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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:39:08 PM | I agree with Eborys. It is very, very rare for me to get any sort of reply from anyone at all. I have a pic on my profile, and I most definitely do not e-mail only the supermodels. What really sucks is when the women say in their profile, "write me something that shows you've read my profile." Then you do, and you still get no response. Of course you don't expect a reply in every single case, but never to get any replies at all, EVER, is a real downer. I rarely even message anyone on this site anymore because it is such a huge waste of time. If I put a ton of effort into it, possibly I could get a date or two out of it, but with all the other things I could be doing it just doesn't seem worth it. I've been on this site, on & off, for over a year. The one face-to-face meeting I did make turned out to be a real flake with serious personality problems.
Back when Match.com was a free site (around 2000 or 2001) I met an incredible lady through an amazing stroke of luck, and we had a nice five-year run. Since that ended I've begun to believe we only get one gift like that on the Internet in this lifetime. I have had OK luck meeting women in more mainstream venues. I have had no luck at all on this site, or on any Internet dating site.
Only thing I can suggest is to check in only every once in a while for entertainment value. Send messages only when you can be sure you won't think about the results AT ALL. Explore other ways of meeting people. Speed dating. Lock & key parties. Whatever it takes. And stay positive. Good things do happen, especially when you're least expecting it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:59:43 PM | It doesn't matter how long a hiatus I take from the forums, this topic just keeps crawling back up. It's like****oaches during a nuclear winter...or the " why wont men date a bbw"/"where r the good men"/"does sleeping with a guy on the first date send the wrong impression?/"are men and/or women poor widdle sufferwing wabbits"/et cetera ad nauseum topics that crop up every five to ten threads.
Here's the answer, OP.
Yes, it does suck for men. It also sucks for women. DATING JUST GENERALLY SUCKS. It's rife with worry, rejection, anger, depression, self-flagellation, often masturbation, and a few other negatives tossed in for flavor. The internet just makes it easier to dish out rejection, regardless of gender. Finding the right person is great, but don't expect a picnic when you walk into a sh*theap. Roll with the punches or get out of the ring until you can. Hey, it's what I did.
Also-- "Because bbw's aren't their type"
"They are clearly wherever your dating pool isn't"
"Yes."
"You clearly are."
"42"
You're welcome! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:00:56 PM | It sucks for women too, most of the guys on here want you to give them cyber sex, it gets old, besides i thought this was a Christian dating site. Come on guys we know you want sex, but what happened to good dating courtesy? There are plenty of porn sites out there for you all to masturbate with. We would just like to have a chance at maybe possibly having a good relationship with someone. We get lonesome too, but sex is sex, males can do it with out any attachment whatsoever. If you just want sex get a hooker!!!!!!!
It's very frustrating to get e-mails from guys saying they want friends with benefits, give us females a break. Keep your****in your pants for awhile.  | |
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4S
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Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 1881 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:18:37 PM | I agree that it sucks for both. There are just as many men that have unreasonable standards. Not all good women are celebrity athletic trainers with beach houses in St Barts. Dont ask us what our bra sizes are, dont insist we golf with you, dont send a one-sentence (or less) greeting.
Be REAL. Give us the same respect you would hope someone is giving your sister. That, in turn, makes it easier to like you. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:17:54 AM | (scooter0266) Or.... what about those, "I just did not feel a connection"... good luck in what you seek...
Whatever happened to just being friends, the type you can call upon for a simple "date"/get together??
*shrug* Because I'm not looking for a "friend", but a SO. If someone is looking for a friend, more power to her; but, she's not looking for, what I'm looking for.
OTOH, I see no reason to get snippy if it turns out that the relationship you thought you were both going for turns out not to have that "spark". Sure, it's a bit of a let-down, but it's easier to push a cooked strand of spaghetti uphill than it is to make a person feel that there's a "spark", when there isn't one.
Arlo  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:34:20 AM |
If you spread that on out into a month and 95% of those get read/deleted no wonder there are so many men that leave this site with a complex and in dire need of a psychiatrist.
I will never understand why there are guys that get upset when a woman turns them down.
If a woman reads/deletes an email, that is an expression of non interest ... a rejection. If a woman replies back with a “no thanks”, that is also an expression of non interest and also a rejection. Either way, the message and results are the SAME.
I don’t get why the whole read/delete thing is so traumatic for men, whereas being specifically told you’re being rejected is not something a guy should get upset about. Could it possibly be that being ignored is a much larger blow to the male EGO, than the actual rejection itself?
If that's the case, it's no wonder women don't see why read/deleting an email is such a big deal. We are quite accustomed to being ignored and we rarely interpret that as an affront to our identity or self esteem.
