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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:20:43 PM | It goes to show that people really don't READ profiles, they just look at the pictures. If 3/4 of the guys who send me mail actually read my forum posts (and of course my profile) they should run instead of emailing me.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:29:16 PM | Personally, I was actually pleased I got a reply from one of the women I messaged even though it was in the negative.
I wasn't her type, but at least I got a reply and added her to my friends on Facebook (with her permission of course). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:48:39 PM | Does anyone have any real statistics about how many women vs. men are using this site? And how about success statistics? OK I know I'm asking for too much now!
All this aside, I've had very positive experiences with this site so far. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:24:38 PM | | I don't have actual statistics, but there are, on average, two guys for every girl. That ratio varies, from about 1:1 in western australia to almost 4:1 in rural areas like northern New England. In general, guys tend to do better in large cities, where women congregate, whether online or not. Women tend to have an easy time in small towns and rural areas, where there are lots of guys. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:26:21 PM |
It goes to show that people really don't READ profiles, they just look at the pictures. If 3/4 of the guys who send me mail actually read my forum posts (and of course my profile) they should run instead of emailing me
It doesn't really "go to show that people don't read profiles". Have you thought about the fact that maybe 100 guys did read your profile, and didn't write, but, of course, you wouldn't know that. So, all you notice are the ones who ignore the profile and write.
This isn't about you, crabstuffing, but just about people in general, including me. It's intuitive, but false, to notice the ones who ignore things in the profile, and write, as if they haven't read, and to forget all the ones who read, and thus, don't write. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:37:08 PM | I do have to express some sympathy for guys who get no responses online. I also feel for women who are bombarded with inappropriate messages and offers from men who are not genuine. I don't know that there is a clear online solution. In a promiscuous society, like ours, a small number of loud, gregarious Type A guys are sleeping with all of the available women (unless alcohol is involved). Those women who do not sleep around are forced to wade through hundreds of offers for sex (or guys who secretly want sex--but no commitment or love).
When I travel abroad, I suddenly receive a good deal of attention from women (whether in rich countries or poor countries). While other men have experienced this, upon returning home, even highly attractive guys are suddenly being ignored. Perhaps members from outside the US can let us know how things are in their countries. It almost seems like women are exerting A LOT of effort to ignore you, and it's something that I can't explain. There is an extreme negativity in the States that I don't encounter anywhere else.
Accustomed to this attitude, I did not realize that anything was wrong until I started going overseas--suddenly, women treat you like a real human being. They are friendly, even speaking to you, maintaining eye contact. You feel alive. It's not until you return to America that you realize that something is terribly wrong. The nasty "YOU DON'T EVEN EXIST" attitude suddenly returns, and you are reminded that something is wrong with our culture. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:58:35 PM | I don't have actual statistics, but there are, on average, two guys for every girl. That ratio varies, from about 1:1 in western australia to almost 4:1 in rural areas like northern New England. In general, guys tend to do better in large cities, where women congregate, whether online or not. Women tend to have an easy time in small towns and rural areas, where there are lots of guys.
This question comes up all the time in the fora, usually from men who want to "validate" their negative expectation, that the internet is "hard for guys, but good for women". The "ratios" vary, based on geography, age, etc, but they are also always irrelevant.
If you really want to know, try running a search, with your preferences, and see how many women are returned from the search, and then reverse the search, as if you were a woman, searching for the same things in a man. The results are often surprising.
For me, based on the minimum preferences, with the maximum possible geography, there were more women than I could ever possibly contact. Then I get to the reality of it. When I started looking at profiles, when I first joined, I simply wasn't attracted to 90% of the ones I looked at. I know it's much the same for women. For me, this was never a "have to have a relationship" kind of thing, so if I couldn't have found women who I found attractive, who also felt attracted to me, it's not as if I would have chosen to date someone who didn't attract me at all. So, it really wouldn't matter, if there were twice as many women, who I wouldn't feel attracted to.
POF and other dating sites aren't "catalogs", where you get to "pick what you want", and proceed to checkout, only having to decide whether to have her shipped UPS or FEDEX. Behind every profile is a person, and connecting and dating comes from two real people connecting. That doesn't come from "mass mailing" or "form emails", or only writing to your "fantasy ideal". It's not much different from real life, except it's more efficient, and you have a wider area to search.
