of women---allows women to either act the role of independent woman and completely deal with their dark side and insecurites, while men can't usually vocalize their own. Women wonder why men don't share everything about themselves. Men have found out that total honesty and vulnerability is emotionally and socially punished by women as a given rule. Despite their claims of wanting to hear about men's positives and negatives, women are generally terrified of men breaking down and sharing their fears. It proves to them that men are not only human as they are, but not the man of steel they wish in order to serve their wants, no matter what magnitude.
It means women would have to treat men as emotional equals. It seems there exist women on this site which have a difficult time with that.
What I find intriguing is that I am not the stereotype of the "weak" nice guy and consider myself not with much pretense or illusions, yet there are women who misperceive this all the time. Ask ten women about me and you'll get a handful of different responses. Usually it is based on their subjective perception of what they want to see. If you believe men are all liars and a--holes your idea of what men like myself and others will probably won't change. I don't know about all men but I am not at the stage of my life that I feel I need to prove something to American women out there. I think you can glean that from reading my posts.
What is curious is that not all, but many women find intimated by this. They know that I am out for myself. I make no bones about it. I don't shout it out from the rooftops or stomp on women just to get by. That's not the point. It is implied my tonality and actions. Where as other men (players, women firsters, and what not) will tell them what they want to hear to smooth out the rough edges. As much as there is a truckload of compliants from women about 'men as user' on this site, they still gravitate towards them and reward them. If women want to this to change, they'll have to do some serious self-examination and housecleaning on their own behalf. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 1:51:20 PM |
when women who are golddigging selfish and domineering seem to have guys hanging off them???? Please answer that one :-)
I think many men, particularily young men, probably think that's the way it is---that women won't change for them, but men have to adopt to their ways. Plus many men will put up with a lot of crap in order to find love. That's for certain.
Women who believe men aren't in it for love (generally speaking) would be surprised at what lengths men will go. I think it is taken for granted, usually. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 1:55:15 PM |
maybe her boyfriend was a "nice guy" and that is why she did this thread
No.. my last boyfriend was not a nice guy .. I started this thread because every other thread on this forum is
Why dont nice guys get the girl?
I'm sick and tired of your guys whining... dont assume shit. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:06:06 PM | | GEEZ, let this topic RIP! Who really cares what other people start as topics? If it's one that's relevant for you or you have something to say, say it. If not, ignore it and move on. GEEZ! Believe it or not, you are assuming just by asking your original question. Get off your high horse and have some compassion for people who may be struggling (as opposed to whining). | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:10:30 PM | | I agree 100% Mr.DarkAnGel of everthing you stated...That is the reason i gave up on marriage years ago..Like 30..I am 39 now...The way i see it if a man is not going to have kids,Then i do not see no advantage in it...The divorce rate in FLORIDA is 72%..It is staggering....Back in my 20s I really thought majority of women (Like 90%)Wanted a nice stable guy...But in my life experience i can honestly say the majority of women tell me they want a nice guy,But when Mr.Rough and tough guy comes along she will worship the ground he walks on..Like 90% of them...I have better things to do with my time...I am much better off...I have found out 2 things though..Most women love drame and what they say and do are 2 different things...This is what i have found out in my life experiences....What the next man has experience may be different.... | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:24:49 PM | Without being specific... soem good sh*t has been said in some of these last few posts.
I guessthe best thing I could say at this point is that any woman who actually WANTS a close loving committed relationship with a caaring, stable, intelligent kind of guys would do well to listen to what guys ahve to say on this topic instead of saying "you little p*ssy's all you want is sex anyway, you hurt us too sometimes, blah blah blah"
(on a related note, has anyone, male or female, stopped to think that a lot of FEMALE heartache would be prevented as well by stopping the game-playing and competitive demands, and by women actually acting like they WANT a man around? I think a lot of you girl's unfortunate heartache and feeling used for sex is because, well, let's face it- you make us guys do most of the work, risk most of the rejection, etc.- you make us have to work for you, so when we get you, it's not as easy for a guy to give up on it; whereas for a girl, no work = no investment= easy to leave quickly. So probably a lot of guys do end up "using you" just because they finally got some return on their investment- either they want the sex, or in a lot of cases they are just giving you every chance to change their minds before they actually do the deed and cut you loose because they kno wif they cut you loose they're going to have fight that battle all over again).
