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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:16:21 AM | I agree with you on a few of the things you said. I use Match.com, and have at least 7 women at a time. I either don't get a response, or I get a 'not interested. If they aren't interested then that's their loss. Most of the 7 that I have. I've kept the last couple months. They still aren't responding. The reason I kept some of them is because they live in the same city as me. I am a handsome, intelligent, witty, goal-oriented, ambitious, and educated man. I also have a few nice photos for my profile. For each of the 7+, I have sent almost 10 e-mails to each one without any kind of response. So, out of my current 7 or 8, plus the ones I had the last 3 months. I've had maybe 5 responses. I haven't gotten any girls that initiated contact with me first. When they did, they were either not nice or unattractive. I too, get a lot more looks of attention in the real world. And I am a good looking, nice, and honest guy. I have a lot of friends that are girls. But, thay are in my work place. I don't cosider myself as being desperate, but I'm getting there. I'm almost 38 for Christ sake! Most of the women around my age either already have kids, or don't want to have kids because they think they are to old to become pregnant.
Good luck,
fellow guy | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:32:20 AM | Dear Eborys
I was very moved by your story of woe. I have read your profile and am powerfully attracted to you. You can't fight something like this; it would be wrong. So, so wrong. Let's date, baby!!
Feline. :) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 8:09:17 AM | Honestly - I feel for the guys - it is a plight - tough getting interested emails, IM's, rejections, deletions, blocked, no responses on-line and even in real life – makes me glad I was born a woman.
I understand the natural inclination to be attracted to looks first as well - no one wants to wake up next to Quazimoto.
After reading tons of whining threads by women and men – the one thing that stands out to this female in the threads geared towards men’s responses are the posts that come from other men basically saying – it’s life, deal with it – or actually have some good advice to offer the OP, like checking out the forums to read what women ‘really’ want.
Those guys are for real – they are attractive to most women and will find what they’re looking for sooner rather than later. They’ve learned to live in the real world and don’t complain about it, men have been fighting over women for centuries and it’s no different now. The winners are usually the ones that learn to play the game of life and not whine and complain about the way it’s set up.
Unfortunately the negative posters are just that – no one pursues interest in negative people, it’s just not natural and a persons natural negativity or tainted view of the opposite sex will spew forth at some point, either in the forums, a one line phrase in their profile or thru conversation.
If you want to win – put your smiley face on, throw a little humor in the mix, stop seeking model quality material unless you’re prepared to deal with the thousands of others seeking same and hang in there, the women I know are out there looking for the positive guys. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 8:54:17 AM | Ahh frosty - hopefully you quickly realized they're full of shit, don't know what they want - wasted some of your valuable time and much as it sucks, get back in the game right?
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lohki
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Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 157 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:01:39 AM | um.. here's to sarcasm!!
{Dear Eborys
I was very moved by your story of woe. I have read your profile and am powerfully attracted to you. You can't fight something like this; it would be wrong. So, so wrong. Let's date, baby!!
Feline. :)}
ebroys was deleted in '05 for creating fake profiles.. hmmm
so kids,.. looks like questions we want answers to are most likely right in front of our wee leetle noses.
internet dating is like anyother kind.. you have to be a fantazmo marketer, and have a bit of humor.
~dire straits says ..money for nothin and chicks for free! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:28:30 AM |
Girls dont initiate contact or are reluctant to so the guys have to do all the messaging Not true, I for one initiate contact quit often actually , but i've also noticed that when I do it just never works out somehow , the men lose interest mostly.
Shrugs. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:34:20 AM | yea yea it tought on us poor guys makes me want to cry really I had nothing to say I just wrote that because I was reading the po and saw u post and I had to see your profile again awsome pictures hulahoney just thought I let you know you remind me of looking at marilyn monroe nice ok so I didnt want to fight theres no law saying u can read and check the ladys chill out guys | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:55:19 AM |
If I were to hazard a guess you are only contacting the girls who look like supermodels. That's your first mistake. Cast a wider net.
