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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 726 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 2:05:42 PM |
Even when a man get a positive response, it still doesn't usually lead to a date. A man could state on his initial email that he likes her profile and they have common interests such as X, Y, and Z. A woman could reply and state she likes his profile. A man then asks a few simple questions about their shared interests and she never replies to him.
I think this happens to men and women. It has happened to me a few times. Most recent example. I emailed a woman in her early 40s because she was reasonably attractive, we had some common interests, and I matched many of the things that she was looking for. She emailed me back stating that she liked my profile, I was attractive to her, and told me her name. I emailed her and asked her a few questions about some of her interests and I never heard back from her. I just think it is weird for a woman to show initial interest in me, then ignore me after I asked her a few basic questions. Maybe getting emails from younger men was an ego boost to her, maybe she got an email from a man she thought was more attractive than me etc. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 2:43:53 PM | | I must be in the minority of women then, because I'm not getting any e-mails whatsoever. I get a fair share of views but no contact. So I don't agree that if were very attractive or just ok we get a lot of e-mails. I guess I must be butt ugly to the majority of men on here then, oh well, que sera, sera. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 2:53:24 PM | I must be in the minority of women then, because I'm not getting any e-mails whatsoever. I get a fair share of views but no contact. So I don't agree that if were very attractive or just ok we get a lot of e-mails. I guess I must be butt ugly to the majority of men on here then, oh well, que sera, sera.
I said many women who are at least okay looking and don't have too many restrictions will get a fair amount of emails, but not all. There are always some exceptions to a general rule. You are 49 yrs old. The men to women ratio for people around 40 or older is about even. Men over 45 can't contact you because of your restrictions. Those 2 things could be major reasons why you don't get many emails. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 3:05:34 PM | | Well 45 isn't too far off from my age and that is my choice. At least I'm not like a good majority of men on here that are my age and restrict the age of women they want from 18-30!! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:56:18 PM | Wow! And I've always found on some sites and most singles events there's always MORE WOMEN than men and the men tend to be my father's age or not my type...however I will talk to all (unless drunken, stupid behaviour) then you'll be the person to ask why did you talk to me, why did you message me...
Why not email / message, why not talk...communication, we do it daily. Common curteous.
I am one of the women on this site that does make the first contact / message. What's there to loose? And some have not emailed me back even with my whitty thoughts or probing questions regarding their write up, etc. Oh well. Like Bobby Brown sang, It's my Perrogative/prerogative. So be it.
Photos - not all of us have the same taste - what I find attractive my friend doesn't find attractive. That's a good thing. You might not think I'm attractive, but the next gentleman might. That's a good thing. I prefer to see a photo b/c I've taken my chance and gone out on a date with men without photos and I am disappointed in their looks...however if they are charming, able to carry a conversation, add laughter to the date, have a mutually good time I will go on a 2nd date...but then no, no thanks. Why NOT show your photo???
OUtrageous expectations &, etc. why is all that...bullshit...isn't it good to have some ideas of what you'd like in a future boyfriend, mate, spouse? I think it's normal for us to go with the attraction next in line is character! It should be character / person / inside first, but when on these sites you won't find out that - u see a photo first.
NOt that you are asking, but I prefer meeting others "LIVE" during my daily functions, entertainment, etc. YOu can both see eachother, both talk and you know right then and there if you'd like to exchange phone numbers.
And yes I have to say I think IT IS the SAME for men and women - take a vote / a poll - that my friend is not bullshit! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:26:48 PM |
Well 45 isn't too far off from my age and that is my choice. At least I'm not like a good majority of men on here that are my age and restrict the age of women they want from 18-30!!
