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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:02:55 PM | | Sorry to hear yet another man is feeling rejected, welcome to the human race. hmmmm....I dont get hundreds of emails a day, I dont post x rated pics, all I ask for is someone who I would have something in common with. But, men who arnt anything like what I'm asking for contact me and then they get pissed off because I feel no connection due to their profile. Do they even read mine? probably not, maybe thats the problem? I contact men on here if I would like to chat with them, and I get rejected sometimes too. Oh well, you cant be everyones cup of tea! I think people who get so upset about this should stop taking this internet dating thing so seriously, or get off altogether if you cant handle it. Trust me, it sucks for everyone! men and women! But, I must say, men do have it easier in every other part of life, so be a big boy and deal with it! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:51:52 PM | Okay, I know that this post is a bit old and has 10000000000000000000000000 replies, but I feel that I should add to this male-psychotic view. The poster is not the first guy to complain about this, and I actually see the same complaints over and over and over at various sites. Due to that, even though I'm a bit of a shy person and it takes me a whole lot of effort to contact someone versus the versa, this is an online dating site, I did post an ad, but there are many ads out there and I'm going to have to send them a message if I'm interested in their profile and if I want them to look at me at all and "give me a chance," right?
So, every now and then I go out and search for a couple of interesting guys I feel like I want to meet, and hope they maybe get curious enough about me to where they may want to know me better. Okay, well. While I did have a few guys contact me, I went out and tried to find guys I wanted myself, and I contacted about 34 guys total. I wrote out pretty descent letters too. How many replies have I received?
Take a guess, oh yeah, I am the "women" you speak of.
Let me help you out: ONE.
I don't think it sucks for guys, I just think that some girls kind of hold into the whole "courting tradition" that to where if a guy contacts her, he liked her profile, and she sees what he is about from there (I said SOME). Usually, seems like the move of a insecure person, and if you don't go out searching, you're the one missing out anyway, not the person who contacts you (who's having a shot at what they want).
Another thing, if being good looking was all it took to keep a man (for lack of a better word) then I would never had any guy dump me. Now, I realize that I don't have a photo, but I am a 120ish lbs female, have a size 3 waist according to the pants I wear, and am hit on by a fair amount of people outside the online realm (at work and school, more specifically). I actually had a problem to where my supervisor wanted to get in my pants, and it was a horrible situation to deal with, but that's another story.
The poster talks about outrageous expectations, but a lot of guys have much the same. They want a gorgeous girl, who isn't "stupid," who will understand his schedule, with zero drama, who likes all and everything he likes, who he doesn't have to worry about pleasing (the so called "needy" or "demanding"), who doesn't complain, who this, who that, who shares his dreams, who la la la. You want a perfection/slave? In the wrong place, buddy.
I'm surprise that I hear that kind of naggy complaint from a guy. I usually would think that spoiled women would post something like this.
Make no mistake: women and men are very much alike (e.g. there's a variety of both genders outthere, with varying personalities). When I get no replies, I take the hint: he/she is not interested. It sure would be nice for them to reply with a "no," but not everyone is like that. Some recruiting companies will have the discourtesy to say "we will call you later to let you know [if you are a match for them]" and they never call. I doubt everyone goes out btching about it. It's really about ethics and overall compassion/consideration towards other people. Either way, I'd think that if you've come as far as post an AD to meet someone, you better ACCEPT what YOU WANT. Because in case it goes wrong, at least it won't be as tough to swallow as if you are "nice" to the one who contacted you, and "settled for less" only to get your arse beat. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:57:03 PM | | I don't really want to read all of this (SORRY!) so this may be redundant BUT: internet dating is the same as "real-world" dating, women hold the cards by and large. They have their pick from many suitors and have many qualities they are specifically looking for in a mate, guys are too busy going ga-ga over pretty faces and trying to get noticed or stand-out. In summation, all dating sucks for men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:38:21 AM | | Someone only holds "all the cards" if you allow them to. I don't play those games or jump through hoops. You have to be a man with absolutely no self esteem or spine to allow a woman to manipulate you or convince you she's lowering herself or doing a "favor" by dating you. Unfortunately most men seem to be weak when it comes to this. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:43:02 AM | contrary to popular belief internet dating sucks for women too....who in their 40's wants to get stuck with a pensioner............