I only know that I'm older than average, and I'm not George Clooney, nor fabulously rich. Yet, I have always been able to connect with interesting women online, spanning 7 years, on 4 different websites. When not in a relationship, when I'm "over" the most recent relationship, and "ready" to meet someone in an open, optimistic way; the internet has always worked just fine. Part of letting it work, is not to get hung up on the ones who "aren't interested". I could never understand why anyone cares if they get a reply, unless the reply is that she's interested in talking further. How does it change anything to get a polite "no" in response? Worrying about getting replies, merely distracts from the real mission. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:35:01 PM | hey guy,
i didn't realize that there were a lot out there doing this..i myself answer everyone whether i want to chat with them or not..or i let them know chat as friends..i think it's cool to meet people here whether you date them or not.
i think it very rude that they aren't answering those emails..but just to let you know we aren't all the same..i haven't read all the responses so hope i'm not being repetetive here.
my thoughts..you may be having it tough getting responses..we girls don't have probs with getting emails and dating but i'll bet we have to go through a lot more guys then you do girls to find someone decent!!..they are out there but few and far between as the saying goes..at least from what i'm hearing and what i've experienced..so maybe better to wait til somebody worthwhile does respond to you if it's a relationship you're looking for...good luck | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:35:54 PM | hey guy,
i didn't realize that there were a lot out there doing this..i myself answer everyone whether i want to chat with them or not..or i let them know chat as friends..i think it's cool to meet people here whether you date them or not.
i think it very rude that they aren't answering those emails..but just to let you know we aren't all the same..i haven't read all the responses so hope i'm not being repetetive here.
my thoughts..you may be having it tough getting responses..we girls don't have probs with getting emails and dating but i'll bet we have to go through a lot more guys then you do girls to find someone decent!!..they are out there but few and far between as the saying goes..at least from what i'm hearing and what i've experienced..so maybe better to wait til somebody worthwhile does respond to you if it's a relationship you're looking for...good luck | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 7:54:45 AM |
my thoughts..you may be having it tough getting responses..we girls don't have probs with getting emails and dating but i'll bet we have to go through a lot more guys then you do girls to find someone decent!!..they are out there but few and far between as the saying goes
Weezygirl, if only 1 out of 10, or even 1 out of 20 emails were from guys you found interesting, would that be any different from real life? Relationships are supposed to be selective, two way choices.
Men online aren't much different from men in real life, and the same is true for women. I know that I looked at a lot of profiles, before sending emails to women, who it seemed "realistic" to approach. Still, it takes some time and effort, but for those who are sincerely open to finding a real relationship, there is a fairly large universe online, and everyone I've talked to who is realistic, open, and persistent has made dates from online, and many, including me, have found serious relationships. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:51:04 AM | I created a fake female account on this site with a couple of really attractive pictures. Within a the hour I had recieved dozens of messages and dozens of attempted instant messages (I had to disable them just to function on the site!).
I think most women who are at least somewhat attractive and don't have too many restrictions will get a lot of emails when they initally join a dating site. Then after a few weeks or months, then amount of emails they get will gradually decrease. They will still get a fair amount of emails, but less emails than when they first joined a dating site. For example, I was on another dating site several months ago. The first couple of weeks I was there, I got about 5-6 emails a day. Then the amount of emails I got gradually decreased to about 5-6 emails a week.
It goes to show that people really don't READ profiles, they just look at the pictures. If 3/4 of the guys who send me mail actually read my forum posts (and of course my profile) they should run instead of emailing me
This isn't necessary true. A lot of men could read your profile and decide not to contact you because of age, distance, lack of common interests, they clearly aren't what you are looking for etc
Does anyone have any real statistics about how many women vs. men are using this site?
It varies with geography and age. For example I did a search for men between the ages of 26-30 and within a 10 mile radius ( I live in the Boston area ) of me. Men outnumbered women by about 2.5 to 1 ratio.
we girls don't have probs with getting emails and dating but i'll bet we have to go through a lot more guys then you do girls to find someone decent!!..
If 20-30 men contact a woman and she can't find at least 4-5 men that she could be interested in, then I think she is too picky or has unrealistic expectations. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 9:49:20 AM | The good thing about internet dating is that it lowers the barriers that can stop people communicating in real life - people who are too shy to go say "Hi" to someone they find attractive, people with speech impediments or the like, that sort of thing.
