| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:30:47 PM | ok I might sound like a jackass but I'm telling you because you should know. I don't take this too seriously and I'm sorry! I don't always respond and not because I'm rejecting someone, I just don't even really think that someone may be looking into it further. As well I have written many guys if they get my attention and I don't think twice about it if I dont get written back. I do understand where your coming from...I don't even have sexy pics up and I get alot of mail but don't give up!!! And don't take offence ok? Really I am sorry but I'm sure most of the girls don't mean anything by it...I think I'll try to be a little more careful and respond to everyone.....
Its just sometimes some guy just says 'hi whats up' and i don't write back because its not really anything...or if they have a crazy profile.... anyway don't be too bitter ok? Some people like me are just maybe not as into it and don't realize were hurting someone else.
Jess | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:22:59 PM | "The reality is that most women who create a profile and post a decent photo on any online dating site with experience some sort of initiated email from men."
I dont get those emails. Thinking back, I dont think I've ever got a "first" email from the opposite gender. I either met them in person first (at a POF party, for example) or I have emailed first.
I have to initiate or no one would email me ever. And what I'm saying isnt true on just POF. I have accounts on several sites, and I get the exact same results. Nothing. I guess I just dont fit that bill you describe. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:43:22 PM |
I can tell you from doing many surveys and focus groups for large online dating companies that try to get women to spend more money and initiate more that we often hear these responses from women:
-it's the man's job to initiate
-it's the man's place to pay
And do you agree? Do you want to date these women? Or would you like to tell the focus groups to get bent?
Can you guess which one I choose?
Women for the most part are completely unaware of their collective behaviour and the effect it has on men.
I make a point not to engage in that behavior, myself, but I'm definitely aware. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:36:43 PM | Whats this collective behavior you're referring to?
lightpainter wrote in Msg: 424
I'm not replying to any post in particular, but just to reply in general to the subject line of the thread.
I have worked in marketing and customer support in the online dating industry for several years and I can tell you why it sucks for guys:
Women generally do not initiate contact. Men for decades now have been bashed over their collective heads with the "equal rights" mantra from feminists. Yet when it comes to pay sites and online dating women generally DO NOT pay to talk to men and for the most part DO NOT initiate contact.
Now before all of you women reply with your anecdotal "I have initiated contact"...and/or "I have paid to talk to men." I can assure you that you are a rarity.
The reality is that most women who create a profile and post a decent photo on any online dating site with experience some sort of initiated email from men. Now they may complain that they are not receiving emails from the men they like but nonetheless they experience what it feels like to be wanted and chased. Men for the most part DO NOT experience this.
For the most part men that post ads with photos experience ZERO - to a few emails initiated from women. Most men experience ZERO initiated contact.
Do women have any idea what this does the male psyche? It makes men feel as if women perceive them as not being worth any effort to go after. Men witness women going after things they want every day, especially career-wise and are left to wonder why they don't experience this same aggression from the modern woman in the dating realm?
I can tell you from doing many surveys and focus groups for large online dating companies that try to get women to spend more money and initiate more that we often hear these responses from women:
-it's the man's job to initiate
-it's the man's place to pay
Meanwhile modern feminism has worked hard to communicate that no man should ever tell a woman's place or assert that a woman has any particular "job" to do in society without being labeled a male chauvinist.
What this adds up to is a lot of men perceiving women as cold, distant beings that do not care to invest any effort into getting to know men. It creates a culture of men who wind up thinking to themselves, "If I have to make all of the effort then I am going to look for some kind of reward." and why should men stay with women that apparently do not care to invest a simple few dollars or to take the time to initiate contact with men?
Women for the most part are completely unaware of their collective behaviour and the effect it has on men.
.......................................................................................................
On one paying site that i am on... You need to pay to WRITE or READ emails.
Also you have to be a paying member to even know who sends "Winks" too. Sending winks are free .
I have check and only about 20% of my winks were read and i was a paying member at the time.
IF you are NOT a paying member on that site then you are wasting your time ... that refers to both women and men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:53:45 PM | ***I have check and only about 20% of my winks were read and i was a paying member at the time.***
While I worked at the #2 paying website in the world it was not uncommon for the female members to request that men DO NOT send free winks.
Many women would not drop a dime to chat with a guy but would insist that the men spend money to send them emails. They had no interest in receiving free winks and would perceive the men as being cheap for doing so. However all the men are trying to do is find out if there is any mutual interest before spending their money to send emails. All they wanted was to send a free wink and the female just had to send a wink back to express interest. Then he would spend his credits to send her an email. But many, many women would request in their profiles "No winks! Emails only!"
