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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:07:25 AM | OP the majority of women are attracted mainly to personality in real life. I have '10's in looks' who pursue me in real life purely on my personality, but they usually don't have the kind of personality I'm looking for - because they're frequently under 30 years' old.
I've noticed more mature ladies are either happily married or unhappily married and looking for a quick bonk - which I find a bit yuck. I think they assume that because I'm 47 and single I'm a bit of a playboy by choice. LOL. Some of the ladies on here are looking for more specific criteria (one major reason I get pushed to the kerb is because I don't drive - 'what a pity you don't drive' they say). I suppose they're looking for certain services currently lacking in their lives.
Of course looks play a part but I'm not attracted to the majority of women on here either. I ain't complaining , I like women whether they hit my 'donkey-lust button' or not and have met up with several as friends from this site.
On internet sites personality still plays a part but I've noticed the women tend to be a lot more analytical - I came across one lady who kept a database of 200 guys all of whom she told me she had the choice of. Wow. She had some pretty weird selection criteria (eg she'd decide things like not getting together with a guy if his name was, say, Graham, because it was a rubbish name - but was really surprised when she settled for a guy named 'Graham'). She was talking about this database after she'd gotten married to the guy. You see it is like you say it is OP and if things are easy to get who wants them?
The trick is to value yourself and convey that value to women. Never mind what the rules are, create your own and live by them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:08:30 AM | Yeah, tallking bout pulling teeth.
I had a woman who lived RIGHT across the main drag from me ( I could probably walk to her place if I wanted) and she didn't want to meet for l unch, because "She needs to get to know you over the net first for X amt of time) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:09:57 AM | Somewhere much earlier in this forum some witty and wise person said that internet dating only sucks for men...and women...who have feelings.
I think this is kind of a useless pissing contest. Who hurts more? Geez. This morning, listening to the rain as I try to work, I am thinking about how many neutral to bad experiences I've had with this since I started about one year ago. It's been on balance pretty unpleasant, because even the men I felt excited and happy about meeting turned out to have issues. One really mangled my heart, the others left me with some (psychological) cuts that are healing slowly. Rejection sucks and every time you open your heart you risk that you'll meet it instead of love.
I don't think this has to do with being a woman or a man. I There are no guarantees of happiness or success written on our birth certificates, and you are very likely to get hurt. It's the most viable way to meet people these days, and you takes your chances. I am hoping I can hang in with it. I still have hope despite it all.
drnanjo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:23:42 AM | I don't think this has to do with being a woman or a man. I There are no guarantees of happiness or success written on our birth certificates, and you are very likely to get hurt.
How wonderfully dismissive! If it was a scenario not involving human emotions, I'd be the first to sign up. However, it's human nature to rail against being accused of having sneaky/ulterior motives when you DON'T, and not enjoying having to sprawl on the floor and proclaim your innocence while rending your shirt and putting ashes and sack-cloth on your head -- and then not being believed anyway. At some point you just say "Flunk it! They're gonna accuse me of being a player no matter what I do."
It's the most viable way to meet people these days, and you takes your chances.
With respect, I disagree. It's the most viable way to meet QUANTITIES of people; but, as I said before, more choices does NOT necessarily translate into more GOOD choices.
I am hoping I can hang in with it. I still have hope despite it all.
Optimism in the face of repeated success is a good thing. Optimism in the face of repeated failure is just silly.
I'm quickly reaching my tilt-point, where I'll just back away from the 'puter and spend more time on myself and IRL. Stressing this and trying to force the issue is getting me, and I suspect, most people, nowhere.
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:33:52 AM |
How wonderfully dismissive! If it was a scenario not involving human emotions, I'd be the first to sign up....Optimism in the face of repeated failure is just silly.
I'm quickly reaching my tilt-point, where I'll just back away from the 'puter and spend more time on myself and IRL. Stressing this and trying to force the issue is getting me, and I suspect, most people, nowhere.
Yes it seems that way. I don't understand your anger/irritation. I was saying that we all hurt. I wasn't dismissing anyone's feelings...yours or anyones. I didn't attack anyone and I don't 'understand why you felt the need to attack me. Perhaps it just goes to show what the whole problem with this mode of socializing is. I wish you well, truly.
drnanjo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:41:44 AM | | I know a few women who line up dates go out once for dinner and then dis-regard the poor guys as all they want is a free meal. I have been asked about my finances, credit history and if I have a balance on my cedit card on date#1 by women I have met through this site. Apparently some are looking for the next Donald Trump or else they willnot get serious or are using the internet to date even though they have no intentions about getting serious with anyone. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:43:07 AM | | I don't understand his anger/irritation either. All I expressed was what I have dealt with, and know that it is only my experiences and points of view that I can express, and know that everyone else has their own opinions and experiences, which does not make anyone right or wrong. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:48:01 AM | | and Johne women are asked about our sexual history and our body measurements and what kind of sex we like and if we are independent than we are often seen as a b i t c h and if we are nurturing and kind we are seen as doormats. Maybe everyone has been through so much marriage or dating crap at middle age that no one looks at the good things about anyone else anymore, the small things are seen as deal breakers when they are not, and appearance and money seem to be what makes one attractive, which is a sad but true commentary about society and manners. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:48:52 AM | I know a few women who line up dates go out once for dinner and then dis-regard the poor guys as all they want is a free meal. I have been asked about my finances, credit history and if I have a balance on my cedit card on date#1 by women I have met through this site. Apparently some are looking for the next Donald Trump or else they willnot get serious or are using the internet to date even though they have no intentions about getting serious with anyone.
