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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:11:03 PM |
Mello--I totally enjoy your posts. They are intelligent and very insightful. My sense though is that you're not clueing into the huge market place differentials in your age bracket. Doing all those things you suggest make sense and "may" produce results, but at your age level the women far outnumber the guys! I can't remember the exact number but there is a very significant demographic switch. On top of that you're 6 feet tall, you're not ugly, you're in decent shape and have a respectful job.
qmm765, I'll grant you that there is a difference between more mature women, and much younger women. I think that is further exacerbated, if someone is just writing to the "pretty pictures" of women in their early 20s, some of whom may be getting 100 emails a day.
However, that doesn't really explain it. I've written to women as young as in their 20s, if I read something in a post that I really wanted to comment on. They weren't "come ons", but they were read, and politely answered. Before meeting my SO, I initiated first contact 72 times, to women as young as 35, to women who were "my age". I didn't see any discernible difference in terms of getting responses based on age. I got a lot of polite "not interested" kinds of responses, or responses that politely answered my question, but in a way that didn't invite further conversation.
In any case, my SO now is 12 years younger than I am, and I met her here on POF. Each person has to find what works for him, but I think the biggest single factor that differentiates between "satisfaction" with the POF experience and the perception that it "doesn't work" has to do with attitude. Generally, when I read a positive profile, and later talk to that person, he/she has found that online has worked well. Generally, when I read a post by someone saying that POF "doesn't work", and then go read the profile, it is full of negativity.
Take it for what it's worth. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:46:15 PM | Sucks for guys, good for women?
I am very firm that I want to be pursued. After growing up with women's lib, basically going after what I want, and being married for a long time, I have decided that I want a more traditional dating experience. To have a man show interest, meeting and if he is interested, being courted and pursued is what I am looking for. I am sure that men these days have no idea how to proceed~ In some ways they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. My profile states that I don't want men to be afraid to make the first move, and yet I have not had many takers....frustrating to say the least..... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:33:32 PM |
After growing up with women's lib, basically going after what I want, and being married for a long time, I have decided that I want a more traditional dating experience.
While I strongly support women's lib, and the greater recognition and equality it has brought today's women...
...I personally feel that modern feminism has pretty much killed off the traditional dating experience. You can't have it both ways. Greater equality for women today means that many men expect some women to show their interest and make the first move.
I can't think of any man I know today ( I'm talking several hundred men that I know through work, sports, associations, etc... ) that would pursue a woman in the old fashioned traditional sense of dating. Not one.
So good luck with the traditional thing, but I think you may get very frustrated waitng for the old fashioned guy to show up. | |
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dbba64
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Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 879 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:38:41 PM | It's definitely true in general online dating is a lot harder for guys. But, it's not impossible. If your good at writing a profile, that's a big advantage. Of course that skill would get you know where in the 'real world'.
I have gal friends who are definitely can't get any guy interested in the outside world have a lot more luck on these dating sites.
I know in real life I do get plent of interest from women who are pretty darn good looking in my view. But, online I can't even get women I find unattractive interested.
I hear all these women say, oh your just sending your emails to a model. I'm like no, I am sending my emails to women I would not normally consider dating. Because their too unattractive. And I still get no response back. ( by the way I was a member several months back with a profile but no picture. I would send my picture if I wanted to contact someone)
Did I have a stinky profile.. No I actually I had a number of women contact me because they were so attracted to my profile. But, when I sent out my picture... nothing.
Now... let me be a bit honest. I would say I judge women's looks a bit more harshly here on the internet then in person. Their is something so much more attractive about a women in person than just seeing a picture on the internet. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:42:54 PM |
I can't think of any man I know today ( I'm talking several hundred men that I know through work, sports, associations, etc... ) that would pursue a woman in the old fashioned traditional sense of dating. Not one.
