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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/12/2007 10:10:54 AM | I think that one of the downfalls with e-dating is the tremendous anonymity factor that it provides. Because there's no direct, human interaction, people (both sexes) tend to now, with any dating site, simply view prospective members of the opposite sex as merchandise, merely product; one of countless faces or little boxes scrolling across their screen. If it's not flashy or doesn't fit your criteria to a tee, it is simply discarded in favor of the next one, and why not? As the site's very name suggests--there are plenty of 'fish' in the sea--countless 'little boxes' to choose from.
I think that this is why so many messages get deleted and unanswered; nothing personal, they just want the newer/better/hotter product. I've asked a few members why they simply delete messages without answering them, even if only to say 'thanks, but no thanks'.
"I don't have time to answer everyone", or "it's convenient". So is a diaper, doesn't mean I want one. Essentially, being a decent human being and acting like a mature adult has taken the backburner to efficiency. Something to ponder?
Alas, whether you're a guy or a gal, it helps if you look at the situation in a positive light: if you're thoughtful enough to message someone (emphasis on politeness, and not crude, offensive messages), only to have your message discarded and unanswered, that very act tells you a lot about that person and their values (or lack thereof) and they may very well have done you a favor by deleting your message, because as a human being, you deserve better than to interact with someone like that. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 12:23:03 AM | | ^^^^ Could not agree more, have a relaxed attitude, send a detailed thought out message and 9 times out of 10 you will get some type of response, usually a good one I have found. There is the odd message you send knowing you won't get a reply but it does'nt hurt to try, What do you have to lose. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 12:28:40 AM | Im with you lord tyranus. If a woman is so much after flash without getting to know substance then I say be gone with them.. let them have thier flash in the pan.
After all when the day comes (AND IT WILL COME) when i finally find the ONE for me.. the love of my life.. I wont need this kind of site anymore..
After all isnt that hat this whole game is about after all?
Some women might go through hundreds of frogs before they get thier prince. so then why not go through hundreds of rejections untill you get your princess."YOU only need one good one".
I assure you she will be worth the effort and the wait..
I suggest to all the rest of the guys to organise mixers in your area to bring the people together so they have a chance to actually meet the people behind the profile if you cant organise one.. attend one. Ya gotta think outside the box here.. zig when everyone else is zagging.. Y know?
If you only want to fish off shore.. guess what.. your only going to find small fish.. to get the big ones you have to do more.
I hope the guys on this post do better I really do.. and if you decide to do the same ole things that brought you here.. well more fish for me.
LOL
Your artistic neighbor,
Frank | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 12:34:49 AM | | it only reflects real life - it has always been like that from the year dot- - get over it - accept it-and you dont have to be a male model either - its what you say and do- sound confident and cheeky -and upbeat- but respectful and you will get replies- dont give up- it can be learned - imagine what its like having 100 emails a day - yes it would be heaven but eventually you would be faced with to much choice - and that poses its own problems - i know its hard to believe but imagine if you were coming from an eastern block country like east germany into the free world - eventually you would get fed up with the choices - maybe not depending on how long you have been restricted - hope im making sense - ill shut up now | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 12:59:34 AM | | A middle aged woman can find it difficult to meet a partner around the same age as herself. All the good uns seem to be taken. Or they are still attached or newly out of a relationship and screwed up or just want to play (and who can blame them) . So we come on a dating site. We've heard about the fabled ratio of men to women, but where are they? They're off hunting someone a lot hotter and younger than themselves, that's where! I'm not complaining. I'm just pointing out that the OP is making an untrue and extremely generalist statement. But yes indeed, it does reflect real life. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 4:58:04 AM |
I have sent messages to women without any photos- no reply, and I have sent a very polite message to one particular girl, just one message and she just deleted it and blocked me. I did an experiment a while ago, I took a photo of a guy who had a 9.4 out of 10 rating in attractiveness and made a profile with it, a very boring stupid profile with hardly any writing in it and the day I put it up I got over 25 e-mails and was bombarded with IM's constantly. Compare that to my own real profile- a good looking, educated, white male with a well written profile and I've gotten that many e-mails in a year. Shows how superficial women are. Girls judge you by your photo and that's it for the majority of them.
It doesn't look like Eborys is on this site anymore (as Eborys). We guys can be shallow when it comes to looks too. After all, beautiful women are going to get told by guys how beautiful they are every time they leave the house. Years ago I read a book called "How to be the Jerk Women Love" by F.J. Shark. He said to "treat the premiums like discounts and the discounts like premiums", "premiums" being the beautiful women of course. In some ways that makes sense because I think the last thing a woman wants is yet another guy kissing up to her.