Yes there are many exploiters here of both sexes...this is one of the best arguments for arranging or agreeing for each to pay one's own way on the first date. If a woman believes she is owed a free dinner and gets angry about that, it's a big red flag. It's 2008. If a man goes with her anyway, even knowing that she feels entitled, he should take some responsibility. No one put a gun to his head.
drnanjo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:59:36 AM |
Yes it seems that way. I don't understand your anger/irritation.
I'm glad you're asking (and I'm not trying to be sarcastic here): as I said previously, it's kind of annoying when you try to p0rtray yourself as NOT a "player" to women who state forthrightly that they are ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY not interested in a "player"... and then suspect always and forever that you ARE a "player" in non-player's clothing, if they even give you a second look, which few do in the rush to ignore you as they fall into the arms of a genuine "player". There's only so much failure one can endure, and viewing success of the "players", before you start to think, "Hey, maybe the players are on to something!" Maybe the endless female obsessing about "players" has something to do with their prevalence? Just speculatin'...
Y'know, Russian brides are starting to look better and better... 
(thank you for reminding me to laugh about this, drnanjo... sincerely!)
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:59:36 AM | cw35....OMG I do not label every guy as 'some kind of rapist' ...not at all...and I wont talk to guys who are seeking 'intimate encounter' ...the guys that mail me or im me normally have dating on their profile so its a bleeding shock to me to find out normally after a brief exchange of conversation that sex is all they want...infuriates me.... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:09:41 AM | I would say it's a bad sign when members fill their profiles with long lists of "don't wants". Being interested in sex/sex-positive doesn't make a man a player or a woman a slut (although we've done these to death here haven't we?)
I've been rejected because I have a child under 16 - wow - I didn't realize that once a child turns 16 they automatically are no longer demanding of attention. Because I work out regularly so I MUST be obsessed with being at the gym so no deal on that. Because I don't fill my profile with lots and lots of obscure intellectual references, so I can't be "intellectual" - once had a guy go on and on and on on the phone about how "intellectual" he is and how he needed a woman who could keep up with him. If only he could have seen me roll my eyes. The whole conversation was his giving me reasons why we shouldn't meet even though he willingly offered me his number. He called ME.
Yes I understand the need to have a few "deal-breakers" in mind. But a long list of "don't want" suggests that the person is more interested in controlling a relationship than experiencing it. You can get off the train anytime before the altar so why waste time with lists of don't want?
drnanjo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:58:05 AM |
Yes I understand the need to have a few "deal-breakers" in mind. But a long list of "don't want" suggests that the person is more interested in controlling a relationship than experiencing it. You can get off the train anytime before the altar so why waste time with lists of don't want?
Agreed with that one, drnanjo, 100%. A huge list of "not's" is a turn off for me, it suggests either controlling or severely "jaded" (someone who will be spending more time looking for negatives rather than enjoying the positives of today).
My list of 'red flags' and wants is rather small. I like intelligent women (not necessarily "intellectual" - just able to actually hold a conversation, and its hard to have a partnership and compromise if you can't communicate), and naturally I have to find her attractive/cute (has to be some attraction). Red flags, I dunno, cheating is one, and someone who is excessively needy and/or 'chains' one relationship to the next ("can't be alone", I want a whole person who knows themselves, not a "kling-on"). Other than that, I prefer to just see where things lead for today, and let the future happen on its own.
I guess, I prefer to live in the "journey", rather than having a list of requirements for the destination? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:27:19 AM | internet dating can suck for women too,
I have my profile up on sites,
but not for cybe/sex/porn/etc,
but to make friends.and because I get lonely at times.
perhaps my photos of myself are too provocative,
but they aren't porn.
A man recently sent me a photograph of him
from neck to waist,not naked but overly suggestive .
and I replied ,send a photo of your face,
or Im not interested.
and Im not into porn.cybering etc.
here is the email he sent me;;;
I was playing with you,,,,I would not touch you with a 10' pole...or...cyber SEX...you are probably on more SITES with your stupid smile, and under more screen names than anyone else, man or female in all 50 states...I get tired of seeing your face popup..probably CYBER SEX is all you can get.....I was showing you, you nitwit, that I was not FAT as YOU are..., HAVE A GOOD DAY AT THE ZOO....DO NOT WRITE ME BACK !!!!! It will be deleted without reading and sent to SPAM....
This is what women are subjected too,it was sent to my personal email,
The guy with a 2 inch dipstick for a brain,
doesn't have a 10 foot pole..
