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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:11:01 PM |
That one short paragraph at the top of my profile in bold black letters. That's all. All that paragraph does is let the women who read my profile know that i am a gentleman and i treat women like ladies and i answer all messages sent to me whether i am interested or not. I treat women like they want to be treated. With respect.
You know the irony of that....I had that kind of paragraph in my profile (sometimes I send it in an email) Saying, "I am a true gentleman who knows how to treat a woman like a lady" similar to what you wrote basically.
Had some people take a look at it, and they thought that was the worst idea to do that, because it's bad move to tell women what they WANT to hear, and they hear it all the time, and it can be a turn off, saying, "Yeah, right, a true gentleman, I've heard that one before!"
What's even more funny, they claimed by having THAT In my ad, was the reason I wasn't getting responses...so I left it off. So there's no real pleasing anyone all the time.
I take it you do alot of LONG distance dating with your location, correct, Eddie? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:17:52 PM | 94 pages...wow.
I figure it'll go to a million until a mod shuts it down.
I'm not going to sit here and try to analyze who's getting things better in the online dating realm or even in the dating realm period. I hear to death from men how loads of women seem to keep holding out for someone who will never come, and then women saying to death how many men just can't even cut it in the basics department and/or how many more men just lie their brains off to get dates.
As far as I'm concerned:
1) If online dating isn't working for you, then get off the sites. Why waste time and possibly money to just get rejected?
2) If everywhere else is also not working for you, then it's time to find a good friend of the opposite sex, and then ask him/her point blank no holds barred be critical what it is about you that drives away the opposite sex. Women who can't seem to find any men who only seem to find liars ask their male friends what they do wrong. Men who can't seem to score a date period need to ask their female friends what they are doing wrong.
I also think if you're having such a hard time finding decent mates or a mate at all...then it's time not to make dating a priority. If you feel like you've self-improved yourself to death and the opposite sex still seems to think you're not "worthy", then either walk away from dating entirely or look to long distance.
Bear in mind that before I met my current girlfriend (which was out of the blue) I had looked at dating now as something that wasn't important to my life, despite how many worry and ask if I'll ever get married. I live in Chicago, full of women who seemingly reject me left and right for bad men, and yet the women who were now catching my eyes (and I caught their eyes) lived in places like Canada, Pennsylvania, and California. Some say I gave up on Chicago women, but I figured if I had women in other places interested when my own locals were not...then why take pass it up?
Even if I had not met my GF, I would still be happy in life. I'd have my career, my hobbies, my health, my family and friends, and my personal happiness. One of the biggest problems out there is too many make such a big priority out of "finding someone" that they forget to work on making themselves happy in life alone.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:42:02 PM |
then either walk away from dating entirely or look to long distance.
Bear in mind that before I met my current girlfriend (which was out of the blue) I had looked at dating now as something that wasn't important to my life, despite how many worry and ask if I'll ever get married. I live in Chicago, full of women who seemingly reject me left and right for bad men, and yet the women who were now catching my eyes (and I caught their eyes) lived in places like Canada, Pennsylvania, and California. Some say I gave up on Chicago women, but I figured if I had women in other places interested when my own locals were not...then why take pass it up?
I apologize in advance if I'm making an incorrect conclusion here, but your comments about long distance and not having any success with the women in the city where you live,but exchanging emails, IMs and phone calls is NOT a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm not disputing that genuine LDRs exist, but these people HAVE met IN PERSON and connected. Your post is unclear whether you've ever actually met your GF in real time.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life.
That I agree with you on. And right now I have a little more faith in real life meetings than I do in dating sites. I'm mostly here to drink a beer and watch the fights.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:47:00 PM |
Picky as far as what? If you're willing to date, for example, a man shorter than 6 feet tall (That is if that hgt is a MUST) here....would you say, "WEll, I better start dating that 5'9" guy that asked me out!
There's reason on that.
My point was, I wouldn't say that - I like what I like, and the older I get the more picky I get...not less based on whatever...the whole "time's running out" thing doesn't apply to me tho, so that's why.