7 years ago I tried that same experiment. I found a non-pornographic image of Rocco Siffredi and sent it to girls in AOL chatrooms. Yeah, I got a lot better response to it than I did with my regular pics. Even talked to some strange women because of it.
If you want a better chance with women, then go on one of those single gentlemen's romance tours to another country like Russia or Colombia. Over 100 women to about 20 men. Don't know if that's what you're looking for, but those odds would improve your chances of finding a woman. And I chatted with a guy who went on a tour like that to Colombia. He said he met women there he made a connection with that he probably wouldn't have written to by just looking at her picture alone. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 5:31:54 AM |
Shows how superficial women are. Girls judge you by your photo and that's it for the majority of them.
"I don't have time to answer everyone", or "it's convenient". So is a diaper, doesn't mean I want one. Essentially, being a decent human being and acting like a mature adult has taken the backburner to efficiency. Something to ponder?
Im with you lord tyranus. If a woman is so much after flash without getting to know substance then I say be gone with them.. let them have thier flash in the pan.
I guess women are hypocrites then. Their value systems are skewed, too. You could attribute this to the times as they're much more free as they're growing up. People are always bending over backwards to help them and the better looking they are, the more attention they receive. The only theory that makes sense is this attention eventually encourages them to have few values and to become superficial and shallow. The excuse-making and justification of the behavior some women do is absolutely mind-boggling but I guess one shouldn't be surprised. This is just the mindset most women have today. How can you blame them when their behavior, mentality and values are just what comes natural no matter how ****** up it is? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:02:13 AM | You thinks its just men that dont get return emails
I have been on this site on and off for 12 months have mailed my interest in some guys and almost never get a reply. I dont think I look bad for my age and im often told so Im not a dog or a bimbo just a careing female who happens to be a little older than most on this site from what I can see. I have a profile that tells a little about me so as to give some small insite. I rearely get mail other than offers of which I will not mention. Guys think beacuse of my years im old and past it and desperate and I can tell you im not
Thanks guys you respond with next to no input and some of you winge when you dont get a response. Wake up and smell the coffee you will rarely get out what you put into this site. | |
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| Interesting THoughts from those I have read (and I did not read all of them...)
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:10:28 AM | ...I just read the first page then skipped to the last one.
First thought - I understand EXACTLY what the OP is saying...but you know something ironic? The reverse in almost similar numbers / ratios happens IRL with dating "events". Women FAR out number men...companies / organizations practically BEG men to show up.
I have gone to two (I've only been "single" for a few months)...the first a speed dating event...they confirmed my attendance like 3 times...I am told that is because guy often fail to show...and when I arrived I saw that there were like 18 females to 12 guys...and I was told this was typical / normal. My result was that I had 4 matches out of the 7 females I had picked (quick tutorial on speed dating for those who do not know - and I did not - rotate around room, chat 5 minutes with each female...check off the ones you'd like to meet later...females do the same for guys...mutual matches are provided with the other person's contact info), which I am told was a good ratio (4 of 7) but a typical overall number (4 out of the 12) for a guy. By comparison, when I went out with the "number 2" gal on my list who I thought was plenty interesting and attractive, she told me I was her single match, and that at a subsequent event she had NO matches at all.
My second "event" was a pretty upscale dinner event - fairly upscale professionals meet for dinner (4 guys and 4 women...by invitation). The normal advertised fee is roughly $90 - plus the cost of the meal, but the "hook" is that you are meeting the sort of people who can afford things like that, and how like dining out...so (in theory) a more sophisticated demographic. However, regardless of the fact that I COULD afford something like that, it just seemed to be a lot of money to pay for one nights dinner with no guaranteed results (especially after the speed dating event which was less than 50% of the cost went so well). Here is the punchline - the owner of the company called me later as the event drew near to get me to come...and after I again expressed reluctance...invited me for free (no fee...just my dinner and drink tab) if I promised to not tell anyone and I also promised to make time to give her my thoughts later. THAT is how desperate she was to make sure she had an equal number of men...right up until the night before she was hort a guy, and was prepared to let me attend without charge to fill the slot (which I did). It also tells you something else...the women there paid $90 just to be there with the hope of meeting a guy who wasn't a total loser....who could afford a similar fee and who might have slightly more refined taste (in other words the type of guy who enjoyed fine dining, wine, etc.)
