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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 4:10:18 PM | Many guys post nothing but sexy pics...their abs...flexing their biceps etc (or cars and homes)...and write nothing on their profile...so men also do this.
"Internet dating sucks for guys..." am I understanding this right...you are frustrated because you can't get a piece of a women's ass...you're good looking too and don't understand why? Oh I feel sooo sorry for you...it is a deplorable situation as you described!!! oh my!!! Have you ever tried offering money or gifts to these sexy women/whores who let it all hang out? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:16:34 PM | It's just further proof of how hypocritical the statements about men being "shallow" and "basing their choices soley on looks" are. I think a lot of women need to take a long hard look at themselves since it's usually them throwing these statements around. From what I've seen there's just as many "pigs" of the female persuasion.
The statement is hypocritical only if the speaker is a "pig". A good portion of this thread has been dedicated to showing that the boars do indeed outnumber the sows!
Seriously, though, this doesn't need to be about men vs. women; there are plenty of swine in both genders. Lots of people think dating sucks, period! At least here you don't have to bother to do your hair to meet people! 
Lighten up! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:28:52 PM | you know what, i think the better looking you are, the better the body the easier it is
no matter how rude i am to some women , they take it because they think i have the body they desire
If you the average sap, homely, fat, too skinny , skanky what ever, you probably have a harder time attracting the ones you want to attract. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:55:47 PM | This is awfully clunky and I don't know if I'm posting properly or not...but here I go...
I don't know if people have brought up the concept of people objectifying each other in the process of internet dating. Dating sucks for everyone, save for the ones who compromised "where it doesn't count" -- they were able to give and take something to make the relationship work. In our society though, mass marketing has led us to believe that we (as Americans) can have whatever we want (material possession-wise) and that mentality has made its way to the formation of romantic relationships. When people say "I'm not going to settle until I get what I want" and they do often -- they are objectifying the development of personal relationships.
The proof of objectification is in that people often go out with someone once and think after one date (or 5 minutes into it) that they can tell whether or not they would either date again or sleep with them. The reliability of this thinking is illustrated in the big picture as a 50% divorce rate and in the smaller picture how many women I've interacted with who had wretched experiences with men, proclaimed themselves to be lesbians, or sucked me into "That Guy" mode whereby I made them feel wonderful without them having to invest any kind of emotion. People are unwilling to let relationships develop over time because they want instant gratification, just like they want their new cell phone (ugh...) or iPod. And so people continually make bad decisions in partners or overlook potentially good ones who don't meet their "exacting specifications" like a new car or something -- regardless of gender.
Both genders do this. Women have to wade through mass emails from douchebags and hope they find a good one, unless they're totally shallow like one 26 year old with a kid who said "That site [POF] sucks. 99% of the guys don't have jobs or I'm not attracted to them. I'm so done with it." Most guys into her were into her because they wanted to get into her pants as she is pretty, but they didn't want the responsibility that comes with dating someone with a kid. The latter will always be number one over the former, but in this real example both genders are objectifying the process. Mass marketing and material obsession with our society is what makes dating difficult for everyone. It's not gender specific.
The genders are more similar in function than they are different and therefore in my opinion have an equally difficult (but in different ways) task when it comes to internet dating. Everyone is shallow and nobody wants to compromise. The secret to it all is to compromise where it doesn't count. But in order for that to happen people need to stop and think about what they want that is realistic as opposed to shopping lists because people are imperfect. That's just my two cents...a good bargain on a rant. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:46:27 PM | | Insightful, jet79! Forgive the comparison, but it is like raising children. When mine were little, I chose 5 things I absolutely couldn't tolerate. Pick your battles/unbearable faults, the rest is either unimportant or changing it detracts from their uniqueness (which, in the case of a SO, is why you chose them to begin with);choose wisely! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/15/2007 4:35:37 AM | I agree with BlackKitty
Women may get a lot of emails from men without a doubt, but usually all pervs that they get. Although I do agree that it's 10 times harder for a good male to pick up on a woman with these dating sites, but maybe that's a good thing with us tho, because if we do hear from any woman at all, at least she may be real and down to earth normally. But these poor women go thru nothing but all perverts usually that want to show themselves off privately, or in high needs for sex right away. And the sad thing for the women is, it's easy for them to fall into such a trap thinking maybe they have a good man finally coming thier way, then that happens.... I have many online women for friends, they tell me all the time what pervs they get with these dating sites. May you ask why I don't see these female friends I have you wonder? It's because they all live too far away for one, and we been friends far too long to even ever considering dating one another for the other.