That's a very important point.....so many men on this site complain about women not repsponding to their e-mails but they are only focusing on a very specific type of woman. I understand everyone has there preferences...but don't complain if the women don't reply....they are beautiful and beautiful people can pretty much do what they want in life and on POF........try contacting a women who may not be the prettiest on the site but who might be funny, intelligent, warm...whatever!
Oh.......and go hunt......you guys were made the hunters for a reason! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 10:19:40 AM | | Wow, I'm shocked. You honestly think it's easy for us out here? Hmmmmm ?!?! Just for the record, I respond to every single email I receive. Picture, no picture. I read every profile that is sent my direction. Common courtesy is a must in this venue. No one likes to be ignored. I have no idea how other's handle their mail, but I appreciate every response, even if it is clearly obvious there is no sparked interest, and there most likely will not be any further communication. Maybe I'm doing it wrong??? I don't think so!!! I just don't think being openly rude is necessary. | |
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Mertz
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Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 162 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 11:19:50 AM | I've had really good luck meeting friends on POF (I'm not here to date) but when I started out I saw a lot of the same thing and got discouraged. Don't let it hammer your self confidence. You *must* remember that POF is not a reflection of reality in any way aside from the fact that there are real people on the other end that you have to be considerate of.
This will sound like a blanket assessment, but some women who would never have a guy give them the time of day otherwise get on POF and suddenly have ten lonely guys emailing them based on a few carefully angled photographs and a short text blurb. They get to pick and choose, a luxury they don't have in the real world because of self-esteem issues, lack of a personality, or in a few cases they're looking to cheat on their significant other. It's a role a lot of them haven't experienced before and it's easy for egos to swell.
Guys, remember: POF is a free site. Most of the "girls" that show interest to you on pay sites aren't really girls at all. They're either scripts they run or paid employees who email unpaid M4F profiles with winks or whatever to get them to sign up. Once these unsuspecting rubes sign up they discover much of the same situation you described here on POF; an empty inbox and not a single woman fawning over them. Just be glad you're not out $29.95. ;) | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 11:39:31 AM | Yes, Women do have a choice because they can be as picky or demanding as they want to..
It does put lot of pressure on men that do make a proflie and add a picture to be the very best that can be BEFORE they meet any woman of any kind...
As a result, A lot of high grade men or those with untold promise are left to fend for themselves in a growing circle of on-line lonelyness, called that can last for years with no cure but to degrade themselves to a level where they can be claimed by people such as myself.. Personally, I dont care .... The best thing you can do.. and I know women of all ages will cry out in so called frustration.. Is to give the underdog a chance,besides there are many-- Movies -- that show that this very does work and work well for both people.
I understand that women do a reason to wait as they say, and of course break many hearts along the way I have learned that you cant buy and sell love and i do mean - true love - The true problem is this " Men have to be patient and Women have to listen no matter what.. and people such as myself would not exist. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:27:46 PM | You can't be serious. You don't think we have to effectively market ourselves. PLEASE. Oh, and yes, the men are literally lining up to send each and every one of us endless email. And every single man on this site is not only datable, but marriage material. Come on guys, the victim role isn't very appealing, it sucks for all of us. It's tough to weed through the crap we get in our inboxes. I have met 6 men who lied about their age, one stalking idiot that wanted to "lick me like a lollipop" and a host of other fine specimens to choose from, I am personally feeling like I've won the lottery. NOT!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:35:14 PM | | seems the **hot** looking guys gets all the action so to speak...stay real and do real trime things.youll meet the right one faster..dont seemm to be to much happiness comming from these dating sites | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:39:46 PM | one stalking idiot that wanted to "lick me like a lollipop"
Note To Self: Fantastic original new line is, apparently not so fantastic...or original
Back to the drawin board (I thought it sounded so sweet and sexy too!! DOH!)
P.S> I like the point regarding those who do not normally get hit on now having super egos and not having the training or practice of grace while being sought after. I find this true. SO many of these girls have learned that one of the best parts or "must dos" of being sought after... is being able to reject someone and think yourself above them. [THAT is there own personal problem.]
