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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:37:28 AM | And the grocery store. I hate the grocery store enough without men accidentally bumping their cart into mine 20 times before I get out
So what do you do, run out of the grocery store as q uickly as possible into the confines of her "Hermit Cave" and onto your computer?
Gee, according to your profession you say you're into "collecting life experiences" but what you just said there contradicts it. lol. Funny.
I get a kick out of women who take issue with men finding ways to approaching women at certain venues out in public. I heard women *itch how they are at a store somewhere and they aren't there to talk to men, just to do whatever it is they came to do and leave. These women have issues.
It seems like its a relief for them to pretty much ONLY use the internet for dating purposes because it's a "controlled' environment.
I mean, you can't hit the "delete" key when a man bumps into your grocery cart right? 'tis a shame with dealing with "real life" experiences, right? 
My point is that I think it is wrong for women to ASSume that a man is doing something "wrong" if he gets very few responses to his emails.
I get this alot to, "Well, you must be doing SOMETHING wrong if you send out 50 emails, and get no responses"
I'm not doing anything wrong, they are probably all just shallow women. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 1529 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:00:19 AM | Being overweight has nothing to do with a woman responding or not. That is like me saying "I even emailed the men who did not have graduate degreses, they did not respond to my emails either, I usually only like men who have graduate degrees but thought that I would lower my standards since men with no college degree or who have bachelor degrees are some sort of sub standard men and should be glad that they even get emails" How rude of one to have those thoughts about people who are not "average" in one way or another be it weight or education.
I don't think he was saying that overweight people are "inferior". Overweight women aren't his usual type. Suppose a woman who usually dates men who are at least 6 ft tall emailed a man who is 5' 10". Or a woman who usually dates white men emailed a black man. That doesn't necessary mean that she is lowering her standards by emailing a shorter man or a black man. Maybe her standards are now more flexible and she is expanding her potential dating pool. Same thing can be apply to weight.
Many women on POF will state that men don't get responses because they have unrealistic expectations and they only email the attractive thin / athletic women. That is not always the case. A man could email a bunch of women who are average looking or are a few pounds overweight and still get very few responses. I think that was his point. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:54:33 AM | Dude I hate to break it to you, but women will ALWAYS have the advantage when it comes to dating, whether it's online or offline. I only had to read the title of your post to know what you were saying.
Dating is a woman's turf. This stuff's built into her. They are programmed to discard and reject men as efficiently and quickly as possible. Men are expected to approach them. We're the aggressors. We (usually) do the asking. That's what a gentleman does. Therefore they get asked LOTS and of course reject LOTS. They have to. It's how it works. That's why I always say...if you guys keep your traps shut and don't give them any ammo, they can't reject you :) SPOON FEED yourself. Let her discover things about you OVER TIME. Instead of writing a book for your profile, write only a few things about you and keep it short. Then let her discover things about you and uncover the mystery of you over a long period of time.
For us, it's a matter of figuring out what will prevent that. In my experience, the two biggest mistakes guys make are:
1) Rushing in too fast - you can NEVER move too slowly. But you CAN move too fast.
2) Taking women for granted - this happens all the time. We usually see it in marriages, but it happens in relationships too. A girl falls in love with a guy. Then after a few months he gets comfortable with her and STOPS doing the things that made her fall in love with the guy to begin with.
Now this stuff isn't rocket science. It's completely logical. If all guys would just stop making these two mistakes, that divorce rate might be below 50% ;)
It's a numbers game, man. Personally I enjoy meeting women in person vs online, but only because I can read body language right away and know instantly where I stand. Online dating takes a couple more steps to get there, but it's not difficult at all. Just keep plugging away and good things will happen. Remember...it's a numbers game!