LH | |
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4S
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Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 1884 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:40:18 AM | | you know, I hadnt thought of it that way. since Im new, and I had messages ignored, I just kind of assumed that that was the "thanks but no thanks" etiquette. Maybe I do need to be more aware of it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:51:07 AM | LH:
The reason some men get frustrated is we read on these forums how some women want a personalized message not a cut and paste message sent to many women. We men spend a lot of time to contructsuch and e-mail and often times I see unread deleted in my sent box which means even though they say they want the personalized mesage they do not take the time to even read it. When I see read deleted I at least know she read it and it does not bother me.
A general post:
I have met several women from this site who rather than want to form something long lasting want to decide if they want to "jump into bed right away" as the measuring stick for getting to know me. Others want to know how much money I make what care I drive and what my job is before getting to know me better. I even have met a few who admit to going out with someone just to get a free dinner and lining up the next guy before ene meeting someone as they will date anyone for a free meal and they will not give a second date to a man unless he makes a high income and owns (not rents but owns) his own home. They say they know they can find what they are looking for as the internet has an almost endless supply of me. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:01:47 AM | Hrm...I've had several lasting relationships that I've found on the internet...3 that lasted 2 years or longer...and my current gal I met here on POF!
Methinks it's guys who don't know how to conform to society that fall by the wayside.
Bathe Daily.
Brush your teeth Daily. FLOSS. Use Mouthwash.
If you have hair, style it. If you have grey hair Grecian Formula or shave it off (shaving it off is the easiest to do, upkeep is the same as shaving yer face).
Get in some sort of Shape other than Homer Simpson Shape.
Be ballsy (grow a pair like Dan Fielding's!).
Be funny, do NOT be corny. (Diff between Johnny Carson & Conan O'Brien)
Take Fred Astaire dance lessons (20 to one ratio, you WILL find a partner).
Watch "The Tao of Steve" and freekin LEARN FROM IT!
Cultivate Lesbian Friends...they will teach you what women REALLY want in Relationships and Bed.
Keep a ditty bag in the trunk with toothbrush/paste, collared polo shirt (in the least), shampoo, soap, condoms (be a mensch), boxers, & khaki's.
Last but not least...DO YER KEEGLE EXERCISES!! That way when you DO get a gal in the bed, you impress the heck outta her.
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:12:05 AM |
If a woman reads/deletes an email, that is an expression of non interest ... a rejection. If a woman replies back with a “no thanks”, that is also an expression of non interest and also a rejection. Either way, the message and results are the SAME.
I don’t get why the whole read/delete thing is so traumatic for men, whereas being specifically told you’re being rejected is not something a guy should get upset about. Could it possibly be that being ignored is a much larger blow to the male EGO, than the actual rejection itself?
If that's the case, it's no wonder women don't see why read/deleting an email is such a big deal. We are quite accustomed to being ignored and we rarely interpret that as an affront to our identity or self esteem.
LH: Well said. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:44:55 AM | If that's the case, it's no wonder women don't see why read/deleting an email is such a big deal. We are quite accustomed to being ignored and we rarely interpret that as an affront to our identity or self esteem.
I don't necessary agree with this. Men in general are more likely to make initial contact whether it's on an internet dating site or at a club. Therefore more men have to deal with being ignored than women do in this circumstance. Perhaps if more women made initial contact, you would see more women complain about the read / delete. BTW not all or most men complain about the read / delete to the initial emails. A fair amount of men actually don't have a problem with the read / delete emails. Personally I would prefer to get a "Thanks, but no thanks" response to the initial email. But I wouldn't get angry over read /deleted emails. Complaining about being ignored is something that can apply to some people of both genders. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:35:24 PM | Stop relying in the Internet for dates. Internet dating should increase your choices, but you shouldn't put all of your eggs here. You say that you do better offline. Well, then stop complaining and get out there and get some beauties.
Personally, I think that most women on the net are fat, ugly, have too many children, or have some other feature that makes them undesireable. Quality women with their act together don't rely on the net. You shouldn't either, man.
If you're sending out that many emails then you DO have a problem. Maybe it's your profile. Put something truly unique in there!!! Bottom line though...yes, it is tougher for me, but so is offline too. Use both as resources for meeting women, but don't RELY on either one alone. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:43:00 PM |
Internet dating should NOT be your ONLY means of seeking a date. If you're having such a bad time, and it's depressing you so much, then the LOGICAL thing to do would be to go somewhere else, yes?
Stop relying in the Internet for dates. Internet dating should increase your choices, but you shouldn't put all of your eggs here. You say that you do better offline. Well, then stop complaining and get out there and get some beauties.
My sentiments exactly.
I live by two philosophies.
1. Relationships are not a major goal in my life to the extent where being without one changes my attitude or self worth. It's simply a phase in life...sometimes single, sometimes not, always happy with who you are regardless. Both situations have good points. Therefore if I pay attention while living my life and see something I like, then I'll investigate further - but I will not make it my reason for doing anything. That's a good way to depress yourself when things don't pan out.