Anyway, I don't have much more to say on the topic, either you're the type who thinks men have some legit grievances with the "system", or you're the type who thinks a guy is a "p*ssy" if doesn't always "suck it up and deal." | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 107 | |
| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:27:24 PM | maybe her boyfriend was a "nice guy" and that is why she did this thread
No.. my last boyfriend was not a nice guy .. I started this thread because every other thread on this forum is
Why dont nice guys get the girl?
I'm sick and tired of your guys whining... dont assume shit.] Notice i said the word "maybe"what was i assuming? and with your attitude i'm "assuming "you were dumped because you are a b i t c h maybe? | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:35:52 PM | According to CSUGUY.....If your a single guy and give up on marriage..In his logic your gay or you should be gay...I am glad you know me..(NOT)
You know you're cool when you use a capitalized NOT to negate the statement that came before. Only morons used it when it was considered to be fashionable; so what does that say about somebody who is still using it in 2006?
As for your rebuttal to my argument, I think you should try to increase your intelligence quotient just a little, before you start in on me, because clearly you have a reading comprehension problem. That's not what I said at all. If you can point me to where it was that I said single guys who have given up on marriage should go gay, I would love to see it. Explicit were my statements that jaded guys that don't appreciate women and have nothing but disdain and disgust for them because they are unsuccessful at getting laid are probably a large segment of the gay community. Logically, it is a sound argument. If you disagree with the statement, then find the flaws in either the premises or the conclusion, given the premises. Don't just sit their and makes statements about my ability to think logically while backing it up with the infallible NOT argument. If you want to match wits in the realm of logic, I would be more than happy to make more of an ass at of you. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:46:19 PM | Fightersbreath, I must say that you have revealed the fact that YOU HAVE THE PROBLEM, if people showing concern bother you you need to check something out, you don't seem likc a nice person, from the words you use.
No offense, but if you have an issue with "nice guys" or true good guys take it up with a specialist. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:57:09 PM |
you are a b i t c h maybe?
Yes I am a ****. I am a free thinking, free speaking female, independant female who does not put up with bullshit.
At least Im not 47 and relying on the internet to find a long term relationship.
Say whatever you will about me, it doesnt matter. You're just the internet to me. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:04:28 PM | | TO CSUGUY...Oh well Mr.Goody Two shoes...Least i know what year it is...It is 2005..You moron..It sounds like you have a reality problem..It is 2005 all year long..You need to start thinking logically...Go buy a callender tough guy or get off those drugs you take...Do not make a statement you know nothing about...I mean you may be in 2006 ..But the rest of the world living in 2005 moron...Go and smoke you one or take a happy pill and everthing will be alright...Try not to get your pantys too wet Mr.Goody two shoes...I would be more than happy to make a more an ass at of you...You moron!!!!! | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:05:06 PM | For all of you who have taken this topic WAY WAY OUT OF HAND .. I want to tell you all that I just wanted to point out that guys come on here and say
"Im a nice guy and cant get the girls! Why?"
And I wanted them to stop. Even though this topic is brought up several times and the answers are mostly the same people still dont get it. I just wanted the whining to STOP.
Yes those who struggle need help.. I understand that. but they can look at OTHER FORUMS and see what other people have said about similar situations instead of just whining about it. Plus, half the time advise is given. You dont follow it anyways.
For those of you who think I've been to ****y and Im not a nice person. Screw you all. I wont ever meet you so it doesnt matter.
Dont waste your time and come onto this forum just to whine about how ****y I am. You dont know me and I dont know you.. if you think Im a **** let's keep it that way. | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 117 | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:19:42 PM | Least i know what year it is...It is 2005
It's called rounding up dipshit. Fact is, we are nearly in 2006 and you are still using ridiculous colloquialisms that demonstrate how low-minded you are. Mr. Goody-two shoes? And you the one accusing me of taking drugs. That's just funny! I am sitting here laughing in my chair.
Let's not forget that you are the one who has yet again failed to address the assertion that you took issue with in a logic manner. Now, go ahead, I would like to see you take issue with what I have actually said using an actual argument. I am more than confident that you can't. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:28:12 PM | | Least i know what year it is...It is 2005................LEt's not forget that you are the one who has yet again failed to address the assertion that you look issue with in a logic manner.Now,go ahead,I would like to see you take issue with what i have actually siad using an actual argument.I am more than confident that you can't .......You got you pantys wet..Go get them changed....Teacher please teach me some more ..I have a lot to learn.. | |
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xpxpk
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Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 122 | |
| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 7:03:20 PM | Another nice guy thread. I haven't reviewed all five pages of this one but it is likely similar to all the rest. This one, however, seems to be one where the guys have allowed themselves the pleasure of self pity.
