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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:20:18 PM | TKDBlake... Ha yea I fell ya.. I'm def not plan'n on get'n married till I'm round 35ish.. And as Patriotic as guy that I am... I def agree with the overseas women comment you make.. I was in the army for 6 years.. Been to 14 countries and spent 2 years in Germany... Women from other countries are a lot more family oreitned and just love being... a "woman" Yeah you do have a few in the states like that but its is defenatley a quickly die'n breed.. Anyways good luck fish'n bro..  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:31:50 PM | | I forgot to mention it, but guys if you want better results, don't be a cheap ass. Fork over some cash at a pay site and you'll get more women replying back who are sincerely interested in more than just games. At POF a predominate portion of women aren't truly sincere and just seek the attention they get here for free. (not saying that men don't do this too) Why would a woman who's an attention seeker pay $ at another site, when they can get all the attention they want for free here? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:35:23 PM | | well to me it sounds like YOU are the one that is looking for only the very prettiest women..and then u say they are stuck up..well why don't u try giving plain women a chance..u might find out that they are wonderful ppl....what is the on inside sometimes is more beautiful than other ppl's outside....i know that men are visual and are attracted to beautiful women..but what does it get u if they are going to be looking for something else ,bc they know they are so pretty than can get the attention. I am not saying all pretty women are that way..i am sure there are many pretty women out there who are beautiful on the inside too...all i am saying to u is...give the plain women a chance..i think u may see too..that it is not how a person looks that matters so much..looks fade over time....but u need to find a nice gal who makes u feel wonderful just being U.....try it at least once or twice...it is not how a person looks..but how they make u feel when u r with em that makes u want to be around em | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:40:42 PM |
TKDBlake... Ha yea I fell ya.. I'm def not plan'n on get'n married till I'm round 35ish.. And as Patriotic as guy that I am... I def agree with the overseas women comment you make.. I was in the army for 6 years.. Been to 14 countries and spent 2 years in Germany... Women from other countries are a lot more family oreitned and just love being... a "woman" Yeah you do have a few in the states like that but its is defenatley a quickly die'n breed.. Anyways good luck fish'n bro..
Masked_Hero, you seem to be a smart guy. Then again, since you had been in the Army and been to 14 countries, you've got a lot of life experience most of us don't have. Travelling is always an eye-opening experience and when you've been overseas you'll look at your own country through a different set of eyes. And preferring foreign women over American women doesn't mean you're any less patriotic. There are a lot of guys who love their country who are married to foreign women. One example is the owner of Houston-based ilovelatins. He deals strictly with only women from Barranquilla, Colombia, which is one of the safer areas of that country, and has 'gentlemen's tours' there several times a year. I've been watching his site since 2000, which is about the time he started his agency. I've normally travelled independently to meet one lady at a time, but going as part of a group and having 100s of women to choose from would be cool too.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:47:37 PM | Grow up and get a life! Lol I have had so many weirdos contact me! ( and for those cynics, that was before the latest pic posting!)
I have been on this site for 12 months, and I have found very few gentlemen, but many guys who think, as it's cyber space, that they can say what they like!
T
Stop feeling sorry for yourself! 15 emails is nothing! How many girls do you get to chat to when you are out before you 'score'?
You guys make me so mad, it's all supposed to fall into your lap! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:55:54 PM |
I forgot to mention it, but guys if you want better results, don't be a cheap ass. Fork over some cash at a pay site and you'll get more women replying back who are sincerely interested in more than just games. At POF a predominate portion of women aren't truly sincere and just seek the attention they get here for free. (not saying that men don't do this too) Why would a woman who's an attention seeker pay $ at another site, when they can get all the attention they want for free here?
Yeah, if a guy wants results, he's got to fork over some serious cash in one way or another. Paid dating sites probably work better for the few guys who actually pay to be able to make contact with women members because paying male members are in the minority among men and paid dating sites. Therefore, women are getting less messages and will pay more attention to the ones they get. I don't think the women on POF are less sincere per se. POF is a free service and so women will get inundated with messages, especially the more attractive ones. Earlier today I was on YouTube and this British or Australian guy was whining about how women on POF don't message him back. Well, it's a free service and that being the case, a woman does not have to initiate contact or respond to the 100+ e-mails she gets a day/week/month. To be blunt, women on paid dating sites for the most part don't pay for their membership either. Most guys who write them will give her their e-mail address or cell phone number, giving her a way to contact him back off the site. But that's the way it is. 'Mail-order bride' dating services will let women join and post an ad for free. The men in turn will have to pay to get her contact info and then travel expenses if he goes to her country to meet her.
