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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:49:07 PM | Okay. I'm honestly a "real" woman. And I'm going to be exceptionally honest with you from where I AM. I'm "older" (whatever the H-E-L-L that means!) It honestly and truly doesn't matter that everyone doesn't consider me attractive. I know that who I am and "what" I am is honest and real, and to me that's what's important. I don't understand (honestly, I don't) why it's important regarding how many e-mails I get, how many men are interested in me, how 'good looking' I appear to others. It is not a humbling experience to me. It's the way it is. Why in the world would I consider myself to be exciting or interesting or attractive to the majority of the men on this or any other site?
I've had no replies from e-mails; I've had some responses from e-mails I've initiated; I've responded to e-mails from others. It's all okay with me. It "sucks" as much from my paritcular perspective as it does for you. Perhaps it's because I'm "older". Please forgive me while I laugh about that "fact". Like my age has anything to do with anything except my life experience. "Why" my age should matter is a mystery to me. I will honestly and quickly admit that life experience is a valuable tool and a common denominator; however, "age" is not a cut and dried eliminator. For me it's all in the presentation. Are you "real"? Do you really want to get to know me? Do you really want me to get to know you?
It's so not about competition. I (me, as an individual) am not 'comparing' you against other males. I want to know about you; how can I compare you to someone whose not you?
It goes both way, believe it or not. I'm at a definite "disadvantage", but I don't care. I don't "feel" like I have a disadvantage. I don't feel like I'm "less" or "not as good" or that I "can't compare". I don't; I can't; I don't want to. I'm "me". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:51:38 PM | Well i am not really sure how i got lumped together with all the other women out there ,but hey whatever. Yeah life is not fair for anyone . Not for men and not for women .
Try my life for a day and you will see many,many things that are not right and not fair.Men don't have it worse and women don't have it worse.By the way i am not a feminist so don't try to put that label on me. I actually find it offensive. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:08:48 PM | | Personally I think this thread sucks, but after a few no response emails and reading about this pattern I wrote in my profile I don't initiate contact, I can't suck up to people and pretend to know them after studying their profile for 5 minutes and tell them everything they want to hear it's just not me nor would I want to attract such a person, and it's cool getting viewed a few times a day, that's enough for me, they are going to decide anyway. I highly recommend it to all the men, but I'm probably the only one and will be who does it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:13:48 PM | ***By the way i am not a feminist so don't try to put that label on me. I actually find it offensive.***
I never said you were. You're doing what so many before you have done. Rather than read what's being written you filter it through your own female "Me Me Me" filter.
I wrote that MEN have been bashed over the head by feminism and feminists have done everything they can to engineer fairness into society. Meanwhile it's not uncommon for men to be told by these same women to suck it up.
So you may not perceive yourself as a feminist but you react like that by only considering how my words affect YOU rather than just absorbing the point and considering the male perspective.
I know, I know. It's not fashionable to be sensitive towards men. We're rocks without feelings, right? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:46:54 PM |
Can you as a woman take one minute of your life to understand the male perspective or is it more worth your time to laugh at the conversation?
Obviously, you are, in fact a novice because I am usually the proverbial defender of this entire line of bs, on the male side. At this point, it is funny. Re-read it from a perspective other than your own. It's ridiculous. All of this bickering over one simple reality: it's not happening for anyone in this thread. Plain and simple. Whining breeds whining, which then breeds anger and nastiness. Believe me, I'm far more a male perspective than female on this subject, should you wish to read about 4,000 or so posts of mine, you might find yourself surprised, maybe even viewing your own situation from a different perspective. The reality is: you aren't making sense here. You complain, but you are STILL here.
The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result.
Plain and simple ~ if you aren't happy, find somewhere that you feel validated, valued, respected and or a combination of all of these things.