There is nothing wrong with you preferring younger men. My point is the age restriction could be a reason why you don't get a lot of emails. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:25:30 PM | I agree and don;t forget teh so called "myspace angles" Where a girl will take really great photos of herself and will look hot. Then when you meet her in person she got a huge Belly or her hair is thinning or some other "dishonest trait." I lay all the cards on the table and get ignored or overlooked. I have met a few girls online. the good ones live too damn far away. Iwish there was a filter by county. And that this POF website was better at measuring distance. It is more difficult for a guy to meet a girl online. POF is better than other dating websites becuase its free but has less users especially in my area. And a lot of women in my Area are very stuck up and I end up meeting the perfect girl who lives 45 min away. Very far to maintaine seeign eahother ona r egular basis. Too bd this site doe snot let me post pics with my wang hanging out. I bet a lot of women would cotnact me if they saw how big and juicy I was. Instead of being a big tall guy with a millimeter peter. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:57:04 AM | Why do so many assume that a man who is not geting any replies is just e mailing the 'cream of the crop' on POF?
I think that POF is more of a chat site and a place to vent dating frustrations than an actual way of meeting people for a relationship.
I have had little success and I have e mailed women that I thought was in my league . In other words, I am not e mailing women that I know will only go out with that 6 figure income guy driving the latest and greatest car and living in the right part of town.
I e mail women with interesting profiles without photos on their profile so I do not think I am chasing a woman just for her looks. And few reply that do not even post a photo. I figure that in this day of cheap scanners and Kinkos, that if a woman does not put up a photo, she knows that she will not get any response. At least with no photo, she has a chance because there exists an air of mystery about her. Maybe she is great looking but does not want to hear from guys just looking for a pretty face. At least that is what I used to think.
And how do you know that the photo is real anyway. Most of the stuff on the internet is just a bunch of lies or ways to get your money.
So it is time to stop saying men are just wanting to date the 'supermodels' on line. And there are NO true super models on line-at least not for dating. A true supermodel like Cindy Crawford would never need to use an on line dating service. The old saying that the really pretty women stay home on Saturday nights because guys think they all have dates is just an urban myth. An attractive woman sits at home on a Saturday night only because she WANTS to sit at home.
The odds are that she gets several dating offers each week. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:33:53 AM | My experience is similar to nightwork. I tend only to e-mail women from whom the odds of a reply would be highest - namely those whose profiles seek the qualities I possess, many without posted photos, those who aren't on a massive number of favourites lists etc. I even write to some whose photos I don't find initially attractive, because my experience is that most people don't photograph well and look better in person, myself included. (Still photos do not represent the way people look very well, but that's what we go by online.) Despite all this, my response rate is very limited. I admit that I need to post better photos of myself, which I will shortly, but I don't consider myself so horrifically unattractive to warrant being ignored by someone with whom I have much in common. This isn't a complaint, just an observation. We all know the way things work here and have to accept it if we're going to take part in it.
I don't think that would happen in the "real world", despite an earlier poster's contention that the online dating scene parallels the real world. In real life, there doesn't have to be instant gratification or instant attraction. I know a number of married couples that didn't hit it off when first meeting, but after knowing each other for a while a relationship blossomed. This doesn't happen online, because if your photo doesn't make the cut you're irrevocably in the delete bin. Such is the nature of this beast. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:13:15 AM |
I think that POF is more of a chat site and a place to vent dating frustrations than an actual way of meeting people for a relationship.