I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BEING SO LONG. I'm at work and got a little bored :) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:09:21 AM | | I know I might get flamed for this but I think its the truth. The women who are saying that this site is not working for them are in the 50 and above age range and the BBWs. The gender ratio evens out at about age 50 and a lot of 50 + men are going for younger women and of course most men are so visual that its difficult for BBW to get a guy's attention online. You don't hear any of the young thin women complaining. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:35:01 AM | rara_avis77 wrote: I know I might get flamed for this but I think its the truth. The women who are saying that this site is not working for them are in the 50 and above age range and the BBWs. The gender ratio evens out at about age 50 and a lot of 50 + men are going for younger women and of course most men are so visual that its difficult for BBW to get a guy's attention online. You don't hear any of the young thin women complaining.
At the end of the day, a man or woman wants somebody on their arm who makes them look good to their friends, family, co-workers, and society at large. That's why height-challenged guys and overweight and older women have problems with finding a suitable partner on this site (and other dating sites as well). Of course, eventually one has to look beyond the exterior into the interior and see what that person is really like, but unfortunately if you don't make the outer beauty cut, then you're not going to get a chance to show another person your inner beauty. Maybe that's the problem with online dating. In the old days (1980s and 1990s), people advertising for love would do it in a newspaper or magazine or subscribe to a voice-mail service. In that era you were selling yourself by your words or the tone of your voice, and that's what the responder to your ad had to go on/by. Nowadays it's pictures. If you don't have a great-looking picture on your profile, it's going to get overlooked and your profile (no matter how well-written) won't get read. And with men under 5'10", their height can be a turn-off for many women. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:03:22 PM | Ebory I am very sorry to have to tell you It is exactly the same for us girls as you blokes. I have sent umpteen emails and only had less than a few answers thank you.And if we do get answers you guys call the shots.Well Ive got that of my chest . Thank you. . | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:44:30 PM | A few months ago I was chatting with a guy on here and the conversation turned to discussing how there arent many women on here to choose from.
I thought I would check out some of the women in my area and offer suggestions and see his reaction.
I was amazed at his comments. He was not bad looking, just over 50, seemed like a nice guy...but not one of the women I suggested were good enough for him.
I specifically picked the women that were beautiful, average to thin build and big boobs.
I must have suggested 20 or more different women...none of whom he had contacted as yet (so he told me) and not one was good enough for him to approach.
I told him 'if these beautiful women cant find someone and get off this site then there is no hope for someone like me'. He had no comment.
Sadly, I am of the opinion most guys on here are just like him. Thats' why I've given up on finding a relationship and I am now looking for friends (but not friends with benefits). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:04:04 PM | I have tried taking classes to meet women and I usually end up in a class full of married people. Taking classes is no guarantee of meeting single women!
I participate in an activity that one would think would virtually guarantee meeting at least ONE single man. I play hockey on a men's novice league team. However...the guys I meet are all either married or in committed dating relationships. HOWEVER....I play because I like to play hockey, and not for the express purpose of meeting men. The few single men I have met are either WAY too young for me, or can't see me as anything but "one of the guys". Go figure......
It just perplexes me how a woman who's receiving 10 new contacts a day from different men can't find any good guys on this site who they are attracted to.
You have made an erroneous assumption. You somehow have gotten the idea that every woman on this site gets that many new contacts a day. Ridiculous. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:19:00 PM |
You have made an erroneous assumption. You somehow have gotten the idea that every woman on this site gets that many new contacts a day. Ridiculous.
That's because a women on this site who is quite average said she was getting 20 new contacts a day. That's why I assumed women must get a lot more mail than the average guy. But it may depend on the number of people in your area. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:02:02 PM |
fifi47 wrote: Don't forget, the bbws and the women over 50 ( many are quite wonderful, not average) are not what men seek so we never get replies.
Generic dating sites aren't the best places for "specialized" people to meet. Society at large doesn't consider under-5'10" guys or BBWs or older women attractive. If you're a BBW, go to Google and look up "BBW dating" and you'll find plenty of specialty dating sites which will cater to BBWs and the men who go for them.