2. Get out and about and just be social and meet people - and make it a variety of different places, ages, types of people. If you are actively out and about doing things you like or want to learn about, and expect nothing but to learn about different people along the way, you'll fall into a relationship by accident with someone who probably meets most of what you're looking for. The internet is a nice way to add to a bunch of other ways to be around people - but should never be your only source. Nor should bars, or any other one place. Life's what you make it, so get out there and start talking to everyone. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:15:23 PM | Stop relying in the Internet for dates. Internet dating should increase your choices, but you shouldn't put all of your eggs here.
I agree with this. Internet dating should be 1 option ( but not the only or primary option ) of finding dates. Same thing applies to clubs and other places.
Personally, I think that most women on the net are fat, ugly, have too many children, or have some other feature that makes them undesireable. Quality women with their act together don't rely on the net.
This might be true in some cases, but not necessary all or most. I used an internet dating site for a while. I'm not fat, ugly, have any kids, or any other 'undesirable' trait. Some women have used internet dating because they didn't have much time to go out due to their schedule. Some women have bad luck meeting compatible men at other places. Some women used internet dating because they were curious or because their friends had some success using it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:17:00 PM |
(DJChickie401) I live by two philosophies.
1. Relationships are not a major goal in my life to the extent where being without one changes my attitude or self worth.
I kinda-sorta agree: I don't turn into a Gloomy-Gus if I don't have a relationship (well, not MUCH of one, anyway!), but I definitely enjoy a good relationship to solitude, and GREATLY prefer it.
2. Get out and about and just be social and meet people - and make it a variety of different places, ages, types of people.
Agree totally.
Arlo | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:20:49 PM |
In the United States, Applebee's is always a good choice. It's moderately priced... A dinner for two will maybe run about $30 for two with the tip.
You must be getting some pretty good coupons. Dinner for two usually runs me $50-$60 when I take a woman there, and that's without the tip. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:22:22 PM | | I did say "most women on the net." Obviously this doesn't include you, gorgeous :) However, if you were to encounter all of the women from POF to include the ones that have no pictures, you would probably find that most of them are highly undesireable for one reason or another. It doesn't mean they are bad women. They're simply more trouble than they're worth with regards to ROMANCE. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:44:38 PM | You obviousy have had no luck perhaps because you are mailing 9+ girls who can maybe afford to be choosy. I have been on a couple of sites and recently did meet someone who was unfortunatley too set in his ways that fitting me into his life was too much of an effort. And yes i mailed him first. I class myself as fairly attractive mature professional lady however i don't have floods of emails coming to me so maybe therefore there is also something wrong with me......not....
Maybe you need to diverse off a little from the norm that you generally go for and then you may find what you are looking for. We are not all the same you know, but i do know what you mean.. it really is hard going and sometimes soul destroying.. Nevertheless, keep going you never know..one day x | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:18:16 PM | | I went to Applebees on a date recently, we did not have a lot of time, so we each got a salad and iced tea and spent about $25.00 for 2 people, guess he left a tip....that was reasonable to me. | |
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4S
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Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 1897 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:57:30 PM |
Personally, I think that most women on the net are fat, ugly, have too many children, or have some other feature that makes them undesireable. Quality women with their act together don't rely on the net.
Judgmental much? what are you doing here then, if we're mostly undesirable?
No one should be looking to the net to solve all their life problems, male or female. Including dating.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:10:33 PM | So you said ...
And they often have outrageous expectations and standards like "he must be tall, handsome, intelligent, witty, goal-oriented, ambitious etc etc and all the usual bullsh it.
Really? Outrageous to expect goal-oriented, ambition and intelligence? What exactly are you looking for in a women? You must be looking for a lazy, dumpy, stupid women then? Oh wait, you answer this question a little later with this gem...
The good looking girls on this site, especially from my area are very stuck up and they only reply to you if you are 9+ out of 10 in a scale of attractiveness, no exaggeration.
You're saying you're writing only the "good looking" girls... aren't you guilty of the very thing you're complaining about?
As for guys paling in comparison to all these other guys, the choice, the variety online, well, all I can say to that is WELCOME TO OUR WORLD! Every day, every billboard, ever magazine cover and fold out insert, every TV show, every day on the street women are constantly being judged by men based on their looks, and stacked up against each other over and over again.
You reap what you sow my friend... | |
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4S
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Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 1899 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:20:38 PM | Women arent worthy of romance unless their pretty???
Does that apply to men, too? What about long term relationships? Should we all just dump each other when we're not as attractive anymore?
ugh. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:51:03 PM | | I've had a lot of dates at Applebee's as well. Stick to drinks only for a first date. It'll be less than 5 dollars per person. It's not about being cheap. The first date is almost always more of an interiew anyway regardless of what you try to do to avoid it. | |
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