I agree that POF is better for just reading and posting on the forums. I've learned a lot by reading people's experiences. I've come to realize that Internet dating is a very poor way to meet people. I used to get upset about the failure to get any responses, but now I've come to accept it as normal. I do think that it's much harder for men than for women due to the imbalance in numbers (far more men looking for women than women looking for men). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:28:28 AM | OP...... I'm sorry that you don't get girls knocking down your door. I was contacted by at least 20 just yesterday and 5 allready to day. give me your email address and i will try to give you some of tthe ones that contact me. I'm sick and tired of all the girls that only want to screw. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:30:11 AM | Sure it is a great venue to pad your ego. Women love attention. The more........the better. Many, I am sure start thinking they pee perfume. And then you get women beeeatching about how they get taken for a ride? Hell it is easy to get dates with these type of women. Just be as phoney as they are. :)
I thank you. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:07:17 AM | Hello, I am a woman on an internet dating site, too, and u r right, it does suck, even for women. It is hard to find a fellow that is decent. By that, he doesn't smoke , not into drugs, not married. These internet websites are very deceiving as well. You don't know if what you are reading is real. I think I am attractive, but when you get gross emails of guys wanting to do things to you, that makes you crawl the walls, it gets pretty gross. Anybody can say anything in a profile, You can be whoever or whatever you want on the computer. Case in point, I was interested in a fellow on a singles website, and we started communicating. He later told me he was married. OK, I rest my case. I asked him why he was on a singles website if he was married. His reply was he wanted to meet more women. OK. I mean I have gotton emails from guys who we have nothing in common, and they just said things that really turned me off in emails. I really hate a real aggressive guy, and if he is a smoker, he can't get with me, because I have health problems, and can't be around smoke. But, I can definitely see where you are coming from. But, we all have expectation s of people who we would like to go out with and be with. Mine would be to be single, and not a smoker, and not into drugs, not married, and at least has a photo, for starters.
The thing that kills me, is I am also well educated, but it is still very difficult, too. I also get a lot of emails from guys telling me I am absolutely gorgeous, yea right. If I was that gorgeous, I would not be on a singles website, der.
So please don't think you are alone in this, because I don't think it is that great for a woman either. I wish you Good Luck in your search. I was very fortunate, as I met someone on my space, and beleive he is the one. Take Care.
Gwarmwind | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:06:20 PM | People on this site keep going through the same vicious circles over and over. Here's what I hear repeated ad nauseum:
From the women: "I get flooded with e-mails from men who just want sex, so I delete them without replying."
From the men: "There are too many men and not enough women on this site. Women rarely answer my e-mails."
In order to stop this madness, and make some real PROGRESS beyond the same tired old games, both men and women on this site need to try a new approach:
Women: Please read your e-mails a little more carefully. Not all the men who e-mail you are perverts or satyrs! If you sift through your inbox you just might find an e-mail from the "nice guy" you claim that you want! If a man has taken the time to e-mail you, and you are not interested in him, it only takes a few seconds to e-mail him to say "sorry, I'm not interested." It's just basic good manners (didn't your mother teach you those?) to be considerate of another person's time and efforts!
Men: Don't e-mail the women on this site asking for sex in the first e-mail. If you read the women's profiles you will find out that almost NO women here are interested in "Intimate Encounters" so don't ask for them! If you are only looking for "Intimate Encounters" you're wasting your time on the wrong web site. If that's what you really want try (web site name removed by POF censors, boy I hate censorship but that's another topic!) dot com or some similar site. Sending bulk "Form letter" e-mails won't get you responses either. If you want to get e-mail back from a woman on this site, specifically respond to things she mentions on her profile (things you have in common, etc.) and, most importantly, DON'T MENTION SEX IN YOUR FIRST E-MAIL! Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change the uneven male-to-female ratio on this site, but you can at least make an effort to send e-mails that make you stand out from the crowd! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/12/2007 10:13:56 PM | There are a lot of different threads, that approach this topic from different angles, and the answer is always the same. Some men, who aren't anything out of the ordinary, report good results, and other men have convinced themselves that it sucks for men, and get more and more negative. That negativity perpetuates negative results.
It's a "given" that if you send out a lot of random emails to women, with whom there was no prior connection, you will get a low rate of return. So what? I think people get confused between wanting "a lot of responses" with what really matters, in getting "the right response".
You can improve the likelihood of response, by not sending out so many "random" ones, and only sending first contact emails to women, with whom there is some "point of connection", no matter how small. Before I got seriously involved, and was sending out first contact emails, I only sent them to women who I had seen in forums we both posted in, who had added me to their favorites list, or, as a bare minimum, showed up on my "viewed me". In first contacting them, I would reference our "point of connection", and something substantive about her profile. Almost all of my email received replies, but I didn't "expect" that very many would develop into much, while at the same time, I was open to whatever happened with women I found attractive and interesting.