5'9" is a minimun height for me...but if he's really scorching hot, I might overlook an inch or two.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life.
I second this. If someone comes along that I like and want to date, then it's an addition to an already happy life, meaning if they don't then it's not something that's missing. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:50:02 PM | It is deplorable that in the year 2008 somebody would still write this:
Saying, "I am a true gentleman who knows how to treat a woman like a lady" ...
That attitude sounds like something from the past, like a story by Jane Austen or a play by William Shakespeare.
In our time a female human being is NOT a "lady"; she is a woman.
A male human being is not a "gentleman," he is a man.
Those old fashioned words refer to roles, not to people. A modern person is the equal of every other person, and does not think in terms of social distinctions. The concept of "treating" a woman "like a lady" belongs to the age when inferiors groveled to their social superiors.
A "lady" might be delicate, holding a fan and relying on her smelling salts to revive her if she becomes faint, then the butler brings tea served on the lawn. The "gentleman" gallantly escorts her to her carriage where the servant opens the door for her.
A modern woman drives up in her Prius and offers a ride to a man. They are equals. She is fully able to support herself and take care of herself, not passive and dependent and meek. He does not patronize her; he respects her - and she insists on it.
I relate to every person as equal to me in dignity and worthy of respect. That leaves no room for acting out those old fashioned roles. In my experience modern women appreciate being treated as equals and they treat me as their equal. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:23:32 PM | Fra59e
I have to disagree with you. In my opinion, "lady" and "gentleman" are states of mind, not roles, and the core value is that they treat ALL people with respect and kindness, unless a person shows themselves to be undeserving of respect.
It has nothing to do with income, clothing or position in life. I've seen poverty level gentlemen and six figure knaves,and the same goes for women.
And yes, ladies and gentlemen can and do treat each other as equals.
Often a man will use the statement of being a gentleman and knowing how to treat a lady simply to convey that he is not going to arm wrestle her for the check at the restaurant, and that he's not going to paw her or make whiny suggestions that she "owes" him sex. Unfortunately, although I've not experienced a lot of this behavior myself, there is apparently quite a group of men who think that a woman with a profile on a dating site is likely to be an easy source of quick and relatively inexpensive sexual gratification. That he is NOT one of those men, is generally what a man is trying to convey when he makes reference to being a "gentleman" and knowing how to treat a lady. Fans, smelling salts, butlers and carriages have nothing to do with it.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:07:07 PM |
I take it you do a lot of LONG distance dating with your location, correct, Eddie?
No, I don't do a lot of LONG distance dating. There are bigger towns around me. Within 20 to 50 miles.
My cut off point for the most part is 1oo miles of me. I have dated women as close to me as 20 miles and as far as 125. If you have the mentality that you will find what you are looking for at your back door you will be disappointed. The last one was 125 miles from me. I saw her off and on for almost a year. It didn't work out. But not because of distance. There were some other circumstances.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:14:32 AM |
although I've not experienced a lot of this behavior myself, there is apparently quite a group of men who think that a woman with a profile on a dating site is likely to be an easy source of quick and relatively inexpensive sexual gratification. That he is NOT one of those men, is generally what a man is trying to convey when he makes reference to being a "gentleman" and knowing how to treat a lady.
Well, if you haven't had the experience, why the need to expectorate on anyone? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:41:33 AM | If this medium doesn't work, man or woman...move to a big city. If that doesn't work and/or you already live in one...get some social skills.
F.
Ta da! We have a winner. Quite simply, if you don't know how to break the ice with people socially or how to have patience when meeting people, or how to be content with yourself and not take dating so freaking seriously, you WILL have frustration in this area. Them's the breaks. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:44:06 AM | It's different because of one word "opportunity".
why do profiles that say looking for "nice, honest, trustworthy down to earth guy"always end up being about looks and money.
All a guy wants is a woman to be HONEST. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:13:34 AM |
Ta da! We have a winner. Quite simply, if you don't know how to break the ice with people socially or how to have patience when meeting people, or how to be content with yourself and not take dating so freaking seriously, you WILL have frustration in this area. Them's the breaks.