There's a thread "what are the courtship rituals", where my OP went into this at greater depth.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8620829.aspx
Yes, many things are different. On the other hand, women aren't "just guys with different plumbing", so the men I know, who are dating, do approach women with a degree of sensitivity, and with some of the "old" dating expectations. I think, by and large, men are still expected to be the pursuers initially, and when the time is appropriate suggest a meeting, and expect to pay the tab.
I don't think that some things, like long courtships based on a "reluctant female" being "wooed" through "ardent pursuit" apply to our current society. However, that doesn't mean that everything is different either. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/30/2007 12:33:51 AM | It seems to me . . that _Everything_ is slanted . . in the Ladies favor . .
All that Most of them need to do to get a date, is
. . dress nice . . wear a bit of makeup . . and . .
walk outside and S M I L E . . !!
- A _Relationship_ may take a bit more effort, but it's Still easier for the Ladies . . !! - | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:07:43 AM |
It seems to me . . that _Everything_ is slanted . . in the Ladies favor . .
Did you ever play sports? The "field conditions" are the same for all men, and women, if they are to have relationships, are having them with men. So, if some guys are able to adjust to the "field conditions" and succeed, what's the point to be made by those who just complain about them, and defeat themselves by saying "it's too hard"?
Beyond that, there are as many women complaining how much "easier" it is for men in dating. The truth is, that there is no way to compare, because women and men are not "just the same" with different "plumbing". Things that are natural to a man, are often difficult for women, and vice versa.
In any case, complaining won't change anything. Things are as they are, so deal with it, or not. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:33:43 AM | Personally, bound to hear a fuss from this . But thinking internet dating is tough on both sides. Women think men most men after only one thing and Guys think women are stuck up. when in reality it's lack of communication and manners. Seems many can't say a simply hi or thanks but no thanks. Myself ,I get judge over faults being a distance to disabled and my grammar or even my number in favorites. Seems way too many like to look for faults than finding the strength one has. Some nights I just read the forums when I can't find that someone to chat with than fuss over the bad things. Dating in general sucks . and gets tiring to tell just the simple side of ones life to end repeating it over. but even rejection builds chracter . One need not be bitter cause that shows thru so best wash your hands and polish your shoes cause one day the right someone nice does come along. Just too many for one to be selective seems the real issue in the internet dating sites so use the net as your second way to find and use your heart and mind in your own town plenty of posslibites there too  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:55:05 AM | I'm not sure that it is easier for women. If it were really that easy, I would suppose that they would all be recruiting their girl friends to sign up. In practice the women I've talked to have had mixed experience online. I've met lots of women online, far more than at the grocery store. I've chatted with lots of women online, and had an easier time, since I sometimes trip over my words when speaking out loud. In fact, I even met a girlfriend here, hit it off, and had a pretty good relationship from that.
This is not to say that it's easier for guys. Just the opposite. It would be nice if girls would at least come up with a form letter saying something like, "Thank you for the interest, but you are too bald, too fat, or too old, and I am looking for something else. Thanks for the message." Less than half the women I write to even bother to write me back, but I am told that it is much worse for most guys.
In the real world, men have a hard time getting their foot in the door, women have a hard time getting a guy to commit. Both men and women feel unwanted with a single rejection. Both feel that the opposite sex is driven by shallow interests when they feel unwanted. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for some people, good for others
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:20:59 AM |
I think the biggest single factor that differentiates between "satisfaction" with the POF experience and the perception that it "doesn't work" has to do with attitude. Generally, when I read a positive profile, and later talk to that person, he/she has found that online has worked well. Generally, when I read a post by someone saying that POF "doesn't work", and then go read the profile, it is full of negativity.
That's a pretty good PoV; and, I'll bet there is a fairly high corelation between negative attitude, and negative success WRT online dating.
However, having said that, some people are bound to get the cause and effect reversed. A person can only have so much negative experience before he/she decides to throw in the towel. Sometimes the negative profile comes AFTER the negative experience(s), not BEFORE. I use myself as an example:
I've been on here, and other InterNet dating sites, for almost two years now. My profiles have gone through frequent re-writes (as anyone here can attest, it was almost "Arlo's Weekly Rewrite"), but it was never negative (bland sometimes, 'tis true) until, finally, I came to the realization that, for me, InterNet dating simply wasn't the way to go. Currently, my profile is pretty "negative", in that I state I'm "not single/not looking", and I give off less-than-positive vibes.