Here is one way to look at the nice guy conundrum (I love that word):
First of all, every relationship has a balance of power. The guy has to be able to take charge sometimes and the woman has to be able take charge sometimes, If, as a guy, you don't show that you have the ability to take charge at the beginning, during the dating process, then the woman assumes that you are the type who will surrender yourself to her completely later on. That gives the woman all the power up front and it is simply a responsibility that she does not want. Women make great mothers; they like to take responsibility for their children. They don't necessarily want to take responsibility for a guy they are about to date.
There are other ways to look at this thing but I'm tired of writing. I think I'll wait for the next nice guy thread. | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:22:45 PM | Dear Darkangel: regarding your comment:
"What is ever fascinating to me is that even older women will still insist on the stereotype that nice guys are shy and suffering from low self esteem, and if they are not and have a backbone, somehow that makes them very un-nice-like. Why is this such a black and white dichotomy with women? Notice that "bad boys" are still one thing in the terminology---boys. Is there something inherently wrong with a passionate gentleman that stands by his principles? Perhaps so. We hear constantly how men are threatened by this or that from women, but a lone wolf who doesn't bow down to women as a given rule is far more figuratively dangerous to women than your typical "bad boy."
One more completely wrong generalization, wow what a shocker!....I have never considered a man who speaks up to be Un-nice or a man who does not run with the pack scary or dangerous. And where did you get the delusional idea about men with non backbone being un-nice like? …..I'm sorry all of you guys keep dating the wrong women, but I wasn’t one of them, and you actually did choose how bad they treated you by how long you were willing to put up with it....
And please, give me a break and don't pretend that "Bad Boys' is something that I have twisted and used to be insulting to “Men”...Look back at the posts made by men...that is their terminology......and no woman on here has said that men with backbone are a negative thing…if your going to try and debate this, you need to pick a story and stick with it…Are you making this up as you go because what your saying doesn’t apply to every woman like you want it to? LOL
And yes, I think at the age of 40, having to wait three weeks for a guy to commit to a date for coffee is not cute, it is actually embarrassing and it’s happened...We were shy when we were younger because we had not learned to develop social skills to yank us out of that atmosphere, so I'm not going to apologize because I have matured into a woman, and that I want a guy who has matured into a man...
See, you whiners say you want a woman who doesn’t do the game thing and is up front, and yet all you do is try to twist my words so you can try to make your arguments and don’t know when some one is telling you the truth. Maybe you have dated some nice women but your pathetic reasoning made you too blind to see what you had…Sorry, but your arguments don’t apply to me no matter how much you wish they did, so you could continue to put all women in the same “****” category…
Clearly the whiners on here are too bitter and like it that way. I have found that there are just as many Drama Kings as there are Drama Queens and if you found out that there really were nice people on this planet, some how that would piss you off…
I say what I mean, so your so called reasoning is never going to fit who I am, who I wish to date and that I have always treated a man with the utmost respect...You hope it will fit who I am, you need it to because you whiners need to be right about this……yeah well people wanted the earth to be flat and see how well that turned out! …good luck with that attitude!
And PuffyDee: I hate to be rude to you because I would hope you’re kidding, but the fact that you actually said that, means you are exactly the type of woman that they keep comparing me to...No woman in their right mind only thinks guys are nice when they date you (and that no nice guys really exist) and are bad because they dump you...However sadly, all the drama Kings here would also be the first ones to ask you out despite everything they have just said! LOL | |
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| Will all the nice guys stop asking why we dont want them!
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:23:42 PM | WOW!!!! holy mother of all lords. I can not beleive how out of friggin' control this forum is.
Thanks for the compliment Xchuk, checked out your profile too, it's too bad you live so far...