It's a massive double-standard. Women do not perceive themselves as being cheap for not spending money to initiate contact with men but they will accuse men of being cheap for not spending their money to initiate contact with men.
Then women wonder why there's a large contingent of men that perceive all women as prostitutes. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:00:09 PM | ***And do you agree? Do you want to date these women? Or would you like to tell the focus groups to get bent?
Can you guess which one I choose?***
You're missing the point. The point being North American men are bashed over the head with "I am woman, hear me roar!" day and day out. We hear about independent you are, how you don't need men, etc. and we watch you aggressively pursue everything you want in life.
But then when it comes to men all of that aggression disappears. The majority of you slink back into a submissive "Men must chase me and come after me." attitude.
When I was working as a call centre supervisor it was common for women to call in and complain that there are no good men on the system. Routinely I would ask them if they purchased credits so that they could initiate contact with men in order to increase their odds rather than just relying on what comes to them. They would laugh in my ear, "Pay money to talk to men online? You must be kidding me!" was the routine response.
But if Mr. Right didn't magically fall into their inbox they would blame the system and men. I would ask them if they would sit by the phone and wait for the perfect job to come to them. They would always answer, "Of course not." to which I would always reply, "Then why do you treat dating the same way?" to which they would either have no answer or conveniently claim that dating is different than finding a job.
This is the common male online dating experience. What perception of women do you think this leaves them with? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:02:09 PM |
Then women wonder why there's a large contingent of men that perceive all women as prostitutes.
ROTFLMAO ~ you've got a serious issue with how you view women, my friend. That is about the silliest thing I've read in weeks, and I've read some reaaaaaaaaly silly stuff lately.
~OT~ As I have said before. This online stuff sucks. Period. I'm no novice and I can assure anyone here who thinks we (women) have it so easily: that is the biggest line of bs I've witnessed in a very long time. We are blessed with liars, players, married men who are looking for booty, men who can't decide what to have for dinner so knowing what they actually want in a woman is entirely out of the question and more than that ~ they don't feel they should be asked to put out any effort whatsoever, because they grace us with an email or two. PFT. Get real. The problem isn't MEN, the problem isn't WOMEN. On this particular site, the problem is all the damn whining in forums. Get off the net, get into the real world and get over the raging stereo-typical lines of crap. If you can't find something nice to say, don't expect anything but venom in return. If it's that bad here ~ find a place where you are more likely to be accepted with such hateful attitudes. Blech. And the women who "walk the fence" on this topic, you are part of the problem. Stop justifying, stop arguing with these types ~ you just fuel their insecurities and whininess. Ick ick ick.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:10:02 PM |
We are blessed with liars, players, married men who are looking for booty, men who can't decide what to have for dinner so knowing what they actually want in a woman is entirely out of the question and more than that ~ they don't feel they should be asked to put out any effort whatsoever, because they grace us with an email or two.
Everything that you stated men face as well. We are blessed with liars, players, married women looking for booty, women who can't decide what they want and more then that~they don't feel that they should have to put out any effort whatsoever.
No sex has it easy but to generalize people as being intimidated or any of the other nonsense which goes on doesn't help. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:12:03 PM | Bravo, Bravo^^^^^ well said greeneyes. Women have to put up with a lot of BS, just the same as some men do. We all experience attitudes and whining from people. It is not exclusive to one sex or the other.
It is true that women have a larger pool to choose from, but the quality is questionable. So men wind up with more competition when it comes to finding a woman. I still hold to my belief that it is much easier to find a mate in the real world than online. So get off the computer and go find someone to date. If you all stop looking for that "perfect" someone, you might be surprised at what you do find. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:50:56 PM | ***ROTFLMAO ~ you've got a serious issue with how you view women, my friend. That is about the silliest thing I've read in weeks, and I've read some reaaaaaaaaly silly stuff lately. ***
I never said that I perceived women this way. What I'm saying is that it was very common for men to call in and complain about all the same stuff.
They would regularly ask, where is the equality? Why do I have to do all of the chasing and the paying? Why are women calling men cheap for wanting to use a free smile when none of them pay to contact me?
At the end of it all they would routinely ask in a frustrated tone, "Are all women prostitutes?" because this is the impression that most women online give. For the most part women online perceive it as a privilege for a man to use his money to email her. There is very much a princess syndrome out there.
For decades now men have been told to understand the female perspective. Our media has inundated us with feminist perspectives.
