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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:59:19 PM | Re OMG hello 2u 's message;
This is one excellent good piece of advice.
Being a Sexual /marital therapist I would know these things.
Do try and look a little deeper then the perfect surface.
Good luck and remember try stay appreciative, after all... it's free!
Wx | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:00:01 PM |
What strange, closed off little world do you live in that you think this? Woman have it JUST AS HARD AS MEN ... dating, PERIOD, isn't easy unless it's something you love, and are a serial dating kind of person. For people trying to meet "the one", it's rough ALL AROUND. If you wander around on Amazon.com, you will see many, many books written by women, about their bad experiences with dating. Like "He's Just Not That Into You", for starters.
Uh... you're equating finding "the one" with us getting a woman, ANY woman, to not look at us like three week old produce? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:15:13 PM | "Uh... you're equating finding "the one" with us getting a woman, ANY woman, to not look at us like three week old produce?"
Well I'll tell you something.... when you say things like "dating is easier for women then it is for men", and whine... it does NOT make us look at you and think, "Wow. He's a catch!!" ... quite the opposite actually.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:16:31 PM |
Well I'll tell you something.... when you say things like "dating is easier for women then it is for men", and whine... it does NOT make us look at you and think, "Wow. He's mature."
"He's mature?" What are you, 13?
And when was I whining?
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:14:41 PM | Well said. I am sure you will be flamed but this is exactly the way it is for men and internet dating.
I used to use Print personal ads in a local alternative weekly paper and I had great luck. I might get a letter on monday, go on a date on Saturday and be in a relationship in a couple of months of things worked out.
With internet dating, things move so slow that by the time a woman gives out her phone number, under the print ads, I would have been in a long term relationship.
And the women were not scared about giving out phone numbers, most were fine with me picking them up at their home and there was a lot less dating hassles.
And most importantly, the women wer actaully HAPPY when I called them. For some eason, women on the net seem to think they are doing you a favor giving out a number so you had better be prepared to impress via the phone.
Of course, the print ads had problems-game players, etc.
But if they still ran print ads, I would leave internet dating FOREVER. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:36:41 PM | With internet dating, things move so slow that by the time a woman gives out her phone number, under the print ads, I would have been in a long term relationship.
And the women were not scared about giving out phone numbers, most were fine with me picking them up at their home and there was a lot less dating hassles.
And most importantly, the women wer actaully HAPPY when I called them. For some eason, women on the net seem to think they are doing you a favor giving out a number so you had better be prepared to impress via the phone.
In between relationships, I've used the internet going back over 8 years, since I was divorced. It's never taken me longer than a week to find someone where there was mutual interest, nor longer than 2 weeks to be talking on the phone, or 3 weeks to meeting in person. It doesn't always "work out", but then, no matter how you meet, it doesn't always. It has always led me to finding a relationship, inside of 2 months.
I'm older than most, and certainly no George Clooney. I'm not wealthy, famous, nor tremendously powerful. So why is it, do you suppose, that some fairly "average" men can consistently find that online dating works just fine, and others just moan, groan, and complain?
My theory is that the only consistent predictor of how one will find the experience, has to do with attitude. You generally get what you expect. If you expect it to "not work", it won't. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:38:34 PM |
Uh... you're equating finding "the one" with us getting a woman, ANY woman, to not look at us like three week old produce?
You know when your name is bikerscum it is really hard not to look at you like you are biker scum. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:40:17 PM |
Remember its part of a womans make up to be elusive and and hard to get and confuse men and if you could read a womens mind it could be your worst nightmare not your dreams
OMG.....what a load of BS....
I truly am getting sick and tired of guys whining about women getting it easy..
Whining guys = no women
Confidence, security and no whining = a good chance | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:52:40 PM | OP, you have wrong attitude.
it's not worse for men....
1. for men the bad side: only the "response ratio" is much less for them,
2. for women it's probable the lot of verbal abuse and harrashment. they are in general more sensitive for that.
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the bottom line is to find the one you are looking for
excluding gay couples, lebians and other formations,
the final result comes to 1 woman+1 man.
...or......0 woman + 0 man...if you fail to meet the one you are supposed to | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:54:13 PM | As if all this moaning and groaning is going to help you here. I thought this was supposed to be a dating site, but it's turning into the "oh, poor me' wailing wall. Give me a break. 