I'm not "every maiden's dream", although I am aware of strengths, as well as weaknesses in me. I'm 57, not "buff", have a decent job, but I'm not "rich". In other words, there isn't anything about me, on the surface, that should result in extraordinarily good results. What I'm "not" is negative. Negative people tend to push away others, while attempting to draw them in.
OK, my contact history shows that I sent 78 first contact emails, and received 33. Not all of those were really "contact" emails, but I'll use the number 111 first contacts. Out of those, there ensued something like 25 "conversations". A few became "just friends". Some fell by the wayside, but ultimately, I met 3 women IRL in the space of about 6 weeks. None of those was a "bad" experience, and one turned out to be a serious relationship, which is ongoing now.
So, I have to ask, what do other men "expect" as a "good" result, and how are they going about things, so as to make a "good result" possible? To me, ending up with 3 dates in a month and a half, one of which has turned out to be an extraordinarily good relationship, is more than I "expected".
Maybe it's because we're used to going to websites and placing an order, deciding how to have it shipped, and it comes a couple of days later, that it can be easy to forget that this is about dating, not point and click. It takes work, and it's not easy, but real people are using this site to make real dates and form real relationships. If that's not your reality, you can "blame" the site, which will change nothing, or change what you're doing that isn't working, which might.
It seems to me, that you can do negative self-talk, and convince yourself that it "sucks", and then it will. The reality is that the "ratios" are irrelevant. There's a 2 way filter involved, and 95% of the members of the opposite sex are unlikely to be attractive to you, and you won't be attractive to most of those you find attractive. So, is it bad, if 3% of the women you contact turn out to be dates, from contacts you make from home, sitting at your computer? Is 6 weeks "too long" for it to take, to find someone who really "fits" just right, and with whom you share a serious relationship?
All I can say is being realistic about whom to contact, finding something worth saying before you email, and a little bit of patience has been kind of key this time, and in an earlier period when I had similar results with online dating. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:48:52 AM |
Women: Please read your e-mails a little more carefully. Not all the men who e-mail you are perverts or satyrs! If you sift through your inbox you just might find an e-mail from the "nice guy" you claim that you want! If a man has taken the time to e-mail you, and you are not interested in him, it only takes a few seconds to e-mail him to say "sorry, I'm not interested." It's just basic good manners (didn't your mother teach you those?) to be considerate of another person's time and efforts!
I don't assume that every man is a pervert...but when I'm emailing with someone and in the second or third email, he tells me he's sitting at his computer nekkid, sorry...I won't dignify that with a "sorry, I'm not interested." That's where I disappear, and if HE doesn't, he gets blocked. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 7:52:10 AM | Oh my goodness 
Pull yourself togethere man.
I don't know if some of the things your saying are true or not, but that P.O.V won't get you anywhere you want to be.
First off, if what your trying isn't working, change it.
Second, homely vs comely is not a gender thing.
Third, it's not us against them.
Fourth, no one owes you....
Fifth, maybe it's not time or you to be dating, maybe it has nothing to do with the internet...
Sixth, in my next life, I'm comming back as a tall, musically talented, financially stable good loking man with a killer smile and a bigger than life personality, in the meantime, I'll make the best of what I got. "Some guys have all the luck, some guys do nothing but complain...." Sound familiar, it's all been said before.
My approach would have been gentler if I could type a little faster, but sometimes a man needs a flick in the balls to remind him, he has em.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:37:14 AM | | Gwarmwind: It's inconsistent for you to say that "internet dating sucks for women too" then turn around and say "I met someone on myspace and I think he's the one"! | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 744 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:00:58 AM | When it comes to internet dating women have it just as bad as guys.
I am a good looking women and rarely get email. I can send out as many as 30 contacts a day and I'm lucky if 1 responds. I have a profile on several dating sites and have found that most men don't respond...they don't want an upfront women.