If you're looking for female companionship, money will be involved in one way or another. It's very rare you'll luck out and meet a woman with a high-salary career who will pay for everything. And most of those women want their man to make some serious money too. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:00:00 PM |
It really, really, really sucks for most guys. Just a handful of guys are getting all the attention. Most of the women here are so stuck up they rarely even pay you the respect of any type of reply. You just get deleted, and far too many times deleted and unread. Never a no thank you I'm not interested. You get nothing! And try instant messenger. Just a nothing there too
While I'm sure this is true, it's the same for women. I'm not denying that internet dating sucks.....just saying that it's no worse for one gender or the other.
No, it's isn't the same for women.
That's what the original poster was trying to state, and several of you just aren't letting it sink in---it's biased towards females, and biased against men. Exceptions do prove the rule. Hell, I've even garnered some women initiating contact/interested in my ad/me, but I think that I'm the exception in that department. Many men here (over time) have expressed how they get next to nothing in first contacts, and rarely get return responses like a curt, "You're not my type" or a complete and utter blow off. This from men who have pics, are articulate in their ads, and aren't trying to dupe every women that comes along.
As far as those women who supposed have to wade through tons of emails, I don't feel sorry for them. You can delete and block emails. The bottom line is that those women have choice here far more than men, and they know it and probably don't care if men of SIMILAR attributes don't. By similar attributes I mean the following: degree of success, physical appearance, health, status, charisma/personality, background, and so forth. If you have the complete advantage in choices, you have more personal power. To a certain extent, this reflects the dating scene as well. Why give up that advantage when it favors you, and you can always damn others (usually men) as whiners if they don't like that lopsided imbalance?
And as far as game playing, I'm sure there is a good percentage of women using cyberspace to boost their ego and only met men (in person) as a rarity. It's easier to play attract and resist online than in person, because you have to deal with that person in totality when reject occurs rather than hiding behind a computer screen. And just look the amount of women here that complain they can't find a good man, yet have countless men after them. That alone is very telling. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:18:37 PM | OK, so we've established that online dating favors women and that many (if not the vast majority) of women will not write back to guys who initiated contact. That being the case, what are you going to do about it? We're not going to change women's behaviors or their preferences/requirements.
As we've seen, North American women on dating sites can afford to pick and choose simply because so many men are throwing themselves at her. I wouldn't necessarily consider the men they choose to marry and have a family with 'lucky'. Over 50% of North American marriages end in divorce. Most of the time the women are the ones who initiate divorce proceedings and benefit from it.
The choices most single North American men have are these:
1) Settle for someone you're not attracted to at all.
2) Make a lot of money and have a woman who only wants you for your money.
3) 'Become' gay and have relation(ship)s only with men.
4) Stay celibate and live a sexless life.
5) Look for women in other countries. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:14:10 PM | That's a bit restrictive. There are other options :
1) Only do stuff online when you genuinely have some time free - do not devote a lot of time to it. Send just enough to get a few women to look at your profile. If they respond, fine, if they don't get on with other stuff
2) Predominantly look for dates in real life, as this provides more factors than just a picture
3) Improve yourself, then apply 2)
Improving yourself means looking at your friends, lifestyle, career, and where you're going to meet women. Decide how much you are prepared to change your life to achieve this.
Choosing a same sex relationship won't help. You'll be able to find sex with *no* problem (of course, sex with really hot guys will be more difficult to find), and you'll undoubtedly get more dates, however a decent relationship is no easier to find. To shatter the illusions of many straight people - gay and lesbian relationship do not magically just work because you're the same sex - people are different, and communication is never a given. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:17:42 PM | | If your using online dating as your primary source to find a date as a guy... You can be pretty sure that your gonna be in for a very dissapointing dating /sex life.. Personally I get most of my women in the real world and I find it much much more better that way probably because here in Central Florida the women out number the men.. And ofcourse we have some of the most BEAUTIFUL women in Florida.. Now I'm sure a lot of people on here don't live in a big city like I do, and probably have very limited choices so they use the net. Its just that in my limited time in the online dating scene I've notced that women act completly different then they do in real life. Another reason for me as well is that wome are soo damn good at taking pics at just the right angles. I've only met a few women who looked just as good or better then they do in their pics.. I wouldn't say online dating SUX cus I have met some great women on here. B ut I would take meeting a woman the traditonal way hands down over meeting someone online.. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:17:44 PM | I think the system is actually flawed. There is too much negativity being tossed back and forth. People transfer past negative experiences to future candidates. The social dynamic is turned upside down.
The negativity even got to me. I have currently stopped sending messages to women, because it is emotionally taxing to get excited that I finally found someone I am attracted to and think is a good match and I spend 30 minutes reading their profile and writing this great message, only to be disappointed when they just delete my message.
And I know I am better off than most dudes, so I can only imagine how rough it is for them.
