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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:20:45 AM | Here's a thought....if internet dating were so successful for women, then why are the women not disappearing from this (or any other) dating site at an alarming rate?
Hmmmmmm.....must not be working so well for most of us, either. I have over 17,000 views on another site that I have a profile on. I get MAYBE 2 emails a week, and most of THOSE are from men either 1/2 my age, 20+ years older than me or married and looking for something on the side. In the 3 years I've had my profile there, I've MET exactly 3 of the guys that I corresponded with. This is NOT what I'd call an outstanding success. I have met many men online that I continue to correspond with as friends. That saves this from being a total loss. HOWEVER...I think if you stick with it, you may just find that perfect person for you. Just in the last week, I had a date from POF who is VERY suitable! We had dinner, we had awesome conversation.....he seems like a great guy! So....they are out there. Just be patient......
The thing about POF, too....is that if you're posting in the forums whining about how much this sucks......someone that MIGHT be interested may start to think they might NOT want to date someone with that bleak of an attitude. Just a thought...... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:07:35 AM |
(blueeyedgirl42) In the 3 years I've had my profile there, I've MET exactly 3 of the guys that I corresponded with.
Not tryin' to bust your chops here, but...
Just how hard is it to actually meet you? (not you personally, but in general) In my honest opinion, people are so wrapped up in "how" to say yes JUST RIGHT, that they never get around to ACTUALLY SAYING YES. We then get 65-page threads about how "hard" Internet dating is.
Internet dating is NOT hard. It's all the stupid second-guessing and game-playing that makes it SEEM hard. People, both men and women, need to stop all the silly posturing and actually get around to meeting one another.
But, I guess it's easier to just sit around and kvetch.
Arlo  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:16:12 AM | The thing about POF, too....is that if you're posting in the forums whining about how much this sucks......someone that MIGHT be interested may start to think they might NOT want to date someone with that bleak of an attitude. Just a thought......
Yeah, a lot of people don't do themselves any favors on the forums sometimes, Blueeyed. I see the posts all the time, both men and women bashing the opposite sex about all the "perceived wrongs" they "see", generalizing it to all of the other gender... and then complaining they can't get a reply. Wonder who the heck is gonna reply to someone who posts how much they hate/resent/are-angry-at the opposite sex all the time? 
C'est la vie.
I have no problem posting about past "experience" if I feel it adds to a thread topic, but reality is I don't "hate/dislike" any of my ex's, we're all human beings with our own issues and varying priorities in life - while I may feel some are "unrealistic", it certainly doesn't mean they aren't valid *for them*, and if it works for them, all the more power to them. And if they don't "work", then hopefully they look at themselves, but its not my job to point it out and/or try and "change" them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:41:25 AM | I know that it's the guys that complain, but it's also the guys that are causing the problem.
Most guys on these sites go through and email as many girls as possible just based on their photo, instead of taking the time to find the few that they really like, and send the same BS to each of them. Atleast most of the women are genuine and selective. If the guys were that way too, this online dating thing would actually work, don't you think?? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:52:07 AM | | Hey people ,,I get a lot of replys.Maybe its because I am to the point,honest and dont have time for BS.A lot of times all i say is hello and i get a answer ..Both sexes has the same problem basically,if its this site or any on line site .It takes away the excitement of meeting some one in real life.You cant get personal .Pics dont mean much to me .You see a online pic and you meet and they dont look like thier pic at all .Soooooooo I do not put much thought into attraction from pics .LOL we have became a lazy society we sit at home and get on line and expect to meet our love ,,,,,Guys and galls alike ,,,lets get out and enjoy life ,does dating suck for guys ,,,I dont think so ,,,not for me ,do i cheat ,nope ,never in my life.i have a thrill with everthing i do ,,work ,music ,whatever | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:59:33 AM | | It sucks for both. Men are just as picky as women, if not more. All looking for the trophy to hang off their arm. I have had better luck on other sites, paying sites. You get what you pay for. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:31:06 AM |
I know that it's the guys that complain, but it's also the guys that are causing the problem. Most guys on these sites go through and email as many girls as possible just based on their photo, instead of taking the time to find the few that they really like, and send the same BS to each of them. Atleast most of the women are genuine and selective. If the guys were that way too, this online dating thing would actually work, don't you think??
All ( men are ) looking for the trophy to hang off their arm
I don't completely agree with these statements. An average looking man could email a bunch of average looking women that he has lot in a common with and he still could get few very responses to his emails. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:16:24 AM |
Most guys on these sites go through and email as many girls as possible just based on their photo, instead of taking the time to find the few that they really like, and send the same BS to each of them.
