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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 751 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:12:17 AM | Noted...
however it's not about not being "upfront"... it's more of concealing what part of Florida I live. I just changed that today...I did have my hometown listed and it doesn't make a difference.... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:38:23 AM | If even half of the guys on here would write a REAL profile, then maybe, just MAYBE someone would email you back!
I'm SO tired of trying to GUESS which guys MIGHT have a PERSONALITY, because they don't write anything on their page!
WHEN YOU DON'T WRITE A PROFILE, YOU FORCE US TO JUDGE YOU UPON YOUR PHOTO!
I, myself, a fairly attractive young female email guys ALL THE TIME, and not too many guys write me back, so we are ALL in the same position here!
So you GUYS out there, suck it up and WRITE a damn PROFILE already! Yeah, sure it takes some time, thought and spell check, but if you don't TRY we aren't going to either!
- Regina | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 1:03:49 PM | Guys usually write a short profile and from what I read a lot of women seem to write arrogant/bragging profiles. I guess that's just the way it is. We all have to deal with it.
(Not directed at you Regina. You have a pretty good profile. I can't see why you wouldn't get emails back from the men you email). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 1:14:03 PM | Are you kidding me or what? Sure I get a lot of emails. Not all are undesireable, some live too far, some want a "hang out", some "will try anything once"! Some will write a two sentence profile that says absolutely nothing about themselves and leaves me wondering what kind of personality they have. Some are too old, Some are way too young. Some send stupid emails. Some send an email with "hello, wanna chat?" Some send their phone numbers and others their msn ID's before I even respond. Some are just plain old out there. Then again some are really ugly!!!! Wow... I admitted it.. cause sometimes I gasp.. and out loud!
Before you judge the ratio factor for women... you should check out your own competition in your area and age bracket. Try your mail settings by shutting of who you view. Then do a search as a woman looking for male in your area within your age bracket.
If you can honestly come back and say women have it so much better on POF I'd be dumbfounded.
Yes, the numbers are there.. but the quality is not. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 755 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 1:59:41 PM | Are you kidding me or what? Sure I get a lot of emails. Not all are undesireable, some live too far, some want a "hang out", some "will try anything once"! Some will write a two sentence profile that says absolutely nothing about themselves and leaves me wondering what kind of personality they have. Some are too old, Some are way too young. Some send stupid emails. Some send an email with "hello, wanna chat?" Some send their phone numbers and others their msn ID's before I even respond. Some are just plain old out there. Then again some are really ugly!!!! Wow... I admitted it.. cause sometimes I gasp.. and out loud!
I would rather get a lot of emails than very few emails. Even if many of the emails are poor/rude or are from people who clearly don't match what you are looking for, I'm sure some of the people that would email you are decent looking with decent profiles. If a person gets 20-25 emails a week or even a month and can't find at least 1-2 people that they could be interested in, then they are probably too picky or have unrealistic expectations.
If even half of the guys on here would write a REAL profile, then maybe, just MAYBE someone would email you back!
There are plenty of okay looking men and even some good looking men with decent profiles who send emails to okay looking women ( not beauty queens ) and don't get many responses largely because of the ratio.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:17:14 PM | | You expect to much from pof. Women will respond, you can't be generic with them. They are looking for something unique that will catch there attention. How well do you understand what they are saying in their profile before you initiate contact? With that said , if they don't respond move on till you get contact. Women with kids have more to think about as well. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:19:21 PM | | You're not taking into account that many of the women on a dating site are not 20 somethings with lots of sexy pics to post. Many of us are average 30 somethings raising kids, working 2 jobs, and rejected just as much as any man on a dating site. For those of us who had been married for many years.....dating is a frightening new experience. How I wish I could sit and take my pick of all these awesome men that were contacting me. Maybe it's just me...but it's not happening. I do wish you good luck....and keep your chin up. It's tough for us all. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:30:35 PM |
There are plenty of okay looking men and even some good looking men with decent profiles who send emails to okay looking women ( not beauty queens ) and don't get many responses largely because of the ratio.
That "ratio" thing being a big deal, is only a big deal in the heads of those who make it so. In fact, that's pretty much true for all the "outside factors" that those who are convinced that POF won't work.
Simple truth is, that POF is working for some fairly ordinary people, and there are people who are not only meeting and dating, but becoming involved in good relationships in the real world, who met on POF. If it's not working for you, then why is that?
If you insist on making excuses, and finding "reasons" that POF won't work, then you will come across as negative and not caring much, even when you do email, or get one. People are not attracted to negative people. If you simply adopt the realistic attitude, that it "may take awhile", but that "sooner or later" you'll connect with someone, and write individual emails to people, that say something abou them, and let them know a little about you, you may be surprised to find that you will get responses, and among those, you will find those of the opposite sex just like you, people who are sincer and open to exploring the possibilities.