My point of these two examples is this - and this is EXACTLY what the owner of that dating match making service told me (she is a female BTW)....
1) Yong attractive women AND men clean up. That is BIOLOGY...that is EVOLUTION. That is the human DNA driving us to certain behaviors. We know the "hot" women get tons of emails, but as some of you who did the "social experiment" learned (BTW...really juvenile IMHO...hell, I wouldn't want to date anyone capable f such a thing either if I was a woman..they don't know how lucky they are to have afforded you guys) really hot guys gt tons of responses as well. If you aren't "hot" and "young", you won't get the same behaviors, and as some of the women have testified, that applies to BOTH genders.
2) Men are basically lazy. They do the internet thing because it is easy. They spam message tons of women without even bothering to write something unique and thoughtful in their emails because they are lazy. They put up dull, uninteresting and completely typical profiles because they are lazy. They put up the same stereotypical bare chest / with car / with motorcycle pics because they are lazy. And then they complain about the results. Women, on the other hand, crave attention. So...a guy who is willing to demonstrate effort (unique profile, message that was clearly tailored for them, interesting photo) cleans up. Me - I get two to three messages a day. I only email someone else about once every 2 to 3 days...and my "success" ratio for those I email is about 50% for a response and further interest.
3) Men really have unrealistic expectations. Young hot women expect to date young hot guys because they can. Older, mature "real" women expect to date older, mature "real" guys. Older, mature "real" men seem to want to date young hot women. Re-read 2nd sentence and repeat cycle. This is why those guys get little to nowhere. Last year when I was between "regular" jobs I did some independent consulting...the owner of the small boutique firm I was working through was a tall, slim, attractive (to me anyway) 46 year old blond. Former Olympic athlete who took here competitive drive and started her own $5M a year business. We go out a few times because we both had an "interest"...ultimately she begged off because I was still married and her ex had cheated on her, so she just couldn't "go there". Anyway, she explained that she hardly ever...rarely...ever dated. Smart, attractive, successful...hell..I guess you could even describe her as "rich" (my guess is she probably took home a half a mil a year from the business after expenses) women had a hard time meeting men in a large metropolitan American city. "How could that be?" I asked her. She explained that men in her demographic (her age, her level of success) were either married or TOTALLY commitment adverse (not even wanting something casual but exclusive...only interested in booty calls) , and in either case were only interested in women age 35 or below, and who looked like bikini models. Amongst the men she got the even OCCASIONAL sign of interest from, many were married (like me at the time) or were just not operating in the same "place" as her...guys who were barely financially stable, who couldn't afford to go to the places she like to go for dining and entertainment, let alone take her...whose lives were in disarray, etc. In other words, just not a match.
Bottom line - I understand what the OP is saying, and I even agree. But...the "problem" is definitely not gender specific, nor is it impossible to over come once you actually understand it. Me, I have no use for someone 15 years younger than me for anything other than sex...and since I am not looking for only sex, it is not a problem that they are not interested in me. I've been meeting my share of interesting women...2 or 3 dates a week...and I am happy.
Perhaps if othrs were to take a similar approach they could be too.... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 3:01:54 PM | I so have to agree with Frankiethe Punk.. Show a photo..
It's not all cake for us women either!! We get viewed at with no contact..We contact and get no response or get.."Sorry don't think we match..Looking for something different" (meaning a piece of azz). Which they don't put on thier profile because most women won't jump up and down and say "oh my gosh..a manwhore..gimme"
95% of the messages and IM's I recieve are sexually explicit..If that's what "us women wanted" we'd go to the clubs or stay at home and take care of it ourselves(get it). I am only guessing when I say many other women on this and other sites may agree with me..or may not..that's okay..
Or the guys are married..They won't say married because most women with morals won't respond..Unless you have a sick and morbid curiosity of being a homewrecker!!
So I think the issues that all of us come across are equal opportunity.. men and women both experience the same problems and issues when putting yourself on an online dating site..If this isn't for you then pull your profile and don't worry about it..
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 3:08:56 PM | Lexieast, I think women get more sexually explicit junk is because it is not like you can reach out and slap'em in the face.
I think it's time that we petition for a slap round the face, kick in the balls type smilies.
That may help in reducing the spam you get?
What you think? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:20:29 PM | | What your sayin is true however, as a guy, once you finally do get a woman to respond to you, she is probably a good pick. The percentage of good women that reply back to you is much highert then the % of men that reply to the woman. Just keep that in mind. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:26:01 PM |
Lexieast, I think women get more sexually explicit junk is because it is not like you can reach out and slap'em in the face.
