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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:45:21 AM | I looked at coca2’s profile. Yep it sucks. Ok first get rid of the cat, no guy wants to date your cat.
Speak for yourself, I have 4 cats (one that I just found out might have cancer  ) and knowing a woman is a cat person, in my eyes, is a plus to me. If I was really looking right now, hey, she's at least reasonably close to me, and attractive.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:59:16 AM | [times have changed. i remember about 7 years ago when the whole online dating was just getting started. i would send out emails and get reply's. i would meet women over coffee within 3 days of talking to them. sometimes it was plain flat out sex, other times is was just hanging out and doing things together. now its hard to even get any of them to email back. even a short reply of "not intreseted" is better than nothing but that rarely happens. trying to get them to use a IM lately is like pulling teeth when they do reply to a email. using email is like sending something real mail now. ]
Maybe some women think that it is better not to respond at all than to send a rejection email. After all when the guy sees that he has got a message he might be disappointed when he finds the content is just a knock back. He might prefer not to waste his time reading it. I have had two or three men message me back just to tell me they have already got a girlfriend. While it was polite of them to respond it just made me feel a bit sick that some other lucky woman had bagged herself a boyfriend while I was still single! I kind of wished they hadn't bothered writing back or that they had taken their profile down so I wouldn't have wasted my time writing to them.
As for the instant messaging thing I think I can tell you the source of their reluctance. The thing is that many men will abuse the instant messenger by sending rude photos or just using it to randomly chat to lots of women they have no real interest in. This is the reason why I won't instant message anyone I have not already met.
Would also like to point out that internet dating can sometimes be a challenge for women too. I find that if I message round about a hundred men in my area only 10% will respond and 1% will go on a date. Not a high success rate there. I tend to find that of the few men that message me most are either twice my age or are immigrants who look as if they may be after a visa. So the choice of English speaking men around my age does not seem to be great. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:07:21 AM |
Ive emailed several women who have the same interests and goals as I, same age, same background, wants and desires, and from what I read we would make a great match. Most of the time I get no response. At first I couldn't figure them out. But I dont get bitter. I'm very confident in myself, and the dates I do have, either online or otherwise, almost always turn into seconds. So if they are superficial and cant see a good match in me I feel like it's their loss, not mine. They're doing the "weeding out" for me!
That's a very healthy & positive attitude to have. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:37:44 AM | Makenusmile- My numbers may not hold for your area but they probably show some truth. In my quick count using a 5 mile radius I count 1227 women and 2009 men from 20 to 50 years old. A ratio of 1.4 to one.
Think about that- if all the girls paired off with a guy- 782 guys are left not getting any. A lot of them are young horny guys. They go around desperately trying to get some kitty and the rules go out the window. Lying, cheating , stealing, drinking and fighting breaks out. Women get heavily hit on by this crazed mob of men. That's part of the reason this place is crazy. 
It makes it hard on everybody, especially if you just want to try and meet someone right for you.  to all. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 705 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:29:37 AM | ve emailed guys and guess what ??? No reply. I am sooo tired of hearing women get more mail then men. I get almost nothing. My male friend down south has at least 3 a day.Soooo there ya have it. Everyone deal with it!
There are some exceptions to the rule, but in general women get more emails than men. According to the forums, in many cases average looking women get a fair amount of emails. Average looking men and above average looking men don't get many emails.
From 18- 35 years old, there are 2 guys for every girl on here. From 35 to 40 years old the ratio is 1.5 guys for every girl. Between 40 -50 years there is just a little over 1 guy for every girl. Over 50 years there are actually less guys than girls.
This makes for some interesting things. For all the guys and especially the older ones- good luck getting women in their 20’s, especially in their late 20’s – the ratio is the worst at 2.3 guys per girl. The group is the smallest on here. And its no wonder why all these young guys are chasing older women- they ran out of girls their own age.
A 2 to 1 ratio means that in a room with 300 people, 200 of them are men and only 100 of them are women. The women under 35 still have a huge advantage. That could also vary with geography. In some areas, the men/women ratio could 3 to 1 for people under 35. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:33:10 AM | OK..I've read most of these posts and feel obligated to respond. I don't know what area you are from but a lot also depends on your attitude, age and if you are a woman, your looks. As a woman I can say it is horrible out there for those in our late 40s early 50s because men our age really want younger women and only the very old or very young write and that is NOT bull sh it. In fact, after meeting a few octopuses who were all hands on the first date, a few calls from guys who didn't want a date...just phone sex, men who were divorced but "forgot" to tell their wives and kids I have seen just about all of it. My decision was to stop dating and I have not gone on a date in several years. When I was thin I could not shake the tons of e-mails from dating websites, but when I became ill and gained weight...nothing major, just prevented me from exercising for about a year..I'm now not good looking enough so I just face the fact I can't find anyone of substance my age at all to date. Just means I keep my freedom to do as I please and as someone else once said''''their loss not mine''''. Guess I have enough confidence in myself to know I can have a good time whether anyone is dating me or not. You will be much happier if you just get over it. Having someone in your life just to "have someone in your life" is worse than being alone...if you aren't finding something good smile and move on and refuse to settle. But please don't say it only sucks for men...it also sucks for non barbie doll women past 45....LOL Face it, for some age ranges and looks ranges it just isn't going to happen and all we can do is keep our sense of humor. BTW tip for you guys...fish photos . Not helping the cause unless she is really into cleaning fish...LOL Good Luck | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:45:40 AM | I totally agree with BlackKitty!
