| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 3:25:04 PM | | This is an interesting thread. It explains a lot about how certain dates of mine have gone. I used to initiate a handshake at the end of a first date before a hug could come along. But that was only if the date was brief like a meeting over coffee. There wasn't enough time to make me feel comfortable enough for a hug. I wonder if this is why most of those types of dates never went beyond that? | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 7:46:01 PM | well like TIGERDUCHESS said communication is where its at ladies and gents..
before the first date you would think there would be talk between you two about things.. that would maybe give some idea to where each of you felt about these things.. maybe NOT...lol
you know comfort zones .. even if just hugging each other.. or how non touchy they might be.. or something..
no matter what no one reads the others mind.. words are what it takes.. or expect some misconceptions in your relationships.. good luck.. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 8:44:43 PM | ok but what did I miss here I have been dating for 32 years and been in long term relationships and when did all this having to talk about things before they take place, happen? Why does everything have to be discussed to death now a days?
c'mon what ever happend to two people out on a date and at the end of the night the guy leans in and looks you in the eyes and tries to have a kiss? I'm sorry but too much communication bullshiiit that I am not going to partake in. I don't care what time we live in if a guy can't read my body language which I know I am putting out there and can't bring himself to kiss me then I am out of there. There are plenty of men out there who know how to court a lady. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 8:49:48 PM | I've been following this thread and I think you did the right thing in dumping him...if he has been out with you that many times then obviously he just sees you as a friend.
And as for the thoughts on this topic:
people should ask first if they can kiss?
people have to ask to be kissed?
people have to discuss what the comfort zones are?
people have to discuss if they are attracted or not before they proceed?
are we still talking about a dating here or a company's policy and protocol proceedures manual? LOL
wow when did dating become so complicated and carved in stone? what happened to being spontaneous and acting out on a whim? isn't that what true romance is about? | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:03:11 PM | All that "taking the initiative" stuff is great......if it works out for the better.
Girls....you just have no idea what it feels like to be a guy in these situations.
Like I said, lean in for the kiss, once, and have them pull away or turn their cheek. It's the non-verbal communication equivalent to saying, "You wish buddy."
The bottom line is, the vast majority of women will not send any clues our way, so we are stuck with the tough decision. Take a chance and hope we're good, or leave feeling like a horses ass. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:37:22 PM | | Pity hug? That's interesting... I suppose it depends on the guy. Me, I believe that a kiss at the end of the date is too cliche. If I haven't kissed you by the end of the first date, it isn't necisarily that I won't... I just didn't get a good opportunity, or I misread your body language and assumed you didn't want one. At the end of the date if I haven't kissed you, I might do the "pity hug" type thing. If you as a woman are interested in me and all you got from me was a "pity hug" then don't fret... for the second date if you still want that kiss, be a little less subtle about your intentions (be forward if you wish, but less subtle will do), and maybe recommend an activity which will put us in a better position for that first kiss. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:42:44 PM | ^^ LOL wow now a gal's suppose to suggest TWISTER to get a little kissey poo? no kissing on the first date is fine, I think. no kissing on the fourth or fifth date...hmmmm!?!?
wow I can't believe there is so much hangup about a kiss? and I'm confused when is it a pity hug and when is it a hug but the guy wants to get close just no perfect opportunity for a kiss? | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:17:31 PM | For aftereight,
I thought that Harleykat (message 8) and TigerDuchess (19) answered you right on, but you didn't want to listen to their answers. Direct communication always works with me, and I don't consider communication as "bull****."
I categorize myself as a guy who is pretty stupid at reading another person's desires in their body language. (ie: average guy) I've been told by friends (very helpfully after-the-fact) that is is quite amusing to see what I don't respond to. The term "receptive as a wooden post" seems to be the most common description on their playback commentary.
I am a very good listener, though. If a woman were to say any polite variation of "gimme some sugar, baby" she would get whatever she desired, within reason. If you're not getting a response from a guy, tactfully ask for what you want - you'll probably get a positive response, even if it's a polite rejection.
As to your original post, here's my attempt at defining a 'pity hug:'
Envision yourself as a 5 year old who is getting their cheeks squeezed (in one hand) by your giant Auntie Bertha, who's exclaiming "Isn't widdums so cute!" Maintain the pained facial expression. Bend forward, and make a poor attempt to encircle the other person's shoulders, simultaneously trying to avoid any unnecessary contact. Apply a small patting motion with your finger pads. Separate yourself, and look sorrowfully at the other person as if you just gave them the news that their puppy was just run over by a cement truck. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/30/2005 12:08:02 PM | | Before the goodnight ritual I hope we've had a chance to dance together first. It's called "cool sex". You can learn more about a woman in five minutes on the dance floor then countless hours wasting time at a coffee shop. It's here you'll either get the greenlight and move forward or proceed with caution. Then the goodnight ritual is optional. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 12/13/2005 12:00:34 AM | | I would agree. If a man gave me a " lame, weak hug " at the end of the date...like he took one arm out first and " hugged " you sideways ( like you would a friend ), then I know he is not interested. If I get a hug, where he is facing me, and he has both arms locked behind me and just lingered for a few seconds longer, then I know it's good. If he hugged me, and nuzzled his face onto my neck, then I know it's even better. If he hugged me, then pushed me against the door to give me a passionate kiss then I know we both got lucky that night. lol. | |
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| Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:23:53 AM | Wow...all these responses where how people did not get the "proper" hug or kiss terminated the attempts at a 2nd date....wondering how many passed up their soul mates or a relationship that could have been awesome??
Everything is bigger and faster these days...supersize me up! Sheesh! Me...I will take good ole fashioned sit down meals! :) | |
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