This system basically gives the young, attractive women all the power. But then they will be subjected to insults and harrassement.
There has to be a better way. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:48:05 PM | I both agree and disagree with the OP. I do think online dating works better for women than men in some ways. ALL forms of dating are very female oriented. The man is expected to do everything from initiating contact to proposing marriage, while the woman is expected to do little more than consent. Men and women have had a skewed dynamic for quite a long time, with men essentially being forced to prove himself before her radiance.
As a man it can be frustrating. On my own part the last 10 messages I've sent out have all been long, funny, individual, etc. They take maybe half an hour to write. And not one of them has gotten any response. It can be frustrating, I'll grant that. You find yourself wondering what these other guys have got that I don't have. I mean, I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but I'm adequate. Women have pretty varied tastes, and I don't necessarily have to be attractive to EVERY woman. Just... one... would be nice. :)
So yes, like the OP I'm a bit frustrated. I'm an OK looking, funny, highly intelligent, caring, successful guy, and I'm surrounded by women who claim there are no good men left and use terms like "man drought". Women complain about the emails they get, crude, sexual, clumsy, stupid. Yet my emails (and I'm a VERY good writer, it's one of my few skills) get completely ignored. What gives?! It's interesting to note something. Many men complain about being "read/deleted". My emails rarely get deleted. If i check my "sent messages" now it's a long list of "read". Women LIKE my emails, they tend to keep them. My conclusion is that they like my emails... but they don't like ME.
The main difference between me and the OP is that I'm not angry about it.
I do actually get it. And I think that things are just as hard for women. Women might well get a lot of contacts, but how many of those "good" contacts go to a specific 1/6 or 1/5 of PoF women? These beautiful women are regularly getting messages from good looking investment bankers called Brad, who like hiking in the mountains. For the rest the pickings are slimmer. If you're unattractive or overweight as a woman it can be very hard to get any level of interest, and harder still to get any decent relationship.
As a man we have options. Good looking helps, but if you can't be good looking be sucessful. If you can't be successful be funny. If you can't be funny, be kind. Women look at a range of things that combine to make a man attractive. Men don't, and a woman who isn't attractive to the majority of men doesn't have nearly the options the OP was complaining about.
Any men who are reading this and saying "Not me, I care about personality!" I would have to ask how many times they've contacted women that they didn't find physically attractive purely because they thought she seemed cool. I'm guessing the answer is few, or never. We care about personality, but appearance is important too.
Too many men are essentially saying "I contact only the best looking women and they don't respond. They are shallow. Boohoo!" This is not to totally exonerate women, though. If women truly want equality, and really want to find good, attractive, intelligent and sensitive men, the time is coming where they need to come down from their ivory towers and take an active instead of passive role in their own happiness. Many men, especially intelligent and mature men, are becoming aware of our own worth, and resent the position of supplicant we're consistently put into.
As for me, I'll admit I'm part of the problem. I contact some of that same 1/5th of the population that's getting messages from Brad the investment. I care about appearance, not exclusively, but I'm not going to fool myself that I don't. We all do. I don't just contact the stunning girls, though. I find a pretty wide range of girls attractive, and they're certainly not all skinny and blond. I've been with (I'm talking about relationships, not sex) women who were stunningly pretty, and with ones I didn't find all that attractive, physically. I know which I prefer, and I don't see any reason to "settle".
If I wanted to just ignore my "attractiveness" requirement, I could be un-single very quickly, within days. Hell, we all could. That girl with the huge teeth who sent us a message might be very funny in person. The guy with no hair on the top of his head and a big gut might well be the one who COULD sweep you off your feet.
In conclusion - Dating is mathematical. As they say "it's a numbers game". And you make your own numbers. You decide what you're looking for, what you're not, what you need and what you don't. You decide who you'll contact. You make your own constraints by deciding you only want a non-smoker, or a Christian, or over that height, or someone you find attractive in this way.
So personally, I'll go on as I am. I'll keep contacting the women I find attractive, for whatever reason, and, most likely, keep getting ignored. But one day I'm hopeful of meeting (either here or elsewhere) the woman that I find attractive who actually finds me attractive too, finds my humour and intelligence sexy. I don't want any woman to "settle" for me. I want her to feel as lucky to have me as I am to have her. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:06:52 PM | | much of what embro says is correct,,but it applys to the real world to..i didnt put pic in ,because,i know that women turned on by what they read,or hear, not what they see,in a way datting sites offer the perfect vehical for us guys,,, i quote one girl,,,who said looks dont matter,, then wanted a pic,,,,,,one to be avoided,,,so guys,,,,be carfull what you write | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:15:20 PM | Half an hour per message? You *have* to be kidding me. No-one I don't know deserves that much of my time..