Since I joined POF about 3 months ago, I've had nothing but what I consider losers contact me! Most of the men I've been contacted by are after one thing only. They want to meet me for sex or to have an affair or worse! I've been treated like a prostitute! One guy actually told me "I just need you 2 or 3 times a week, as I'm too busy with traveling on business trips". The nerve! Needless to say I wrote back and gave him a piece of my mind!
No, you guys are not the only ones that are having trouble finding good quality people here. I'm so dissapointed that I almost deleted my profile from here, but I still have faith that there are a few good men out there that wanna be just friends. Yes, they do exist. I have met a couple of those men and we have remained good friends since.
Advice to all you men. Please! at least admit that you're married and don't lie about your likes/dislikes just to match up to a girl's expectations. Women can tell when they're being fed lines. Just be yourself!! Good luck!! Piranha | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:51:49 AM | I totally agree with you Eborys. The vast majority of women on here seem to be on some kind of ego-trip.
I myself have tried to contact a few, only to check my messages and see 'read/deleted' next to my message. I don't understand what their logic is with refusing to write first? It's not as if they have to ask you face to face! That's the beauty of using something like this, they can iniate contact and if things don't work out, well stop writting!
It really does annoy me, especially when you've taken time out to write first. My message/s are always polite and not in the least bit 'forward', so what more can us guys do?
The way things are going I'll be closing my account before long. Just not worth the effort! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:58:31 AM |
It is deplorable how much it sucks for guys on dating sites for many reasons. There is usually a hugely uneven ratio of men vs women, with men in the great majority, so they are worthless dime a dozens. Girls dont initiate contact or are reluctant to so the guys have to do all the messaging and we face the most rejection and frustration. Think of how easy it is for a good looking woman on a dating site- all she has to do is post a few sexy pics and write practically nothing in her profile and wait for the 100's of daily e-mails to come pouring in and be as picky choosy to the highest degree as she likes. They probably get so much e-mail they dont have to do any searching, just reading and deleting and blocking. Its an ego boosting experience for women- they get to screen put, reject and delete as many good looking, quality guys as they please and only respond to the top creme de la creme model quality ones
Yup.
Now I am having a hard time seeing how the dating site is different than out in the real world. Basically the same thing goes on but here it is more magnified.
Couldn't have put it better myself (but I did try in another thread). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 11:45:33 AM |
Now I am having a hard time seeing how the dating site is different than out in the real world. Basically the same thing goes on but here it is more magnified.
Not at all. Quite the opposite actually.
First off, the net ratios dictate one principle - many (like 9/10 ok?) women have not been online looking for a mate. Secondly, even as anecdotal evidence, I've now been to 4 weddings this year. Every single person, man or woman, to whom I said "hi, how do you know the couple" actually took interest in my conversations, and told me about what they did, where they live, asked me about my career and if I was married etc.. I wasn't trying to pursue anyone romantically because of geography or age or plain old compatibility but these people were not once rude to me. I even got some e-mail addresses.
There's no limit to human stupidity and how rude people (I am not against women only here) can be rude to others online. If anything, if you meet a girl somewhere and she tells you she has been online, you're not likely to go very far with her. Why date joe 6pack when an army of Hunks awaits her, ready to charge on her command (or without).
That isn't to say the internet itself is the problem. But the next time you're in contact a girl your age anywhere and you get a chance (don't push your luck or force it), just be sincere she won't be nearly the kind of b!tch some women can be online. An example - this cute black girl (far too young for me though) was checking people in at the gym on Friday. Time being Friday @ 9 30 at night, it was slow like a snail. So I said, "hey come work out with me it's kinda lonely up there. You're not gonna leave a good customer all by himself, are you?" and she smiled and laughed, "Next time I'll keep those weights ready for you".
But on the plus side, once online women are hooked on to reading mail, they're not gonna break that for ages to come. It takes courage to speak truth to power of your own mindset. I am not interested in getting anyone's phone number of e-mail if they purposely ignore me or stop corresponding because they're psychotically addicted to parsing every single word, reading between the lines, and want to validate some biased point of view. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 4:21:22 PM | Stats:
On one dating website it displayed statistics for California:
Number of men looking for women:
220,000(aprox)
Number of women looking for men:
22,000(aprox)
However, subtract half (110,000) of the men because they are probably married, have a girlfriend are "seeing" a woman they are having sex with or "dating" on a regular basis.