No wonder so many women are going gay | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:59:58 AM | | Can't really understand all these people on this thread who keep saying that "outside of the online world i.e. this, they get a lot of attention from and attract, the opposite sex!!!"..then WHY THE **** are they in here looking for dates/relationships?..I do have to agree in general with the OP, but it isn't quite as black and white as he makes out, i'm sure it often sucks for women too, at times. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:16:13 AM | CW35,,, I happen to agree with you 100%, and think that most of these men, who we kiss every azz,,, that passes them by are in fact a bunch of sissies...
I know what I want, in life, and in general, and for the most part don't let anyone persuade my values are my intentions, which I believe, as I have stated dozens of times, is exactly what a new woman in one's life wants to do...
They call it pushing your buttons, and I had it done to me once again on Friday afternoon, I left her standing there, with a look of disbelief on her face, because she couldn't believe that a man, would tell her to stop drinking after she became an idiot in a public place...
Go figure?
On Saturday and Sunday and this morning, she called up and apologized, and even admitted that she did it on purpose to see how far she could push me...
Yes there are some strange women out there... to say the least!
Now for the rest of you morons, that wonder why men are on this site I will give you a little bit of insight maybe this will clear your little minds up a bit...
In particular where I live on an island there is one single woman that is so-called attractive for every hundred single men and chances are she is a drug addict and alcoholic, this doesn't leave much room, to meet people...
Although the Florida keys are a really nice place to live, in that there is basically zero crime, people typically come here to party, and don't know when to stop!
And perhaps I could see your point of view living in a big city why someone would be on a dating site but there are people that live in rural areas that the dating pool is defunct with genetic misfits, liars thieves and drug addicts , who run amok here in the Florida Keys, and this has always been the way it has been since the 1980s when I first started visiting this place...
Not to mention, per capita of the Florida Keys is right up there with San Francisco, and New York City's Greenwich Village when it comes to STDs...
Not a pretty thought!
I think that most of you post this kind of crap, because you're looking for a girl that thinks you are a weak emotional person, and are willing to settle to have someone pulll you around by a nose ring...
Any real man, understands that this will never bring any satisfaction to his life!
THE keyzguy369 | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:17:46 PM | lol "ALL" is an overstatement. And again, let me knock on this, "attracting a lot of attention" doesn't mean crap. Once a person gets to know you and can't deal with "your issues," you lose "attention."
I actually like it a little bit better here, as you spend more time to talk to a person to get to know them a bit more before meeting them, as opposed to for example, the bar, the grocery store, etc. As to dating people you already know, try doing that if all the people you know are from work/school. You are sure in for trouble.
I agree with the poster before me (keyzguy369), lol this is a bunch of crock. It sucks as much for men and it does for women. Actually, at least judging from a lot of the conversation from the guys at work (environment predominantly male), I find it an absurd the reason they give to not "giving the girl a change," but to take her for a spin and then dishing her out. This not only applies to life dating, but interestingly enough it reflects on their online dating experiences (they also do the whole online date thing). Again, not every guy is like that, just like not every girl will have you jump through hoops.
This is not an attention contest, this is another venue to meet people in addition to the ones outside POF. If you're winning because you "don't get replies back," or "don't get all the women writing you and contacting you first," then you're really up to see who's the biggest pop-tart. What's your objective for even being here? And if you don't like it, delete and get out. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:50:30 PM | I feel the same way!! It's even worse on some sites because the women get free access to the site while the guys have to pay. I have sent out emails to well over a hundred females, just on POF, and only gotten a few responses. Some of the females were kind enough to tell me they were not interested, but many go unanswered, or just get deleted. A while ago I decided to just play the numbers, practically sending out spam (but the old fashioned way: BY HAND). Lately I include a one liner with the directions to check out my profile and get back to me.
I'm not all that picky, but I am not looking for someone who is pregnant, and I think that is my only hard and fast no-go rule, but I still don't get that many responses. And if I do, it's usually a word or two, with no other attempt at conversation. I find that LAME.