I think this forum was started for exactly what it was, stop saying I'm a nice guy and can't get a girl: You men who don't get it need to understand and actually listen from the woman's point of view. Especially if you are a nice guy. Do you want being a nice guy to work for you or not. If yes, then listen to us seemings how it is our gender you are trying to get. Amberzambler said it perfectly, we don't want to hear about it, just show us. I tried saying this earlier. When you go on and on about how nice you are it does not make you appear nice. It's no different than some stupid woman going on and on about her hair never looking the way she wants it, or how she's so beautiful. You guys hate that sh*t and with good reason. No one wants to hear anyone go on and on about themselves. For example, I had this guy message me and it went something like this: Hey there beautiful, I am one of the nice guys, I love to romance a woman, I could never romance a woman too much, I would buy you flowers all the time, I would always put you before myself, I would never think of myself first before my loved one, when I find the woman of my dreams and if that was to be you I would spend everyday letting you know how much you meant to me and how much I cared for you because I think that is very important. Yes, I am one of the nice guys, and if you are a woman who would like a nice guy and be treated like a princess then I am your guy. If this is the type of guy you are looking for then I think you and I would probably hit it off and make a great couple. I messages him back and said sorry, but if you are this nice of a guy then you would have taken the time to read my profile and would know and care about the fact that I am not on here looking for a date but I am looking for friends to hang with. If you interested in hanging out sometime I would like to chat with you more. He told me off and said that I was basically a stuck up b*tch and how could I just reject someone so easily that was willing to be so nice to me. Okay....DO YOU GUYS GET IT NOW...this is why this forum was started...because of these kind of nice guys. Yes women want a nice guy, not a pathetic guy....there is a big difference. Like there are a lot of sluts, b*tches, as*holes, bad boys, good girls, good boys, there are also alot of pathetically nice guys and gals....
Redviking and anyone who agrees with him: I do not beleive you are reading correctly and understanding what us women are trying to say. First off, I do not understand at all how you perceive the notion that we are trying to do nothing but slam men and say that all you want is sex. Are you smokin' crack over there or what. And to say that I am all braggin' about what I got. Give it up, go back to school re-do the comprhension part of reading. I was merely trying to make a point that you are wrong to judge women so harshly. I was in no god dam way trying to brag. I was trying to show you that there are very good women out there and I am one of them. You talk as though beautiful women are all sluts, hair tossing lazy ass b*tches who do nothing to get men and all we do is play games with them. Yes, now I am defensive and would like to tell you to go **** yourself. I told you all those things about what I look like and what I have and what I do with them to prove their are good women I was in no way bragging. My best friend is drop dead georgous. You know, the kind of women you hate so much and speak so low of. I got news for ya, she thinks the guys she goes out with are drop dead georgous too, I however, think they are butt ugly. She thinks they have alot going for them and I think they have nothing to offer. My point being, you can not lump either sex into one category. I have not at all tried to bash men on here at all. I don't beleive any of the women have. Pretty much every woman who has spoken on here has said the same, there are shitty men and women and there are good men and women. You and a few other's seem to only be able to lump us all into one category. So ya, that makes me a little hostile towards you because that means you are dissin' me. You wouldn't like it either.
Why am I single? Because the last a-hole in my life went on and on about what a nice guy he was. And I do mean on and on. I thought I'd try something new. Go for the shy nice guy. Well guess what, he wasn't so frickin' nice. Guys give up everything, career for what so a woman can leave them later. What the hell ever. You men need to quit generalizing. Get over yourselves and get with reality, everything works both ways. My nice, I had $10,000 in the bank when I met him and my business was flourishing. I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. What did I end up with. A big fat nothing. I was the one who gave up my entire life. I gave up my business to expand his because without me it would have gone nowhere. My $10,000 gone and all spent on him and his children. I had no time for me, no time to go to the gym, no time to spend with my daughter, no time for anything unless it had to do with him and his kids. When I put my foot down and said enough is enough. I have done all this for you and now I am going to re-build what I had. Well, as soon as the giving 24/7 stopped, I was dropped. So shut the f*ck up and stop saying that women do nothing because there are a hell of alot of great women out there. Stop your god dam whining. You know, I should be the pissiest broad ever for what I went threw last time, but why. F*ck that, no way in hell am I going to waste my good energy on a nice guy turned a-hole. Instead, I've put a smile on my face, I've re-built my business, got all my money back, got all my time back, got my close relationship with my daughter back, and have my hopes back that maybe one day a nice guy will come around. But unlike you, I know that if I don't focus on the fact that all men are not scum and that there are alot of great ones out there I will never find one.
You just may want to try and do the same buddy. I don't slam men for what happened to me from him or any of the others. For the men who come into my life now, it's not their fault he was an ass so I am not going to make him pay for it. Sure some women do that, but you know what, so do men. I have been damned by many men for previous women treating them like shit. Happens to all of us. The only difference is, the one's who get over it survive and move on to living a great life, the other's keep suckin' up all our dust.... | |
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