I suppose this is a two way street for the both of us men and women. Men have a hard time getting women, and women getting nothing but pervs usually... So which do we prefer? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/15/2007 6:33:14 AM | To Eborys,
I think there is some truth in what you say, that the ratios are in favor of women, but so what? It sounds like you are trying too hard. Just try to be yourself....REALLY try to be yourself, because if you are not honest and forthcoming in who you are, women will pick that right up, and move on to the next profile. Not all women are looking for the perfect man (although I agree that some are). Many women who are on these sites are truly looking for their best match who will allow them to STOP using these sites! Many of them have gotten hurt and used by men who are players, so they are very careful about who they date. Many guys choose women only by looks....ignoring the rest of the profile. This is not only a big mistake in choosing a profile, but it's a big mistake in choosing who is truly right for you.
And if you think the better looking women have it easy, think again. I have two young women friends at my gym who are knockouts. Whenever they go out, the guys just swoop down on them. One day, they were complaining that they can't find any men. I was astounded! I told them "You girls get hit on everywhere you go! I find it incredible that you can't find a guy!" They both simutaneously cried out" It's the QUALITY, not the QUANTITY, Paulie!!" I learned something that day, LOL!
Be well my friend. Don't be angry, just accept the situation for what it is, and be yourself.
Paulie | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/16/2007 4:01:35 PM |
I suppose this is a two way street for the both of us men and women. Men have a hard time getting women, and women getting nothing but pervs usually... So which do we prefer?
There are weirdos and whackos of both genders, and players, and people who are really just looking for a "pretend" relationship online. And, the more time you spend focused on what "can go wrong", or the more you waste your emotional energy worrying about the, obviously inappropriate", the less time you have to focus on the ones you come into contact with, who are sincerly hoping to find a normal relatonship.
If I read a woman's profile, and what she's looking for, really, is "good friends first", obviously she's a waste of time, but it's not like I "invested" a lot of my life in it either. No big deal. I, maybe, write back and thank her, but tell her we're not a match. If it's one of those "negative" profiles, or she writes, but has a 'tude, same thing.
It simply doesn't matter, when someone weird writes to you, you know? You delete it and move on. Why would anyone want to focus on the inappropriate (for them) people who write? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:22:10 AM | Well "if you wanna be my lover, first ya gotta be my friend" how true is that
I try to work on that rule and try to start a chat with girls on here, they seem to last all of 4 emails and then they get smaller and smaller down to just "Thanks for the email" or no reply at all, Geez, am i that boring. or should i be talking about sex or inviting out on a date within the first 4 emails. Seems if you do then you're a perv and if you don't then you're boring. I feel i really am wasting my time and energy on here, cos unless you chat, you really don't know what the other is looking for. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:38:42 AM |
Well "if you wanna be my lover, first ya gotta be my friend" how true is that
I try to work on that rule and try to start a chat with girls on here, they seem to last all of 4 emails and then they get smaller and smaller down to just "Thanks for the email" or no reply at all, Geez, am i that boring. or should i be talking about sex or inviting out on a date within the first 4 emails. Seems if you do then you're a perv and if you don't then you're boring. I feel i really am wasting my time and energy on here, cos unless you chat, you really don't know what the other is looking for.
Think about it. Do you REALLY think women are on here looking for "buddies"? So, if you're being a "chat buddy", why is it surprising, if women who are looking for men, who aren't afraid to be men, get bored and move on?
Second, have you tried being yourself, instead of trying to be what you think women want? Trying to figure that out, based on what some women say in forums, is a losing proposition. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:50:49 PM |
And if you think the better looking women have it easy, think again. I have two young women friends at my gym who are knockouts. Whenever they go out, the guys just swoop down on them. One day, they were complaining that they can't find any men. I was astounded! I told them "You girls get hit on everywhere you go! I find it incredible that you can't find a guy!" They both simutaneously cried out" It's the QUALITY, not the QUANTITY
This is an interesting observation. I would think that if these good looking women have so many men interested in them that it should be easy to pick the "cream of the Crop" to go out with. Perhaps their standards are so high that they will only consider men who have movie star good looks and a very charming personality. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:50:30 PM | | ..there's no question you will met more interesting ladies almost anywhere else,it's hard to hide in safeway!! though i do get some interesting mail,other than that it's a little bit of fun..i don't expect anything so i don't get bothered.. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:57:14 PM | And if you think the better looking women have it easy, think again. I have two young women friends at my gym who are knockouts. Whenever they go out, the guys just swoop down on them. One day, they were complaining that they can't find any men. I was astounded! I told them "You girls get hit on everywhere you go! I find it incredible that you can't find a guy!" They both simutaneously cried out" It's the QUALITY, not the QUANTITY
I would rather get a lot of attention from the opposite sex than no attention. If 40-50 men come up to a woman and she can't find at least 4-5 men that she might like, then she is probably too picky and/or has unrealistic expectations.
Many guys choose women only by looks....ignoring the rest of the profile. This is not only a big mistake in choosing a profile, but it's a big mistake in choosing who is truly right for you.
