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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 501 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:06:53 PM |
You are completely missing the point. The point is many women here think that most men only date 9s or 10s ...
No, no, no ... no one said that most men only date 9's or 10's.
It's clear that they WANT to date 9's or 10's and appear to only be CHASING what they consider the 9's or 10's. When reading the majority of the threads on here, according to most of the men ... there are not enough of the 9's or 10's to go around.
I miswrote. I should have wrote that "many women think most men only go after the 9s and 10s" which I still disagree with. A fair amount of men do this, but not or even most. This is a false generalization. A fair amount of women also only go after the 9s and 10s.
Hey "dpd22" ... is that why you're so eager to admit that you're more than willing to date a "6"???? Have you finally seen the light and realized that waiting in line for the 9's or 10's is taking too long????
If you had properly read some of my previous posts, you would notice that I ( and other men ) stated that we have emailed many average looking women and still got no or very few responses. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 502 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:44:47 PM | | Some women here have stated some dumb things. Why do some women think that men in general are much more shallow than women? Shallow is a 2 way street. There are plenty of men and women who are shallow. Why do some women think most men don't email average looking women? Like others have said, plenty of decent looking men have emailed average looking women and still get few responses. Maybe these women have an inflated opinion about their looks. Just because a man stated that he would date a 6, it doesn't mean that he thinks he is a 9 or 10 and is settling. He's basically stating that looks aren't everything. Don't try and twist the statement to make it sound negative. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 3:07:43 PM | Well this has been an interesting thread to say the least. I have now gotten to the point of when I contact men by sending them a message, I end it by saying "If I do not hear back from you, good luck on your search." As it seems only the classy guys will respond back with they don't think we have enough in common or they have just started a relationship or they would at least IM me and we would chat a bit to find out more. For a while I did send out many responses but would get tired of the no responses. There were times that I was ready to give up on the internet dating as many were looking basically just for sex, but I would end up chatting with one guy, that all though we didn't have enough in common, we would enjoy chatting with each other. It would be just a small hope that I would have that there were men out there looking for more.
So every gender gets the good and bad and complaining won't change it. Just making sure we fit into the good rather than the bad is the best we can do. Just my opinion. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 3:18:16 PM | | Hey there,I must say I agree and Im a ladie...But remeber one thing If its the looks that all people look for in as person then they are not worth anything You have to take a person from the heart.I have no inclenation to judge a person on there looks as it dosent work that way.If they are looking for looks there bound to be single in a very short time Best of Luck to you...And hey wanna chat get back go to my profile No pic though,as I dont believe...on the outside Its all from within | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:04:10 PM | ***But the argument has been that women have it so easy...***
That was never the argument and if you believe that to be my point/thesis then you either haven't carefully read what I've written or are choosing to ignore the point.
Your statement above also raises another observation. As men do you know how many times we hear from women how easy we have it because we're men? Last time I checked most of the homeless are men, men commit suicide more than women and men don't live as long.
Has anyone else noticed how practically all of the women who have responded to my posts have done what I predicted they would do? Which is filter a widespread generalized behaviour of women (supported with empirical data) through their anecdotal perspective and simply state "I'm not like that so your generalization is wrong."
In that case, as a man I'll use your same logic in this analogy:
Since I don't abuse women does that mean all of the generalizations about men being abusers and rapists to be wrong? Should I do as you women do and take offense at all of the money poured into studies that spews data about how dangerous men are?
Since you women are so offended at my general observation of women then should I be offended when I'm walking down the street late at night and I sense that another woman has put her guard up because I may be a rapist? According to the women on this thread, I should be offended the same way you're offended at any generalization of women because you're a woman.
You can't stand being told that women hurt men by not putting any effort into initiating contact with them so then I should not stand for reading articles about how women should perceive every strange man she comes across as a potential rapist. Any idea what that does to the male psyche? Have any of you thought about it? Do you even care?
Do any of you women know that statistically women are more likely to kill their own children than men? How would you feel if you opened the newspapers time and time again and read articles about men shouldn't be cautious of the mothers of their children because women are statistically more likely to kill their own children?