Can you as a woman take one minute of your life to understand the male perspective or is it more worth your time to laugh at the conversation? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:06:53 PM | Here's a quote from a female user from another thread:
***I get messages from dozens of guys each week. I check out their profiles, and note what's interesting. ***
How many women on the system do you think experience the same thing compared to men? How many men in online dating experience dozens of emails INITIATED to them each week? Not every many. However it is not hard to find many women in online dating that receive dozens of emails INITIATED to them each week.
This imbalance of initiative from women leaves men with the impression that women do not perceive men as something to put effort into.
How do women think this makes men feel? Do they even care? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:15:34 PM | | I agree with much of what you write. You either have to be extremley good looking or have $$$ for most attractive women. I am also on Singlesnet and when I first joined I made quite a few contacts and a few of the ladies were not a "fox", but above average looks. As soon as I told them what I did for a living and they realized I didn't make a lot of $$$ I never heard from them again.... A lady friend of my ex's once told me "First time for love, second time for money" ... you do the math... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:21:26 PM | gee, i judge by what men say to me .................. i could care less about looks! the heart is so much more important but if u telling me on first chat u have 4 kids by 4 diff mommas then proceed to ask what i would do sexually there is a major problem and no amount of looks can fix that one . I usually make first contact if the man does not wanna chat with me then so be it life goes on and there is more fish in the sea | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:22:05 PM | The problem with these gender bashing threads is that for some strange reason people have gotten an idea in their heads that life is fair. Well let me break it to you, life is not fair.
So the women you email don't message you back ,so what.Why are you taking this so personally . You don't know these women you are sending messages to, and they don't know you .
No one owes you anything not even a polite thanks but no thanks.Yes they look at your profile and if they see something there that they just don't want to bother with like you have kids or you are into social activities that they hate ,you have been divorced then they wont bother to message you back.What do you care what some stranger who you don't know ,never met ,does? You obviously do care seeing how ticked off you are .
Maybe you should sit back and think about why some woman you don't know ,who didn't reply back to you bothers you so much. Yes it would be nice if people would at least be polite and say sorry not interested ,but that is not going to happen . This is real life where things are not fair or right even most of the time. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:27:02 PM | ***for some strange reason people have gotten an idea in their heads that life is fair. Well let me break it to you, life is not fair. ***
Does that also apply to the feminists that want to make everything "equal"?
Would you say the same thing to them? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:27:26 PM | | I definitely agree with frankiethepunk. Men do look for physical beauty and don't bother to contact you if you are not really pretty. If we based our self esteem on how many people hit on us online we would all be depressed. I am an older woman and all I get are offers from 30 something men who just want to have sex (even if they don't come out and say it). I am not beautiful but that doesn't stop me from moving on and believing that one day there will be a man who will see my worth either online or off line. Don't let anyone stop you in your pursuit. Believe in yourself and keep trying. Try different sites also. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:28:19 PM |
men are always complaining !
And just how many women do you think start the complaining threads on here.
Men do look for physical beauty and don't bother to contact you if you are not really pretty
No different from what women do. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:31:15 PM | lightpainter people meaning men and women . I was not singling out men as being the only ones who think life is fair .That is why i said people. I also said that is what is wrong with gender bashing threads . PEOPLE think life is fair. I said gender bashing threads . Not specifically man bashing threads or women bashing threads.
So men and women life is not fair. In fact a great deal of the time life is unfair and sucks pretty badly.Get over it and stop crying over it like a big baby. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:32:15 PM | ***I am an older woman and all I get are offers from 30 something men who just want to have sex (even if they don't come out and say it). ***
Awwwww you poor thing! How difficult it must be for you to be able to have younger men for sexcapades in your inbox anytime you want. Poor dear! Life is sooooo tough for you! How do you put up with it?
How man older men do you think are fed-up with receiving emails from younger women that only want sex with them?
This is exactly my point. Women actually complain about receiving too much sexual attention. Poor things!
Try being a guy and survive with NO attention and having to chase after all of your meals. You'd be jumping off a bridge in no-time. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:34:38 PM | ***So men and women life is not fair. In fact a great deal of the time life is unfair and sucks pretty badly.***
Precisely my point. For decades men have been bashed over the head with the feminist mantra of "We must engineer life to be fair!"
So while we men are out there watching governments pass laws to make life fair these same women (like you) are telling us to suck it up and accept that life isn't fair.
Welcome to the male perspective. Had you ever considered it before? Likely not. | |
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