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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:49:00 PM |
The reality of online dating
I read your weblink, and it was interesting, I suppose, but hardly definitive. More than anything, I've found that "trying too hard" to please everyone is always a mistake. Looking "too hard" and being "too focused" creates pressure and tension, and then you can't be yourself, so then it won't "work".
For me, it's about "playing it as if it's there", and just being myself and enjoying it for what it is, always has led to meeting someone. Your mileage may vary. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:13:47 PM | I didn't write it... I wasn't even saying I agree with it!
I just thought it was a nice tidbit for thought. You seldom see or hear the objective side and you sure can't expect an online dating site to boast about it's short comings. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:29:47 PM | | i agree to all of you who posted there responce completly its seem that every body has the right path of there true speech and idea.. (i may not know what am talking about)..but,... from what i understand by a human nature, men goes a long distence to find a women, even thoug they find one, they'd be surprise how a truble some a women heart can be. even a women request the same way as men are a long lasting RELATIONSHIP. | |
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| I'm not God's gift to men.........
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:33:52 PM | frankiethepunk, I agree with you, I have had several guys say to me, "you don't look like you are in tip-top shape", or "you don't seem very concerned with your physical health". They don't even give me a chance, they just look at my picture, and decide, just because I'm overweight, that I am not worth meeting.
Some guys that aren't real attractive say something funny or romantic in their profile that makes you overlook the fact that they are not a stud.
I especially like the ones that say something to make me laugh or say something romantic that makes my heart do flip-flops.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women?
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:01:41 AM |
I have had several guys say to me, "you don't look like you are in tip-top shape", or "you don't seem very concerned with your physical health". They don't even give me a chance, they just look at my picture, and decide, just because I'm overweight, that I am not worth meeting.
Some guys that aren't real attractive say something funny or romantic in their profile that makes you overlook the fact that they are not a stud.
I especially like the ones that say something to make me laugh or say something romantic that makes my heart do flip-flops
If I may say so, ssirishchick, your post is actually a perfect illustration of how well internet dating works. Putting aside the rather unchivalrous ways that some men have phrased it, the reality is that 95% of the opposite sex is likely to be "not attracted" to each of us, for one reason or another. Their reasons don't have to be "fair" or "make sense" to anyone but them.
The key is not to waste time worrying about it. You can change things in yourself, if you want to, so as to be attractive to more people. That's one way to respond to "the market" productively, or you can, as your post went on to illustrate, focus on your "available market", or those who ARE attracted to you.
Any negative OP, like this one, that begins with a premise that this, that or the other thing "sucks", for one gender or the other, will always find validation in the vast majority of people who aren't attracted. If one takes the 95% of people who aren't interested as "personal rejection", then one will end up as an emotional basket case. It's not personal, though.
People online are strangers, until they get to know you, and no one can "get to know" everyone. You can only "get to know" a very small percentage of those with whom there is mutual attraction.
For anyone to enjoy the online experience, and to accomplish his/her objectives, one has to adopt an attitude much like salespeople, who have to call many prospects to make an appointment do. There are x number of "prospects" that one has to approach, to find one who will say "yes". Every "no" gets one that much closer to the one in 10, or one in 20 who will say "yes". The "no"s really don't matter, other than counting them as part of making progress towards a "yes".  | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:29:20 AM |
One other question...why do guys put pictures of their dogs and motorcycles on their postings ? Is that supposed to show us some insight into their personalities ?
Well, duh.
"The principle difference between a man and a dog is, if you take a stray dog off the street, and feed him and care for him, he won't turn on you" -- Mark Twain
As for motorcycles, well, they take a lot of hard work to acquire, learn to ride, maintain. Some guys are justifiably proud of them. Like, I'm not just a quick snap-shot of some INCREDIBLY HANDSOME guy doing martial arts in my profile pic: it's the culmination of DECADES of work, and I am proud of it.
It just shows me how immature or materialistic they are as far as "looky here what I got...I's got me a Harley-Davidson...I'm one bad-a**)....
Gee, think your willingness to make ugly judgements like this might have something to do with you getting passed over? Just sayin'...
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:45:37 AM | I have had the same experience regarding responses back ie 1/25...I'm not a dog...but I'm coming to men who are equally or less attractive and I find the ones who are LESS attractive are the KINDEST, MOST INTELLIGENT, well mannered guys!
The JERKS are the ones who gloat about themselves on their profiles! Some have huge anger issues OR are very passive, or passive agressive and non communicative!
They are like spoiled babies!! I kid you not..the older a guy gets , the more rigid, inflexible his habits, AND its a turn off...to be honest.
Anyway..I've met several nice guys! The other 50 or so I said HI to...and was kind to? They aren't the kind who even had the courtesy to respond...and thats a basic in my book! At 45-55 yrs old, I take it their Dads taught them little or nothing about manners, common courtesy..it takes maybe 10 seconds to write a few words...