What's funny is that some people will take a look at my current profile and say, "Ah-HA, he was always a negative person at heart!" No, I'm simply a guy who reached his saturation point and decided enough is enough, and that I wasn't going to expend anymore effort on a cause that is not resulting in positive experiences for me.
Ah, well, off to go kick some more puppies now... 
!Les | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:18:10 AM |
This is not to say that it's easier for guys. Just the opposite. It would be nice if girls would at least come up with a form letter saying something like, "Thank you for the interest, but you are too bald, too fat, or too old, and I am looking for something else. Thanks for the message." Less than half the women I write to even bother to write me back, but I am told that it is much worse for most guys.
It is about the same for men and woman
Woman get lots of mail from men only interested in one-night stands.
Men looking for a one-night stands do NOT deserve a reply and she should block them from contracting her again
One lady i meet in person told me that one man on their first meet and this was not even a date asked her if they could have sex.
This man put down long term and we can see he was lying
Many men do NOT get many replies to emails.
I have had some success and have meet some very nice woman in person.
A few of them are very good friends of mine.
I have no brothers or sisters so i think of these woman who are now my friends as my "adopted" sisters.
I am very picky about which woman i contact and i think at most i emailed 10 woman on this site in a year.
Men who mass email woman will NOT have success.
I have a long profile and list many of my interests.
each email i send is unique and not short and i read a woman profile several time to find out to see how much we have in common.
The ones who do NOT view my profile after reading my email are the ones who do NOT reply to my email
I reply to all my emails even if i am NOT interested in the woman and wish her luck in her search.
I even give the reasons why i do NOT have interest.
Manners seem to be not that important today. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:49:37 AM | I agree many lack manner or common courtesy today. I have had a few women give rude replies when I tell them I have a disability. Most just ingnore my message or do not reply and some are really rude.
I have a friend who is so picky that she meets a guy and goes right back on this site looking for her perfect match. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:01:19 AM | | charles here you are 100 per cent right and alot of not good looking woman here think there god gift to the world been here for years never meet any one off this site it all bull shit later charles ............ | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:46:10 AM | Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Without reading thru what?30 odd pages of posts, I'd like to speak simply to the thread topic/title.
First let me say that my own personal experiences with internet dating have NOT led to dangerous or frightening situations, nor have I experienced phone calls, emails or personal visits from the wife a guy neglected to mention.
But how anyone can say that it "sucks" for men, discounts what I'm told are fairly common experiences that seem to happen in a greater percentage to women, is beyond my ken.
These experiences range from first message propositions for sex, assumption that a meeting will be for sex, to married men having found a MARVELOUS avenue to hook up with a little strange stuff, to violence and criminal behavior. Yes I know that stuff like that can happen and has happened to guys too, but women seem to have a vastly greater incidence of experiencing these things.
So if we take this right down to the bottom lines of safety and avoidance of shattering disappointment(finding out your wonderful new bf has a wife and kids)I fail to see how anyone can say it sucks for guys and is good for women.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:06:01 PM |
Sucks for guys, good for women?
I am very firm that I want to be pursued. After growing up with women's lib, basically going after what I want, and being married for a long time, I have decided that I want a more traditional dating experience. To have a man show interest, meeting and if he is interested, being courted and pursued is what I am looking for. I am sure that men these days have no idea how to proceed~ In some ways they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. My profile states that I don't want men to be afraid to make the first move, and yet I have not had many takers....frustrating to say the least.....
If a woman is over 40 and still expect men to make the first move always then she will have a very long wait.
Woman lib has KILLED traditional dating experience and also man are afraid to show interest in a co-worker too and what does that leave.
The only options left are: meet at school, setup by friends, dating site and random chance.
Bar are not a good place to meet a person for a serious relationship.