If it were easy to relocate, I would (my job keeps me here). And I have no problem talking to people. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:34:54 AM |
i answer all messages sent to me whether i am interested or not
I'm the same way pretty much. I reply back to a lot of messages from guys, and most of the time I don't even have any interests. It's mostly out of boredom. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:29:37 AM | " In real life I get a lot of looks and attention, and I am good looking, honestly, but online I feel like a nobody because I just get ignored all the time. Its like women have no interest in me whatsoever online."
No offence, but if that's the case - what the **** are you doing on an online dating service? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:51:04 AM |
I apologize in advance if I'm making an incorrect conclusion here, but your comments about long distance and not having any success with the women in the city where you live,but exchanging emails, IMs and phone calls is NOT a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm not disputing that genuine LDRs exist, but these people HAVE met IN PERSON and connected. Your post is unclear whether you've ever actually met your GF in real time.
I agree with you. I never fully got into a long distance RL with someone, but more or less toyed with the idea, visited one another, but with many we decided that while the attraction, chemistry, and feelings were there, the distance was too much of an obstacle, especially since my career was so embedded here in Chicago...so I couldn't just up and leave in a few years.
I have met these long distance women in person, and I guess my conclusion was more standing on the idea that women like the ones I've met seemingly reject me and guys like me here in search of a "Mr Big" while these women in other states more or less were contemplating and even some were willing to embrace me and guys like me.
In the end though, I did meet a woman who lives locally, although she's from Europe. I don't want to get into an "American Women Suck" debate, but my observations have been that too many Chicago girls are trying to live a Sex and the City/Men are Disposable lifestyle that too many decent guys can't cut their high standards. So I can't blame guys for looking beyond the city limits or state borders.
Still, if I had not met my current I would have definitely tried LDR. Maybe it's easy for me because I never really needed someone there all the time. In the end, I also think people shouldn't limit the idea of love to just their local vicinity. Pandora's box was opened with the net...so why limit yourself when the perfect person for you might be living somewhere else? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:08:18 PM | I'm going to have to back up grkboy in part, there is something 'unique' about the chicago dating experience that doesn't compute. I have also seen the difference between how women who live elsewhere react towards me and how local women react towards me. All I can do is confirm that something is different here. I've lived here all my life so I don't know anything else, but I've been elsewhere enough and known enough people from around the world to know something isn't right.
The things I've been rejected for online and off were such that women I know who live elsewhere have told me that there must be something wrong with chicago women. Maybe they were being nice, maybe not. All I do know is that the experience isn't unique to me, nor is it all Chicago women. Maybe some day I'll run into an exception that will take liking to me.
I don't know grkboy's idea of why is correct or not. I'm not interested in knowing as I have no intention of transforming myself or pretending to be what it is they want or go for. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:40:07 PM | | Interesting take on Chicago dating. I've wondered if Denver dating is like that, but I haven't experienced enough dating outside of Denver to know (or any dating outside of Denver really). Denver has been rated as the "best city for dating" multiple times, but it seems to me the "dating scene" is really a bunch of men and women playing each other, I've gotten the impression that it carries over to online too. A friend of mine who was originally from out of state said that how the game is played where he is from (New Mexico) was much different and you are much more likely to see a man and a woman from different ends of the scale together then you are in Denver. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:14:56 AM | Dusttop ....Xeotide
I have a friend that lives in the South, and he said he used to live in Boston....he said there's a major diff indating up there than down whre he is. Where he is, women look at you asif you had two heads if you decide to approach them in public....if you try to approach them, they give you this, "Why is this person I don't know, trying to talk to me??!!" look on their face. It doesn't compute that you're trying to make friends or something.