Threads like this do nothing productive except make people like me giggle ~ at the idiocy. If you aren't happy, change your situation. No one is going to do it for you, no one is going to fix whatever owies you have ~ that is something only you can do. So hop to it. Get off of here and do something to change your circumstance. "Victim" isn't an attractive persona....sorry. JMO | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 10:07:11 PM | Me me me . You think that is what i am like ? Dear lord you have no idea how my life is .
I am not responsible for what other women do . I am only responsible for myself . You did seem to insinuate that i was one of those horrible feminist .Your post was confusing and vague ,but that is how it seemed to me.
Where did i ever say men have no feelings. I did not even insinuate that .Do not put words in my mouth. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 458 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/27/2007 11:28:35 PM | So, if men can't get women to go easy on them and give it up easier, where do babies come from? I mean, after all, the women of the world are evil incarnate and won't give men the time of day...so where do babies come from?
Oh, I know, all women are whores and use men JUST for sperm, right?
This is actually getting sad. We need a smiley that looks like a Kleenex box. Seriously.
If you can't get attention from women on here, why not try the "real world"? Or is that worse because your flaws are right out there for the world to see?
I love that these threads ALWAYS make it seem as if the women have such an easy time and the poor men never get any attention. *sniffle*
Unless you've done a study and spoken with EVERY SINGLE WOMAN on POF, you know absolutely sweet-piss-all about how "easy" or "hard" it is for anyone.
Of course, it's easier to whine that wonder if you might, in fact, BE the problem (*gasp* it can't be that!)
When you can't get a date, it's because of those damn feminists...I don't know many women that follow the feminist propaganda. Blame it on something else, just for a change. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:39:03 AM | | Depends on what your looking for as well....most fellas that contact me are after one thing, and why they bother contacting me when i state serious long term relationship, i do not know! People use these dating sites as a sex addiction and to boost their ego`s so its just as bad for some of us women!! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:38:47 AM | lightpainter, you sound like you're very angry and bitter. A woman must've really screwed you over in the past, but you shouldn't take it out on our entire gender as a whole and make wild accusations. Also, you missed the point of what the poster you quoted was saying. I know a lot of you guys want random people for "sexcapades" as you call them, but her point is that she wants something more than just shallow "sexcapades." I'm sure she appreciates the attention, but if you're a deep person who isn't a trashy whore and actually want a real relationship, these kinds of messages would start to get depressing after awhile because it would make you think that's the only thing men want. News flash for you, not all women are thrilled to pieces at the idea of just being used as a piece of ass.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:33:47 AM | Decades ago, when women started detailing inequalities in society to men about women's lives would it have been fair for the men of the day to charge them with being bitter, angry man-haters?
Nope.
Why is it that when I detail what appears to be a massive inequality between the sexes in terms of effort and money being spent to initiate contact between the genders it's always the women like yourselves accusing the male of being bitter, angry, having issues, etc?
These aren't "wild accusations" that I'm making. If you go back and re-read my initial post I detail my conclusions on what appears to be a lack of interest from women online to:
a) initiate contact
b) spend money on contacting men
This is not drawn from some small, anecdotal perspective. This is based upon massive market research and behavioural analysis from online dating's #2 player. While working in their marketing department the company had millions of members all over the world. The attitude of female was consistent between all cultures.
Because these companies want to make money they wanted to work hard to get women to spend money and to initiate contact more. There was a solid effort put into understanding this phenomenon. But alas, all of the focus groups, research and studying proved that women will not budge on this issue. Less than 10% of female online members will spend money to contact men. 80% of men will. Less than 10% of women online use FREE tools to initiate contact. 90% of men did.
This is not some small sampling. This is global data representing North America, Western Europe, Asia and Australia.
Will any of you get the point? The point isn't whether women want the attention or not from men. The point is that you get it.
Can you not put two brain cells together for one minute and ask yourselves what affect it has on the male psyche to experience little to no effort from women to initiate contact with men?
Do you think it makes men feel wanted? Desired? Appreciated? Respected?