Or, as I said, you could just sit around and whine, blame everyone and everything else, make nasty comments about the opposite sex, and do everything else possible to make yourself unattractive to the opposite sex, so that you can prove yourself right in saying that internet dating sucks. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:43:50 PM | | tender moments: So exactly what does a man have to say to get a response from someone as "incredible" as you perceive yourself to be. What constitutes a "stupid" email. Sounds like you're only here to criticize anyone who dares to email you. Too bad the majority of us poor losers with no quality have the nerve to populate the same dating site as you. That was one of the most pompus posts I've ever seen. After looking at your profile, though, I'm starting to see some of the "quality" issues you're complaining about. | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 760 | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 761 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:25:44 PM | That "ratio" thing being a big deal, is only a big deal in the heads of those who make it so. In fact, that's pretty much true for all the "outside factors" that those who are convinced that POF won't work.
IMO the ratio is a factor, but not always the main reason why a man doesn't get many responses. In my area for my age group, men outnumber women by about 3 to 1 ratio. Suppose there are 100 people at some social event. 75 men and 25 women. That is a clear advantage for the women. The men would be competiting with many other men for a limited amount of women. If every woman there found a date, then 50 men ( about 2/3 of the overall number of men ) would still be without a date. However I do agree with some of the other points you mentioned in your post. Some men might not get many responses because of a poor profile, poor emails, bad pictures, poor attitude etc. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:30:43 PM | | I would love to know what one has to do to get responses. One day alone I sent to fourteen profiles and got zero response. You talk about building up your self esteem it is definitely not on internet dating. Guys go by the pictures, mine is five years old and I am totally different looking then when those pictures were taken. Since I don't have the means to update the photos they have been left on the site. Discouraged is a word that has entered my vocabulary more then once. Would love to know the answer as to "what am I doing wrong" | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:36:11 PM | Wow...I couldn't believe the intensity of your negativity, Eborys... I like to think of myself as being an attractive, intelligent woman, but I haven't been sifting through hundreds of emails of "good looking, quality guys" and being as "picky choosy to the highest degree". Rather, I get a couple of emails a day from a select few that I remotely have anything in common with. I have had a number of those interested in "other relationships" and "intimate encounters" , which is not really my style. I am far from stuck up... I try to respond to as many as I can... with the exception of those few who are looking solely for sex and have made that abundantly clear. There has been a couple of cases where someone had caught my attention and with whom I had corresponded, only for them to drop off the face of the earth, leaving me to wonder what the heck happened. I am not crazy nor am I a stalker. Face it... it's tough for everyone here. We all face rejection on a daily basis and have to deal with those whose intentions are less than ideal. I say, learn to live with it. You'll never attract what you are looking for with that kind of attitude! Gosh, if you can't handle it, go to the grocery store or book store or something!!!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:40:03 PM | IMO the ratio is a factor, but not always the main reason why a man doesn't get many responses. In my area, men outnumber women by about 3 to 1 ratio.
I won't say that it has absolutely no relevance, but when you are dealing with 1oos of thousands of people, it becomes less so. There are all sorts of internal ratios, beyond the gross ratios. Beyond all that, if I were at a social event, and there were 25 women there, and 75 men, I would probably only find 2-3 of the women attractive enough to want to be "with" them. If there were another 25 unattractive women brought into the event, it wouldn't change things for me. 100 is too small a number anyway.
Let's make it 1000. Out of a thousand women, I'd only find, on average, 75 or so attractive. Of those 75, I'd screen myself out from 25 or so as being "unrealistic" for one reason or another. Attraction is a "double filter", so, on average, I would only make it through the filters of initial attraction for about 4-5 of those 50. Of those 4-5, only 2-3 would engage in sending some sort of "signal", or doing something to allow herself to be in proximity, so that I could approach her. ( akin to being on "viewed me" , as an example) I could, and would, say hello and introduce myself to those 2-3, and it wouldn't really matter, if there were 5 other guys vying for her attention. It wouldn't be "too big" a number to "present" who I am to her, and, perhaps at not every event would I "match" that night, but if they held an event every night, some nights I would, and then the conversation would begin.
So, no, I wouldn't walk into a room of 3,000 people, and feel that it was "hopeless" that there were 2,000 men and only 1,000 women. Why would I? The women I find attractive are there to meet "someone", so why would I assume that I wouldn't, sometimes, be that "someone"? I won't be, if I decide that I can't be, but if I put "ratios" aside, and just do what has a chance to lead to initial success, sometimes it does.
Of course, it all depends on "expectations". If I feel like I'm rejected, that 1,000 women don't rush up to meet me, or feel put out, that I don't make it through the filters of 45 out of 50 women, then I could convince myself that the "event sucked for men". If I were really dysfunctionally insecure, I could decide that there's something "wrong" with women, for not "all" being attracted to me, if I'm attracted to them. That's not the way that I choose to go about dating, though. So, while every "good contact" is an "unexpected" nice thing, it's never a total surprise. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:44:26 PM | POF is a different animal as it is free for MEN as well as women.