In Boston, he tells me women sometimes do the approaching or are VERY open to being approached, very friendly as well. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:07:46 AM | | I have lived in the South all of my life, and have been told numerous times that I do not act like a typical southern woman. I am open to being approached, sometimes do the approaching and tend to be very friendly. I also rarely seem to date men who are originally from the South. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:30:26 AM |
in Boston....he said there's a major diff indating up there than down whre he is. Where he is, women look at you asif you had two heads if you decide to approach them in public....if you try to approach them, they give you this, "Why is this person I don't know, trying to talk to me??!!" look on their face.
Notwithstanding your friends experience, the above is categorically wrong.
If a woman finds you sufficiently attractive based on whatever evidence she can gather from you within the first few seconds of being aware of your existence...she will be open to your approach, no matter what your environment. I've been shut down HARD by women in Philly, NYC, Miami, LA, London, Paris...wherever. But I've also had great interactions in all of those places.
A man's success has a limited basis in the women he meets, and even less in the environment in which he does.
F. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/17/2008 10:58:26 AM |
although I've not experienced a lot of this behavior myself, there is apparently quite a group of men who think that a woman with a profile on a dating site is likely to be an easy source of quick and relatively inexpensive sexual gratification. That he is NOT one of those men, is generally what a man is trying to convey when he makes reference to being a "gentleman" and knowing how to treat a lady.
Well, if you haven't had the experience, why the need to expectorate on anyone?
Expectorate? I'm simply remarking on what I have heard from other people,or that I've seen written about in the fora,and stating my thoughts about WHY a man might make a statement in his profile that he is a "gentleman", and/or that he "knows how to treat a lady". How that would constitute "expectorating" on anyone here, is beyond my ken.
I will make another observation; Internet dating, and fora about internet dating are not for hypersensitive people of either gender.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/19/2008 12:19:22 AM | Posted By: Lord Tyranus on 5/12/2007 12 54 PM
I think that one of the downfalls with e-dating is the tremendous anonymity factor that it provides. Because there's no direct, human interaction, people (both sexes) tend to now, with any dating site, simply view prospective members of the opposite sex as merchandise, merely product; one of countless faces or little boxes scrolling across their screen. If it's not flashy or doesn't fit your criteria to a tee, it is simply discarded in favor of the next one, and why not? As the site's very name suggests--there are plenty of 'fish' in the sea--countless 'little boxes' to choose from.
I think that this is why so many messages get deleted and unanswered; nothing personal, they just want the newer/better/hotter product. I've asked a few members why they simply delete messages without answering them, even if only to say 'thanks, but no thanks'.
"I don't have time to answer everyone", or "it's convenient". So is a diaper, doesn't mean I want one. Essentially, being a decent human being and acting like a mature adult has taken the backburner to efficiency. Something to ponder?
Alas, whether you're a guy or a gal, it helps if you look at the situation in a positive light: if you're thoughtful enough to message someone (emphasis on politeness, and not crude, offensive messages), only to have your message discarded and unanswered, that very act tells you a lot about that person and their values (or lack thereof) and they may very well have done you a favor by deleting your message, because as a human being, you deserve better than to interact with someone like that.
I have to agree with LT. There's a saying my grandfather told me long ago "Men pick but women choose". If someone likes you they like you. I have met women who loved my hands, my waist, or my eyes. Some people home in on one aspect of a person and make a choice. People like what they like. Everyone has a preference. This is my first blog ever. Good luck guys.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2008 3:58:01 PM | Good thread... but gotta agree with the OP in that its much harder for guys I think, every 10 messages I even try to send out maybe 1 or 2 responses if that lol. But yeah I believe its the uneven ratio of men and woman thats actually on here. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:37:26 PM | Internet dating is just like most things in life.........It is what you make of it. Like life, you can sit on the sidelines and wait for it to come to you and then complain about the outcome. Or you can be an active participant in your life and actively impact the outcome and direction of your life.
Sure fate/chance does have something to do with how things happen in your life.......But what is more important is how you handle the opportunities that come your way....... Being in the right place at the right time helps........But being the right person at the right time is even more important......
Guys.........rather than whine about how unfair internet dating os for you why not take all of that energy and use it to make yourself into a person that someone would be interested in getting to know.......... | |
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