I'd say that the women on this thread are demonstrating a complete lack of critical analysis and are only worried about how THEY FEEL. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:16:40 PM |
I'd say that the women on this thread are demonstrating a complete lack of critical analysis and are only worried about how THEY FEEL.
Have you re-read your posts? It's all about how YOU feel. Ironic isn't it? It's a "me" oriented society. Why on earth do you feel you, personally, should be exempt? Try re-reading the past 4-5 pages. You are the driving force behind the "me" mentality. I personally see many posts disagreeing with this theory, mine included. At least most of us have the wherewithall to admit, it's not easy for either gender. Problem for you? Maybe. That "poor me" view isn't healthy. I sucks for us all (for the 1,000th time.) Sigh.  | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 507 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:22:05 PM | Light painter: Keep in mind that I am responding to this entire thread...not only to you.
The thing is, there is so much talk of men sending out emails, even to the "average" looking woman and getting no responses. Are we going by what is written in the forums? "Empirical data"? Or simply one's perception? This is a big site with lots of members who probably don't even touch the forums...so how can we possibly know the "facts"?
I also have to ask...Lightpainter, what exactly are you looking for then? Are you looking for all of us women to now begin responding to men that may not be even close to someone we'd want to date? Or begin mass emailing men that we don't find attractive, in any way?
You can't stand being told that women hurt men by not putting any effort into initiating contact with them That's the problem. WOMEN hurt MEN...what about women who don't get emails? Do the men care that it hurts those women? I doubt it. If you're putting all your hopes on internet dating, then you've got more to worry about.
Yes, I'm sure the numbers for men are much higher, but there isn't anything that we can do about that, is there? Or is there? Do you have a suggestion?
statistically women are more likely to kill their own children than men? Yes. That's a fact. I'm not offended...I'm disgusted that a woman would do that. I don't take it as a slight on the female population, at large. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:23:41 PM | ***It's all about how YOU feel.***
No it's not about how I feel. It's about how MEN feel.
Do you not agree that women are subjected to "Women's Studies" and learn all about how women as a gender experience life? That's called a gender-based discussion. Within those discussions women learn the plight and challenges of women from a gender-based, female perspective.
I'm merely doing the same thing but approaching it from the male perspective but as you can see none of you will have any of it.
When men attempt to discuss how men feel we're told to stuff it. Yet women trot off to universities to make careers out of this and then write books about how men should help solve the problem.
As you can see the women here don't have much interest in being part of the solution. At least men have demonstrated that they can be part of solution. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 509 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:23:58 PM |
Some women here have stated some dumb things Yes, and every man has made nothing but valid, well-though-out, well presented points.
I know, if you don't agree with an opinion, it's not valid, right?
As you can see the women here don't have much interest in being part of the solution. At least men have demonstrated that they can be part of solution. Are the stars extra shiny in your world? What the hell are you talking about? Where is this desire to be part of the solution the men have demonstrated? This statement alone pretty much kills any validity there might have been to every point you've made. I asked in my last post...what are you expecting the women to do? Keep in mind, the women who have read this thread are only a very small percentage of women.
I always avoid getting into gender-specific arguments, but this is ridiculous. It's internet dating. There are no absolutes. There are plenty of men on here who DO get emails. Ask them why. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:34:42 PM | The deck is stacked against guys. The ratio is too lopsided. Don't spout statistics... I don't care and your numbers are wrong anyway. Case in point: I met a woman on yahoo personals we connected and both agreed to clsoe our accounts. She didn't know how to so she asked me to do it for her. When we logged in she had 212 new messages. Thats right I said 212 new messgaes. I defy any guy to say he's had that many messages. She was only on it for 2 weeks!!
When theres's so many more guys seeking women, then the women can be a lot more picky because somebody else will come along.......quickly. Even Ray Charles could see that.
I know some woman on POF will cry about how terrible men are. I know, I had a friend (female) who was sent a a nude picture of some private parts, but that's a minority.
And that's guys is why you get little or no activity. You are constantly being "upgraded" by women searching for what they think the perfect guy is. Good luck to you because you probably didnt reply to the guy lol | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:45:30 PM | I think women look at so many profiles and pics, that nobody looks good to them after awhile. They don't ever feel a spark, they kind of get numb. When you know you always have choices, you get complacent. They keep saying "Hmmm, let me just see what else there is." At that point, if they were looking at your profile, you are forgotten about because their attention is on the next profile and the next and the next.