So here we are...conflicted...what is a women suppose to do? If we wait for first contact it never happens, if we make the first contact we are being too forward and get ignored.... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:03:33 AM | I totally disagree. I have met many women on POF, Match, & Cupid.
The problem isn't with women my friend; the problem is with you. Most men approach women from a totally different perspective than women generally like. I would say that the vast majority of men really don't like women, and they resent having to pursue them. It certainly shows in the posts they place in these forums.
But rather than criticize I'll tell you something about my approach. Over my lifetime, I've met thousands of women and had innumerable enjoyable experiences with them. The reason is I like women and enjoy their company. Women know this, and they respond accordingly.
If you want to meet women, you must approach them in a respectful way. Erase all thoughts of sex from your minds if you really want to meet her. Women are more interested in the emotional component of a relationship. If they like you, they'll give you sex - eventually.
Generally, you must establish some sort of initial relationship on the forum before they'll meet you. A big part of this is demonstrating that you're not dangerous. She wants to feel comfortable about you before meeting you.
The initial relationship is very important. You're going to have to work at telling her who you are and what you're about. You're going to have to pay attention to her emails and answer her questions which will often be implied in her writing.
Occassionally, I meet a woman after only an email or two. In fact, I've had them come directly to my home for our first meeting! However, the women I've had the best rapport with I've gone directly on a date with them without first meeting them. Generally, what usually happens is we meet for a coffee date.
I can't promise you the coffee date will lead anywhere, but if you can get one, you're headed in the right direction. Over time, you'll meet someone you'll really like, and she'll reciprocate. In the meanwhile, don't put your life on hold. Get out and about and meet a lot of people.
The Eagle | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:25:25 AM | | Internet "dating" isn't the quick fix many expect or look for it to be. It is a thing that disappoints people of both genders. The majority of the users just browsing is a waste of time to be on a site then to begin with. The lack of honesty and integrity doesn't help add to the few success stories. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:30:50 AM |
It is deplorable how much it sucks for guys on dating sites for many reasons. There is usually a hugely uneven ratio of men vs women, with men in the great majority, so they are worthless dime a dozens. Girls dont initiate contact or are reluctant to so the guys have to do all the messaging and we face the most rejection and frustration. Think of how easy it is for a good looking woman on a dating site- all she has to do is post a few sexy pics and write practically nothing in her profile and wait for the 100's of daily e-mails to come pouring in and be as picky choosy to the highest degree as she likes. They probably get so much e-mail they dont have to do any searching, just reading and deleting and blocking. [unquote] I think that Eborys has hit the needle right on the head!  I have actually met up with a couple of girls that I have chatted to on the internet and they have been wonderful girls... but I find a majority of girls will chat once or twice then they disapper off into the internet black hole without a by your leave. Some girls are great fun to chat to and I don't see anything wrong with that, I personally feel chatting to a girls for a number of months then maybe meeting up is the far better way of carrying on. I have know a few girls contact me first but as per the quote this is not the case a majority of the time... So GO ON GIRLS get mailing.... Please lets all get together chat and have some fun  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:04:48 AM | hiiiii
I know that for the man picture is most important...that is way how you choose whome you will write...profile and what girl have in her head and heart is not very important...maybe girls choose on same way...sooooooo put your most beautifuul picture and see results
and if girl dont reply to you , that mean that maybe she dont like you...but its ok, why start something what dont have future...
Iam sure that for every person on this world exist one right person...all we have to do is, to find our second half (soul mate)... maybe
net is one of way to find her...but maybe she hide in your town...who knows...
so forget that girls which dont want to talk ing with you...miss right for sure is not one of them...coz you will know when you meet her, and she will recognized you...  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:09:52 AM | EagleEricW: You're taking a big risk by inviting a woman to your home after just one e-mail. She could be a psycho, a "date rape fraud con artist", have a boyfriend who's a thief, or any number of unpleasant scenarios could happen.
Don't be so quick to give out your home address to someone you meet online. Meeting for the first time in a public place protects BOTH genders! | |
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