Pink | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:14:10 PM |
As if all this moaning and groaning is going to help you here. I thought this was supposed to be a dating site, but it's turning into the "oh, poor me' wailing wall. Give me a break.
There is a significant percentage of the POF membership who seem to delight in wallowing in misery. They must. They seem to spend all their time moaning and groaning, along predictable lines. "Women don't answer my email. boo hoo....mommy was never this mean", or "men are shallow....boo hooo, and I'm so beautiful inside"....or "men/women are all out for (fill in the blanks), and are missing all the "good ones" ( really meaning the poster him/herself)".....
Yuck!!!!!
Meanwhile, there is a large percentage of people who laugh at the nonsense, meet people, make real dates, and have real relationships from having met on POF.
It's pretty easy to tell them apart. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:40:52 PM | | I have to admit I agree with the OP on this one. A good friend of mine (a guy) and I joined at about the same time. While he is not a "super model" by any stretch of the imagination (neither am I for that mater :-)) but he is a cute , fun and well-rounded guy that would be a great catch. He will come over to my place from time to time with his laptop and will both get on Plentyoffish and see what is going on. I'm here to tell you that my mail box will be full after sending out no emails and his, even after sending out numerous first contact emails, will often have none. He takes it in good stride but I call tell it frustrates him a lot. I'll have my choice of who to talk to (and YES I always try to answer them all) he is kind of struck with who ever emailed him back. But with the lag in time between emails it is easy to see that she would be emailing several other guys at he same time. I think this is what guys mean when it is easier for us gals. My friend really has to WORK HARD and sends out numerous well though out personal emails to get a single have hearted reply. While on the other had I can sort through my emails and find some one tat looks fun to chat with and I'm off and running. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:54:13 PM |
Meanwhile, there is a large percentage of people who laugh at the nonsense, meet people, make real dates, and have real relationships from having met on POF.
The above may be true, and there are probably good reasons for such successes. However, that does not necessarily negate ALL of what OP wrote back in 2005. Yes, there was some Bee-Ess in OP's post and he made statements made without proof to back them up. However, some of what he wrote is true. My personal experience over the past 3 years (not on PoF) has been similar to OP's.
As for the "whining" aspect of such threads - no comment. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:55:35 PM |  Melo....I couldn't agree more! I have never seen a group of supposed adults complain so much that the opposite sex is picking on them.
I just don't get how you can let a complete stranger, because that is what someone is until you go out on a date, control your emotions. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:17:39 PM | "He's mature?" What are you, 13?
And when was I whining?"
You mean to tell me you've never looked for a date... who is MATURE?? Do you like 13 year olds or something? What the... ??
As for whining... yes. You are whining. Anytime anyone comes here and complains about how hard dating is for them vs. the other sex, it's whining. Sorry to drop that reality check on you there "bikerscum". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:20:52 PM | | A woman can set up dates on this site with a different man every night of the week expect the man to pay (at least the woman I have met from this site insist I pay) and never talk to the guys again as they have moved on after they get a free meal. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:33:06 PM | I have to admit I agree with the OP on this one. A good friend of mine (a guy) and I joined at about the same time. While he is not a "super model" by any stretch of the imagination (neither am I for that mater :-)) but he is a cute , fun and well-rounded guy that would be a great catch. He will come over to my place from time to time with his laptop and will both get on Plentyoffish and see what is going on. I'm here to tell you that my mail box will be full after sending out no emails and his, even after sending out numerous first contact emails, will often have none. He takes it in good stride but I call tell it frustrates him a lot. I'll have my choice of who to talk to (and YES I always try to answer them all) he is kind of struck with who ever emailed him back. But with the lag in time between emails it is easy to see that she would be emailing several other guys at he same time. I think this is what guys mean when it is easier for us gals. My friend really has to WORK HARD and sends out numerous well though out personal emails to get a single have hearted reply. While on the other had I can sort through my emails and find some one tat looks fun to chat with and I'm off and running.
A woman who understands what many men are stating. A lot of comments made by men ( about their lack of success ) are considered to be "whining" by some people. But I think many ( not all ) of the comments made by men on this thread are reasonable and accurate points based on their experiences. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:43:25 PM |
A woman who understands what many men are stating. A lot of comments made by men are considered to be "whining" by some people. But I think many ( not all ) of the comments made by men on this thread have made reasonable and accurate points based on their experiences.