I don't really take issue with this. Honestly, at least they're picking based on attraction. They're quite literally playing the numbers. That's all well and good. I don't know that it'd yield better results, but it must do something or else guys wouldn't do that.
I don't think that women are more genuine or selective, however. That's just what some of them tell us.. as often as humanly possible. I guess there's a perceived amount of shame in "playing the numbers". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:18:25 AM |
Most guys on these sites go through and email as many girls as possible just based on their photo, instead of taking the time to find the few that they really like, and send the same BS to each of them.
I used to be "one of those guys" that actually took the time to carefully manuscript a document...only to have it deleted.
After a few hundred of those, no reason to put forth much effort, that being said, I'm sure you can sympathize. It gets old. Better keep the emails short and sweet. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:33:48 AM |
So, we all get email from those who aren't our "matches", but I don't "get it" why that's a big problem? There's a "delete" button on POF, and if someone becomes a pest, there's a block option. If one went to a bar, there would be people coming up to talk, who weren't "attractive", and again, so what?
Precisely.
And as someone who is always courteous to reply (and has gotten my share of pissy responses when I thank you but no thank you), it's just the way life is. Sheesh!
What's the point of complaining when life is full of people out there. This is just one way to see other people not in your path. Can't take it as the only source of finding someone that is YOUR someone. That'd be silly.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:36:32 AM | Arlo's right. Listen to him! (He's a Ninja! 
Internet dating is NOT hard. It's all the stupid second-guessing and game-playing that makes it SEEM hard. People, both men and women, need to stop all the silly posturing and actually get around to meeting one another.
But, I guess it's easier to just sit around and kvetch.
BUT nobody should feel like or decide to just meet anyone at all. What's the point in that? If there's sense of some possibility there, then just be up front about it. That's the other sitting around and kvetching session I see on these forums. And that's just lame eh? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:47:40 AM | | ^ Gotta wonder what some of the obsessive whiners around here would actually be like in a relationship! God, I think I'd go nuts having someone who was *always* whining like a little kid all the time if/when they didn't get their way. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:04:47 PM |
Remember that film in high school biology of all the little sperm wiggling their tails around the big egg? We may not have known it then, but we guys were getting a glimpse in our future on-line dating prospects.
Well, let's assume for a second that this is totally true. Is a guy better off to complain about it and throw up his hands in the air in defeat, or should he accept this as reality and go from there.
Let's equate it to looking for a job. You can argue it's unfair that the really good jobs are so hard to get and the field of applicants is so competitive. But, you're better off to understand and accept this as a reality, and do everything you can to be one of the top applicants. Now, you may not get the job, but by putting your best foot forward at least you can be secure in your knowledge that you did everything you could.
Online dating is a tough, competitive environment. Too many people get this idea that they are entitled to get what they want. It doesn't work that way. You can argue it's unfair, but it's not going to change. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 1:02:16 PM | (KfromKali) Arlo's right. Listen to him! (He's a Ninja!
With a Black Belt in L-O-V-E!!!
(KfromKali) BUT nobody should feel like or decide to just meet anyone at all. What's the point in that?
*shrug* The impression I very often get is, that a lot of women have the impression that a coffee meet is tantamount to a marriage proposal. It's a FREAKIN COFFEE MEET!!! If I ask to meet for coffee, I'm NOT expecting you to "put out", or even to MAKE out; I'm NOT expecting you to bear my children; I'm NOT expecting you to hop in my Lear jet and fly across the Atlantic to view my vineyards in France. The ONLY thing I'm expecting is, "Gee, this was nice; we should get together again!" or, "Thanks for the coffee!"
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:07:10 PM |
Just how hard is it to actually meet you? (not you personally, but in general)
Thank you, Arlo, for clarifying that that wasn't directed to me personally! I have TRIED to meet several people. Usually the guy has "something come up" and I get strung along with reason after reason why they can't meet me right now. And, of course, I've been stood up more than once......like nearly everyone else here has.
Last week I met someone pretty quickly from here on POF.....I do think it's helpful to say to someone that's interested in you, that you don't want to email or chat forever and you prefer a face-to-face SOON! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:15:18 PM | | It is clear online dating favors women over men. Decent looking women are like kids in a candy shop as they have a vast array of guys to date. They just wake up one day and they have to read 5-10 emails and respond to the ones they like. Ok most of those emails are not substantial from uninspired guys, but still it is much better than almost nothing... But if you are a men and you can play your card right, you can get alot of dates online. It does involve some investment on your part... Such as taking good pictures of yourself, writing an amazing profile and knowing how to deal with girls online to land the first date. I would agree that if you are an average guy, online dating sucks alot compared to real life dating. | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:17:11 PM | I wouldn't worry about it buddy. It sounds like you're trying to compete with women lol
give it up buddy. .... sex is all about women ;-) end of story.
men have sex, ... women are sex
refocus & reprioritize | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:37:59 PM |
Last week I met someone pretty quickly from here on POF.....I do think it's helpful to say to someone that's interested in you, that you don't want to email or chat forever and you prefer a face-to-face SOON!
