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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:02:19 AM | | Might I just point out that there's more ladies then men and the older you get the more you will find this true. That being said, us date-able men are commodities, so act like it. People in general that can't seem to find it in their heart to return a polite email "Not interested" just plain suck IMO. Someone took time out of their lives and found you interesting enough to put some effort into writing you. Take a few minutes out of your busy life and be polite. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:06:16 AM |
People in general that can't seem to find it in their heart to return a polite email "Not interested" just plain suck IMO. Someone took time out of their lives and found you interesting enough to put some effort into writting you. Take a few minutes out of your busy life and be polite
Will the whining never stop? Who cares if someone isn't interested, if she writes "no thanks" or not? All I cared about, when I was sending out first contact emails, were those that were interested in further communication. So, no contact, or no thanks, really is the same thing, in terms of the practical effect. The only thing to look at is, if you are getting very few replies, is to find what you might do better, to improve your results. Like, are you realistic in terms of who you write to, and are you writing personalized, interesting emails, that give the recipient something that's easy to respond to? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:04:58 AM | | Yeah, Melo is sick of a lot of the comments in here. I guess someone must be holding a gun to his head and forcing him to read all of these annoying, whiny posts. I mean if it's so irritating to read what people are saying in here then I'm sure he couldn't possibly be doing it be choice. I think it's funny that Melo is actually whining about people whining all the time. lol. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:17:48 AM | | I've been quite pleased with my results on POF and other dating sites. I don't mind taking a girl out and buying her a meal. Never seeing her again is just a risk I'm willing to take to meet the "right one". There truly are plenty of fish out there, some of them are groupers and some of them are whales, but plenty of them do well by me and I've no complaints :) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:58:03 AM | | That's an interesting thought. Seems like I make a lot of friends but I'm not a real big casual dater so I guess my "hits" are a little more far and in-between. I'm OK with that because the Woman that I have had the pleasure of speaking with are excellent people. Who ever said finding the "Right" on was going to be easy? ;) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:30:07 AM | WOW...upset? Don't looking....then it will happen for you...with this attitude it may be why.....use other ways to meet women and drop this site maybe...go to places like the grocery, library....or join clubs and you will find someone who atleast enjoys doing something you like to do and it will work out ...or not....anywhere with anyone.....no ones knows for sure if it is going to be the "ONE"....Try reading The Purpose Driven Life...it will help you....no one finds love when they are looking....answer the women who e-mail you instead of you making the first move...then you know they are interested in you....there are no such things as 9's and 10's the number thing is for Jr. High children...we are all adults..well we are the age to be....if a 2 e-mails you ask her out and you may see she is the one......we are created equal..some people just act like idiots!  and THINK they are a 9 or 10! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:39:59 AM |
Yeah, Melo is sick of a lot of the comments in here. I guess someone must be holding a gun to his head and forcing him to read all of these annoying, whiny posts. I mean if it's so irritating to read what people are saying in here then I'm sure he couldn't possibly be doing it be choice. I think it's funny that Melo is actually whining about people whining all the time. lol.
What it is, is hating to see the toxic effect that negative attitudes have on others, who may happen to see the thread, and end up discouraged. The simple fact is that a lot of average guys are connecting, making dates, and having relationships.
The single most critical difference between people who connect with the opposite sex, and those who don't, is attitude. When a bunch of people all feed into "validating" each other's negativity, it tends to spread, and a lot of people who might have done just fine with POF, end up worrying about a lot of piddly stuff that doesn't matter.
Like worrying about whether some women reply to email, or not. First, what difference does it make. Second, those who are getting few replies, when others, like me, get replies 70% of the time, indicates that it's not "women" in general, but something different about the emails being sent, that account for the difference. On top of that, how is anyone's life "better" for getting a reply that says "I'm not interested, but thank you for writing"?
A positive attitude, and consistent, realistic, optimistic approach to each woman who interests you will, inevitably, lead to "connecting". Ultimately, isn't that what people join this site to do? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:43:04 AM | | If a man does not reply to an email that is sent to him, just one less fish in the pond to worry about, since he and I are not compatible as far as manners and seeing outside his own world. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:02:37 AM | | Yes, a non-response is the same as a no thank you. That is not the point. The point is that the pond we are fishing in, is stocked with a large group of inferior fish. The simple fact that the majority of people cant find time to be courteous, makes them unworthy of your attention any way. If this were indeed fishing, they would all be throw backs. The thing to do is not get caught up in all the negativity on here. Ignore the idiots claiming to get 70% responses, and look past those who's egos are so bloated that they refuse to carry on simple communication. It is not about the number of responses that some one gets. Don't get down because you think you are the only one getting rejected. Your not. This is not the popularity contest that many seem to want to make it. All you need is to find one person to make this a tremendous success. (At least that is all I need). Keep a good thought, and believe that it can happen. So what if it takes months, and hundreds of emails to accomplish? It doesn't cost anything to try. There is a possibility that it will never happen. Again, So what? I can guarantee it wont happen if quit trying. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:42:54 AM | On top of that, how is anyone's life "better" for getting a reply that says "I'm not interested, but thank you for writing"?
Because we're human beings, and human beings enjoy courteous, considerate treatment, instead of the snotty, condescending "I'm too good to talk to you!" that we all too often get.
A positive attitude, and consistent, realistic, optimistic approach to each woman who interests you will, inevitably, lead to "connecting".
And, a room full of monkeys pounding away on typewriters since the universe began will also produce the entire works of William Shakespeare, just through chance. So?
A positive attitude is ONE TOOL in "connecting". You can't make a Fabergé egg if all you have is a ball-peen hammer, no matter how "positive" your "attitude" is. You need the right tools, and constant negative feedback tends to create feelings of bitterness. Did you get that? It's very hard, almost impossible, to maintain a positive attitude when all you're getting is negative feedback.