The man who hired me at the first company i worked for after i finishing school meet his future wife at the same company. He was her boss but today that could get a man fired.
Meeting at work was one of the place that was a good place to meet since people were there 8 hours in a day.
I contract woman first and sometimes woman contact me first.
Four woman contracted me first who i did meet in person.
Three of them are friends and one of them i did date.
One was not looking for anymore friends but she was happy to give me advise on how woman think.
Only one woman i contracted first did i meet in person and most do NOT reply before deleting my email. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/3/2007 8:21:41 AM |
qmm765, I'll grant you that there is a difference between more mature women, and much younger women. I think that is further exacerbated, if someone is just writing to the "pretty pictures" of women in their early 20s, some of whom may be getting 100 emails a day.
About half the woman i have email or replied to her email did NOT have a photo on the dating site.
Many of the woman with NO photo did NOT reply to my email and i HAD A photo on the dating site.
three of the woman who did NOT have a photo on the dating site that i meet in person were HONEST about their appearance
One of them i did NOT click with but she is a very good friend now.
However, that doesn't really explain it. I've written to women as young as in their 20s, if I read something in a post that I really wanted to comment on. They weren't "come ons", but they were read, and politely answered.
Before meeting my SO, I initiated first contact 72 times, to women as young as 35, to women who were "my age". I didn't see any discernible difference in terms of getting responses based on age. I got a lot of polite "not interested" kinds of responses, or responses that politely answered my question, but in a way that didn't invite further conversation.
Most of the woman i email do NOT reply and that shows poor manner.
THERE IS NO REAL EXCUSE ON POF TO NOT REPLY SINCE IT IS A FREE SITE TO EMAIL.
I get more replies to my email on paying site... i guess they are more serious
In any case, my SO now is 12 years younger than I am, and I met her here on POF.
The youngest i did meet in person was almost 12 years younger.
Each person has to find what works for him, but I think the biggest single factor that differentiates between "satisfaction" with the POF experience and the perception that it "doesn't work" has to do with attitude. Generally, when I read a positive profile, and later talk to that person, he/she has found that online has worked well. Generally, when I read a post by someone saying that POF "doesn't work", and then go read the profile, it is full of negativity.
I have made a lot of new friends on POF and now attend a weekly POF event on Tuesday.
GOOD PEOPLE AND GOOD FOOD AND HAVE A GREAT TIME THERE.
If you are waiting to find the PERFECT person then you should expect to spend many years on POF and find nobody. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/3/2007 5:55:26 PM | If you know how to express yourself, and you stay in your ballpark, you will do fine. As someone said, the mistake some men make is they contact the Supermodel types. Unless you, yourself, look like a supermodel, it's probably best not to waste your time on those type. I am by no means God's gift to women in the looks department, but I have actually had two women initiate contact with me the short time I've been on here. When I do respond to a profile, I say more than "What's up, I like your profile, want to chat?" that I hear from women that so many men usually write.
Granted, my responses probably suffer from the opposite problem-too long. Mine are almost essay length, but I have had women comment how they appreciate a well thoughtout reply to their profile. This is also outted the excuse of the 00's, which is "I really appreciate your long reply. I am tired right now, but I will write back when I am not tired" It sounds sincere, but after receiving the same response more than a few times, i tdawn on me, it was a kind blow off. Still, if you want a response you have to give them a reason to respond, and a short response is probably not going to do it. Especially, considering how many e mails women get on this site. You have to make yourself stand out.