Im not sure why people have to be rude to each other,
and if he weren't interested why contact me in the first place?
Men say they don't understand women,
This woman doesn't understand men.. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:41:05 AM | | obviously that guys ego was damaged as you didnt go for him...GOOD FOR You, I cant stand rude men, says a lot about them as a person and how they treat ppl...Im sure your thanking your lucky stars..you rightly kicked him to the kerb....gd luck chick ..happy fishing | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:47:29 AM | My thoughts exactly..
he let me see early enough what type of person he was,
Personally I like people with personality.and intellect.
And sensitvity.
Thanks..good luck to you too girl!!!
Still fishing!
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 10:08:42 AM | FACT: The ratio is in women's favor; however, if you try to put who you really are in your profile, you'll attract the type of person you're looking for. Give it time.
Nobody wants to be with a poo poo head. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 10:40:55 AM | Personally,I have my real name,
other profiles elsewhere that have screen names are old,
but revised with updates on phictures etc,
I leave them because ther is always a possiblity of someone that
may veiw the profile that is a very nice person
I might not otherwise meet.
Also some sites have it where you can not reply unless you are a paid subscriber,
but I have had the profiles up a long time,
and Ive been single for years,
I am not really desparate, but I do get lonely.
I like people who can stimalate me mentally.
and of course everyone needs a ceratin degre of chemistry,
You never know where any relationship will go,
but at the very least hopefully a few new friends,
You keep fishing,
and someday..
you my catch the fish you brag about.. lol, | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 10:53:27 AM | cherie: Sorry if I misunderstood where you were coming from. I can see where you would be upset over men like that. If this really happens as frequently as you say, I hope it's not making women too suspicious of men. I don't think the majority of us are like that. I know I like to talk for quite a long time with someone before I even mention a date, let alone anything sexual. I think a good relationship is worth taking it slow. I don't understand why men that do this type of thing think that they will ever find anyone because it's pretty disgusting behavior if they aren't in the "imtimate encounters" catagory. Even then, there's no reason to be crude about it. Maybe I'm naive in thinking that most men still act like gentlemen.
judy: That was one of the rudest things I've heard someone do. Someone that would be that insensitive should be removed from that site. I don't even know what the motive would be for something that stupid. Your pics look fine to me. They don't seem out of line in any way. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 11:35:01 AM | | It doesnt suck for all of us, you will have to find a bunch of friends and figure out who has dated who and pass it around. After all you guys email and write each other. You will tell each other how the dates went with what lady then the guys will know Who is the Honest Women and Who are the players not only in the Grand rapids area, but thru out the state if you have family and friends around the state. Dont let them play around with you emotionally or mentally, They are fooling you and trying to be players, its the same bunch doing it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 1:48:55 PM | | cw35 no promblemo...I do think women are suspicious of men; those who are geninue and not looking for a quick jump (shudder). Internet dating has such a bad rap, but then it those people who use it for their own sexual preferences that gives it a crapy reputation. So yeah thats why I think decent men and women are suspicious of each other. Also by not using 'intimate encounter' the category which would place that person in, opens them up to a wider audience in my opinion....just need to keep eyes open so to spk...lol.. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 2:08:17 PM | Internet dating sucks for both sexes for difernt reasons. I will say this if you arent a rich man, tall, witty, sexy, skinny/muscular with a car and a house and a business you are anrent gonna catch that many fish here no matte how much you have to offer. There are too many men here who send to many emails out to all these women.
It sucks for the women too. They can not read all the emails that get sent to them. They pass up good men and bad men alike and might be passing up a match. Sure acording to the site that is only .01% of the women here. So what is that like 100 women. Well most woemn get lots of emails and and get propsitioned for everything here by spammers and copy/pasters. Of corse they are not gonna read a genuine post form some one who took the time to read the entire profile to see if the lady was worth sending an email too. Then personalized it because they have something in common.
I send out alot of emails to people I think would be great matchs, I get maybe only a few replies back. it is the nature of being on this site or any dating site. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 2:12:38 PM | | I might get 5 email every 4 or 5 months and 4 are usually the men that I say i am not interested in acording to my profile, so all women do not get a plethora of responses. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 2:21:03 PM |
I might get 5 email every 4 or 5 months and 4 are usually the men that I say i am not interested in acording to my profile, so all women do not get a plethora of responses. \
Youd get more replies if you posted picks fifi47..JMHO...And yes you arent goning to be interested in every man that sends you an email for whetever reason. Wether it be the pics or lack there of, or their proile, or even if they posted in the forums things you did not like. For whatever reason you do not find men interesing is your business and yours alone. If you want to get more men who may ticle your fancy you might concider posting pics. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 2/3/2008 2:25:14 PM | | nope, I am a teacher and not gonna have my students or their parents seeing my pic on line. ( I discussed this in another forum) duh, I know that I am not going to be interested in every man who responds to me, it just makes me think they cannot read when I state that I am not into men half my age, african americans or men who smoke, and they still are the ones who respond to me. Lack of pic might help weed out the shallow men, and I will send a pic if their is mutual interest. | |
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