My experience has been that woman do REPLY more often to my email on paying sites and a few woman paid so they could contract me and most of them i did MEET in person and are still friends.
Woman have NO excuse to NOT contact men first on POF since it does NOT cost them anything.
Woman who NEVER contact men first will have less success then woman who SOMETIMES contact men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:41:12 PM | I tend to agree as well.
Obviously this isn't true for all women and all men.
Just like traditional dating men have always been the ones to do the pursueing for the majority, so therefore the carry over of that online is just natural.
I don't know what it's like in other parts of the world, but where I live I'm lucky to receive a message from someone every few weeks.
I don't know what I would prefer... receiving 100's of messages weekly from every "winner" out there or receiving a few monthly...
I'm always flattered when I get a message, even if it's from someone that I feel I wouldn't have any interest in.
Personally I tend to look for quality and not just someone that will look fantastic standing next to me.
Rejection sucks, but you know if you never got rejected it would mean that you've never tried.
I'm always baffled by the people who don't even bother reading a message and deleteing.. I'm always excited to see what someone has to say, even if it's just another "wanna chat" message.
Society has really created this (I don't think it's a problem) No one should settle so if it means filtering through 100's of messages and numerous dates until you find the person that is right for you and you are right for them then that's what you should do.. and vice versa if that means you have to write 100's of messages before you get someone to write you back then I suggest you should get writing.
Sure dating and relationships are hard.. but it's one of the most important things you will ever do so you should really expect a challenge. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:36:53 PM |
A woman can set up dates on this site with a different man every night of the week expect the man to pay (at least the woman I have met from this site insist I pay) and never talk to the guys again as they have moved on after they get a free meal
Ok, if you're making dates with women, based on casual conversation, with no buildup in mutual intensity, I suppose it could happen. If it did, so what? You suggest the place, and limit your "out of pocket" to what, $50 for two? If that's a big deal to you, you aren't ready to date.
On top of that, how many women do you think are willing to spend hours talking to a man, and then two or three hours with him, for a $25 meal?
It is just whining, complaining, and groaning that will accomplish nothing. I've met women, when there was no "there" there in person, but that's part of the deal. It's ever been thus in dating. I remember in the "way back" days, when I met women in singles bars, and then would call, and we'd go out for lunch or dinner, sober, and discover that there was no attraction. It's just the way it is.
If you want a sure thing, then stay home and read a book. Otherwise, are you really complaining that you might get "used" for the cost of a dinner? Geesh..... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:37:46 PM | And where exactly did you get your information from to form these opinions about woman and internet dating?
Hate to blow you out of the water but since you are not a woman you can't possibly be the "voice of experience". I know that isn't how it works for women, at least in my personal experiences on dating sites. I have tried on numerous occasions to make first contact and that pretty much proved to be an extremely humbling experience with no reply, deletion of my message without being read and just never read (i.e. ignored) until it fell off after 30 days. On several occassions actually got a surprisingly nice response that never went any further but they almost always looked at your profile, so it's pretty obvious that you are being rejected - apparently not what they had in mind!
Even the one's that contacted me first have yet to materialize into an actual face to face meeting much less a "so called date".
I may not be considered gorgeous by some men's standards but that's ok because some of the men who describe themselves as attractive or good looking and provide a recent photo (or so they say) definately aren't in my book either. Guess that puts us all on an even playing field!
Internet dating isn't a "piece of cake" and "sucks" no matter which sex you are. It's no fun to be rejected or ignored and very hard to place an ad on a site announcing to the computer literate world that you are alone and looking for someone to be with.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:07:29 PM | Me, See I am fit...been that way for the last 25 years. I drive a nice car, got good credit and have a masters degree and a good job. Now, I never email the cute women on these sites (Too many guys are doing that). I go for the B- to C- women and sometimes a D woman. Why? Cause they probably think I am a good catch or would be more appreciative of being in the company of a fit guy they may think is sorta cute. You see how it works? If you are good looking then be the trophy for a not so good looking woman and make her happy she snagged you. Two good looking people don't match...sorry. If I am fit..then the woman should be a little overweight or average...maybe fat depends on her. What I am saying is.....Lower your standards..you are not here to marry someone (Lets be real). And ugly chubby women are usually great a sex and much much much cheaper dates.  | |
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