For me ... on two paid site ... i have received about 100 instant messages from women overseas.. mainly in Ghana and Nigeria.. who are scammers...
That does not include the emails ... and winks from women from overseas ... and that would be over 200 ... in 1 1/2 half years.
Glad POF blocks people from these counties from using POF.
Have never received an email from a scammer on POF. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:27:48 PM |
95% of the messages and IM's I recieve are sexually explicit..If that's what "us women wanted" we'd go to the clubs or stay at home and take care of it ourselves(get it). I am only guessing when I say many other women on this and other sites may agree with me..or may not..that's okay..
You don't report those guys? Or you do and nothing happens? | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 244 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 3:05:42 AM | *sigh*...I have a really shocking piece of news for the men who think women have it sooooo much easier than men on sites like this...are you all sitting down? (I know, most people don't stand at their computer, but humor me!)
Ready?
It can be just as bad for women. Did I hear a collective gasp? Probably not, but anyway...
I've noticed these "I can't get a date because I'm a guy"/"I'm a nice guy"/"Women are too picky" threads a LOT in the last few days...is there something in the water?
Realize this: men can have a hard time getting dates, and men can have it pretty easy. Women can have a hard time getting dates and women can have it easy. There is nothing saying ONE gender has it easier than the other. If you think that, you're just making excuses. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings. (That's not directed at anyone in particular, but anyone who blames a whole group of people because they don't have a date. Should I start a thread titled "Why do blonde women have an easier time getting dates?" It's not the blondes' faults...maybe I'm just a shithead  ). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:06:03 AM | | gogobear nailed it! It's tough for both sexes. There's little overlap in what men and women are looking for on here sometimes. I get out as much as I can for a single working mom but I'm on here because I'd like to "widen my net"! However, I tend to meet more younger ( or closer to my age I should say), more attractive men in real life. I do get plenty of email and I try my best to answer it but at least a fourth of it is from men 10 or more years older and about as much is from not so attractive men (not that I'd rule them out for that) who are obviously sending the same short information-less message out to as many women as they can just hoping something sticks. Personally, I don't expect to have an attraction level on several factors with that many different men at one time. I'd be happy with one or two emails a week from a really good match to whom I could possibly also be physically attracted. It just doesn't happen much. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:14:34 AM | | Wait till you get to be over 50 and the demographics change. There are more older women than guys. My experience has been that every guy I've dated, they've had their pick of lots of other women and they usually dump me for one of those. Oh yeah, and my ex was stolen by a manhunter too. I don't know what your age is, but why don't you forget the sexy babes and go for an older woman? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:18:58 AM | When I first joined this site, I was filled with expectations - finding a good woman would be easy I thought; we're all on this site for the same reason, right?
Construct an honest profile, put up some photos then I started sending poliet messages to those women I found attractive - both physically and in personality. Some had photo's, many did not.
As with most guys here, the vast majority of my messages went "read - deleted". I can take rejection, I can be resilient and not take it personally. Yet after about 20-30 times, I became disheartened. It may not be an incredible number of emails to send out, yet it seemed to be a pattern with women on this site (not sure about other sites, POF only one I've really tried) to be disdainful.
Read that women get upset that guys view them and don't contact. And I know it can be difficult for women to perhaps respond to many emails or be worried that if they send a "thanks but no thanks" return message they'll receive a rude response. Regardless, if such women are not responding to benign or simple introductory messages, then they really cannot complain about the actions of guys not responding to their messages.
I've met some great friends through the forums on this site, and keep in touch with them. But I rarely now initiate first contact - call it a learned behavior ... why bother reading her profile and sending a message when chances are she'll not respond? Such a belief isn't about taking chances - it's about reality.
If you put your hand on a hot stove, you get burned - you learn to not perform such an activity again. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:34:54 AM | Well....... yes....... I've got to agree with you. Maybe my problem is that my photo isn't that great and of course we all seem to choose someone by a photo or photos.
Kev | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:06:46 AM | "I have gone to two (I've only been "single" for a few months)...the first a speed dating event...they confirmed my attendance like 3 times...I am told that is because guy often fail to show...and when I arrived I saw that there were like 18 females to 12 guys...and I was told this was typical / normal. "
I have been to 3 speed dating events myself. In 2 of the 3 events, the men outnumbered the women, and they had to get women from the bar at the last minute. Also, in all 3 events, I did not get a single "hit." For me, Speed Dating was a waste of time. | |
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