The bad thing is that it also lowers the need for people to be polite or considerate - it's harder to point-blank ignore someone talking to you in real life, and harder to walk up to someone and be extremely rude or hurtful with no consequences (after all, you can't kick someone in the crotch over the web just yet!)
I think that internet dating has the potential to be better for guys AND women, as long as people take a moment to consider other people's feelings. The guy sending you a message might have had to work up the courage to send it, the girl you're about to harrass for sex might have had bad experiences in the past. Of course, the kind of people who have consideration for others aren't the issue... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 12:58:54 PM |
I don't have actual statistics, but there are, on average, two guys for every girl. That ratio varies, from about 1:1 in western australia to almost 4:1 in rural areas like northern New England. In general, guys tend to do better in large cities, where women congregate, whether online or not. Women tend to have an easy time in small towns and rural areas, where there are lots of guys.
Bigfish reported last time that about 1.2 men per woman in canada and about 1.5 men per women in the USA.
This would vary depending on location.
Rural area would have a higher ratio of men to woman and urban areas a lower ratio of men to woman.
Replying to emails shows you are serious and care about peoples feeling and these are good qualifies.
woman who do NOT usually reply to emails tend to spend a lot more time on dating site then woman who REPLY to emails.
some of the few that i emailed that they did NOT reply have been on POF for at least 1.5 years.
A few that i emailed and they did REPLY did find someone within a year.
A way to increase you change of success is to attend POF events and one person i know meet her husband at a POF and they are VERY happy. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:07:07 PM |
I think most women who are at least somewhat attractive and don't have too many restrictions will get a lot of emails when they initally join a dating site. Then after a few weeks or months, then amount of emails they get will gradually decrease. They will still get a fair amount of emails, but less emails than when they first joined a dating site. For example, I was on another dating site several months ago. The first couple of weeks I was there, I got about 5-6 emails a day. Then the amount of emails I got gradually decreased to about 5-6 emails a week.
BINGO .... you got it
The searchs are sorted by last time a person was on and new people will be on more often and show up at the top of list in search more often
Once a person only is on a site once a week then the number of emails drops to very few.
I have found out that if i send an email to a woman who recently joined or a woman has a lot of favorites then they do NOT reply.
A suggestion for woman who have large numbers of favorites (100+) is to delete some of the ones that are NOT matchs or otherwise men will avoid emailing them thinking they are talking to several men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 2:32:54 PM | I might get 2 email every six months, so all of us are not inundated with replies.
You don't have a picture on your profile. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. However that is a key reason why you don't get many emails. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:49:33 PM | | MeloFelo: I have tried e-mailing women saying that I found their forum posts interesting. Either I get no reponse or the woman says "just because I posted something about that topic in a forum doesn't mean I want to have a private discussion with you about it". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:55:00 PM | MeloFelo: I have tried e-mailing women saying that I found their forum posts interesting. Either I get no reponse or the woman says "just because I posted something about that topic in a forum doesn't mean I want to have a private discussion with you about it".
Nothing is a "for sure" on the internet. In my experience, I have never had it happen, that a woman I wrote to about one of her posts, didn't respond in a reasonable way. That includes women, who would be "inappropriate" to be looking for something beyond a brief discussion.
That being said, a lot depends on the thread and the substance of her post. If, for example, she's angry and bitter, and you write to argue with her, don't expect a "nice" response. In any case, if the complaint is that "no one replies", you did get a "reply", even if not one that you hoped for.
One other observation is, that if you are thinking beyond the conversation, you are only going to "click" with women who are similar to women you've connected with in real life in the past. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/26/2007 12:44:18 AM | Yes, its great to be a good looking girl on this site, hey i can admit it.
I get heaps of messages, and too many IM requests and yes..i do get an ego boost out of it. I dont reply to people without a picture because well..they can claim to be whatever they want in writing but without that picture i cant believe them, so then i like to reply to people with a couple of photos so that it can almost confirm that yes..its a real person. Somtimes i dont reply to people who message me saying 'hi, hows your weekend?' because its just boring... I read messages and dont reply till the end after i've read them all and then after forget whos message was whos. However, if you grab my attention then i'll reply, and this doesnt mean you need to be a 9+ if anything, personally i wouldnt want to fight other women off my guy...and yes women are horrible horrible! things. I would just want someone with a big happy smile and a sense of humour that clicks with mine. But i'll tell you what! I'll reply to ALL! my messages from now on and personally reject every guy looking for a quick screw, true love, affair behind his wifes back, creep, mr mysterious, and how's your weekender from now on.