Once again I have to ask, do you even care? | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 462 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:46:53 AM |
Why is it that when I detail what appears to be a massive inequality between the sexes in terms of effort and money being spent to initiate contact between the genders it's always the women like yourselves accusing the male of being bitter, angry, having issues, etc? Possibly because you DON'T know all of us...and you've deemed yourself the expert...you don't know me or any of the other women on here (except for perhaps a few), so how can you possibly know what any of us think, do, feel, expect, etc?
Would you not be offended if a woman argued on here that ALL men do "this" or "that"? I would hope you would be.
Let's look at how many threads there are about women being selfish, shallow, users, etc. and this shows only one thing: the men who start these threads are bitter, angry and have issues...sound familiar? The men who start these threads give a sense of entitlement. Simply because they wrote to a woman, she is obligated under some law to respond and respond positively. She MUST give them what they want/need. Read through them if you haven't already...these threads are not based on these men doing "market research"...they're based on the fact THEY CAN'T GET A DATE...and it's always the woman's fault. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:58:55 AM | ***Simply because they wrote to a woman, she is obligated under some law to respond and respond positively. She MUST give them what they want/need.***
It appears that we are having two different conversations.
What does your reply have to do with what I wrote?
I'm asking you to analyze and consider the effect it has on the male psyche to not experience any effort from women to initiate contact and you come back with a counter-argument that men feel entitled to receive a response.
***Let's look at how many threads there are about women being selfish, shallow, users, etc. and this shows only one thing: the men who start these threads are bitter, angry and have issues...sound familiar?***
How many posts are on the forum from women complaining that men only want one thing? Many.
Do you consider them to be bitter, angry women with issues? | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 464 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:00:42 AM | this thread is very long but after it is said and done , all the bickerinb gin the world di not change the real outcome to dating on this site, virtually all men hardly get any mail while women get huge amounts depending on age , build and other characteristics.
even the most seemingly "unattractive" will get much more mail than the average joe.
still the mail box wil remain empty for the time being as the women complian to gett hundreds of mail or one mail a week, how about guys like me that get one in a few months from probable interested person .
Try the real world like I do .
I wonder if a site exists that corrects this male numerical and cultural disparity. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:07:03 AM | For all of you who are happy to bash lightpainter. Often taking one sentence out of context.
One question. Do you truly believe that all of the whining threads are initiated bty men. Hell just take all the intimidation threads as a example. It's always the mans fault.
Yes he is dealing in generalities. He also states that.
What he is doing is asking you to look at the effect that the lack of effort from so many people can have. He is not accusing any one person, and that is what so many are focusing on. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:08:21 AM | While i tend to agree, that there are far more opportunities for ladies, no doubt a lot of them are messages they dont find appealing. Look at the emails we get from people that arent locally available or for some other reason were not interested. If they get a lot more messages still many will be of those type that the lady wont be interested in or able to consider for various reasons. I have gotten messages from ladies with large favorites lists, clearly they are still looking around :)....... Keeping the chin up is definitely to your advantage...  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:12:24 AM | ***What he is doing is asking you to look at the effect that the lack of effort from so many people can have. He is not accusing any one person, and that is what so many are focusing on.***
Precisely.
Yet men are expected to deal with the media constantly focusing on how men are pedophiles, serial killers, rapists and criminals.
Yet women expect men to just ignore it while at the same time they cannot deal with any kind of large scale, empirical data about their gender's behaviour without personalizing it.
I can find all kinds of articles about the evils of the male gender but you won't find one article that states, "Women do not put effort into initiating contact with men - study and analysis shows." | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 469 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:16:31 AM |
What does your reply have to do with what I wrote? Sorry, I didn't realize my post was ALL directed at you. Some of it's just general.
How many posts are on the forum from women complaining that men only want one thing? Many. And those are usually from women who have an inbox full of "wanna ****?" emails...that's solid evidence. I realize that women can be a bit delusional, as well, but it seems to be mostly men that are starting the whiny threads about horrible women.