As crappy as my real dating skills are, I have much better luck in the real world than here on cyberspace. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:23:45 PM | I'm looking for a great guy. Any chance you're in Alberta? Send me a message if you are. If not, don't give up. We do read the profiles and they do count. If a profile makes me laugh, I'll add to my favorites and will reply. But I won't initiate. Too shy and a little scared to meet. Nothing to do with looks. It's been my experience that as soon as you turn down a meeting they stop communicating. Good luck!  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:40:46 PM | BlackKitty says:
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I am so tired of hearing guys complain about how internet dating sucks for them..how is it any better for us women sometimes??
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Well, here's what I have noticed. A lot of women do not show the ordinary courtesy of acknowledging a polite message. I think men on PoF probably have to put up with a lot of rudeness from self-centered women who think they are too important to stoop to be polite like an ordinary human being living with feet on the ground on Planet Earth. I doubt whether the men are that rude. Or are they? Tell us, girls - do you have to put up with that too? I do wonder if the women who treat men like dirt are also the ones who say they want a man to be "a gentleman." I don't see many males at PoF insist that they want a woman to be "a lady." Can't we all grow up and be not players of roles but just courteous human beings equal in rights and dignity? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 2:00:56 AM | I didn't read all the postings so somebody has probably said this before...
Stop whining guys! The fact is there are more women than men on the planet - well at least in the US part of it. Ergo, YOU have the upper hand, not us women.
I think the problem may be that you all want the same thing... some, tiny, hot, preferably blonde, model-type (something referred to as a "hottie" by my male friends). Well, sorry fellas but you've now narrowed the dating pool of women by about 90%.
So, since those 10% of women ignore your e-mails, the other 90% of females on these sites languish in obscurity. And then you complain about us not writing back. Duh!
Lower your expectations, stop looking for whoever "the latest pin-up girl" is, write as many women as seem interesting and someone will write you back.
And, men are no better at writing women back either - trust me on that one! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 2:40:23 AM | Chobits wrote message 2142,,,,,,,,,
[[[ I get a lot of hi and how are you emails. irritating. if youre not going to try then dont try. its insulting to get email that shows no effort at all. ]]]
Of course this is only my opinion, but you're a piece of trash!
In your profile it says you are here for the forums and the forums only and nothing but the forums,,,,,,,
In your profile it says,,,,, you are not single,,,,, and you are not looking,,,
What what Fox goes on inside that little mind of yours,,,?
You have a boyfriend, you were here for the forums only,,, and then you have the balls to get upset when people don't write you some long intricate e-mail asking you out trying to dissuade you to cheat on your so-called boyfriend,,,,
I stick with my original premise you are a piece of trash!
And this my friends is why Internet dating sucks!
And as far as message 2144 is concerned I think she is correct and that most men only e-mail the very good-looking women, however I don't find anything wrong with that as long as the women that you are e-mailing, have things in their profile that you think you would be compatible with,,,
But the thing I do find wrong, with that particular scenario is if you're just looking to get laid by a good-looking woman, you can save yourself a lot of trouble and call up an escort service!
It would be a lot cheaper in the long run and save you a great deal of effort dealing with the small minded individuals who think that their stuff don't stank, and in fact because they are good-looking, deserve a free ride through life!
For the most part they are only looking for someone who is offering them the opportunity to retire consider in the house or go shopping as they please.
There are some men here, who have a great deal of self respect and want a good-looking successful woman at their side, and e-mail the good-looking women who have things in common with their lifestyles..................
Those are my thoughts,,,
THE keyzguy369 | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:25:43 AM | I dont think the problem is exclusive to men, but it seems like it's a lot worse.
There are just a lot of guys that spam the hell out of every female that they'd be remotely interested in 'doing', and it gives women a bit of a warped impression of what they can get, which leads to them being fickle about who they speak to.
Since women pick the most attractive/desirable men, it usually means they pick the guys who would consider having sex with them but not to be in a relationship with.
It's really just a hyper exaggerated version of real life dating. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:54:03 AM | | go0od ans,,,and soooooo true,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:02:02 AM | Women feel different about sex. We don't want to be used for sex. We don't like the idea that guys are all over us...... and when we give them sex, they are gone. If you think it would be great to have hundreds of e-mails waiting..... well, it's because you are a guy, and all you want is sex. So, therefore, Internet dating is not good only for women. We have to weed through a lot of trash, and believe me, it is a very humiliating feeling, with lots of frustrating, rejection, and heartache, not to mention, always being on guard for the players. This is very anxiety provoking, just dating in general.