Thanks i'll be more considerate of mens feelings from now on. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:45:48 PM | Mello--I totally enjoy your posts. They are intelligent and very insightful. My sense though is that you're not clueing into the huge market place differentials in your age bracket. Doing all those things you suggest make sense and "may" produce results, but at your age level the women far outnumber the guys! I can't remember the exact number but there is a very significant demographic switch. On top of that you're 6 feet tall, you're not ugly, you're in decent shape and have a respectful job.
Maxxoccupancy-- I totally agree with you. I've been on German dating sites.I have friends who live there. German woman are nicer to you. There just doesn't seem to be all this nastiness centering around how they can reject you. THEY ARE MUCH, MUCH NICER, SO THEY ARE MUCH ,MUCH MORE APPROACHABLE. And there are a hell of alot more attractive women in that country. Half are 8.5 + .Very few are overweight. And they are much more feminine. They wear skirts and dresses and don't feel oppressed. American culture is sick. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 872 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:49:54 PM | I took a photo of a guy who had a 9.4 out of 10 rating in attractiveness and made a profile with it, a very boring stupid profile with hardly any writing in it and the day I put it up I got over 25 e-mails and was bombarded with IM's constantly. Compare that to my own real profile- a good looking, educated, white male with a well written profile and I've gotten that many e-mails in a year. Shows how superficial women are. Girls judge you by your photo and that's it for the majority of them.
now dont say??? women r shallow and men r not. i get it. we just judge u by the picture, we demand a pretty boy, unlike most men who simply refuse to talk to just a 'pretty' girl. wow, and all this time i thought....
lolol | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:59:00 PM | Forums Browser states,
"For fun and experience I created a fake female account on this site with a couple of really attractive pictures. Within a the hour I had recieved dozens of messages and dozens of attempted instant messages (I had to disable them just to function on the site!).
Yikes. People actually have the time to create fake IDs of the opposite sex for research purposes? Maybe too much time on your hands? Is it entertaining? Taking notes?
That's why I don't take this too seriously! Geezzzzzzzzz
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:11:03 PM |
Mello--I totally enjoy your posts. They are intelligent and very insightful. My sense though is that you're not clueing into the huge market place differentials in your age bracket. Doing all those things you suggest make sense and "may" produce results, but at your age level the women far outnumber the guys! I can't remember the exact number but there is a very significant demographic switch. On top of that you're 6 feet tall, you're not ugly, you're in decent shape and have a respectful job.
qmm765, I'll grant you that there is a difference between more mature women, and much younger women. I think that is further exacerbated, if someone is just writing to the "pretty pictures" of women in their early 20s, some of whom may be getting 100 emails a day.
However, that doesn't really explain it. I've written to women as young as in their 20s, if I read something in a post that I really wanted to comment on. They weren't "come ons", but they were read, and politely answered. Before meeting my SO, I initiated first contact 72 times, to women as young as 35, to women who were "my age". I didn't see any discernible difference in terms of getting responses based on age. I got a lot of polite "not interested" kinds of responses, or responses that politely answered my question, but in a way that didn't invite further conversation.
In any case, my SO now is 12 years younger than I am, and I met her here on POF. Each person has to find what works for him, but I think the biggest single factor that differentiates between "satisfaction" with the POF experience and the perception that it "doesn't work" has to do with attitude. Generally, when I read a positive profile, and later talk to that person, he/she has found that online has worked well. Generally, when I read a post by someone saying that POF "doesn't work", and then go read the profile, it is full of negativity.
Take it for what it's worth. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:46:15 PM | Sucks for guys, good for women?
I am very firm that I want to be pursued. After growing up with women's lib, basically going after what I want, and being married for a long time, I have decided that I want a more traditional dating experience. To have a man show interest, meeting and if he is interested, being courted and pursued is what I am looking for. I am sure that men these days have no idea how to proceed~ In some ways they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. My profile states that I don't want men to be afraid to make the first move, and yet I have not had many takers....frustrating to say the least..... | |
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