I'm asking you to analyze and consider the effect it has on the male psyche to not experience any effort from women to initiate contact and you come back with a counter-argument that men feel entitled to receive a response. Where in my post does it say THAT line is directed at your request for analyzation? For the record, "any" effort implies that women NEVER even try. And yes, the threads I mentioned DO come from men who have a sense of entitlement. I didn't realize I needed your permission to put something in MY post.
Do you consider them to be bitter, angry women with issues? I'm sure some are, but as I said, if you've got an inbox full of "wanna ****?" emails, it's pretty hard to argue that this doesn't happen or that the complaint is not valid. It's visual. It's right there. I've gotten 3 in the last 2 days. I didn't imagine them. I didn't imagine that some man wrote me an email begging me to have sex with him for money...nope. I got that one a couple of days ago. They're offensive and really quite inane. When a man says that ALL of the women on POF are evil because that guy can't get a date, that's an "opinion" not necessarily always FACT. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:17:05 AM |  Well put. And after three marriages,I am starting to wonder what it is that I am looking for anyway. To make matters worse the last marriage was to a over the road truck driver who I loved and admired for many reasons. The girl had a Harley of her own. Tattoos that never failed to draw attention at any truck stop. She loved working even at home. We wore the same T-shirts. Loved the same foods. We have a history that includes a trip up to Sturgis SD, years on the road together,and a birthday at the yellow rose. And other than me trying to get her to go to stupid comedy movies,we never had any conflicts to speak of. Now where am I going to find anyone that compares to that? Yes, there was a down side( I am divorced). And after six years with her. I am also a truck driver,100lbs overweight,and alone. Where do you think I fall on that one to ten scale? Clue..(It ant 10) And you know what else, I don't care ether. They can see past that, or I can stay alone. JD  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:18:18 AM |
Yet men are expected to deal with the media constantly focusing on how men are pedophiles, serial killers, rapists and criminals.
And fat, inept, stupid, insensitive, bumbling, creepy, shallow . . .
This kind of stereotyping, continued without abating, and the fact that people eat this up and expect men to deal with it, is creating a HUGE backlash. The storm has already begun.
It's no wonder the men's rights groups are getting bigger and more widespread. Can' t say I blame them for taking a stand. Someone needs to. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 473 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:21:46 AM | | What it boils down to, Lightpainter and Drg is this: I am only ONE woman. There is not a damn thing I can do to change the way other people think, the way the media portrays men, etc. I WILL defend myself when generalizations fly about my gender. Are there women who use men? Yep. Are there women who take for granted that they have men drooling at their feet? Sure. Does that mean that I, personally, deserve these generalizations that fly around about women? Hell no. BUT...should I have to listen to all of the whining when I'm not the "type" who does what, supposedly, ALL women do? NO, but I will definitely debate it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:26:21 AM |
Does that mean that I, personally, deserve these generalizations that fly around about women?
When it is stated as a generalization why do you take it personally?
Especially since in lightpainters original post he concedes that there are a few who do initiate conatact.
As follows
Now before all of you women reply with your anecdotal "I have initiated contact"...and/or "I have paid to talk to men." I can assure you that you are a rarity.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:32:54 AM | ***There is not a damn thing I can do to change the way other people think, the way the media portrays men, etc. I WILL defend myself when generalizations fly about my gender. ***
Do you think that men in general should be dedicated to lowering the rates of pedophilia and rapes?
Should men be speaking out against it? Should men dedicate some time to understanding these things? Or should we do as you and just think to ourselves, well I'm not a rapist or pedophile, nothing I can do about it.
Once again it appears that modern feminism expects men to put an effort into understanding women and their issues but when men ask women to do the same they couldn't be bothered and would rather work hard at defending themselves than working at understanding. | |
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