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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:24:31 PM |
My biggest complaint has been men who cannot communicate online enough to keep a conversation going. I do know how to get and keep a convo going.
From my POV, if a person doesn't give me enough to keep the conversation going, it's because they don't WANT to keep the conversation going.
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:41:33 PM | | Sorry, but I have been doing the "on line dating" now for about 2 years . Your right girls can just post a few sexy pictures and get all kinda of attention. ...but ! The wrong kind of attention ! Those guys are just looking to get laid as in my experience has been most. I think we forget there are real people and real feeling behind those words. I also agree with you in that we are only looking for a 9 or 10 . In my younger days, I used to turn heads, but by just posting a picture or 2 and telling a little bit about yourself, I get nothing.What are ya suppose to do? I don't want to do the bar scene, been there done that. And yet, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. We all just lonely and want to feel love just one more time in our lives and hope that this time it is the right one ! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:55:31 PM | Twinkled, I think you sound like a real "Princess" and should expect to be treated like one. I have no doubt that you would treat such a man like a prince Dont settle for anything less. I'm quite a bit older than you; I see you like younger men too | |
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jcolsa
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Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 1479 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:46:28 PM | Freakin dishonesty is what it is and the next women who I see complain about mens dehonestly I will call then out hard on it.. Sorry but I am tired of that BS...
So we are all clear in What it means.. Honestly is not to just tell the truth 3. I dont think counts or maybe in it does and that case we all owe you ladies a great appology. But have you checked the spice area in supermarket
Main Entry: hon·es·ty
Pronunciation: \ˈä-nəs-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural hon·es·ties
Date: 14th century
1obsolete : chastity
2 a: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct b: adherence to the facts : sincerity
3: any of a genus (Lunaria) of European herbs of the mustard family with toothed leaves and flat disk-shaped siliques
synonyms honesty, honor, integrity, probity mean uprightness of character or action. honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one's profession, calling, or position. integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge. probity implies tried and proven honesty or integrity. | |
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| Meeting the laundry list
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:31:26 AM |
rara_avis77 wrote: Internet dating is easier for women because of the uneven gender ratio. However, once more women find out that all the single men are looking for a woman online nowadays this should change.
Bingo! You have to go where women outnumber men.
Locally: cooking classes, some college campuses, yoga classes, ballroom dance classes
Internationally, when a man goes on a 'single gentlemen's romance tour', then women will outnumber the men 10-to-1 or greater. | |
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| Meeting the laundry list
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:50:43 AM | | Few men seem to be looking for women, seems as if the women are always looking for men....I have met no men in cooking classes, in graduate school, ballroom dance class, etc. Single women's romance tour would possibly be 10 women and 1 man also. Church singles groups are a riot, the women seem to be on a new man like wolves, and always so many women and few men. | |
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jcolsa
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Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 1482 | |
| Meeting the laundry list
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:58:31 AM |
Locally: cooking classes, some college campuses, yoga classes, ballroom dance classes
Internationally, when a man goes on a 'single gentlemen's romance tour', then women will outnumber the men 10-to-1 or greater.
cooking classes - mostly women yes mostly single no
some college campuses - perhaps the key word here is some
yoga classes - again mostly women yes mostly single no
ballroom dance clasess - Yah so you would think but no in my exerience because I do dance salsa, bachata, merenque and such and do go to dance studio to take lesson see it rarely match even. Now around 1 in 5 days you will see a 10 woman to 6-7 men ratio but mostly its the opposite.. True most Ive seen are single and I have dated a few. I am gaining a greater advantage because I am getting slighly better at dancing and more women want to dance with me because of it.. (interesting side note on this is that in another site I had been rejected by a few women online that later I saw in class. They see me and try to be friendly invite me to go out dancing with them. I act friendly back but ah no I don't go out with them and except in dance class never ask them to dance.)