POF may have the most subscribers for the free dating sites, but I don't think any other dating site has more members than AFF (a-d-u-l-t-f-r-i-e-n-d-f-i-n-d-e-r). I have a female friend in her later 40s who's met most of her dates and a lot of her male friends on there. For the most part, though, guys have to pay to be able to contact anyone on those sites and even though they're pay dating sites, most women don't have to pay anything because if they have a decent profile and picture, men will contact them and give the women their contact info. At the same time, international introduction agencies work similarly, but in a more straightforward fashion. Women don't have to pay to be listed, but men have to pay to get their contact info. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:46:57 PM | How do you think Don Juan did it then? I'm sure it wasnt just his looks..
The man with the right skills has all the advantages and the women has none.
Course I'm still learning
but there are other sites where women will approach you like "sugardaddie" the ratio is hugely imbalanced there is typically 10 to 1 female to male ratio, course you have to make over 100k to qualify.
So either spend years on POF honing your seduction skills or maybe work on your career?
Also in many private liberal art universities the ratio of women to men is almost 80/20. Seen a lot of ugly dudes get hot GFs this way.
Wow this is like choose your own adventure. let me see I can choose to work on my:
1. Education
2. Career
3. Personality
to get women. Awesome! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:31:49 PM | | I was being sarcastic and responding to the comment by rara avis 77...guess that did not come across. The point is, being a bbw does not mean that I think any less of myself than if I were a thin woman, and my bbw trait is part of me, not what makes me average or less than average to others ( at least mature people anyway). If a man likes me because I asm a bbw, that does not interest me really, would he leave me if I lost weight? (intersesting since some men leave women whey they gain weight). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:13:15 AM |
That's because a women on this site who is quite average said she was getting 20 new contacts a day. That's why I assumed women must get a lot more mail than the average guy. But it may depend on the number of people in your area.
Actually, it's all in the pic...... I have proven it.
I'm not complaining because I accept the fact that men are visual and that's fine. I KNOW that they are not only visual, but even for most of us, the pic is what attracts us, then we read the profile for backup and then combine the two and interest is formed. At least for those of us with pics.
I've found it a little easier dealing with online dating since I accepted the fact about how most men and women interact with each other and how they "find" a mate.
Once you accept what online dating is about, you might just take it for what it is, no more no less. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:53:10 AM | well wild heart, you do have a nice pic. too bad ottawa is sooo far away! lol
I'll admit to a picture making me stop to look, its all there is to go on at first. but then I stop to read the profile, all of it, before I decide to make contact or not. the only analogy I can think of is sitting down next to a very attractive person, spending some time chatting with them and then find yourself walking away from a very unattractive person because of their attitude, views, whatever... just a pretty pic doesn't cut it, there has to be something else there, there are lots of pretty faces that when you take a little time, you find out that there is nothing else... just the pretty face... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:18:03 AM |
POF may have the most subscribers for the free dating sites, but I don't think any other dating site has more members than AFF (a-d-u-l-t-f-r-i-e-n-d-f-i-n-d-e-r).
I looked at that site long ago and it seems so fake. Always get spam from them sending me pics of who lives next door. Haha, too bad this town is all old people--hense the name hehe.
I agree with the OP and most others. At one point, I have sent over 50 emails and all were unread deletes. That is ridiculous!! I know, I am not ugly but I have a theory why maybe.
Theory,
Women constantly get perve emails and eventually us nice guys get put in that category for some reason. Maybe with so many emails we all blend in. hahha, you know look at the picture and say to yourself, well he looks like a perve next...lame.
or just get a bug up there butts and just delete all emails for the heck of it. I know I tend to do that with all the spam with my 10 year old email address.
just woke up from sleeping so hopefully don't sound like an idiot. hehe. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:37:42 AM | LOL Yellier....actually, you look pretty normal for a guy....I mean, I'm not a woman, but I've seen men that look like you have no problem getting dates (in the real world...NOT online).
Anyhow, All UNREAD deletes? Heck, at least they READ mines..lol....once in a while I get an UNREAD Delete.
I guess they are curious about what I have to write or they click on it by habit, and go " Oops" didn't mean to open his email, and delete it.