(Give em a few years with their egos and they will learn better grace and class I think)
P.S. Greeneyes; YOU are a terrific role model for the "classy pretty lady" set. A reply is just that, courtesy. Replying does not mean you are agreeing to sell your soul or body to some dude. Think out a reply that is friendly, maybe complimentary..but true..and nobody can fault you anything. (After awhile; it just comes naturally and effortlessly)
And to those who have new found popularity or sex appeal? Remember how few hits you got while you were NICE in the real world? Now..try it when you're a conceeded vain snob who thinks your far above who you are. (ouch?) Snobs...never get people casting warm glows their way.. Nice people....have their angels. ;)
Dating is not a dilemna..where you sleep with someone...or hate them and have them hate you..as the enemy. Having people respect you....and have nothing bad to say about you....EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THEM REALLY..is a pretty terrific bank of kharma, | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:32:29 PM | | lets face the facts-- when women get on dating sites, they act like arrogant b!tches-- plain and dry... the proof is in all these threads on the subject from guys all around the world. Whats the reason though? Who are you talking to? Who in the hell could these females could be talking to all the time if they're not talking to the men on here? Women explain to me the logic in what you're doing | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 11:13:56 AM | I do think internet dating is in the women's favour. But the downfall for them is they get bombarded with so many emails and alot of them are either just a boring "Hi how are you" or perverted or a novel. So the thing is us men are damned if we do, and damned if we don't. Double edged sword as the more emails one gets, the more "selective" she can be on who she thinks she wants to answer.
I have too many bad experiences with online dating over the past year and so I choose not to publicly display my pictures. I do attach a picture or two when I send out a message.
But all in all it is a crap shot and not in our favour. I think there are way more non replies than replies for sure. The most I get is a read message but no reply. So either she has no time to reply, or just leaves the messages she reads in her inbox and lets them delete by itself after 30 days.
Women have never contacted me ever on this site nor the other site I used to use, first. I always had to initiate but rarily got responses.
I do get some here but because my messages back and forth have nothing to do with sex, meeting up right away etc. It is more about each other, the things each enjoys doing etc.
And there are just a handful of people who do chat to me on here and I have probably sent out about 100 messages and got maybe 8 who replied back. But who cares, I enjoy the forums more.
The ones who do mostly reply back are usually out of town seen as we both know there is no chance of meeting or if there is, it is just making a new friend really. But I do not let it get to me, ya in the beginning it was a bit discouraging but after I say so what. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:27:30 PM | | Yes, we women do get a lot of e-mails per day without even sending emails to men, BUT it's either sexually filled messages or it's someone saying "you're hot".I hate that BS more than anything.I would reply if the ugliest person on earth or if a man with no photo and a decent profile sent a decent message, I definately would reply.However, all I get is guys sending me their phone numbers in the first email asking me to call them ,or asking me to go out with them, or asking to send some more pictures.I mean really it's so frustrating.I'd rather not get any emails at all than get something like the ones I usually do.So, that's why I ignore or block these people.But goodluck to you, I hope you find someone nice. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:50:44 PM | Wow, sayonara7 you're such a hypocrite... I sent you an email a while back that didn't mention sex, didn't ask for pictures, didn't send or ask for a phone number, or anything like that... And you didn't respond and deleted the email... What was indecent about it? I'm not looking for sex, just someone to talk to, hang out with, or someone just to go hiking with or play tennis with. Since you mentioned that you liked hiking, I decided to email you. How was that so inappropriate that you wouldn't reply, after all you just said?
For all the women out there reading this: There are decent guys on here, ones who aren't looking for sex, or anything inappropriate. When you get a message from someone who appears to be of this supposedly extinct breed, please at least respond, so we don't get the impression that no one wants a decent guy anymore (as much as many profiles say they do). Even if you're not interested, at least send a short reply saying as much. And if you don't, please don't go complaining to everyone there's no decent guys anymore. It only makes the decent guys that are here even more frustrated.