Internationally I need further clarification. If your saying that cruises with a high ratio of good quality woman ( not gold diggerrs or women looking for us citizenship or prostitute) please give us all some info on this.. I will be on that cruise as soon as I can..
Few men seem to be looking for women, seems as if the women are always looking for men....I have met no men in cooking classes, in graduate school, ballroom dance class, etc. Single women's romance tour would possibly be 10 women and 1 man also. Church singles groups are a riot, the women seem to be on a new man like wolves, and always so many women and few men.
I have gone dates a few times from women in dance class but I approach very cautiously like dating someone at the same company you work for. Ive seen it create a mess.
Church - yah thats a funny one because most are too old or too young . It may have change it has been quite a while since I tried that approach. Its a biazare setting.
Well but here your chances should be better. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:57:32 AM |
The only real way for a guy to approach this is to be very selective about who you choose to email. That shouldn't just be the most attractive women, by society standards, it should be someone that catches your interest on several levels, as if you were reading personality etc. right from their pictures or profile. You may be able to find 50-60/5000 doing it that way.
That sounds good in theory but it simply does not work! The problem is that a lot of people re-invent themselves and exaggerate the content of their profiles in order to get more attention. So basically you can get a shallow materialistic person claiming to be sweet and down to earth among other things. Getting a read on a personality through words on a profile only works if that person is being honest. I don't send out that many messages for this very reason, the honest decent women are so hard to find!
Back on topic, I tend to agree that internet dating is a lot easier for the women based on the fact that men outnumber them 3-fold on this site. Most women will get attention by posting a nice picture and logging in once in a while, but men send out a number of messages only to get rejected most of the time. I see internet dating is an online version of "the bar scene".....easier for the pretty people with good lines. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:14:22 AM | tkdblake93:
I have tried taking classes to meet women and I usually end up in a class full of married people. Taking classes is no guarantee of meeting single women! | |
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jcolsa
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Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 1485 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:36:02 AM | I don't think its a good idea to do and activity just to meet someone.
I mean with my salsa classes I could careless who may want to date me in the class. It's probably that attitude that has given me some minor success in finding a few dates.
Freakin weird how that works if you ask me..
And for me god dang entertaining.. Sometimes I want to burst out laughing and have big smile on my face.. See my comment in previous posting about a few woman who I emailed who danced salsa that previously rejected me | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:46:46 AM |
indianaman wrote: I have tried taking classes to meet women and I usually end up in a class full of married people. Taking classes is no guarantee of meeting single women!
There are no guarantees, of course. My recommendations were just that, recommendations. Even going to other countries to meet potential "mail-order brides", there's no guarantee with that either. I'd advise most men going that route to go on a "single gentlemen's romance tour". You'll usually have interpreters around if you don't speak the local language. Even if you don't plan on getting married to one of those women, then look at it as an experience and something different from the dating grind in North America. That's the key word: different. If doing the same things don't work for you, then try something different. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:29:49 AM | Yeah, I have noticed if you take classes or continuing eductation stuff....you know, where people actually LEARN something....it's mostly married people (in the case of dance classes, marrieds).
Some our just housewives, who finally, the husband gets home, she gets out of the house for night courses. I think I spent time sitting next to a woman my age in a class, only to find out she had a husband to go to....poo.
Thats why you look for things that is geared towards singles....or activities singles are more LIKELY to partake in.
I find outdoor related activities to have singles in them...kayaking, hiking etc.
I notice in "Speed dating" women seats sell out while men there's vacancies.
Seems the male to female ratio is reversedin REAL life, as opposed to online. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:54:49 PM |
From my POV, if a person doesn't give me enough to keep the conversation going, it's because they don't WANT to keep the conversation going.
Good point, however if I did not initiate contact? It doesn't make sense to me really. Sometimes I have encountered this and met the person and they continue to be interested in me, but conversation is still a struggle and I'm still trying? Is this because they are not communication centered or just really blinded by something else? And that is NOT a remark only towards men BTW, women get blinded too.