Then, subtract half (55,000) of those because they are pedophiles, rapists, perverts and porn addicts.
Subtract half of those (27,500) because they are criminals.
Subtract half of those (13,750) because they are jobless, on unemployment or minimum wage workers.
Subtract half of those (6,875) because they are fat and unhealthy (obese or otherwise).
Subtract half of those (3437.5, lol) because they are just plain losers (you know the type ladies).
Subtract half of those (1,718.75 rounded down to 1,718 lol) because they are too short.
That makes approximately 22,000 women looking for men versus 1,718 men looking for women.
And, TADA!! Decent average nice guys really have an advantage.
You all get the idea. So ladies, pay attention, filter out the riff raff, get down to business!
Oh, and a fact, sad but true:
Most women have sex with men in the hopes that they will have a "RELATIONSHIP",
Most men have relationships with women so they can have SEX.
Another 2 cents...................."Just the facts mam" | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 5:34:27 PM | First off, the net ratios dictate one principle - many (like 9/10 ok?) women have not been online looking for a mate.
That just proves the case further. As if the highly unbalanced male:female ratio weren't bad enough, a lot of the female profiles are inactively dead, only worsening the situation.
It takes courage to speak truth to power of your own mindset.
Don't I know it: I've been flamed by users and banned by moderators for speaking the truth and refusing to continue being the emotional tampon or intellectual whore of the crowds of self-righteous narcissistic women here. The gender double standard is appallingly obvious. Why do so many POF women constantly find "jerks"? They rule out all of the other options for a potential partner. Actions speak louder than words, and I'm finally starting to perk up and hear them. I will not pretend otherwise. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/2/2007 5:35:53 PM | To humble
Create your own reality dude- nice
Umm- You kind of forgot to perform your gleaning process on the female side. If you had you would find about 100 women still available.
Don't take it so hard- just face the fact there are more guys on here. Trying to convince the girls the that there are few choices- silly.
Another quick one from me - about half the girls profiles are over 30 days old- if I assume the same from men then the whole pool of dates is immediately cut in half.
Search in your own area and I think my numbers will come close.
Hard pill to swallow- but it is what it is
It is not the real world - it is an internet dating service. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:46:21 AM |
Now I am having a hard time seeing how the dating site is different than out in the real world. Basically the same thing goes on but here it is more magnified.
Might be too simple a statement for some. The thread is about how women can pick and chose on this site. And they can not out in the real world? They complain that quite a few guys here are asses, like I could not have told you that. It is not like the internet created them, they did come from somewhere.
Because of the anonymosity that the internet provides men and women can do their window shopping looking for that item that is just the right shade of color. If they find the one they are looking at is not what they want they just put it back on the rack and look at the next one. It does not cost them anything and there are no consequences so why not do it. Men do also.
In person people get more time to make an impression on each other. Here things happen much faster so everything appears magnified. Otherwise I do not see much difference. The same behavior takes place in both worlds. At least here if you dismiss someone you do not have to see them walk away.
All that being said some of the people I am starting to get to know here have shown kindness to others and have made me laugh more times than I can remember. I find no surprises here. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 11:43:06 AM | | I feel your pain and I'm one of those women who will not initiate contact. I guess it goes back to the way I was brought up, that you don't chase guys. Having said that, In MY case, I think you guys have the upper hand because the ball is in YOUR court as far as who you want to contact. I have NEVER ignored a single man that has written me. Even if I'm not interested, I thank them for THEIR interest. It would be like a slap in the face to just ignore someone. I've heard lots of women say that they've contacted men first and never got a response either, so I think it can go both ways and it's a blow to your ego for sure. Of course if a woman is young and beautiful, she can pick and choose from hundreds of replies...even young, handsome guys can do the same. I think most of it boils down to strictly how a person looks in their pix. The whole thing is a crap shoot. Sometimes it can be fun and other times it can really suck. As I said in another post, I'd much rather meet someone in person, not the internet. However, I think I lucked up recently because I've met a wonderful man who's completely interested and devoted to me. But, if it doesn't last, then so be it...there's 'plenty of fish' in the sea. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 1:46:25 PM |
Now I am having a hard time seeing how the dating site is different than out in the real world. Basically the same thing goes on but here it is more magnified.
I've found that women tend to be more friendly (or at least more courteous) to someone when they're face to face with them. Online, they can hide behind their monitor and not have to reject someone "to their face". Offline, even if they're not interested, it's a lot more difficult to look someone in the eye and be completely rude to them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:46:06 PM |
That's funny.