Some make excuses they were going to reply later....thats a joke! The ones who are interested always respond right away...the others are the losers!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:51:19 AM | | I understand the courtesy reply thing but saying that anyone who isn't interested in you must be a loser is a bit stuck up. Are you interested in every single man on the internet? I'd guess not. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:07:03 AM | What eess theess Applebee's you speak of? I theenk I want to go to one. Can some nice lady take me for free? You'll have to pay for my flights over; aswell as dinner.
Happy New Year everyone!
Giz a kiss.
Gleny D | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:35:38 AM |
The other 50 or so I said HI to...and was kind to? They aren't the kind who even had the courtesy to respond...and thats a basic in my book! At 45-55 yrs old, I take it their Dads taught them little or nothing about manners, common courtesy..it takes maybe 10 seconds to write a few words...
The "no replies to my emails" lament is a common one coming from men, about "why" the "internet sucks for guys, but is good for women", so it's interesting seeing the same complaint coming from a woman. So, while it's a bit surprising, I'll say the same thing to you, that I do to men.
If you are writing to men, who you feel are "realistically" possible matches, and take some time to make your email individual, based on his profile, and give him something to respond to, most men will respond. In my case, I have received about a 70% resonse rate to the 80 "first contact" emails that I sent, and I responded to all but 2, a 96% percent response rate, of the 40 I received.
If your email consists of "hi" or "wanna chat" or "you're hot", etc., the response rate will be much lower, especially if you write to people, whose profiles clearly state what they're looking for, and you don't fit the criteria.
People don't respond, when they don't, either because they are getting too much email to respond individually, or because they've had one too many persons that they've politiely said "no thanks" to, only to get an argument or nasty email back.
The bottom line is, what difference does it really make, unless someone IS interested, whether they write back or not. Worrying about it, just slows you down, distracts you, and gets you negative. It's basically a "numbers game", until you "connect" with one person, and that's all any of us are really looking for, that "one". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:50:52 AM | BlackKitty is so right. There's another side to the coin.
Being a man, I obviously sympathise with the male perspective of Internet dating. I don't know what the ratios are between male and female users, but just stating "there's a vast majority of male users" is maybe oversimplifying the issue. There are other factors to consider...
a) Yes, there may be a preeminence of men on dating sites. But from what I've heard, the vast majority of these men are just brainless jerks who think that dating sites are just like a big candy shop; all the women are on display, available for picking. These guys only want casual sex, and they're rude and insulting to the females they write to. Any man who isn't one of these type has an immediate advantage over the crass majority.
b) Following on from point (a), women have to endure vast amounts of email that consist of nothing more than a few lines of crude drivel. They have to wade through this stuff, and maybe get to feel quite humiliated in the process.
c) Internet dating appeals to women because it allows them to get to know men from a safe distance before meeting up in person. *Safe* being the operative word. But, of course, nothing is ever perfect. Alongside the crude brainless male users, who are at least honest in asking directly for sex, there are the players who are clever enough to string the women along just until they've got what they're after (i.e. sex). The Internet offers big advantages over the physical world in hiding one's true intentions(!)
So, it's worth thinking about the female perspective before feeling too hard-done-by.
Ben N. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:11:07 AM | ...it's not that hard to get a reply...make it unique and outstanding! My boyfriend (we met on POF) is an example, the second time he wrote a hilarious e-mail that still makes me laugh - I replied and we are together since!
Good luck to you | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:55:48 AM | Nothing is perfect, I can't complain. Online dating is very intriguing because you can connect with people in far away places that you would never meet otherwise. For example -- where else can you post a message to millions of women (for free), telling them that if they want to have babies with a tall, attractive, very successful man to call me right away!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:29:29 AM | Now, I'm sure I'll get a ration of bunk from lots of guys who will fervently disagree with me,but I can tell you what I think,and if you take it with some form of open-mindedness,instead of criticism, and apply it with conviction,you just might find that these women are much more approachable than you might have ever guessed.
Looks and money,social status and higher education have nothing to do with attracting a woman. If you took the time to study a woman,listen to her and let her know you sincerely are interested in HER,she will open up to you. She will tell you exactly what she wants. If you are smart,you will listen. If not,blame yourself.
First and foremost,she wants a man. Not some whiny little pissant. Be a man guys. Make her feel safe and secure. Touch her heart before you grope at her crotch. Be confident so that she can be confident in you. The major number of posts to this question are filled with negative crap blaming these ladies for your failure to be positive. Instead,you sit around ****in to each other,while guys with a bit of intelligence are sweeping their feet out from under them. If you think for one second that these women are not just brilliant,you're doomed. Even if they are not brilliant,keep in mind that neither are we. Expect her to be supportive to someone who is the same. I'm no ten in any sense of the word,nor do I have a great bod,but I know who I am and the women know it.