If you are as good-looking in real life, then count your blessings, and meet someone in person, and stay out of cyberspace. You are lucky. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 8:38:19 AM | Smilee says:
Women (sic) feel different about sex. We (sic) don't want to be used for sex. We (sic) don't like the idea that guys (sic) are all over us (sic) ...... and when we (sic) give them sex, they (sic) are gone. If you think it would be great to have hundreds of e-mails waiting..... well, it's because you are a guy, and all you want is sex. (sic) So, therefore, Internet dating is not good only for women. We (sic) have to weed through a lot of trash, and believe me (AH! AT LAST! One short phrase which does refer to the one and only person she is really qualified to speak for - her own self.) ... it is a very humiliating feeling, with lots of frustrating, rejection, and heartache, not to mention, always being on guard for the players. This is very anxiety provoking, just dating in general.
If you or I were to send this person an email, would it be received NOT as an honest expression from one person to another but just as one more message from a class of people to a targeted class of recipients like spam?
So why would I bother sending it? Answer: That's what I would do if I were not speaking like a person but acting like a professional scriptwriter in an advertising agency out to persuade a whole bunch of people to do something I want them to do. It would not be an honest communication from one human being to another respecting the other and the self as each a unique individual who deserves a sincere sharing of the self. A real personal letter is written one-to-one, not printed out on a xerox machine. An email worth getting at PoF will be compiled thoughtfully by one person to another, not just a mass mailing piece of spam.
Ye gods, look at all those plurals. Is she a person, or just a member of a class? Does she perceive each man as a person, or just as a predictable member of a class all of whom behave in the same way? If you are male, will she see you as an object to be filed away in a drawer labeled "men" - or is she capable of encountering you as you actually are?
She professes to speak for women. Who elected her to do that? Does she know for sure that "We don't want to be used for sex"? Whoa! Who is that "we"? Doesn't she know that each woman can have her own particular motivation for doing whatever she does? Has she ever taken the trouble to consider what another person might want? Can she allow each human being to make his or her own choices instead of imposing her expectations and values on them and judging and grading them according to how well they measure up?
Her statement " ... we give them sex" is appalling. Does she think sex is something women "give" and men "take"? As for me, any women who spreads her legs for me "giving sex" rather than choosing to engage in bedroom play with me for her OWN pleasure no less than for MY pleasure is probably a woman who has been paid for it. Generally the only sexual experience I want is the one which is entered into by free choice of all participants based on DESIRE. It's not a business transaction. If she doesn't WANT it as much as I do, I'm outathere fast.
No surprise that this poster finds her social relationships "frustrating" and "anxiety provoking." She goes into them not as pleasurable playtime but as a shopping expedition, and she therefore quite naturally has her guard always up - "on guard" as you do need to be "on guard" if you are shopping in the souk at Marrakesh or Avenida Revolucion in Tijuana.
But who needs to go shopping in those bazaars to build a social life? Does she live that way, constantly expecting that men seeking to take advantage of her? Does she think all men are just shopping for souvenirs? I think the "carnies" on the midway at the County Fair perceive each passerby as a "mark." Does she live in a world of "marks" and exploitation in which women are bait with a "commodity" to sell and give? Well, my social life isn't there - I choose to live among free people who enjoy pleasure and play, people who have desires, not just needs to fill and products to sell.
You see lots of street vendors in third world cities who are indeed "all over" you until they get what they want and then "they are gone." That's the kind of behavior she gets from males! Why? Because that's the kind of behavior she expects. Naturally she attracts the kind of men who are only to happy to fulfill her expectations. And they are probably the only kind in her life, because she perceives all men as alike. Men who don't choose to fit her stereotype probably run a mile fast when they figure out what she thinks of males. The decent ones run, at least. Maybe the losers stick around, waiting for her to "give them sex." | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:09:51 AM | Wow OP, bitter much?
You are lumping females on dating sites together and painting us all with the same brush!
I would like to think that I am an attractive woman, but then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I know then that I would not be everybody's flavor!
I try to respond to most of the emails I get, but to be honest after 6 months on this site, and countless bad first meetings, I am pretty much here for the forums now! I have only met one guy from here that I have met up with a few times!