Have that in my profile, actually; doesn't seem to help any. Actually, had three disappear into the Bermuda Triangle of PoF messaging at roughly the same time. Meh -- NEXT.
Thing is, I can sympathize to a large extent with people who get down over it -- constant rejection/negative experience takes its toll, no question about it. But, on the other hand, WHY stay and compete in a medium where you're not getting the results you want? If Internet dating is so hard -- get off the Internet, FFS, and get active elsewhere. Don't go somewhere, though, expecting to "meet chicks" -- it'll just happen.
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:58:23 PM | | And when u have a good pic up they will review your profile and that is it , maybe girls around my age but i do have to admit that i am 30 yrs old and i had 2 women 47 being interested in me and i chickened out . | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:00:19 PM | | Girls my age or around it ( 30) are not here to meet anybody because i have actually had girls tell me that guys on here are only after xxx and they all think that guys r jerks there are alot of bitter angry women on here which are only here to get attention and reject people it is a HIGH . | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:22:25 AM | A lot of North American women tend to have negative opinions about men in general. I'm not saying that all guys are great, but at the same time we're not all bad either. Women tend to go for the guys in demand. Tall guys, for instance. I have an older brother who's 6'1". He's had (at last count) 5 kids and 2 of them were from affairs he had while he was married. Meanwhile, average and nice guys get passed over completely. Or we get put into the Friends Zone and have to hear our female 'friends' talk bad about the guys they go for.
I've done much better with foreign girls I've met while living in big cities and travelling abroad. They didn't care I was only 5'7". Especially Latin women. They seemed to appreciate the fact I wasn't a womanizer. Double standards have been around for a long time. In ancient Rome, a man could divorce his wife if she cheated on him, but not vice-versa since it was expected that men would have women on the side. Even nowadays Latin men tend to have women on the side. However, if given a choice, modern Latin women won't put up with it. My grandmother may have put up with my Spanish-American grandfather cheating on her, but my mom wouldn't put up with her Italian-American husband cheating on her. Amazing what a difference there can be between the generations. What I like about Latin women is they don't mind being women. To me, too many North American women try to be like men, and frankly I'd much rather have a woman in my bed, someone who can cook is good for starters.  I'm enough of a liberal (hopefully not wussified!) American male that I don't mind sharing some of the housework, especially if my woman works outside the home also.
There are American women I'd go for, but I don't think I'm going to find her on a dating site. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:22:38 AM |
Girls my age or around it ( 30) are not here to meet anybody because i have actually had girls tell me that guys on here are only after xxx and they all think that guys r jerks there are alot of bitter angry women on here which are only here to get attention and reject people it is a HIGH .
You can't speak for all 30-something women. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:30:08 AM | I've come to the conclusion that the man I seek would not be posting negative posts on here. Most men that post are extremely negative about women on the site in general. Why would I want to date someone like that?!!
As for pictures, well yes women AND men go for the picture - initially. I've proven it time and time again. And guess what?! Instead of bemoaning that fact, I just accept it. Just because someone is attracted by a pic doesn't mean they are a bad person.
In person would you try to "pick up" someone you find unattractive? NO YOU WOULD NOT.
I changed my pic recently and I've had more "action" on here than I did in the past year. What does that say? Now should I discount these men just because they were attracted by a pic?! No. Should I become bitter and complain that men are only interested in looks?! No. That would be silly and a waste of anger. I'd rather rail against bad drivers!
In any case, it's once we get past the looks and into the "meat" of the real person that we will ultimately decide. But looks is what will start the process, then the profile. This only applies to people with photos of course lol.
If you don't like it, take your pic off and date only people without pics. Simple. Logical.
I've also proven (to myself at least) that people are attracted to people who are busy. It says that they are not desperate or focused only on this one goal of being with someone. How that equation is figured out, I have no idea because you could have someone who appears that way, but really is not. In any case, everytime I get really busy with regular life, I tend to have a hard time fitting dates in! I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean, if anything! It's very annoying lol. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:37:39 AM | "It is okay not to settle when you have reasonable standards. The problem is many people ( not necessary you ) have expectations that are too high and unrealistic. They have a huge list of requirements that very few people would match. "
unrealistic, maybe. but you cant really say someone sets the bar too high.
maybe theyd prefer to be alone if they cant make that hale marry shot at their ideal match.
being on your own isnt always so bad. | |
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