Your essay should tell her things about you as if she were there before you and you were talking instead of writing. Tell her the truth,at all costs. They can deal with it a lot better than a load of junk. The liars on both sides of the sexes are obvious at some point. Women are simple creatures. They need to feel secure in your heart and arms. That is from the get-go. They are not stupid. Don't treat tem as if they were. Be that primal man that is instinctive,be the hunter/gatherer that protects and nurtures his love for his woman. They will flock to you as do all animals in the wild. The animal kingdom survives because the females seek the strongest. They want a man that knows how to hold a woman in all aspects of life. Quit thinking about your zipper and when you touch her intimately,take your damn time and do your best to make her crawl the walls. If you don't know how: LEARN. And finally,stop ****in'. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:39:40 AM | | I think the message you are getting is this - women look so far beyond the physical attraction. Maybe you should educate yourself and have more to offer on an intellectual level. Try it - it works! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:00:20 AM | | Women look so far beyond physical attraction???? You're making a joke right? All women do is pick apart the physical traits of the men on here. Women are so rigid when it comes to the physical checklists they have that they rarely give anyone a chance. Sadly, I don't think the "intellectual" side of things matters much to most. It's something that is most important to me and so far every woman I've met on a dating site has turned out to be far from it. In fact I'm finding the opposite to be true. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:40:22 AM |
All women do is pick apart the physical traits of the men on here. Women are so rigid when it comes to the physical checklists they have that they rarely give anyone a chance.
cw35, I'm 57, and no George Clooney, but I haven't had great difficulty in making connections, that lead to dates, and finding a relationship with an attractive and intersting woman from online. So, perhaps it's not "their" (all of womanhood being "they") and might have something to do with you? Just asking.
Besides that, what attracts a person is individual, and has nothing to do with "right" or "wrong". It's about an instinctive, feelings based response, and everyone has a right to his/her feelings. Whining about how others respond to them is both pointless, and counter-productive. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:05:08 AM | | What gives? the guy that started this whole thing was simply saying that Internet dating sucks for guys. Let him state his point and move on. For the record, I tend to agree with him, but am unsure as to what changes he expects to accomplish. I think that it is a given that men out number women on here, and there fore the women have the advantage. This site is very aptly named. Internet dating is very much like real fishing. Any one who fishes seriously, knows that 90% of the fish are caught by 10% of the fishermen. It is the same on here. There are a few who do well, and many do do not. My question to the poster (who I realize is no longer with us ) is..."What do you expect women to do" If you were in a room where you were the only guy, and there were multitudes of women throwing themselves at you, how would you react? Would you simply choose the first in line, or would you avoid some and select the one most appealing? Granted, being completely ignored is an unpleasant situation, but we all have to make do with the circumstances that we find ourselves in. It would be nice if every one acknowledged everyone else efforts, and had the manners to reply when contacted. Sadly, that just shows the quality of the people you are dealing with. It also under scores the point, that just because a person has phyiscal beauty, it does not necessarily make them attractive. There are far to many on here, who have such a high opinion of themselves, that they could never provide suitable companionship. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 4:26:01 PM | | Internt dating may suck for guys under age 50. Once the number of single women out number single men then we get to pick and choose until then many females will just be too picky because they can be. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 4:58:16 PM |
Internt dating may suck for guys under age 50.
I wouldn't say that exactly becuse it's extremely great for the top 10% they get all the business. It's the remaining 90% that find it fustrating and dissappointing. If your a super great looking guy or gal you don't have to write a thing in your profile and you will still get business. You can even be egotistical and obnoxious if you like in your profile and still business comes your way. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:41:52 PM | | If you look at women's profiles some have a long list of criteria for a man to meet. Some want a guy to own a house (not buy or rent) they have to look like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt (or just be great looking) they have to make a large sum of money. Some will do it online because they hope to get "The great catch" Knowing younger men out number younger ladies (under 35) the ladies can pick and choose. Many know what they want...but will hey find it? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:52:33 PM |
Women look so far beyond physical attraction???? You're making a joke right? All women do is pick apart the physical traits of the men on here. Women are so rigid when it comes to the physical checklists they have that they rarely give anyone a chance. Sadly, I don't think the "intellectual" side of things matters much to most. It's something that is most important to me and so far every woman I've met on a dating site has turned out to be far from it. In fact I'm finding the opposite to be true.
The ones that should matter and care look beyond the physical. Of course, it also depends on the persons age, both male and female. Unfortunately, we live in a society that emphasizes looks and material goods... so finding someone special who sees beyond these requirements is difficult (for both male and female counterparts). HOWEVER, they do exist on both ends... and when you meet someone of that sort.. you should run away with them ;)
For myself, there are a number of important items... and intelligence is DEFINITELY a main priority. I'm not talking of regurgitating theories and education, etc... although that can be impressive on its own. I'm speaking of social intelligence, emotional intelligence, and others. I have to admit that if it isn't from the forum posting, it is a picture that gets my attention -- but it doesn't keep it. What keeps it is what is written and how eloquently the gentleman expresses himself... and with sincerity.
HOWEVER, so far I have NO COMPLAINTS about internet dating. Then again, I don't have any real expectations out here... :) | |
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