Many sites give all women a FREE, indefinite "full" membership. Men only get a "Free Partial Membership" on these sites.
Free Partial Membership is essentially this: men do not have access to their mailbox until they pay. This makes the whole thing pretty much useless for a guy, unless, of course, he pays the jacked up monthly fees.
I know on at least one site, the cost for men is $50 per month for the full membership. Women, again, pay zero.
The only advantage for a guy using the method above is, I gather, that the ratio of women to men will balance out. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:09:05 PM | So what does one have to do to get responses??
Your guess is as good as mine, but I'm listening.....
I would love to know what one has to do to get responses. One day alone I sent to fourteen profiles and got zero response
It's kind of interesting, that both of those posts were from attractive women. As I've said before, ratios are only relevant in a broad sociological sense. In terms of "connecting" both men and women struggle with "getting it right" in terms of online dating.
I'm no "expert", but I have a little detachment, and a history of having had online dating work reasonably well for me. Since I am now seriously involved, I'm no longer looking, but that serious involvement came from POF. And, lest anyone wonder, the involvement is with a woman who exceeds my fondest hope, and I feel like I've won life's lottery, so the intent of this post is from gratitude, and a sincere hope that those, who really want to connect, can find from POF what is here to be found, and entirely possible.
I should mention too, that I've found online dating to work in the past. No, I didn't find "happily ever after" in the past, but I did find a 5 year, and one year, relationship , that were good for a time, online. During those same periods, I met and dated a few women from chance encounter in real life, and I've found online to be a better way to approach dating, at least for me.
It hasn't worked, what I consider as "well", because I'm some "hunk", who just stepped from the pages of GQ. I'm not rich, but I am employed in an "acceptable" and interesting job.
So, in my experience, the key has been in managing my expectations, to neither get too "into" a first email sent to a stranger, but to not dismiss the possibility that some will respond.
I try, in my profile, for those who will read it, after getting an email from me, to give a sense of who I really am, rather than try to write a version of me designed to "impress". In my experience, reading profiles of women, who are trying to "impress" the reader as the priority, they will often come across as women telling the man reading them just how much they "don't need" a man, and how lucky the man would be, were she to deign to respond. In other words, "too much trouble". I try also, not to have "negatives" in my profile, beyond the "absolutes" that are designed to filter out those with whom it could never have a chance to work.
In any case, the whole "point" to all of this is to connect with people, who you will actually meet IRL. There is no point to pretense, because you can't keep it up. There is no point to putting up old pictures, or no picture at all, because the point is to meet those IRL, with whom there is a chance to form a real connection. Do you really want to meet someone, who is expecting to meet the you of 20 years ago, or expecting to meet the "mind image" he has conjured up, based on a description? Do you really want the fear and insecurity, prior to a meeting, that comes, if you've told "little white lies" in your profile? Sincerity and honesty have a way of coming across, in my experience. Negativity does too. Pointless, negative statements like "no players need apply" does nothing to keep the players away, but it creates a negative impression. Telling people what you don't like about past dates, or past husbands is not a positive motivator to want to talk to you. Telling someone in great detail what you "expect" on a first date, can come across as controlling, and so on. I try not to put things in my profile, that would push me away, if I were reading it in someone else's.
I've found absolutely no difference between pay sites and POF, in terms of "results". In fact, with the pay sites, I usually connected during the "free" period, anyway. It's not that I'm cheap. If pay sites worked better, I'd go there, but it's pretty much the same, either way, and there is a larger pool here, than there is on the pay sites.
In any case, how do you get people to respond? It's not just "responding", but getting those, with whom there is a potential that it could lead to meeting, and if that goes well, into exploring a relationship. So, the point is, it doesn't really matter if you get 15 responses, or 1, so long as the 1 is someone you can connect with. Put the # of responses out of mind. Spending time, trying to correspond with 5 or 10 at the same time is a distraction from really connecting with any of them, so focus on not sending as many emails, but paying more attention to the ones you do send.
What's seemed to work best, is to write only to those with whom you have something interesting in common, or some loose point of connection, and in writing, to make reference to the shared interest, or the point of connection. It's also helpful to be realistic in who you write to. If you have some "unusual" attribute that you're seeking, that's fine, but a 50 year old guy writing to really good looking 20 somethings is going to get far fewer responses. A woman who is insistent on some detailed dating regimen founded specifically on being "friends first", isn't going to be as interesting, or get as many responses, as if she's open to where life leads her.
I don't send emails, that I wouldn't find interesting if someone sent them to me. "Hi, wanna chat?" is not particularly interesting, and unless her profile grabs me, all it gets is a disinterested "thanks for writing" response.