A lot of women do the same thing. Either they only care about looks/money or they have a long list of requirements. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 3:41:21 PM | I once tried an experiement on another dating site (not this one, I think the people on here seem genuine) where I posted two identical profiles but with one major difference between the two, person A was in a low paid job while pesron B had a high paid job.
Person B got 12 e-mails in the first 3 days, person A got none.
make of that what you will. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 4:30:11 PM |
..there's no question you will met more interesting ladies almost anywhere else,it's hard to hide in safeway!! though i do get some interesting mail,other than that it's a little bit of fun..i don't expect anything so i don't get bothered..
I can, and have, made "dates" in the grocery store. Those are usually "quick hits" as in meeting after work for a drink. Not once has any of those led to anything serious. It's also a little weird, and involves some degree of awkwardness and ego exposure. I'll do it, but I have to be in the mood for it, and I don't perceive it really being worth the effort, unless it's "been awhile", since I've been out with someone.
By contrast, online does involve sorting through a lot of "possibles" to get to a "maybe", but it's relatively fast and convenient too. In June, I had decided to get out and start dating, after licking my wounds for a few weeks from a LTR gone "wrong". I met one woman in a grocery store, that went nowhere. 1 from here that went nowhere. 1 from here, who was an interesting and fascinating woman, but who, after we met once, upon reflection, lived too far away to make it practical. Then I met a woman, with whom it feels like the best relationship of my life. It's nearly a perfect fit, and life is so much more with her in it.
My take on it all is that, if one is discerning in who he writes to, the "return" is actually pretty good. I had conversations, in the sense of email back and forth, with nearly 20% of the women I wrote to, and about 33% of those who wrote to me first. I met 20% of the women with whom I had conversations. I did all the pre-dating "getting to know someone" from home, at night, on my computer, and avoided the "bad dates" that come from focusing on real life venues, and it all happened pretty quick, once I focused on who I was looking to find, and put aside the extraneous distractions.
I might add to that, that I'm older than the average, not rich. What I'm not is "negative" or "angry", and I also avoid those who are. Maybe that has something to do with it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 4:30:56 PM | throwing a pitty party here...ok people gather around...we have chips and "dips"for all the .....oh ya...cant bash nobody.....anyways....moveing on now!
I realy hate this but i disagree with the op here....theres a lot of people on here to pic and chose from...just have to use the comunication thing...'member?thats part of it...perhaps you could spend some time looking at profiles and reading between the line....you can learn a lot if they have a good profile!!!good luck to ya op!! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:36:50 PM | | Inernet dating lets see I am a guy and I had the best time I have ever had in my life. I mean I met a women from another dating site and we had five dates in one week and it went well. She came down to visit me from the Midwest and she is talking about coming down south again later on this year to have another date with me. Internet dating can be good for both men and women if a person is willing to go into it with a open mind. I have alot of men and women friends who found their mate on the net and are all still married. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/22/2007 4:56:17 PM | Yea...and some women put their pictures sideways and upside down. Strange thing is, I had a perfect picture here with my head showing, and the admin deleted it. It seems there is a double standart here. | |
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| when is it my turn
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:29:40 AM | 5 dates in a week, damn ... let's see ... I get numbers, I get emails, I'm missing that cosmic connection of a place and a time ... it shouldn't be that hard. I hate it most when people assume things.
a) I'm too far away to drive to visit ... hello, i'm talking to you, I will visit just give me a chance, an hour's drive isn't too much
b) I'm not interested because I'm probably seeing someone else
I hate ladies like that. I realise when it rains, it pours, but I wouldn't get romantically involved with more than one person and if the opportunity is there, I'd tell them we can be friends but at the moment, not possible to make out, lol
c) I might be better educated or hav ea better job
It doens't matter the slightest to me what you do, I'm looking for companionship not a free ride. I don't need someone to pay my mortgage nor bills, I'm not looking for a mom
internet dating doesn't exactly suck as people do have a sincere interest in meeting as opposed to random chatting like facebook, it just sucks in small towns of 3000 or less
and lastly the worst assumptionof all time that ruins internet dating
d) the more I talk to you, I can figure out if we're compatible
if we spend 20 minutes chatting then meet or 1000 minutes, it's not going to change a thing. we meet, you see i look like my pictures, act like any guy would on a first date, you either call me again or you don't so let's stop wasting time and meet already. if i were a creep or a nut, you'd know after a few minutes of talking, it doesn't need to be weeks/months of correspondence | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:49:17 AM | I am not sure how to post here but was wondering if anyone knows why I am now getting a slew of "You are not allowed to contact this person".
This message pops up immediately, not after writing a message and finding out I am too far away or a picture is necessary.
I have checked all restrictions from distance away, to age, to "dating" or "friends" , picture availability, you name it.
These are new ads that I have never contacted before, and I have never contacted anyone previously with a less than friendly hello.
I don't know who or where to go to get an answer for this new twist. | |
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