And then she goes, "Hm, let's see if I have any hot, handsome , dark and 6'5" men with alot of money emailed me" | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:49:50 AM | Thanks Jumby. Here's a question for you though, if I were closer and you saw my profile, and I stated that I wanted children would you still contact me? I get many men contacting me that do not match what I am looking for. I'm not saying it's wrong because hey go for it, but it's just another example of how the picture "wins" out first.
I just get tired of people saying that the picture is not important when for the great majority on here it truly is. You have varying degrees though; some people will not be as "shallow" (for lack of a better word) than some others. Example: if I see a guy who looks "iffy" in the attraction scale for me on the pic, but has a great profile and sent a nice email, I would not discount right away, I would email a bit to find out more. Every guy I've dated looked better than his pic except for one.
Unfortunately, not all men are like what you are saying - many just jump on the pic and then don't take the time to get to know someone. It's usually glaringly obvious within two emails who those men are. But until you engage someone in conversation, you won't know.
Also, there is nothing wrong with exchanging a few emails, realizing you are not a fit and then wishing the person the best and moving on. I'm okay with that but I usually let the person know.
Yellier, if I were around your age, I would not delete your message unless it was rude or sexual in nature. Then again, there are very few emails that I read/delete and I have only unread/delete if it is someone who is showing "stalkerish" behaviour.
I don't get many bad emails though. The nice guys on here outweigh the bad ones so far. Or it just doesn't faze me and I move on. Or maybe I'm just positive?! What a concept lol | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:56:13 AM |
Anyhow, All UNREAD deletes? Heck, at least they READ mines..lol....once in a while I get an UNREAD Delete.
yeah its actually true. That was like 6 months ago so I added to my headline how many unread deletes and the women would read them and then delete--haha. I thought it was funny. So now, atleast, I know women care about peoples feeling on here hahaha.
I guess they are curious about what I have to write or they click on it by habit, and go " Oops" didn't mean to open his email, and delete it.
Dude thats genius!! I should have thought of that in my last post hahah.
LOL Yellier....actually, you look pretty normal for a guy....I mean, I'm not a woman, but I've seen men that look like you have no problem getting dates (in the real world...NOT online).
yeah, Ive never had a problem dating attractive women offline. these online sites are brutal. Shoot, on hot or not I was rated with all my pics between 7-8 and on this site a 1 hahah. I don't think, I have ever seen a pic yet that i would rate a one. O wait that dude in scary movie with the creepy boney left hand...id give him a one hahah.
Heres a formula for attrtactiveness on the net ehehe;
real life: 8 your rating from 1-10.
-2 because we all eventually blend in.
+1 for a picture so their friends can poke fun.
-3 for not being brad pit.
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hey what do you know, thats my rating here wahoo. ahaha
Thanks for the compliment!! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:05:46 AM | Yellier, if I were around your age, I would not delete your message unless it was rude or sexual in nature. Then again, there are very few emails that I read/delete and I have only unread/delete if it is someone who is showing "stalkerish" behaviour.
Thanks for the compliment. haha, I would never send sexual comments as a first email or even in my profile. Kinda wierd if ya ask me. Nope, most of my emails are small and generalize about me and the persons profile unless they have nothing there like majority than I just say something haha.
Whats stalkerish on here? sending more than one email? or viewing a picture more than once? Haha, I get bored and go on a click fest to see what type of ladies are on here. Ooops, maybe if I am seeing there profile more than once that means I am a stalker. That would be silly though, Ive been stalked and its kinda scary and I am a guy.
"runs to the tardis to jump in time haha" | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:16:16 AM | | Funny wild heart, but a lot of my expereiences have been they didn't look as good in person as in their pictures. but I'm sure we all have our stories. Your profile says prefer not to say on children so at this point yes, I would contact you. I have seen profiles with an attractive picture, a well written profile where they did say they wanted children, and passed on contacting them. That one just seems like a deal breaker. | |
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