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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:52:18 PM | So much of the time I feel that a lot of the emails I receive from men are "stock letters" that they send to me and everyone else. Unless I can tell that someone took the time to read my profile and wrote a customized letter to ME, and of course must send his picture along with it, then of course I will not or cannot takes him seriously. Also, it is really sad the number of people who are looking on these sites - mainly to see what people they may be missing when in actuality they are either married or in a relationship with someone already. Be a man or woman and wait till the ink dries on your divorce papers before signing up for a dating website because otherwise it makes you look really bad.
Best of luck to all!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:58:09 AM | | I agree you can do much better in the grocery store than online. I have friends in Ukraine and they have an approximate equivalent to plenty of fish. It is a free online dating service. It is called your-ideal dot com. It is all in Russian. It also has a bit of the E-harmony thing going as it is a personality based matchmaking. The ratio of girls to guys is about equal. The atmosphere is so very different from here in North America. Of coarse pretty much everything else there is very different. It is so much much easer to meet someone online there. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:48:31 AM | So much of the time I feel that a lot of the emails I receive from men are "stock letters" that they send to me and everyone else. Unless I can tell that someone took the time to read my profile and wrote a customized letter to ME,
And that STILL doesn't work. I used to make well, thought out letters, only to have them deleted....after that, I made them a bit shorter and more standard.....with a few questions about them in their profile in regards to their profile.
It's also kind of funny, when you've seen and emailed every single woman that you put in your search criteria in your 50 mile geographic area STILL on a dating site, looking, and of course rejected your email....and are still actively seeking on these sites.....the same faces across ALL sites, across the board after you emailed them ALL.....what can you do next?
I figured joining ANOTHER dating site would solve that...but if you do.....you see the same people there too! LOL. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:57:59 AM | Perhaps you should look for a different kind of woman - not necessarily the greatest outer beauty but one of inner beauty which in the end should win because that is a beauty that is lasting.
Best Wishes! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:51:40 AM | This is such an easy venue! Everybody here is looking for a relationship of some sort. What happens now ...after you realize that, is the fun part. There is no other arena that I am aware where eveyone has that same objective and you can jump right in. Does that mean "the one" for you is here? Of course not. Does that mean if she (he) is, will you two recognize each other? Let's hope so...but still probably not.
I suggest you send every email out like you would a wink across the bar. You hope that there is a positive response...but you are not going to wait and see, as there is someone else to wink at! Now go wink at the next person. .....and the next..... | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:17:26 AM | I think for men the best way to approach internet dating is to not contact women.. rather make your profile and photos attractive, post in the forums -- especially the local ones -- and let them come to you.
You don't catch a fish by jumping in the water and flailing about frantically... set your bait and be patient. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:57:24 AM | Obviously not all women are successful in this site or others. When I first joined this site I got 3 emails the next day, after that maybe 1 more and that's it! The same happened to a friend that is much better looking than me. It's not only women that are picky, men are too!  | |
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AKS26
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 1708 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:10:05 PM | | Ya know, I hafta disagreee. I have been on sites, and winked at guys I found attractive or shared some interests with. NO responses! So u can imagine I wanna do THAT again!I'm not trying 2 say I'm all that, but I'm not something the cat dragged in. Maybe guys are shy too? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:56:06 PM | I think for men the best way to approach internet dating is to not contact women.. rather make your profile and photos attractive, post in the forums -- especially the local ones -- and let them come to you.
You don't catch a fish by jumping in the water and flailing about frantically... set your bait and be patient.
The problem with this is that many average looking men don't receive a lot of initial contacts. When they do, it is often from women who are much different than what he is looking for. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:05:55 PM | Uniquewoman123 Said,
Perhaps you should look for a different kind of woman - not necessarily the greatest outer beauty but one of inner beauty which in the end should win because that is a beauty that is lasting.
What you say here sounds good in and of itself. But the bad thing about it is and i don't mean to sound mean but even the ones with the inner beauty tend to ignore there messages. I know guys on here that have sent messages to average looking women and still get shot down. Some of the guys i know have even gotten messages back from these average looking women saying that he isn't what she is looking for. In other words there are some women on here that think they look better than what they really do. Just another one of those things that makes some wonder what there doing here. I don't know, Maybe men should do as i stated in a previous post. Go to there local grocery store meat dept, and talk to women there. They would have better luck . Here, Some of them seem to want a man to jump through hoops just to get there attention. I don't think that at your local grocery store a woman would want you to jump over ten items or less to get her attention. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:18:28 PM | hi ; just find a bright red farrari or black , take a picture leaning on it and wait for the deluge of emails from the bottom dwellers looking for mega bucks , they think they hit the lottery then !
LOL lol LOL | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:41:30 PM |
The problem with this is that many average looking men don't receive a lot of initial contacts. When they do, it is often from women who are much different than what he is looking for.
You wouldn't be referring to "average" women would you? No...that would be hypocrisy...can't be...