Still, if you want to target the time wasters that demand entertainment without offering anything in return, be my guest. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:25:47 PM | | white gold,,nearly right,,,you dont tell a beautiful woman shes beautiful,,she already knows that,,if you want her attention,,ignore her,,,chat sometimes,but on your terms,ya gotta find out what kind of love the girl is looking for,,,that's the key...might be money,,looks,,or the bad boy thing ect..i dated a real looker of a girl,,but it was like going out with a 16yr old,a big turn off,,,so looks mean nothing really,,yep chicks decide if you date them,,,,but we decide if it continues | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2008 9:29:21 PM | LOL... not all the men but the ones who say things like ^^^^^ or this:
The choices most single North American men have are these: 1) Settle for someone you're not attracted to at all. 2) Make a lot of money and have a woman who only wants you for your money. 3) 'Become' gay and have relation(ship)s only with men. 4) Stay celibate and live a sexless life. 5) Look for women in other countries.
Wow, what redeemable thinking that is. To army guy, don't agree with you at all and my mother is from a foreign country. That's a myth promoted by men for men to keep women as their 'real' woman in bonded slavery. People are people and we're all human, been hurt too in life and won't do a paid dating service, been there and men expect you to be there or within a few mails? Cussing flies, write demeaning things.
If you're that frustrated, God gave ya two hands, use 'em. I don't need to sleep around or date tons of men in order to prove I'm a decent person and not here to be abused by those who take assumptions out of context not knowing my background.
We have the right to choose if we meet and if it's not at YOUR speed, don't personalize it. I don't and don't obssess over it either. I've met lovely people here. Try READING a woman's profile instead of just the pic, might help. :)
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:41:03 AM | | Your taking this Internet business of dating way to serious! This can become to much of fantasy world for anyone! Try go out in the real world and meet women the old fashion way! :) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 2:56:36 PM | Well I wish I could say it has been good for me but in truth it sucks. Who ever thought it is grand for us ladies and sucks for the guys should change places with me. If there is anyone wanting a real relationship with a good woman I would like to meet him.
sweetlady39 | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:45:46 PM | Well i am not sure that is so true...I have been internet dating for a bit now and I get alot of bullshit on here. Men seem to just want to know if I will send them a photo of my body parts. I am so pissed off that i am considering not dating at all. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:33:46 PM | | I am looking for a long term relationship but I keep meeting ladies who say they just want a man to take them out for dinner and like to date different guys and go out on dinner dates 3 or 4 times each week. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:24:19 PM |
Men seem to just want to know if I will send them a photo of my body parts.
Oh that's a good one... send them body parts! Just not YOURS. :) And then link 'em to Prison Personals. HAVE FUN! BE CREATIVE! Or, connect them to another man on the sending a friend thing on their profile... the hook these two up! I've done that. :) Ahh.. to be a fly on a wall....
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:26:54 PM |
hippychic4u wrote: Well i am not sure that is so true...I have been internet dating for a bit now and I get alot of bullshit on here. Men seem to just want to know if I will send them a photo of my body parts. I am so pissed off that i am considering not dating at all.
john3102 wrote: I am looking for a long term relationship but I keep meeting ladies who say they just want a man to take them out for dinner and like to date different guys and go out on dinner dates 3 or 4 times each week.
From these 2 last posts, it looks like men are looking for sex and women, money (or free meals). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:09:56 AM | | I agree with the money part, most women I meet grill me about what I do and what I own up front during the first meeting and if it doesn't sound like enough they usually get a weird look on their faces and make an excuse to leave. I actually like it when it's that obvious because it gets them away from me quickly and I don't have to deal with people this evil who are only out to take advantage of others. Most of these women make me laugh because they usually make next to nothing themselves so it's quite obvious that they're looking for a meal ticket. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:28:50 AM |
I agree with the money part, most women I meet grill me about what I do and what I own up front during the first meeting and if it doesn't sound like enough they usually get a weird look on their faces and make an excuse to leave. I actually like it when it's that obvious because it gets them away from me quickly and I don't have to deal with people this evil who are only out to take advantage of others. Most of these women make me laugh because they usually make next to nothing themselves so it's quite obvious that they're looking for a meal ticket.
Can I get an amen, brother?!?
Previously on my profile under the "First Date" section, I wrote: "If my date asked me what kind of car I drive or how much money I make, I would end the date early myself." I had my profile reviewed and it seemed some didn't like that kind of honesty or non-PC-ness (non-politically-correctness). I myself will look for a foreign woman (preferibly Latina), either here or in another country. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:44:31 AM | This really is not true.
I have talked to many women who only meet men just after sex.
A man typically has to send out 20 emails to get one reply.
This means 19 of the 20 women were not his first choice !
So internet dating sucks for 19 out of 20 women. | |
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