I think to some women, just looking at all the profiles and possibilities fulfills their need for attention to the point they don't need to go out and actually meet anybody. It is always there.
This IS dating to them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:05:32 PM |
Cxotter your starting to sounda little bitter there.lol Sorry ... didn't mean it that way. It's just that it seems the guys really can't decide what it is they want.
Do they want helpless curvy bodies? Do they want smart dependable? Do they want both?
You know, at my age, I'm running into men who started their careers in their 20's and are now retiring and wanting a lady who is free to travel with them, kick back with them and sit on the couch or the porch.
I didn't start my career until after my family was raised and I was divorced. I must work to maintain the roof over my head and provide myself with medical benefits. I'm not going to be available to take off for weeks at a time or just sit around with them and go for walks, etc.
As a result ... for the men my age ... I am just not something they would take into consideration.
I'm content being alone, but would love to share my life with a down-to-earth gentleman who appreciates me for my abilities and maintaining the brains I was born with. I can take care of myself just fine, but it would be so much more fun to have someone to share the good times with as well.
Unfortunately, it just appears as if the men can't be bothered. I've seen it over and over again. They seem to be out there chasing the "impossible" and even at the POF parties, when a "plain Jane" type approaches them ... they just stand there and look right through her. They have no time for a lady unless she's "miss glamor girl" straight off the cover of Vogue.
Believe me ... my pictures are proof ... I've been to plenty of the POF parties and that is truly how the majority of the men are. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 515 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:07:16 PM |
I am not trying to be hateful or mean about that. It is only the truth after all .
MaryRachelle, A couple of additional points in response to your post. It's not the truth. It's your opinion. Sure there are people that are generally considered to be attractive or unattractive by most people. There are also some people that could be a 5 to you, but a 9 to some other woman. According to you I should only contact the 5 or 6 which is nonsense. I will contact any woman who I think I could be compatible with whether she is a 5 or a 10. I could email a bunch of 5s and 6s and still get few responses. I could talk to a woman that I think is a 8 and she could find attractive. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 516 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:20:17 PM |
Unfortunately, it just appears as if the men can't be bothered. I've seen it over and over again. They seem to be out there chasing the "impossible" and even at the POF parties, when a "plain Jane" type approaches them ... they just stand there and look right through her. They have no time for a lady unless she's "miss glamor girl" straight off the cover of Vogue.
Believe me ... my pictures are proof ... I've been to plenty of the POF parties and that is truly how the majority of the men are.
More generalizations. You are stereotyping most men because of how some men acted at a few POF parties. There are plenty of men that are shallow, but there are plenty of men who are not shallow. Many women are just as shallow as many men are. I see that all the times at bars, clubs and other social events. Even some below average women would ignore the average looking man who tries to talk to her. They will laugh at him, make rude noises like "ugh", give him dirty looks etc. Maybe these "plain Janes" as you describe them at these POF parties were completely unattractive to many men there, not average looking. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:23:16 PM | oh man dpd it is really getting to you that not all women are drooling over you and consider you a 9 or 10.  Never did i say anywhere that you should ONLY date 5 or 6 . I said what makes you think you are any higher then a 5 or 6 .I NEVER said you should only date or contact women you consider a 5 or 6 . | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 518 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:34:42 PM |
oh man dpd it is really getting to you that not all women are drooling over you and consider you a 9 or 10. Never did i say anywhere that you should ONLY date 5 or 6 . I said what makes you think you are any higher then a 5 or 6 .I NEVER said you should only date or contact women you consider a 5 or 6 .
I never said or expected all or most women to think that I'm a 9 or 10. Different people are attracted to different things. Don't put words in my mouth. My point is some women would consider me to be to a 5 or 6. Some other women could think that I'm lower than a 5 or 6. Some women could think I'm higher than a 5 or 6. Same thing can apply to many other men and women as well. You made it sound like your opinion of me is an universal fact when it's not. You implied that I should only date 5s and 6s when you said "date within your league". Like I said before many decent looking men and some good looking men could email average looking and below average looking women and still get few responses. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 5:50:47 PM |
More generalizations. Of course that is a possibility ... but my 27 years more of life experience tells me a different story ...