That's an interesting point on the speed dating. I've never been - is it worth it to try? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:01:24 PM |
Good point, however if I did not initiate contact? It doesn't make sense to me really. Sometimes I have encountered this and met the person and they continue to be interested in me, but conversation is still a struggle and I'm still trying? Is this because they are not communication centered or just really blinded by something else? And that is NOT a remark only towards men BTW, women get blinded too.
I imagine that there are a variety of reasons. Sometimes people lose interest (in my case, someone rolled up some tin-foil and tossed it by me... I'm easily distracted!  ). In pretty much all instances, though, I don't wanna be the one carrying the conversation from the git-go. The only instance that I can think of where it's "acceptable", is if the other person gets severe and sudden Writer's Block (it's happened to me, so I can sympathize). Then, it's just one of those things that happens... rotten luck, and all that...
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:12:15 PM | As a woman, I don't think internet dating is good for women. I have been on POF for several months now and have yet to actually go out with someone. I think dating sucks PERIOD for both genders because it can be such a tedious process.
Internet dating is useful to some degree but to just state its better for women makes no sense. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:22:41 PM | | I agree I don't think it is easier for women, think maybe I'm just too honest and dont big myself up enough on my profile, and i do and try to reply to any emails i get, if they take the time to email u should reply, but some i have replied to have got the wrong message and have sent me totally disgusting replies, which I admit has put me of a bit. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:05:49 PM | | It just perplexes me how a woman who's receiving 10 new contacts a day from different men can't find any good guys on this site who they are attracted to. Are all us guys here such smucks? I mean, even if half of the messages women get are from perverts they would still get plenty from good guys. Most men would be gone in a couple of weeks if they got as much mail as the average woman does. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:00:41 PM | | Internet dating for woman, who were rejected by their husbands or long term boyfriends, NOW have a place to come to get attention, and basically are like kids in a candy store. Lets face it..a neglected woman or scorned woman can NEVER buy another meal fella's. Out every night, with a dozen more on the hook. Never getting to KNOW any of them. All they really want is attention and it becomes an addiction like any other substance. I am sure there are a large percentage of really great Gals on dating sites, and of course they are cute and have their pick..to the point I considered writing a profile saying I was a Doctor and did my own study of who is after what? Most guys know the answer to that, that aren't doctors..or lawyers. But then why? Just be honest and true to yourself..leave the BS behind. After reading some of the threads, its like, do we put THAT much effort into being accepted? wow..Finding Mr or Ms Right? I feel its like this..when we were younger, we just went for it..today with life under our belts, we have lost sight of what really matters..what image we are giving off with the one on our arm..lets get back to trusting and letting the pain go..get over ourselves and be honest with ourselves. Hell yeah woman have it better in that make up, padded bra's, lifts, tucks, wigs, and countless other ways to disguise the pain and person inside..men? what you see it what you get. You do the math. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:09:11 PM | Here's a perfect example of why Internet dating is not any better for women than it is for men: I recently got an email from a man whose profile said he lived in Ontario, Canada. Now since I am thousands of miles away from Canada and the guy in question seemed fairly normal and polite, I sent a reply saying thank you, but since we don't live close to each other at all, I didn't think anything would ever happen. That's almost word-for-word from the email I sent him, so obviously I was perfectly considerate and polite and gave a completely reasonable explanation.
What did I get in return? "Hey be gentle, I live in [my city] 6 months a year. I hope this changes your mind." Okay, first of all, there was hardly any info on his profile to begin with, much less anything indicating his dual residency. And besides, even if that HAD changed my mind (which it didn't), I have no intention of being away from the person I'm dating for half of the year! And don't even get me STARTED on the "hey be gentle" remark... ...what was I if not gentle and considerate??? That right there is why a lot of women don't want/bother to respond to messages from men they're not interested in--even the seemingly polite ones get nasty when we tell them no thanks.