Okay, that's the end of my rant. I'm just tired of hearing that there aren't any decent guys anymore when people completely ignore the ones that are there. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:04:06 PM | Yea so now I'm a hypocrite.......?I've stated I'd delete an email from a guy WHO ASKS ME OUT IN THE FIRST EMAIL, this is what I posted in this forum.That's exactly what you did, you said you'd want to go out on a hiking with me,ofcourse I deleted your email. Do you honestly think any girl would go out with you for hiking reading the first email from you.I mean, you know there's something called getting to know each other before jumping to conclusions.You could be the nicest guy ever, but asking someone out on the first email that you send just proves you're after sex and nothing else.
By the way, I have no grudge against you so I hope you find someone nice but please do check facts before shouting at someone with no reason just because she deleted your email.Take it like a man for God's sake.
Thank you! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:19:05 PM | BTW, I have had luck on some sites... I've met some nice people through yahoo personals, but nothing that worked out ultimately (got a couple good friends out of it, though). I actually got a great girlfriend from true.com, but that didn't work out either (still friends with her too). I have been on some sites that send fake emails to guys to get them to pay the subscription cost... I can tell those sites by the random emails or flirts from attractive women that don't seem my type at all; especially when those come about once a month... I've made some nice online friends on a couple Catholic singles sites, but it's hard finding anyone local on those sites (especially since I live in southwest GA), so haven't really dated anyone from one of those...
As for this site, I've gotten one email, from someone who isn't what I'm looking for... I still sent a nice reply, even offering to chat if she was interested (since I don't mind making new friends), and haven't heard back. And I've managed to chat with one person on here, who seemed like a nice person, but I could tell she wasn't really interested in me, and probably only chatted with me since we were both in Georgia and originally from Virginia. I've emailed a lot of women, but that's all the luck I've had.
I guess the disadvantage of this being a free site is that since anyone can email anyone, women get tons of emails and it's hard to stand out. I've tried coming up with creative titles and I always try to talk about things in her profile that interest me, but even that doesn't make it stand out. At least on pay sites, if you're actually a paid member and email someone, it stands out and shows that you're serious.
So here's a question: What actually causes a woman to initiate an email? Do women on here actually do that, or do they get too much attention from guys to bother looking on their own? Any suggestions to us guys for us to stand out? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:25:24 PM | | Okay sayonara7, it's true I asked if you'd be interested in going hiking sometime... However, I also stated quite clearly in the email that it didn't have to be a date and that I just wanted someone to hike with. It sounds like you're the one jumping to conclusions, since I've never asked for sex from anyone, in email or in person. I've never had sex, and I'm not looking for it (not until I'm married). If you assume that everyone who even suggests hanging out in their first email is only looking for sex, you're only doing yourself a disservice. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:33:07 PM | You probably hate me now Voronwe13, but anyway, well firstly be yourself...well I know you are a nice guy, but I'm just giving advice, and I'm sure some girls would like to be asked out in the first email but there might be 1 in a 1000 who wouldn't, so just send an email telling her that you liked her PROFILE and not her picture, women tend to like it when men call them a nice person as compared to a hot or a sexy woman. Being funny helps, women generally like men with a great sense of humor but not the sleazy ones unless you have known the woman for long.Well talking about intelligent stuff won't hurt but this depends upon the person you're emailing, like is she a professional,college student,or someone who just sounds intelligent but isn't any of those.However, there are always some exceptions, like some women wouldn't like you to be talking about stem cell research when she wants to talk about some crazy popstar.I guess it just takes intution.Not all women look at whether the guy emailing you has a picture or not.They just look at the way you've written the email.Women generally look deep into things than men do, so they come out as judgemental and mean sometimes, but that's how we are.No spelling/grammatical mistakes helps a lot too.The point is to be yourself and be genuine.That's all it takes, nothing more.
Goodluck ,hope you have a great day/night. | |
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