I may or may not still be around to hear you speak about what you experience in the next 27 years' interactions with the opposite sex. Good luck to you.
Just remember that many of you who are eager to shove all this off as "just generalizing" ... may start to sing a different song as the years pass.
Some of the statements can pass as mere generalizations ... but many others have a lot of truth in them. We have to learn along the way to recognize "truth" when we see it ... and "shallow" when we experience it. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 520 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:10:02 PM |
Of course that is a possibility ... but my 27 years more of life experience tells me a different story ...
I may or may not still be around to hear you speak about what you experience in the next 27 years' interactions with the opposite sex. Good luck to you.
Just remember that many of you who are eager to shove all this off as "just generalizing" ... may start to sing a different song as the years pass.
Some of the statements can pass as mere generalizations ... but many others have a lot of truth in them. We have to learn along the way to recognize "truth" when we see it ... and "shallow" when we experience it.
The older person isn't always right. Don't even say that your opinion is more valid just because you are older than me. That's bulls--t. You are saying the most men are shallow and most women aren't shallow. I'm saying that both men and women can be shallow. Any reasonable person would agree with me. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:27:11 PM | **** What the hell are you talking about? Where is this desire to be part of the solution the men have demonstrated? This statement alone pretty much kills any validity there might have been to every point you've made. I asked in my last post...what are you expecting the women to do? Keep in mind, the women who have read this thread are only a very small percentage of women.***
What am I talking about? I'll tell you.
How have men changed over the past 60 years since modern feminism? A LOT.
A male born today is expected to immediately accept women in the workplace, a woman as his superior, a wife that wants to be both a mother and a career woman, etc, etc. Men have done a pretty damn good job at listening to what women want and meeting women half-way.
Back in those days feminism basically communicated what men were doing wrong and how men have to change in order to accept changing roles of women because women wanted more out of life than the simple expectation of getting married and staying home with the kids. Men have done a pretty good job of coming around. Critical mass change usually takes a lot of time but men have been excellent at changing their opinions about women within a few short generations.
These days any male that still holds onto a perspective that women should stay home as child-raisers and homemakers are either religious clinging to old-world mentalities or are labeled a male chauvinist by feminists. The expectation is that boys are raised into men to accept these things.
Mirror that with how girls are being raised? What are girls being taught about men? NOTHING.
However look what happens when a male like myself outlines global, empirical data how women HAVE NOT met men halfway when it comes to approaching and initiating contact. There's an immediate backlash. You're behaving like the men of 60 years ago that backlashed against modern feminism. You don't even want to hear it
And if you missed my initial post where I recited my experiences working as a customer service supervisor and marketing rep for the world's #2 online dating company then please go back and re-read it. Then tell me what women are doing to bridge the gap of initiating contact: diddly squat.
The few of you who are are just as rare as the men of 60 years ago that believed women should have careers. Just because there's a few of you doesn't mean that there' s not a problem. Do you get it? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:04:38 PM | Heh, Heh, OP. I love the online odds. The greater the odds, the better the prize. I love it when they meet you & U get an 8-9-10, but online give you a 1, 4 or (generously) 5 rating. If they only knew. (Of course, some ARE wise & do the 10 thing.) I don't think it's an accident THOSE are usually pretty women. The crap happens after you've gotta clean up after all their dating mistakes.
Somebody ought to start a "ask my ex GF/BF for references" thread.
It could get flamy, but there would be some dynamite surprises as well.
Still smiling after all the flakes. You hear all the Corny, recycled complaints & excuses.
Guess that's why Corn Flakes sometimes taste good for breakfast. It's comforting continuity from the previous night's date.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:16:14 PM |
Personally I advise women to stick to the "dumbed down" version of the profile ... the men can't handle it if they know in advance that a woman knows her way around a toolbox and say for example ... how to change the oil on her car.
Which can be construed as a sexist statement. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:17:45 PM |
men are not all that open to strong independent women as a few of the posters here would have us all believe.
Cotter a lot of that has to do with the defintition of independent used. After all there is a very long thread on just that subject alone. | |
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