Oh, and rara_avis77? There may be some women on here who get 10 new contacts a day, but I am not one of them and never have been. Be careful when you make assumptions--you know what they say. Not all of us are inundated with emails. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:47:13 AM |
musicchica86 wrote: That right there is why a lot of women don't want/bother to respond to messages from men they're not interested in--even the seemingly polite ones get nasty when we tell them no thanks.
I can see your point. If you write a guy back to tell him you're not interested, he usually gets into begging or bullying mode and will say anything to get you to change your mind. That's why I can understand why many women don't bother to even write back to say they're not interested. I've even seen videos on y-o-u-t-u-b-e[dot]com of guys who complain that women on dating sites don't write back. Go on that site and do a search on plentyoffish. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:34:12 AM | Sometimes other problems besides the gender ratio can be just as frustrating.
I have attended several POF events here in Indianapolis recently and nearly all the women are 10 years olders than me. Since I'm not cruising for a "cougar" I've yet to see anyone at a POF event I'm interested in dating. Where are the single Indianapolis women in their 30's & 40's? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:26:29 AM | Actually, I think I have all the qualifications filled that I can give up on online dating.
Reason being is I use geographical searching and mainly my "My Matches" as a gauge.
If I emailed every woman in my "My Matches", and I still see them on there still looking for that unrealistic expectation in a man....if I've "seen them all" I might as move on to the real world, and you should too.
Getting sick of seeing the same women over and over in my same geographic region and they are STILL unattached years later. It goes to show how unrealistic the expectations of these women are.
I bet if I leave POF and 50 years later, I'll see the same women appear in "My Matches" but they'd be old and grey. lol | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:54:33 AM | | If guys wrote more interesting and deeper profiles, maybe they would get more replies. Besides, many are unable to build productive boundaries.....it's like searching in the dark. Plus I find that some men are not good conversationalists, they have to call you, see you, know you, before they are able to convey some substance; they often overreact. I find that women have more perception/intuition and that helps a lot in screening people in and out. But I could be wrong. Know yourself first: do the hard work on your own, this is the only advice that I have for men that feel at a loss. If you aren't strong enough or stable enough , if you don't believe in yourself, a perceptive woman will pick that up right away. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:16:16 PM | OH yeah this is a real party for me. It is not an ego boost to have 2 pages worth of email who are poor matches for me in every way, shape and form. And if I don't respond quickly enough or at all, I'll be flamed or called a ****.
I hate to tell you this but dating sucks these days period. For both sexes in lots of ways.
I turn plenty of heads myself. But when someone here meets me it seems the reality of my situation sinks in. (see profile) If I don't tell them they line up at the door. But honesty is part of real relationship and love. So if they can't handle it so be it. That said...head turners in life don't equal success in Internet dating. People create their own concept of you, which you then have to essential combat when you do meet. That's why I take my time. And men get pissed, saying I'm wasting their time. Actually I'm saving us both some wasted time. Internet dating is what it is. But its still better than looking in bars. And the grocery store. I hate the grocery store enough without men accidentally bumping their cart into mine 20 times before I get out.
And
Even for a good looking, educated white guy like me, internet dating is a very humbling experience.
I hope no one calls you out on what that sounds like.
You may be genuinely frustrated with good reason. But you come across like sour grapes. If I so chose I could be completely angry with the world and God and anything else (again see profile). But it doesn't make me more attractive or make my life better. My advice? Keep smiling. Eventually your face will freeze that way.
(as far as pursuing women? I think we generally still prefer it. Ingrained. As men are ingrained to pursue. You may be blocked a thousand times. But all it takes is one right one. How do you percieve the woman who pursues you? It has been my experience that men like it at first and then find some reason why there is something wrong with us because if we were so great someone would have found us first. )
Hate me, berate me, I dont care. I just know that anger and frustration don't bring people to you. Take some time out if you need to. | |
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