There seems to be a very solipsist attitude by some of the people here; I'd even go so far as to say that it comes across as a "Nyah-nyah-nyah, LOOZER!" attitude. THEY got THEIR relationships, after all; it's just too bad for anyone else who didn't. They should just shut up and accept disappointment like good little peons.
Arlo | |
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meloc7
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Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 1066 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:31:38 PM | | I can't agree with you. See i know that i am very attractive, yet have the hardest time with men on dating sites. I do get a lot of replies and i do respond to all of them (unless the guy was pigish). I will face up and tell them the reason why i'm not interested. And i'll say it in the nicest way and always wish them good luck on their search. Like any where else, there are good people and then there are rude ones. Dating is very frustrating even for an attractive person. JUst because a woman gets many replies doesn't mean those men want anything more than just sex. And that's what sucks the most about being highly attractive. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:38:05 PM | | Attractiveness is subjective, you might be attractive to some, and unattractive to others. I have had men tell me they find me unattractive but very sexually attractive, and have had men say that I was very attractive, but did not find me sexually attractive. Maybe the attractiv appearance factor has nothing to do with it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/4/2008 9:16:41 AM | | I'm not reading all 40 some pages of this, but in general I agree. I say that with a grain of salt. In the big picture, internet dating is just another tool to meet people. Mind you, that tools sucks for about 97% of us. I re-wrote my profile to be pretty blunt about myself and what I am here for. I don't expect to get a lot of emails. And I'm selective about who I email. But it is frustrating when you find someone that matches what you want and you have what they want..atleast what they say...and no answer! Not even a No Thanks. It's the fake a$$ BS'ers that we are all tired off saying what they want, but mean something else. Just be honest about all of this. I told a few friends I'm on here, and after they stopped laughing, two put up profiles. One is a good-looking guy, but he's pretty much a jerk to women...and he wrote it that day. Bang....tons of email from women. So, don't tell me all women want a 'nice guy'. And the other is worse....very attractive young woman, wrote almost ZERO on here profile, but gets about 50 emails a day she says. All seem creepy and not dateable. So, it's not just the guys that have it tough either. That's my two cents. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:44:37 PM | | meloc: You can't really say that you're "very attractive". That's a little self centered which in itself is not an attractive quality. Attractiveness is up to those that view you. Everyone has a different idea of attractive. We are all ugly/unattractive to a lot more people than we think. This is especially true on dating sites where the majority of people are usually more superficial than normal. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:19:08 AM | What CatchinNJsaid.
I checked out OK Cupid there for a while and nothing is more frustrating than getting a 99% match and no return email. It's part of the scene, but that doesn't change the fact that the men are doing a lot more of the pursuing. It would be nice to have the effort appreciated with a thoughtful "no thanks" sometimes. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:28:14 AM | ^ Well, I'm also going to add to that DDay, that I know numerous women on here have sent that "thoughtful "no thanks" to someone, and gotten blasted back with rudeness, gotten hit with nasty replies, etc. So in their defense, you might think after a few of those you might get the idea that 'no reply' becomes a better option with someone they don't even know.
Not saying its "right", but you could place the blame on all the immature guys that can't handle rejection and feel they have to be nasty in return from the polite "no thanks".
All boils down to self-esteem, the ones that don't have healthy self-esteem are either going to send "nasty" replies to being rejected, or are going to be on here posting the incessant "nice guy" threads about how women don't want them.
Reality is, a guy with healthy self-esteem is going to know he has his good qualities, and if he gets rejected its not a personal reflection on him. I make no claims of being a "nice guy", although I think I have some good qualities, and what matters more to me is that *all* of the women in my entire life that I've dated think I'm a nice guy (just maybe not the right guy for them). Its really not up to me to say? I am who I am, I'm pretty comfortable with who I am, "nice" or not is up to someone else to judge, not for me to "pronounce" as "fact". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:44:04 AM | | I'm very picky on who I write and what I say...eventhough I'm not overly cleaver with first emails. I don't use the 'Shotgun' method...just blasting out emails hoping for the best. But that's me. Some sites have canned responses, those I don't mind. It take 5 seconds to select a "Thanks but no thanks" and send it. It's just being respectful. But I agree that there would be a small precent of guys that would be pissed, or continue writing. I'll never forget the one time I got brave and used the IM to say 'Hi'...her one line answer was "Sorry, You're not my type". I wrote "OK, but thanks for reading my profile." Her answer...."I didn't read it." HAHA...so much for not judging a book by its cover. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:44:25 AM | | Yeah, well, shame on the folks that can't handle honesty. You might have all the qualities that you THINK the other person is looking for and there's no "Spark". Get over it, accept it, ask if they care to elaborate why they said "no" and learn from it. What better feedback could you possibly get to learn from? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:53:23 AM |
I'll never forget the one time I got brave and used the IM to say 'Hi'...her one line answer was "Sorry, You're not my type". I wrote "OK, but thanks for reading my profile." Her answer...."I didn't read it." HAHA...so much for not judging a book by its cover.
Says more about her than it does about you, don't you think Catchinnj? 
What better feedback could you possibly get to learn from?
I think, DDay, that the problem is - they don't feel a need to learn. They'd rather whine about how nobody wants them, or lash back and give them attitude about "what they are missing out on" and how wrong they are. Of course (whiny neediness, or overblown ego) are particularly what any woman would think of as "nice".  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:02:55 AM | | I don't cry myself to sleep about any of this. The whole dating scene, especially the internet one, is a game. You don't make they rules, but if you wanna play...deal with them. I'm not everyone's cup of tea....and most are not mine. But I keep a'trying...haha | |
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