I don't necessarily think women have it all that easier than men. Sure, they get more responses, but there are probably more guys that are players and after one thing, so women have to sort through all those types, both the obvious and not so obvious ones. If you're a sincere guy, all you need is one response, and don't usually have to worry determining whether the woman is sincerely interested in a relationship. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/3/2007 6:00:52 PM | | Meeting at work isn't such a great idea. Women lib or not. After you break up, let's see how great of an idea one thinks it is, when you have to still work so close with the person, and the bagge of the breakup gets dragged into the work place. People still meet at work. I work at a large agency, and we have many people who date within the office. Several are married. Many throughout the years have married, but it's still not the best place. It can work in a large agency like ours, because there are several floors, and if you don't work on the same floor, then thebreak up may not be so bad, except many of your co workers will know all thejuicey details of the break up. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/5/2007 3:51:17 PM | | So many times people get caught up with all the negative with dating. Why not do something different if the dating you are doing does not work well for a person. I know me personally with internet dating I only talk to women who are reallty interested in me. Meeting a mate at work is a bad idea been there and done that and learn to creative in dating. Earlier this year I had five dates with one women in a week and they went great but me and the women decided we love way to far from one another but it was good while it lasted. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:27:05 AM | Take off the word "Internet".
DATING: sucks for guys, good for women.
Hell, if dating was about different women approaching me, asking me out, me choosing the best looking one, being wined and dined and then being in complete control of whether we'd **** or not, and
no matter how evilly I treated him, all my fellow gendered people would talk her into sticking around or at least trying it again with me or someone like me
sure I'd date. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:20:06 PM | Just so you don't feel so bad......I am female and I have the same problem...well I am not extremely good looking...but average. I have only received one contact from a guy on here, where he contacted me first. I have sent out probably over 100 emails to guys...I don't understand why it takes so much to hit the reply button and say "sorry not interested" and give a reason why...too ugly, too fat or live too far away. I should be able to take it....I ask for honesty. I have heard this numerous times on here about how rude women are....but hey, guys are just as bad.
I would really like to know.....Does anyone REALLY get 100 emails a day (other than someone with sexy pictures, that scream they are looking for sex)????? I would not know how to act.....surely out of all those you would not have to be on here for very long because if you can't find someone out of all them....you need to give it up! I do not take good pictures and I am not very good at talking about myself (like a lot of folks) but geez.....doesn't anyone know how to at least say hi anymore?
Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up.....but I am a stubborn woman and I am still here after a year....guess that says how bad it has been for me. So anyway...don't give up.....I am in hopes there is somebody out there.....and you should think that way too....just ignore the ignorant and rude people. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:07:38 PM |
I am very firm that I want to be pursued. After growing up with women's lib, basically going after what I want, and being married for a long time, I have decided that I want a more traditional dating experience.
Good luck with that.
TRANSLATION:
I wanted to have a job like men do.
I wanted to go out and pursue men, like men do.
Now I realise... that really sucks. It's hard! I wanna be a little girl and have everything handed to me on a platter again!!!
CAN'T PUT TOOTHPASTE INTO A TUBE AGAIN
NOR CAN YOU TELL MEN THEY'RE SCUM FOR CHASING YOU, THEN WHINE THAT THEY DON'T/. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:54:41 PM | ** MALES **
Will you guys quit ranting and raving about this site and your whole dating situation in general? I don't think most people, both males and females, really care! It's hard to believe this thread has generated such an overwhelming response and to see how many of you guys are simply down on your luck because of your romantic/sexual - or whatever the case maybe, err…..situation! You'll start being much more successful with women once you stop making this whole dating thing such a priority, set some dating rules for yourself and simply have some fun with females instead of taking things so seriously! Who cares if interactions don't lead to anything significant or even a reply from the other? Don’t let this place or females for that matter be the central, validating, factor in your life. Get the validation someplace else and make it so that females add more to your life, but are not the only thing IN YOUR LIFE. Get it?
Address comments, insults, love letters, pizza and beer to my attention.
Tigg. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/6/2007 7:15:13 PM |
Don’t let this place or females for that matter be the central, validating, factor in your life. Get the validation someplace else and make it so that females add more to your life, but are not the only thing IN YOUR LIFE. Get it? WHAMMM!!!! Here! Here! Where do I send the pizza and beer? LOL! Seriously!!! Thank You Tigger, the last thing I need to have to do is constantly be reassuring some guy of his...well, whatever it is he's supposed to be.....like I'd freaking know!?!?!? | |
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