What you say here sounds good in and of itself. But the bad thing about it is and i don't mean to sound mean but even the ones with the inner beauty tend to ignore there messages. I know guys on here that have sent messages to average looking women and still get shot down. Some of the guys i know have even gotten messages back from these average looking women saying that he isn't what she is looking for.
This mentality bothers me - it essentially says you hate being turned down by women you don't want anyway, and that women who are less than good looking should be grateful and respond to anyone who messages them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:24:24 PM | djchickie401 When i said this,
What you say here sounds good in and of itself. But the bad thing about it is and i don't mean to sound mean but even the ones with the inner beauty tend to ignore there messages. I know guys on here that have sent messages to average looking women and still get shot down. Some of the guys i know have even gotten messages back from these average looking women saying that he isn't what she is looking for.
All i was stating was the truth. Don't take it out of context. I have already stated that i don't care if a woman answers me or not. The only reason i am here is because i like the forums and i enjoy reading them. I also have a few friends here that tell me how they are doing on the site. My profile is hidden and it has been that way for a long time. From what i am told and what i read the site is pretty much a failure. No one wants to talk to each other. Everyone pretty much ignores each other be it the pretty people or the average. In other words everyone seems to be shooting everyone down. It doesn't matter if your average, above average or somewhere in between on line dating doesn't work. That's the point i was trying to make. As far as on line goes it doesn't matter if you have the inner beauty or not. Your gonna get shot down because people on here do not give other people a chance to show there inner beauty. Read/delete/ignore as i have already said is the order of the day here for men and women. In other words in a way i am agreeing with you. Get out from in front of your computer. You will have better luck.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:59:20 PM | | I hear you brother. I am good looking, professional, and funny as hell and like yourself don't get any emails. It takes a lot of energy to compose a good message and you don't even get a "no thank you" and of course the dreaded unread and deleted will surely boil your blood. I stopped sending emails. Chasing these spoiled princesses simply isn't worth it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:39:17 PM | | "Good looking" is subjective. I am hot looking to some men, damn unattractive to others. How can this be? Because everyone has different things they find attractive in a person, some see appearance as what makes someone attractive, some find another person attractive due to their personality. Men who think they are all that and a bag of chips are unattractive to many women, there is a difference between self confidence and conceit. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:53:02 PM | COMPACTDISC Said
I very rarely contact any women these days, i just sit back and wait for them to contact me first, at least when they contact me first i will know they are showing some interest towards me.
You hit the nail right on the head. Just let them come to you. When my mother and dad were raising me i was taught that it was the mans place to pursue the woman. I have found over the years that to be true out in the real world. But, On line dating doesn't seem to work that way. I don't know why, I wish i did. All i do know is when i quit being the one that initiated the conversation the women started coming to me. That is how i met the one i have been seeing now here. To be honest i am a old fashion kind of guy that still believes in the way i was taught from a boy. But it doesn't work here.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:02:56 PM | well it happened that i wasnt raised that women can contact men. In my culture we (women)dont contact men--dont think that im not assertive it has nothing to do about it , i didnt say that i want to be treated like a princess---i dont like that, either . I still believe that men do the first move, if you want to wait for me to do the move...its not going to happen, im not a snob.I dont contact people if they dont contact me FIRST.
No wonder, i signed here for almost 3 weeks now, ive seen someone viewed me lots of times, i like him but he never iniated to say "hi " to me so i assumed I was not his type.But oh well,i still have lots of fish to catch--no shortage of men here at POF. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:11:08 PM | | fifi47, That's another point i was trying to make. It's not just women it's men to. I think what it is,It's something i have seen written on another forum. Everybody thinks that the one there looking for, The perfect one is just around the corner. There are so many on here that they think they can have there pick. To me that is also conceit. There was a lady one time on another forum said she was waiting for that elite 10%. If you wait for that elite 10% and shoot down the 90% because you think you will finally hit that 10% your waiting for, Well, That's crazy because you have no idea where that elite 10% is in the 100%. It could be in the 90% that got shot down. But, Theres people that think that way. Kinda sad, but true. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:26:22 AM | Hi Ebors,
The answer is so obvious that I think your own ego is blinding it to you. Don't just judge a person on their photo,that's what all the narcistic self indulgers do. Why not read a persons profile without looking at their photo,or contact someone who doesn't have a photo. I must congratulate all the women that can resist the unbelievable attraction they MUST have whenever they see your photo,perhaps they are less shallow than just judging a person on their photo. As an old departed friend of mine used to say"Friend,if you were Chocolate,you would eat yourself" | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:08:09 AM | Hey it's a cruel world and we all tend to get bitter when things 'ain't workin out'...fact is the ratio of guys to girls on a datin site usually runs 3-1 up... but rarely less than 2-1 so that seems to put the guys at a disadvantage, and with the size of the sites now there ain't enough time in the month to check em all out...so many of us men and women alike tend to bypass reality and check out what we can't have...like a kid in a big toyshop we come away crying...ok' I know it's not really true but you get the idea.