I for one DO search, I actually read the profiles to see if there is any commonality or intrigue, and I also make first contact. You know what? Guys also read/delete emails as well, do I really let it nother me? Ah Hell no! I don' t know these men from Adam, so its no skin of my nose! I don't go on looks, take that with a grain of salt, but when I look at pics from pat relationships, well the guys run the gamut in the look dept!
I'm sorry that you find it so difficult to meet or have woman respond to your emails! However you are correct when the male to female ratio is unfair! I have recieved many emails either regarding posts Ihave made or diving right into the topic of sex! I love sex as much as the next one, and I have no problem talking about it or being open about it, thats just me. I do have an issue when people mistake my openess for easiness! So it seems that the crack pot sex emails that females get inundated with have made it difficult for the genuine male population on the sites that are looking for more than justa quick romp in the sac!
I wish you better luck, but to be honest, bitter raving ranting post such as the original one here, is not going to help much ! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:30:50 AM | ~OP I read your post that started all this and you have 86 hits on this topic.
First of all don't sale all us women short , US women have it just as hard as
you men do on here and everyday put our hearts on the line only to have
our emotions and feelings stepped on and let down in many ways.
Yet we hang in here with high hopes an standards and never give up .
It's not just one sex experiencing this , no I'm sorry to inform you it's all
sexes and not just on dating sites sir it's even in the real world.
I'm talking to a man now that feels like you , and well he now knows that
not all women are like what you describe , lots of us have good morals and
want a good guy and I for one never judge a book by it's cover I look at all
sides and read between the lines in a profile and if I have a question and want
to know more I take a risk and chance and ask a little more about that person.
The key to this online dating thing is a possitive attidude and some self respect
and good communication . I for one am not getting 15 emails a day if I get 4 I
am pleased with that and consider those are the ones that share an interest with
me , but to sit back and play the sex card and judge is WOMEN I'm sorry that to
is shallow and lame of you or anyone cause there happens to be good ones out
there in this world and I happen to be one of them. Try using a different approach
in what you are looking for and don't be so quick to judge and hey post a photo
go into it not so much with your heart I'm sure the right one will come along.
Also you have not met me or any of the other ladies on here that have taken the
time to respond to your heartfelt Forum on here , and I'm sorry you should
apoligize to us WOMEN not all of us are bad and fall into that catagory keep
you chin up and all the best to you!
Enclosing , I am a woman that does invest the time in getting to know someone
be it emails , or instant messages and also the more up close and personal way
the good ole telphone followed by meeting and dating , hon we all have had our
share of bad lack on dating sites don't feel like the lone wolfe , just get back on
that bike again and try and try again till you get it right. If you use a negitve
approach people will pick up on this you have to remain possitive with hopes
that you will suceed in finding that one that will fit. Yes us women have to fend
off the perverts that are out to just get laid and also weed out the players that are
mr plays hard , stays hard or the ones that say your the one and hang on here doing
more fishing for there black books. But not all men are like this there are some very
nice men I know and I'm sorry I don't base what I want on looks or body alone
I look at everything if this is the kind a person I want around me and my child.
Remeber it's all sexes not one and nice guys do win with the right one!
"life without love is like a harp without strings and also as food is needed for the body,
then same way love is needed for the soul." There are women on here that want
a nice man are not looking for princess that are rich, tall dark and handsome
That is only in a fantasy world , dating is what it is in todays society
~ Brenny
Enjoy The Rest Of Your Summer Season Everyone 
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:54:08 AM | I'm not for sure what you are talking about, I definitely don't count myself Gods gift to women, But all I have written is : I am not a player....The smile that I have is genuine and come from inside, Yet I get as much as 50 emails a day. The women I have talked to are very sweet and kind ,and have made great friends with several , I have not met one that was rude, I did have one that deleted me without even reading it.....Did that hurt my feelings or make me mad, of course not, I know what kind of man I am and no one can bring me down...I am looking for my special one and when I find her I wont be on here...Best Wishes to Everyone
You have to feel great about yourself , before trying to get someone else to like you, | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 8/26/2008 11:13:18 AM | No offense Ebory but this post sounds like a classic whine
who cares? I don't
Ya think i give a darn what a woman thinks about my looks? please
most women and men are very superfiscal...they only care about looks...were all guilty of it to some degree
Who cares if they don't reply...i wouldn't lose any sleep over it sheesh....its the internet..... | |
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