Maybe it is all payback for the crap women have had to put up with in the real dating scene!
That's funny.
Maybe you will find a magical way of targeting those with guilty conscience or bad karma. Oh, and there are about a million threads with several million women still sharing bad dating experiences. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:02:41 PM | I don't agree. I have made contacts on dating sites just as much as the men have. I think what happens more often than not it's the men who drop off communications early on when it becomes evident they are not getting a one night stand out of the deal
Changing or rearranging your profile and updating pics gets responses. Keep it fresh. Keep away from the "normal dredgery" that others write. BE REAL, be unique!
Best of luck. You never know. I met someone great and though it's too early to tell where things will lead or might end up I will say that I'm fortunate and blessed that he was on the site we met through and that I'm very glad he contacted me.
The ratio of men to women by your standards of measurements I can only think of as skewed.From what I have seen is far more women than men on sites, putting women at the disadvantage. Alot of that could have to do with the site you are on and the point of view.
Best of luck. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 722 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:11:29 PM |
The ratio of men to women by your standards of measurements I can only think of as skewed.From what I have seen is far more women than men on sites, putting women at the disadvantage. Alot of that could have to do with the site you are on and the point of view.
I disagree. In most dating sites, men outnumber the women. In POF the overall ratio is 1.5 men to 1 woman, but the ratio can be 2 to 1 or 3 or 1 in certain areas and for people under 35. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:49:05 PM | It's written right in the site somewhere. 1.5 guys for every girl.
ec22- like your analogy- 300 people people- 200 are guys and 100 are girls. 100 guys left standing after the dance starts.
My standards of measurement are simple arithmetic.
And yes the place is polluted with one night stand guys.
I witnessed this with a girl I was dating a little while ago. She was getting IM constantly.
Mostly from guys in their 20's- she was 39. Her fingers were busy on the delete key! | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 724 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 6:23:32 AM | what is with the ratio bs being slathered about here........
All it take is ONE.........
Notice:
Blamers and complainers have far less interesting dates that optimistic fun loving dreamers .......they both might be equally wrong........but one of them SURE HAS A BETTER LIFE.............make a choice........ would you really want to date you? If so, then guess what, someone else would too......if not, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 9:16:09 AM | I sympathise with this I really do.
Im overwieght but a stocky attractive guy. I also do not value money or material possessions much as opposed to say feelings, love and a good relationship, ive never seen money as being the route to happiness or contentment, but instead see such things as being attainable through fulfilling relationships.
So right off the bat with a lot of women im at a disadvantage as despite the countless times ive heard women say "all I want is someone who will love me for me, and accept me as I am" it is more often than not a one way intended sentiment..and we men get reduced to means (jobs, income, car etc..) and/or appearance (and sorry girls but you may want a bronzed hunk with a six pack, but the reality is almost no air brushed male super models fromt eh fashion mags are likely to be about only REAL people).
I find it kinda sad that we can be reduced to things and what we can provide as to who we are and whether or not we have emotional value instead of monetary value.
The appearance issue I dont like I see it as a failing, but i understand it. We have been genetically imprinted since creation be "instinctually" assume that those who are more attractive/healthier looking will make better mates and have a greater chance of procreating. But such instincts harken back to a time when the sickly, overwieght or disabled were a risk to a species survival, or were more rpone to injry, death or failure to procreate... however countless centuries of social evolution have supposedly taken place since then and we "should" be able to look past these things by now. How we are will always be more about who we are on the inside then it will EVER be about who we are on the outside.
The irony is it rarely works in reverse. For example if you met the man or wome of your dreams and you were head voer heels in love and they say became disabled, or lost thie rjob or put on 10 stone..very few of those people would fall out of love because of those issues, why because all things aside they would still be the people on the inside that the person loved and cared for. (forgive the ramble but human psyche and how we thin has always fascinated me).
AnywayIve only been here a few days so far so have yet to see how things develop, For myself so far I have had one message and sent a dozen (no responses). Ive even contacts some of the people who rated me 10 (image wise) and again nada (baffled).
So I have to agree on first appearances most online dating does (so far at least) seem far more catered to women (i.e they get to pick and choose) and we just are left to hope someone genuine and compatible sees us and takes a first step.
I figured to help matters it would at least be good if i included as much pertinent detail as possible in my profile (many peoples i think dont really give people enough to go on, which may decrease thier chances of being approached).
But the overall feel is that it is the men doing the looking while, the women are waiting to be approached (how very non P.C that is ladies heh).
Still I have to believe my "someone" IS out there.. somewhere.. 
and this isnt complaining, blaming etc.. its simply stating how things seem to be working. I mean look at most womens profiles whatever the age or appearance and see how many are on favourites lists and then see how many men are on "any" favourites. Men are blatantly doing most of the searching. | |
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