I guess that because of the vast numbers here, the way we conduct our searches and look at emails tends to narrow our fields in perhaps a wrong way allowing us to miss opportunities, I for instance am the 'wrong side of 50' putting me in a pipe and slippers category for many...lol, and I mostly get mail from the 'Blue Rinse brigade'
But more seriously I would like to see 'more' women taking an active role in contacting the guys... Yes I know many of you do, but there are a hellova lot of guys out there that are just ichin for mail that doesn't say "good luck on your search". | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:43:59 AM |  The ratio does favor the women on Internet dating at least on PoF. There are still a lot more men, but the ratio is better on sites like E-Harmony. Let me quickly interject some caveats before you think me a squid minion of E-H. My experience on all the Internet dating sites has been very, very similar.
If you are extremely PC, are easily offended, or knock your own teeth out after the age of 12 waiting for the Tooth-fairy then just  stop reading now for all our sakes.
Guys have ads up for awhile. They are lucky to get a couple of dates before giving up and taking their ad down. A few months later, these guys put their ads back up, and the cycle continues.
On the women's side, things seem to work differently ...
There are mostly "3"s looking for "7"s. If you look at the turn-over rate on the folks on any of these sites, you'll note that most of the ladies leave their profiles up for months and months and months.
What does that tell you?
It could mean a lot of things, but here are a few that I have seen in practice.
Could be that the lady never actually meets anyone and does not intend to. She might not even ever respond to messages. She might have put the ad up in a drunken state one night and never looked at it again. If she has the settings on her profile to allow you to see her last login then you can at least tell whether she actually logs in once in a while. This kind of ad can stay up forever without resolve.
Could be that the lady enjoys the hunt, but she is not interested in settling down. The nice thing about having impossibly high standards is that everyone eventually will disappoint you, and then you are free to continue the chase. A lot of men would apparently like to meet this kind of lady, but the variety of lady I'm referencing would be horrified and mortally offended for someone to suggest that she enjoyed the hunt. Dating experiences with this sub-culture of ladies tend to be on the psychotic side. Her words and actions do not match, and the man is left confused at best. This kind of lady's ad generally stays up until she moves on to another dating site.
Could be that the lady really would like to meet someone nice and has a clear idea of what he is like. The idealized "he" is a 7+, but the sad reality is that she is a 2 or a 3. That is not designed to be a mean comment. Look at how many ads from divorced woman with kids say things like "no baggage allowed." At the face of it, a statement like that is ridiculous, but it is not ridiculous enough that it doesn't happen in a large fraction of the ads. So, she searches and searches ... *sigh* alas, in vain. Once in a great while, this lady meets a guy who seems to meet her criteria, and Ugly Betty goes out with Brad Pitt and then is shocked! when it turns out that Brad is interested in sex on the third date. Well I never!!! Then she settles back into looking for "the real thing" for the next couple of years. This kind of ad stays up until the lady in question is "ready to settle." It is often an age related thing. There is some magic age that she crosses where suddenly she thinks "I'm not marketable anymore," and she drops the bar a few notches and finds a man quickly.
Could be that the lady seems like a nice, talented woman, but she has a "dark secret." She can hide the darkness for a while, but eventually when she gets comfortable the monster pops out in all its glory. Occasionally there are warning signs like she says, "all my previous relationships have ended with him cheating on me. All 70 of my previous relationships." Well, it should come as no surprise when you two eventually break up that she accuses you of cheating on her. Do not be surprised if female co-workers tell you about your girlfriend stalking them.
There are some frustrated, unhappy guys on these sites, and there are a lot of unhappy ladies too.
Take care,
Brian | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:16:51 AM | why do guys put pictures of their dogs and motorcycles on their postings
My motorcycle is a Chinese built piece of crap and I would be ashamed to post a picture of it. On the other hand, the dog picture on my profile is my best friend's parent's dog, and she is a sweetheart, and it just happens to be the most recent picture I have of myself. Fortunately I have lost twenty pounds since that picture was taken. As far as posting pictures of our "toys", women are almost as bad about it as men. Lots of pictures of women with motorcycles on here.
Internet "dating" sucks for everybody. We have all had bad relationships, and are looking for that perfect match that doesn't exist. Our expectations are too high, and at the first sign that (gasp!) we have faults, we tend to run away. Nothing worth having comes easy. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:35:39 AM | I stopped sending emails. Chasing these spoiled men is simply not worth it.
I stopped even trying to look. Internet dating doesn't work. I used to send messages, but I would get either ignored or just deleted. I get about 1 email every six months. Even the guys who get 3 or 4 a week are doing extremely well.
I am guessing that most of the men who are sending messages are sending them to a very few young/hot women. Most of the women I communicate with here are NOT getting emails from any men.
The answer? Get out into the real world and meet real people. Go out and do the things you enjoy doing and meet people that way. Hangout online for the forums and expect nothing else. | |
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