So, when I write, telling her that her picture is hot, may be why I'm interested, but if it's the 100th email she's gotten like that, it's not likely to interest her. Commenting on a post she's made, is likely to engage her thoughts a bit. Mentioning an interest she stated in her profile, gives her something to say in response. Commenting on something I liked in her profile, with sincere appreciation, is likely to create favorable interest. Being positive, open, and friendly has the best chance of a positive, open, and friendly response.
All that being said, if you "expect" to have more than 4 out of 100 first contacts to lead to any sort of conversation, unless you're a super model or Donald Trump, is probably setting yourself up for failure. In some ways, patience, persistence, and a bit of serendipity have been the key for me. That, and the realization that if I don't meet someone TODAY, that I'll still be alive tomorrow, has helped me keep some balance, when I've been on dating sites, unattached, and hoping. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:35:19 AM | AMEN.
Congratulations, you pass the intelligence exam. The statistics are deplorable, and the irritating part is that I suspect it is the same with "real" 1-on-1 dating. Think how easy it must be to go through life as an attractive female who flaunts it, due to societal brainwashing on "roles" of man vs woman.
Thats why I NEVER expect anything real/concrete from these sites as a male, unless the female just loves your photo and just happens to be your type--its all statistics and they arent pretty when you reach my age, LOL. But these forums are interesting to me. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:49:47 AM | hey , Diva64.....don't get all exited about big women. At least you tell the world what you look like, and besides, you are quite good looking .
In the original post email was mentioned . Quite frankly I get quite anoid when I send a lady an email and after not getting a reply for several days , I look at my send file and see that it was NOT READ and DELETED. Now that is rude, and I might add: a woman like that is NOT a "Wonderfulcatch". MMM , did I just mentioned someones ID.???
Sorry about that
Kahuna | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:49:55 AM | quoted from an earlier reply:
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I have sent messages to women without any photos- no reply, and I have sent a very polite message to one particular girl, just one message and she just deleted it and blocked me. I did an experiment a while ago, I took a photo of a guy who had a 9.4 out of 10 rating in attractiveness and made a profile with it, a very boring stupid profile with hardly any writing in it and the day I put it up I got over 25 e-mails and was bombarded with IM's constantly. Compare that to my own real profile- a good looking, educated, white male with a well written profile and I've gotten that many e-mails in a year. Shows how superficial women are. Girls judge you by your photo and that's it for the majority of them
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Hilarious, and no doubt right on target.
Thanks for sharing this experiment....but I also think it goes both ways....man, there are tons of shallow men in america as well. Nonstop diet of brainwashing tv commercials with skinny blonde women put up by gay male advertising execs who like their women to look like men and keep quiet.
Just look at the number of morons with american flags or "yellow ribbons" on their SUV's.
Still looking for a woman that doesn't buy into all this crap....
"IF YOU KNOW WHAT LIFE IS WORTH, YOU WILL LOOK FOR YOURS ON EARTH;
AND NOW YOU SEE THE LIGHT......." Bob Marley | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:59:52 AM | You need to read some books on how to attract and keep a woman.
Maybe how to get their attention as well.
I think you should quit wining and change something.
I have no problem getting emails from beautiful women.
They dont like it when I bust their balls sometime.
I enjoy teasing them.
I don't need a woman I want one so every email or conversation I am testing her to see if I even want to spend my time around her.
Change the way you think.
It will work | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:11:27 AM |
You need to read some books on how to attract and keep a woman.
Maybe how to get their attention as well.
I think you should quit wining and change something.
I have no problem getting emails from beautiful women.
They dont like it when I bust their balls sometime.
I enjoy teasing them.
I don't need a woman I want one so every email or conversation I am testing her to see if I even want to spend my time around her.
Change the way you think.
It will work
It looks like someone's having success with the C&F (cocky & funny) approach advocated by David DeAngelo and other dating gurus.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:58:19 AM | That was very well said. I'm glad to see some intelligent perspective once in a while.
Thanks
One other thing about the net. I suspect the net does a kind of 'filtering' by personality style. It takes certain skills to do it well or at all.
Another thing: Writing and thinking have not been exactly high priorities in the educational program at large. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 11:15:54 AM | Guess what? I've sent emails to men initiating contact and had quite a few deleted.
When it happens I'm not horribly offended.
The emails I usually receive are one liners, less than 6 words long, or go something like this:
"Nice Tits. Wanna f*ck?"
"Hey, let's chat"
are so poorly spelled and punctuated I can't get the gist of what they're trying to say.
from someone who obviously hasn't read my profile.
When I receive something that was thoughtfully written and shows that they actually read my profile I do try to respond - even if it's from someone who doesn't interest me, or isn't what I'm looking for.
But I'm not perfect; if I get busy I may not get around to it.
So it's not always "all about you". | |
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